I Was Unhinged In Trader Joe’s Last Week – Let's Review My Snack Haul

Trader Joe's Meatless Ground: 10/10

The first stop on my Trader Joe’s taste testing adventure lies in the realm of plant-based proteins. The Meatless Ground is plant-based crumbles made from pea protein. I don't really know how that works (how does one extract the protein from the pea?) but nevertheless, my general curiosity for meatless meat drew me toward this product.

As the Gym Rats™ would say, the macros on this are killer. With every 90 calorie serving, you get 15 grams of protein, which directly appeals to people like me who are trying to prioritize their daily protein intake. This plant-based pack looked ridiculously easy to cook, which was another deciding factor in purchasing it (BTW, only $4).

The intended instructions required that you microwave water before adding the crumbles to soak for 10 minutes, but because I’m a total #rulebreaker and #rebel, I boiled the water instead. I’m nothing if not a loyal stan of my electric kettle! This method seemed to work just fine, since all the crumbles need is a good soak in hot water.

Though the package listed some spices in the ingredients, I was initially skeptical about these crumbles having absolutely no flavor. My first bite proved me wrong. I can’t exactly pinpoint the exact taste, but I know that these crumbles gave me a very meaty vibe just from the taste. Notes of smokiness take precedent here, which attributes to that vibe without overwhelming it. The texture was just as good. It literally felt like I was eating chicken when I was actually chewing on pea protein – wild. That's that.

Trader Joe's Limone Alfredo Sauce: 8/10

I’d do anything for Trader Joe’s Cacio e Pepe pasta sauce, so when I was pointed toward this citrusy take, it was an immediate yes.

When it was time to sauce things up, I swear I’d never seen a sauce so thicc. I’d even dare to bump it to three c’s: thiccc. It originally gave the impression of mayo, which I was not turned on to, in any way. Now was not the time to give up, though. I’d bought the sauce, and I was going to like it.

My first bite was bright – like touching an actual lemon to my tongue. It wasn’t tortuous, though…more like a delightful, punchy little kick to the palette! That’s one thing I love about TJ’s pasta sauces I’ve tried: they’re always fully seasoned, so you don’t have to add anything to them. It makes the process tremendously easy.

My Limone Alfredo-infused fettuccine was an absolute dream. It was bursting with flavor and delivered on a truly creamy bite, just like the label said it would. The lemon was just a tad too powerful for me, which is why I landed at an 8 out of 10 for this new Trader Joe’s item.

Trader Joe's 100% Mango Juice from Carabao Mangoes: 8/10

I’m usually riddled with anxiety when I’m shopping at Trader Joe’s. It’s nothing against Mr. Joe, but the store layout has no fluidity to it. I’m always bumping into other shoppers and getting confused because the peanut butter cups aren’t where they were last week. I digress…

My anxiety-filled journey inside my local Trader Joe’s led me to the drinks aisle. In addition to being the Snack Queen, I actually serve on the board of the Yummy Drinks Committee, so buying this mango juice was basically my duty. I wasn’t sure if this was really a new item, but it was new to me.

This individually sold, not from concentrate mango juice is made from Carabao mangoes, straight from the Philippines. I really had no other expectations for the drink except for it to be tasty, so I sipped with an open mind.

My introduction to this juice was extremely sweet. I love a good sweet treat, but it felt a little overdone in this case. When I think “fresh mango juice” (and not from concentrate, like the product description noted), I think light and juicy – and while this was not exactly that, I could definitely see myself diluting the juice with water, or using it as a mixer for an easy cocktail. Because of its potential versatility, I give this juice an 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe's: 10/10

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There’s never been a thicker cookie. I mean, the Most Stuf Oreos certainly have a stake in the thick cookie game, but after trying the Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe’s, I see the dessert world differently.

These chocolate sandwich cookies with coffee creme are sold in quantities of 8, which I later found made it superbly dangerous to not eat the whole package. If you left me unsupervised with these cookies, hijinks will ensue.

