Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!
Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.
Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family
1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.
Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.
This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.
2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.
My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.
Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."
3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.
If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?
Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.
Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family
4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.
I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!
If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.
5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.
Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.
6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.
This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.
I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?
I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?
"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.
Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:
In Platonic Relationships:
- Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
- Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
- Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.
In Romantic Relationships:
- Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
- Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
- Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.
OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?
Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."
By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."
Slavens' tips include the following:
- Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
- Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
- Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
- Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
- Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.
While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.
Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."
Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!
Considering we talk about Lorelai and Rory Gilmore at least once a week — and constantly argue why Dave is the right answer for who's the best Gilmore GirlsTV boyfriend (although we'll also accept Logan) — we're always thinking about Gilmore Girls. Even though the show ended in 2007, the success of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life proves that it still has a life of its own. And the actors do too! Here's what your favorite members of the cast of Gilmore Girls have been up to since the end of the series.
Alexis Bledel
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
As one of the two Gilmore Girls mentioned in the title, we watched Alexis Bledel (Rory) grow over the years, both inside Stars Hollow and outside of it. She's starred in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Sin City, and The Handmaid's Tale. But Alexis is also a mother and shares a son with her ex-husband Vincent Kartheiser.
Lauren Graham
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Lauren Graham played Lorelai Gilmore, and has also played a mom in titles like Parenthood and Evan Almighty. You can also read her books Someday, Someday, Maybe, Talking as Fast as I Can: from Gilmore Girls to Gilmore Girls (and Everything in Between), and Don't Worry About It.
Chad Michael Murray
Image via Freemantle
Chad Michael Murray, who played Tristan Dugray, has been in a slew of shows since he left Gilmore Girls in season two. He booked the lead role of Lucas Scott in One Tree Hill, and has played Jake in Freaky Friday and Edgar on Riverdale. He's also a published author! You can read his book American Drifter: An Exhilarating Tale of Love and Murder. Right now, he stars as Cal in Sullivan's Crossing.
Scott Patterson
Image via WB
Chad isn't the only one you can watch on the CW! Scott Patterson (Luke Danes) stars as Sully on Sullivan's Crossing. He was also in Aliens in America as Gary and in Saw IV and Saw V as Agent Strahm. In addition to acting, he launched Scotty P's Big Mug Coffee *and* the Gilmore Girls rewatch podcast I Am All In!
Milo Ventimiglia
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Milo Ventimiglia played snarky, book-loving Jess Mariano, but gained even more recognition for playing Jack Pearson on This Is Us (a role that got him an Emmy nom for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series). He's also been in series like Heroes and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
Jared Padalecki
Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix
Jared Padalecki (Dean Forester) went on to star as Sam in Supernatural, a show which ran for 15 seasons. You can also see him in New York Minute and in Cheaper by the Dozen (but just for a moment)! In addition to his acting, he launched the Always Keep Fighting campaign after revealing his struggles with depression.
Melissa McCarthy
Image via Disney
Melissa McCarthy's Sookie St. James is one of the most lovable members of the Gilmore Girls cast, and went on to do even more hilarious roles during, and after, the show. You can see her in films like The Little Mermaid, Bridesmaids, Mike & Molly, and Spy, but she also received critical acclaim for her role in Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Matt Czuchry
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Matt Czuchry, who played the fan favorite Logan Huntzberger on Gilmore Girls, also starred in some other long-running shows like The Good Wife as Cary and The Resident as Conrad. He also stars as Dexter in this year's American Horror Story: Delicate.
Liza Weil
Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix
Liza Weil's Paris Geller is driven and hardworking (we love her for that), and Liza works just as hard! She appeared on Bunheads, and had a main role on How to Get Away with Murder. Just like Milo Ventimiglia, you can see her on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, too!
Keiko Agena
Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix
Keiko Agena portrayed Lane Kim, but was in a variety of nostalgic TV shows like Sister, Sister, Felicity, and Beverly Hills, 90210 before Gilmore Girls premiered. You can also see her in13 Reasons Why on Netflix. Keiko married Shin Kawasaki in 2005 — in a helicopter!
Adam Brody
Image via Warner Bros. Pictures
Adam Brody was a member of the cast of Gilmore Girls for a short time, but his character Dave Rygalski is one of the best parts of the show. He left the series to star as Seth in the teen dramaThe OC, and has also appeared in Jennifer's Body, Promising Young Woman, Shazam! and Shazam! Fury of the Gods. He married Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester, and the couple has two kids.
