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The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

The Real Body Manual

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

Max and a Wild Thing Costumes

Let the wild rumpus start with this ferociously adorable costume. Your little Max will be regal in the cutest way possible and you'll be the cuddly momster who keeps him safe from whatever he's afraid of.

Mufasa and Simba Costumes

The Lion King is a nostalgic kids movie that touches our hearts every time we watch it. If you can quote every line Mufasa said to Simba, it's only right you embrace one of the cutest family Halloween costumes in our roundup.

Queen Bee[oncé] and Blue Ivy

Go for a punny pop culture costume with this playful look at Queen Beyoncé and Blue Ivy when she was an infant.

Edward Scissorhands

This year, we’re really digging this mommy and me version of Edward Scissorhands and the dinosaur bush. ‘Cause cuteness overload.

Beetlejuice Costumes

Don't get sick of us because this is easily our favorite costume and the most effortless one to put together thanks to our Halloween BFF, Amazon Prime.

Grease Costumes

Dress your little one as Danny Zuko from Grease while you don this Sandy Olsson costume. The matching red Converse are a must, and you can wear them all year long! Plus, you can add one of these leather jackets to your outfit to complete the full look.

Family of Trolls

Bring *all* the good luck with your very own team of trolls! You can take turns singing solo songs or have your own dance party before you go trick or treating.

The Labryinth Family Halloween Costumes

ICYMI, David Bowie was in a fantastical movie in the ‘80s and you need to see it ASAP. It’s creepy, strange, and beautiful all at the same time. Kind of like these costumes.

Lightening and Thunder

This mommy and me costume is elemental, to say the least. Your baby's cloud onesie can be a testament of the stork that braved a thunderstormto bring little one to your home.

Big Bird and Elmo

Real talk: Who has time to make more than one costume? It’s okay because your mini will lose their minds when they see the life-like Elmo ‘fit in person! Totally worth it.

Ewok Family Halloween Costumes

Are there cuter creatures than the Ewoks from Star Wars?! We don't think anyone will agree once they see you and your family dressed like them.

Finding Dory Family Halloween Costumes

Dress the whole fam in your fave marine creature cast! Dory, Hank, and Nemo FTW!

Paint Brush and Paint Palette

Live your most creative life when you and your babe match in these adorbs DIY costumes. Now it’s time to paint the town red!

Frida Kahlo

Of course Frida’s signature unibrow is an essential part of pulling off this look — for both mommy *and* bb.

The Princess Bride Costumes

The Princess Bride Costumes

Dress your littlest one as Inigo Montoya, Fezzik, Vizzini, or our personal fave pictured above — a R.O.U.S. (rodent of unusual size).

Aladdin Costumes

It's a "whole new world" with these Aladdin costumes. You and your besties can choose who'll wear the Aladdin, Princess Jasmine, and Abu the monkey costumes. Seriously, can you think of a cuter family trio?

Futuristic Family

Here’s one family’s take on what the future holds for us. They’re way more stylish than The Jetsons.

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Princess Peach and Toad Costumes

Pay homage to your favorite childhood video game and dress up as the original royal princess, complete with a tiny toad companion. It’s also the perfect excuse to try on the most outrageous princess dress you can find.

Cat in the Hat and Goldfish Costumes

This goldfish is completely DIY while the Cat in the Hat costume can be purchased online. The perfect balance of buy and DIY.

A Family of Circus Snacks

Who doesn’t love the sugar-filled snacks at the circus?! We know your family does so have dad dress as a bag of peanuts, while you hold a bag of popcorn in your cotton candy costume. And if someone requests gum drops a lot, have your daughter show everyone she knows how to have a great time.

Cop and Donut

These two pieces are easy to find at most costume stores or on Amazon if you don’t have time for a shopping trip. Finish the whole look off with a very stern donut-loving look and you’re good to go.

Katy Perry and Her Sharks

Before there was the song "Baby Shark," Katy Perry and her dancing large blue fish have to be one of our favorite pop culture memories of all time.

Toy Story Family Halloween Costumes

This is the perfect family costume for a family of any size since there are endless characters to choose from.

Usher and Bucket of Popcorn

The usher look is simple and a great last-minute costume — black skirt, white button-down, and bowtie. For the popcorn, grab your baby carrier and a handful of safety pins. That’s right — this is a totally temporary piece!

Winnie the Pooh

Willy nilly silly old bear and his best friends make for the cutest family Halloween costumes. Your neighbors won't stop smiling once they see your little girl dressed as piglet.

