6 Tips to Up Your Online Dating Game

1. Listen without judging if your friend reveals an ongoing argument about a family will

Being a good listener is one of the most basic — and yet most important — things you can do as a friend 365 days of the year, but when tensions run high near the holidays, those listening skills become all the more crucial. You might even consider resisting the urge to speak, like, at all. “Be a good listener and don’t give advice,” licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says. “Supporting someone doesn’t mean that you have to fix their problem. Instead, truly being supportive means giving a hug when someone is crying and being a caring friend.”

2. Prep your pal to expect drama if your uncle's invited his new girlfriend and ex to dinner

Rather than reassuring your friend that things at family celebrations may not be as bad as they fear, trust what they know about the situation and help them wrap their head around what’s to come. This should minimize the stress for them in the long run. “If you expect it and it happens, situation normal,” certified life coach Susan Golicic tells us. “If you expect it and it doesn’t, well, then, a bonus!”

3. Help your bestie make a plan in case their fight-or-flight mode gets triggered

Going into any situation with a plan almost always feels better than going in unprepared. Per writer, speaker, and healing expert Alisa Zipursky, a helpful plan might include specific check-in times, a code word that indicates your friend needs extra support, and ideas for creating healthy boundaries with family members who make them feel especially triggered. “The idea is to make asking for help as easy as possible,” Zipursky says. “Making sure a proactive plan is in place well before someone enters the stressful situation can help relieve some of the anticipatory anxiety.”

4. Check in often by sending your friend periodic texts 

Licensed counselor Maria Inoa recommends that you prioritize regular touch-base texts over the course of whatever event is causing your friend the most stress. It’s not about solving the conflicts or taking away their pain. Instead, you can focus on offering gentle reminders that you are thinking of them and are available if they need you.

5. Create a new tradition that revolves around you and and your bestie's favorite Christmas movies

If your friend’s family holiday celebrations don’t exactly inspire positive feelings about the occasion, why not help them establish some better associations? Licensed clinical professional counselor Anna Poss suggests planning a “low-stress, fun way to celebrate with each other before or after the actual holiday.” Get a seasonal movie night or cookie swap on the calendar before everyone leaves town to hang with family. Those cozy vibes may help dull the negative, anxious feelings.

6. Write down words of affirmations for them to look at

Grab some pretty stationery and put your love and support on paper for your BFF. “In the note, remind her how strong, courageous, and capable she is,” licensed psychotherapist and life coach Diane Petrella says. “Let her know how much you love and admire her and how grateful you are for her friendship. Write whatever you think your friend needs to hear to feel supported, grounded, and loved.” Remind her to hide the note in her pocket or bag so she can read it whenever she needs a little extra TLC over the course of the holidays. You can even go one step further and send them home with a care package, per therapistShannon Thomas.

7. Invite your friend to your family celebration

If things have gotten so bad with your bestie’s family that she wants to steer clear of their celebrations entirely, you may want to invite her to join you and your crew instead. Even if she opts to decline your invitation, it will mean a lot to her to know that she has choices. If your friend does take you up on the offer, Mountainside Treatment Center‘s family wellness manager Tina Muller recommends that you try to incorporate some of her favorite traditions into your holiday schedule.

8. Keep your phone nearby if your friend needs to talk about everything that happened

“Before an event with possible family issues even happens, schedule a time not long after to see the friend,” marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein suggests. “Now you’ve become the light at the end of the tunnel for them.” Be prepared to be a listening ear over dinner or a workout session so your pal can vent about everything that’s gone on and (hopefully) be ready to move on from there.

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

Is Rudy Pankow leaving OBX?

After traveling to Morocco to find the Blue Crown, the Pogues (and Rafe, who I guess is a Pogue now??) once again find themselves in a race against Chandler Groff and Dalia & Lightener. Our favorite couples get some quality time, like JJ and Kiara talking about the legend that the crown grants wishes, but right when the group finally starts to crack the treasure map, a sand storm splits them up: Sarah and John B. running from Dalia's men, and Pope and Cleo holding off Lightener while JJ and Kiara find the crown.

And things look up when JJ actually does find the crown! And he and Kiara escape Dalia! But when they run into Groff, who holds Kiara at knifepoint, JJ is forced to choose between the crown and the girl he loves. He willingly gives the crown up, pulling Kiara to safety in a heartbreaking parallel to their sweet hug from season 1. And in a moment of heartless cruelty, Groff stabs JJ anyway, leaving him in Kiara's arms as Groff runs away with the treasure.

It's truly one of the most devastating scenes in recent TV. Kie sits with JJ as he struggles to breathe and he asks her to take care of the other Pogues before telling her he already got his wish — her. They say one final "I love you" and JJ dies. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you I was weeping.

