Taylor Swift 'Love Story' Proposals Are Controversial, But They Can Be The Sign Of A Healthy Relationship
It's Taylor Swift's world and we're just living in it. Today, "The Alchemy" singer might be the VMAs' most-decorated solo artist, and the only artist to win Album of the Year four times at the Grammys, but when the popstar released "Love Story" as a part of Fearless in 2008, I don't think any of us knew the song would become one of the most recognizable tunes of the 2000s — or that it'd be the soundtrack for hundreds of wedding receptions, dance parties, and even marriage proposals.
Among dozens of proposal videos taking place during the Eras Tour, one video has gone extra viral for one simple reason: it captures the moments before the proposal, making it even more special. The video, posted by @lexihaen, has garnered three million likes since it was posted on July 16.
@lexihaen First time i witnessed a love story proposal and I got to be the one to record! #tstheerastour #taylorswift #swifttok #lovestory #ttpd ♬ original sound - L E X 🪩
"I started recording early because I thought it'd be so cute to have the moments of before she knew," Lex writes on the video. If you didn't know what was about to happen, you'd think the couple was dancing to the song without a care in the world. But look close enough and you can see just a bit of nervous fidgeting. And NYT Bestselling Author Allison Raskin promises nerves are a normal experience.
Is it normal to be nervous for a proposal?
"I think it is helpful for the proposer to remember the moment will be special even if it isn't perfect," Raskin, whose book I Do (I Think): Conversations About Modern Marriage comes out October 15, says. "You don't have to pull off every elaborate detail flawlessly to show your partner you care and can't wait to build a life together. Also, nerves aren't inherently bad! They can be a signal that you are excited and care about what you are about to do, which can be a helpful reframe from thinking you are just panicking."
"It's very exciting to propose but also deeply vulnerable," Krystal Mazzola Wood, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Confidently Authentic & The Healthy Relationship Foundation, agrees. "You’re truly being honest about how much someone means to you and risking rejection which is scary. It’s natural to be nervous even if you have discussed this issue before and 'know' you will get a 'yes.'”
In the event you're feeling an extra bout of nerves, Mazzola Wood has a few exercises that can help you feel more prepared. "You will want to breathe into your belly (rather than your chest) and try to make your exhales longer than your inhale," she says, like breathing in for four seconds and out for seven seconds. Visualizing the proposal going well can give you a boost of confidence, but for those of us who like to have a plan for every possible situation, it can also help to envision the worst case scenario.
"No amount of coping well with your nerves will make them go away necessarily," she continues. "This is a big step – it’s natural to be nervous. And most people will say that they didn't feel 'ready' to take the biggest risks of their life i.e. proposing, going after their dream job, but they acted courageously anyway!"
@karolinaski2024 Help me find Jason (i think his name was) who proposed to Megan at the Eras tour Melbourne Night 2! @taylornation #melbournetstheerastour #tstheerastour #taylorswift #taylorsversion #theerastour #proposallovestory #proposalvideo ♬ original sound - Karolina💕
Taylor Swift proposals have created a lot of conversation online about whether such a public proposal is appropriate or even enjoyable. "I would be so mad if my nonexistent partner did this to me lol," one Reddit user says. "I actually have a friend who is going with his girlfriend to Eras in Scotland this summer, and they are likely getting engaged fairly soon, and I’m like 'just don’t propose during Love Story.'"
Another disagrees, saying, "If a public proposal is your thing, and you’re a Swiftie, AND a conversation has previously taken place about actually wanting to marry said person, BY ALL MEANS! That is adorable!"
Should your partner have the same interests as you?
While I personally wouldn't want to get engaged in front of so many strangers, these proposals always make me emotional. Because for there to be a proposal in that environment at all, both partners have to actually be at the concert in the first place. After having countless conversations with people who totally dismissed my 14-year love for Taylor Swift's music, and its impact on my own writing, knowing these partners agreed to go to the Eras Tour just because they love their significant other brings a smile to my face. And showing an interest in your partner's hobbies & interests, even when you're not interested in them yourself, can be the sign of a healthy relationship.
"You don't need to have the exact same interests as your partner to be compatible," Raskin says. "But it is important to respect what your partner loves — even if it's not your thing. It can also be lovely to take the time to learn more about why they like it and what parts excite them to understand the appeal — and your partner — better. You might even find you enjoy it more than you originally thought!"
"At the very least you want your partner to feel encouraged to talk about their interests with you because it's a wonderful thing to see the person you love excited about something," she adds. "And it's a horrible thing to feel like you need to hide parts of yourself from the person you love."
Getting to know your partners' interests better can, in turn, help you get to know them better. "One of the best ways to build on your friendship with your partner is to show interest in what brings them joy," Mazzola Wood says. Ask questions about their interests, and dive deeper in to why they love a musical artist, a TV show, or a video game.
"This is what it means to build a 'love map' of your partner which is recommended by relationship researcher John Gottman," she continues. "To strengthen a relationship both partners must build their love map by seeking to understand their partner’s interests and dreams. However, it’s also okay and healthy to take time to enjoy your separate interests alone. Healthy relationships which are centered around friendship do involve balance."
How to make a proposal perfect?
Before you pop the big question, Raskin recommends making sure you're on the exact same page. "Ideally you wouldn't propose to someone before discussing that you both feel ready to get married first. While a surprise proposal is fun, a surprise engagement is a bit too risky for my blood," Raskin says. "You want to have talked about what marriage means to each of you before committing to it."
To make a proposal go as smoothly as possible there are a few things you can do to make the process more enjoyable. "The proposal itself is normally so fast and overwhelming it can be hard to remember later," Raskin admits. "That's why I think having a plan to celebrate more intimately right afterwards can be a great addition. It will give you both a chance to process what happened and rewatch the video (a few thousand times). So maybe have a second spot in mind or a plan to go back home to celebrate just the two of you."
"The best proposal is unique and personal to each couple," Mazzola Wood says. "Trying to make it 'perfect' can take all the joy and fun out of it. Rather the best proposals are ones that honor the unique couple’s journey and interests."
While a world tour might be the perfect place for one couple, another might choose to propose at the spot the couple went on their first date, a local garden, or even at home. "The best proposal goes back to having a clear 'Love Map' of your partner," she says. "If you’re building the friendship and paying attention, you’ll know the right proposal for the two of you."
What do you think about the Taylor Swift proposal trend? Have you thought about your dream proposal, or have a funny proposal story to share? DM us on Instagram!
Lead image via Jasmine Carter/Pexels