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There’s a lot of general advice out there about how to make a marriage fairy-tale perfect, but what about the specific, day-to-day behaviors that make a relationship work? Millennials are great at marriage, but we still have plenty to learn from the experts. We turned to 11 relationship pros for suggestions about behaviors and habits that can make life sweet after “I do” — for years to come!
Take the time to ask
questions. Be proactive about asking your spouse if there’s anything you can do to help them on a given day — even if you’re worried they’ll say “yes” and add another five items to your to-do list. Similarly, if you’re picking up signals that your significant other isn’t totally on their game, make sure they know that you notice their behavior and that their happiness (or unhappiness!) matters to you. “If you’re about to sit down and watch your favorite show and you notice that your S.O. is sad or preoccupied, stop and ask them what’s up, even if you’re dreading that what they might say may take an hour [to discuss],” says licensed psychologist Erika Martinez. Asking the question can go a long way!
Certified life and wellness coach
says that her number one piece of advice to married millennials and moms is to make couples’ meetings part of the weekly routine. Set aside a regular time for these meetings so that you and your partner can both prioritize it among your other commitments, and prepare for each discussion by creating a list of positives (“gratefuls”) and negatives (or challenges) from the week before. Share your lists, and start the meeting by addressing the challenges, as well as how to overcome them. End the meeting on a positive note by talking about your “gratefuls,” and close the meeting with physical touch. “Doing this each week forces you together to look at the marriage and hear the other person’s point of view in a non-accusatory way,” Faust says. “It is bookended with positivity to keep the mood collaborative and loving.”