"It’s something that's engineered to be gratuitous," showrunner Shannon Burke told EW. "JJ totally is at peace, that’s the intent. He’s gotten past this. He’s been in a bad place and has been spinning for a lot of the season...And you feel when he comes back [after saving Sarah] that he’s in a better place and that there’s a long and bright future with him and Kiara, so it makes it extra tragic, what happens." Yeah, Shannon, you could say that.

“We wanted to begin in a place of innocence and then go to a place that at least one point to go is really dark for [the kids], and then have them come out of it," he adds in a Deadline interview. "That’s the overarching plan for the show. It was always JJ that was going to be, we just weren’t sure how we were going to play it.”

Fans weren't happy about the choice to kill off such a fan favorite character, claiming it felt rushed and that the relationships between JJ and the rest of the group were weaker this season. Well, according to one DeuxMoi source, JJ's death was actually supposed to happen in the series finale. But with all those cast drama rumors, Rudy Pankow is rumored to have asked to be written off the show early.

"They filmed episode 10 before the last episodes of the first half & Rudy didn't tell the cast so it threw them off," the source says. "In the last episode you can see how mad everyone was at Rudy. It's a mess and it pissed off production but they are going to brush it off like it's ‘always been the plan.’”

Is JJ coming back in season 5?

I'm simultaneously pissed and very impressed with this finale. JJ's death immediately started trending on social media, and the fact that a single scene could get such a visceral reaction from millions of fans shows how much we care about this character. And the realization that burying him in Morocco fulfills his greatest fear of being left alone?? I can't handle it.

Despite the fact John B. checks JJ's pulse and we can see Rafe digging JJ's grave in the sand, some fans are hoping the show will bring him back after Ward, Big John, and Sarah have all technically returned from the dead. The show hasn't forayed into true supernatural territory yet, but if the crown really does grant Kie and rest of the Pogues a wish? I'm certain they'd wish JJ back to life.

"Why would they create a treasure with the power of invincibility and wishes if it wasn’t significant?" one X user says in a viral thread. "So either Chandler finds JJ's body in Morocco and uses the crown on him or Kie / the Pogues will wish for JJ's life back."

Stranger Things 4 brought a version of Billy (Dacre Montgomery) back to haunt Sadie Sink's Max, so at the very least we could see memories or scenes with JJ we've never seen before. "I wouldn’t put [Rudy Pankow's return] out of the realm of possibility, Shannon told EW. "I wouldn’t say for sure but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened."

Is Sarah pregnant in OBX 4?

With the "death of the fandom's favorite character" of it all, you might have forgotten that yes — Sarah Cameron is pregnant! Season 5 is sure to give us some more info about the baby and parents-to-be, but considering JJ, who's the baby's godfather, suggested his name is a great gender-neutral option, there's a chance we already know the baby's name ;). It would be the perfect way to honor him TBH.

What's up with the rest of the Pogues?

In addition to Sarah's pregnancy, she also finally starts to make up with Rafe, who finds himself stuck with the Pogues in Morocco. Cleo has somewhat avenged Terrance's murder with Lightener's death — even though Pope's the one who will take the fall for it. Killing one of this season's bad guys was a huge step for Pope since John B. wasn't able to pull the trigger. And considering Pope is still on the run from the cops AND the Marines are waiting on him I have no idea what's in store for him next season.

But the showrunners did give us a clue as to what the final season of Outer Banks will revolve around: revenge.

What's going to happen in Outer Banks season 5?

“[Revenge] is where we start but I think it will go through different iterations,” Jonas Pate says (via Deadline). “If you look at The Count of Monte Cristo, one of the greatest revenge stories, you start with revenge, but it goes to understanding and forgiveness, so revenge goes on to different iterations of that, but revenge is where we start for sure.”

In the final moments of the Outer Banks season 4 ending, the Pogues sit around a fire in the aftermath of JJ's death. And when they finally acknowledge that JJ wouldn't rest until he had avenged them, Kiara vows to get even and it's one of the most chilling moments of her entire character arc.

"What’s interesting about her is she’s this 'save the turtles, save the dolphins' kind of person, and when you see her at the end of [season] 4, she definitely does not look that like anymore," Shannon Burke tells EW. "She has turned into a different person and we’re excited for that and [Madison Bailey's] really excited for that."

"We’re planning a story of redemption, and a season that embodies the friendship that JJ had come to represent," co-creators Josh and Jonas Pates tell Netflix. "JJ's death was a hard but necessary piece of the architecture for the story, and we plan on honoring that as much as we can because we love the character as much as the fans do."