My first bite proved the sheer deliciousness of these dipped cookies – it had tons of sweetness, but wasn't overdoing it. The coffee flavors in the sandwich filling and outer layer drizzles provided a rich balance with all the dark chocolate action. The texture was super crunchy, yet light, and when the crunch combined with the velvety dipped crust, I saw heaven open up over me. Not really, but you’ll understand the feeling when you get your hands on the cookies. Immediate 10/10 for me.

Trader Joe's Ratatouille Bites: 7/10

I have to hand it to the 18th-century French farmers that discovered this harmonious blend of summer vegetables. Without them, we wouldn’t have these Ratatouille Bites at our disposal. The Trader Joe’s Ratatouille Bites are like if the ingredients for ratatouille were condensed into a fried and breaded meatball. While this avant-garde attempt may offend authentic French cuisine, I thought they’d be fun to try, just because of the novelty.

When I opened the box, I was surprised and a tad disappointed because I thought the bites would be bigger, based on the images on the package. This doesn’t count against their taste-test rating, but I was definitely expecting more.

The bites were exceptionally easy to make. All I had to do was throw them in my air fryer and cook for 10 minutes – not too much to ask of me for a little something to eat!

This Trader Joe’s snack was giving explosive flavor from the get-go. Heavy on the spice, there was always an equal balance with the breadcrumb coating. I wish I cooked them for just a few minutes longer, though, just to see if the outer layer could get even crispier.

I see the Ratatouille Bites being an essential party (or post-party!) snack because they’re bite-sized, easy to eat, and flat-out addicting.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Cocoa Marshmallows: 6/10

I thought this snack was going to blow my mind, but sadly it didn't.

My impression was that the Trader Joe’s Peanut Butter Cocoa Marshmallows were more chocolatey than peanut-buttery, but I was sorely mistaken. The bag they came in gave the impression of a chocolate-focused flavor, but upon opening it, I realized the snack was rather a chocolate marshmallow dipped in a peanut butter coating.'

Skeptically biting into a marshmallow, I tasted… nothing. The flavors took a while to set in, but when they did, they were artificial and overwhelming. Considering the peanut butter coating looked like matte plastic, I shouldn’t have expected anything more. The texture was mainly gummy from the marshmallow, I suspect. The PB coating did melt, but it wasn’t aiding any of the unpleasantness when I was snacking. I was immensely let down by the flavors and texture. The only redeeming quality of this TJ’s snack is the fact that they look like small Reese’s eggs. Tasting like Reese’s on the other hand? Absolutely not.

Trader Joe's Olive Pesto: 10/10

I could legitimately eat olives right out of the jar – and (to really expose my true goblin self) sometimes I do. I’m also a pesto addict, so when I saw the Olive Pesto at TJ’s, I snatched it right from the shelf. I thought the two were an amazing pair, and I instantly thought of all the different ways I could use the pesto.

This pesto houses the ultimate olive balance. It brightens up your traditional pesto with those briny, salty notes, plus it pairs well with a range of different foods – from avocado toast to pasta, I truly tasted and tested this new item a lot throughout the week. It’s a true winner IMO!

This spread carries a chunkier texture, but it’s not out of hand. The pesto is still easily spreadable and stirrable, not to mention bursting with flavor.

Trader Joe's Strawberries and Cream Gelato: 9/10

If a snack is sweet and sugary, it’s almost guaranteed that I’ll like it (sorry Peanut Butter Cocoa Marshmallows!). When I saw this new Trader Joe’s item during an IG scroll, I knew I had to have it.

Sweet strawberries and vanilla gelato partner up in this dessert to form a power duo I never knew I needed. The dual-flavor is split half and half inside the pint-sized carton, so you can easily munch on one or the other…or go crazy and try both at once! The carton is sprinkled with candied strawberries that add some crunch to each bite.

I tried each half on its own before combining the flavors into one spoonful. And wow! The vanilla gelato had a surprisingly cream-cheesy impression, which complimented the overly sweet strawberry gelato to the T.

Above anything else, I was massively blown away by the textures of the snack. Though the pint was frozen for a few days, it maintained such creaminess – I knew gelato was thicker than most ice creams, but this bite was truly otherworldly. Mr. Joe’s site describes the Strawberries & Cream Gelato as “an ice cream that’s wondrously light, yet velvety and dense” – a very accurate sell.