The Three Stooges

Larry, Curly, and Moe won many hearts throughout the mid-20th century. This goofy trio makes for the perfect (read: easy) kooky family costume. Get your giggles ready and pull out every suit piece you own to create these outfits.

The Incredibles

Not only is this one easy, but it’s also perfect for all those Pixar fans (hello, everyone). There’s nothing quite like a superhero family united in the service of justice.

Russian Nesting Dolls

A group of Russian nesting dolls is the perfect group Halloween costume for families of all sizes. The key is to dress every member of the family the same and include a piece with an intricate pattern.

Ariel and Sebastian

If you’re looking for a night full of undersea adventures, treasures, and dinglehoppers, this costume will definitely do the trick. Your little crab’s costume is as easy as a red onesie, a red headband, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes.

Princess Leia and An Ewok

This mommy and kiddo Star Wars costume is so good we’d rock it year-round.

Top Gun

Maverick? Check. Iceman? Yep. Goose? Obvs this little goose makes the perfect Anthony Edwards. Grab your aviators and get ready to teach your mini-me to fly.

Curious George and the Woman in the Yellow Hat

We know George loved the Man in the Yellow Hat, but your curious infant loves you. Make an exception to this character by becoming the zookeeper who has a special bond with her little monkey.

Saved By The Bell

’90s lovers, it’s time to introduce your little ones to everything magical about this nostalgic TV show. Mom jeans, leftover ’80s hair, and really large cordless phones. (via Brit + Co)

Sriracha and Taco

This one is a show-stopper! The trendy hot sauce can finally give you an excuse to turn your mini into a teeny tiny taco!

Rainbow and Sunshine

If you've been singing a mixture of "Rain, rain go away," and "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," to your baby, you've already found the family Halloween costumes that'll work for you. What's a better way to honor your little sunshine than by pairing up as your mini’s rainbow?!

A Family of Frappes

These days we can all agree that Starbucks is pretty much a part of most family traditions. Recreate everyone’s favorite Starbucks drinks as a group Halloween costume!

Back to the Future

There’s no cuter Halloween trio than this loving tribute to Back to the Future.

Alice in Wonderland

Fall down the rabbit hole this Halloween and hit the town with a pint-sized Red Queen. Scour your local thrift store for a blue skirt and white blouse and put your own spin on the lovely Alice.

Jurassic Park Costumes

You and your S.O. can undoubtedly pull the necessary rugged clothes right from your closets, and all that’s left is finding your little one some sort of dino gear. We do love the half-hatched look, but if you’re out of time or are dealing with a cranky kiddo, just throw on their fave dino PJs.

Peter Pan and the Lost Boys Costume for Family of 4

Harness that rebellious spirit as a whole family this Halloween. All you’ll need are some PJs, cardboard swords, and a Pan getup.

Royal Family Costumes

Channel your inner royal with this adorable, yet sophisticated, family costume. Even if you don’t have this exact getup, a few key pieces will make you easily recognizable — like the fascinator and blue knee socks. Prince William not required (but always welcome)!

Where’s Waldo?

Pull out all of those striped shirts in your closet and pile on your wackiest accessories. Anything goes with these Waldo costumes.

Monster Family

Take a little inspiration from the famous Munsters this All Hallows’ Eve. We’re sure your little mummy and bat will approve.

Disney Tourist

Okay, this one might be a little confusing to the kiddos, but just tell them you are practicing for that trip later this year.

Star Wars

The force is strong with this family costume. Bonus points if you turn your dog into Yoda.

Bathtime Family Fun

Rub a dub dub, the whole fam’s in the tub! This may sound familiar if your little one is used to taking baths with you.

Circus Family

Everything about this costume just screams cuteness. We can’t decide which we like better: the cute lion or the strong little man.

The Emperor’s New Groove Costumes

The Emperor's New Groove

If you haven’t seen this gem of a movie, it’s time. Once you’ve watched it we guarantee you’ll want to outfit the whole fam for Halloween.

Lawn Flamingo and Cactus

Even if you’re not Palm Springs-bound, we think this desert-inspired duo is just the mama and baby costume to win that contest.

Dominoes

Rather than just playing bones, why not be the bones?! Your family will love seeing pictures of your family Halloween costumes if Dominoes is a staple at family gatherings.

Care Bears

Perfect for busy moms and dads, this tutorial is even no-sew, so you won't be up all night before trick-or-treating. Plus, a family in matching sweatsuits is a sight to behold.