Kelly Bishop
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Before Kelly Bishop played Emily Gilmore, she was in Dirty Dancing, but she also won the Tony Award for Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical for her role as Sheila in A Chorus Line. You can see her in Bunheads and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
Sean Gunn
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Sean Gunn's Kirk Gleason is my favorite Gilmore Girls cast member, and has Sean has continued to play funny but lovable roles. He starred as Kraglin in the MCU and Weasel in Suicide Squad (his brother is director James Gunn). Sean is married to actress and director Natasha Halevi.
Which member of the cast of Gilmore Girls have you followed throughout the years? Let us know on Facebook and check out our Gilmore Girls page for the latest news on your favorite show!
Lead image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
This post has been updated.
HSA isn’t just for prescriptions and doctor’s visits – there’s actually a ton of things you can buy with your savings. Blue light glasses and sunscreen are commonly HSA eligible, but a lot of people don’t know you can also finesse fancy spa visits and life-changing massage guns (I’m looking at you, Theragun) with their HSA dollars. Some of these items are also FSA eligible, so if you’ve got some funds to use before they expire at the end of the year, you’ve come to the right place!
Your HSA funds can do way more than you think. Check out these 14 unexpectedly fun health-related finds to help you step up your self-care!
What is HSA?
Polina Tankilevitch / PEXELS
HSA stands for Health Savings Account, a type of savings account that lets you set aside funds to pay for qualified medical expenses. HSAs are often available as a part of health insurance plans, though banks and credit unions offer them, too.
What can I buy with an HSA?
Kaboompics / PEXELS
You can buy a lot more with your HSA funds than you think: menstrual products, over-the-counter medicines, sunscreen, and travel to and from medical appointments are just some of the things you can buy with an HSA.
Is HSA worth it?
Kaboompics / PEXELS
Whether an HSA is worth it is really dependent on your needs. There are some nice advantages associated with it, though. You may be able to lower your out of pocket costs for medical needs. Plus, the funds are not taxed, so you may be able to save more. Unlike an FSA (Flexible Spending Account), HSA funds roll over year-over-year, so you don't have to worry about it expiring.
Should I max my HSA?
Pixabay / PEXELS
Maxing out your HSA to your account's annual maximum amount via monthly contributions can be beneficial if your goals are to save money and limit out of pocket costs for medical care. You can also opt to invest some of your HSA funds, which can be a smart decision for saving for things like family planning or retirement.
Amazon
Sunscreen
Per Cigna, sunscreen counts as a reimbursable HSA purchase. SPF is super important for skin cancer prevention, plus wearing it regularly can reduce signs of aging – a win-win!
Amazon
Hatch Alarm Clock
The famed Hatch Restore alarm clock is both HSA and FSA eligible. It's a superb tool for going to bed soundly and waking up feeling refreshed as ever!
TomboyX
Period Underwear
Menstrual care and feminine hygiene products are also HSA eligible. Cigna says this category may include tampons, pads, liners, cups, sponges, and similar items, like period underwear!
Amazon
Theragun
This luxurious massage gun is both FSA and HSA eligible! It's truly life-changing for relieving muscle soreness and tightness. Therabody's other devices like the Theragun PRO Plus, Theragun Sense, and Theragun Relief are also eligible.
Amazon
Oura Ring
This fitness tracker ring is FSA and HSA eligible – it can help you keep tabs on your sleep, activity, stress, heart rate and more.
Amazon
Breathing Strips
According to Cigna, breathing strips are HSA eligible, plus you don't need a doctor's prescription for reimbursement.
Amazon
Electric Toothbrush
Electric toothbrushes are HSA eligible and reimbursable with a medical diagnosis. This model in particular cleans way better than a regular toothbrush, expertly supporting your oral health.
Amazon
Essential Oils
Essential oils are HSA-covered with a medical diagnosis. Certain oils can help relieve stress, anxiety, physical pain, and nausea, and aid in better sleep.
Amazon
Hand Sanitizer
Hand sanitizers of any kind are also surprisingly HSA eligible. We love these sprays from Touchland because they're cute, easily portable, and smell delicious.
Amazon
Humidifiers
Humidifiers are indeed HSA eligible – the moisture they put out into the surrounding air can relieve respiratory issues, common colds, and even reduce snoring.
Amazon
Air Purifiers
Similarly, air purifiers are eligible because they can help remove airborne contaminants and viruses that cause allergies and disease.
Anna Tarazevich / PEXELS
Spa Trips
In the case you're prescribed a lovely visit to a spa or resort by a physician for medical treatment, the only part that's covered by HSA are the services you receive while you're there. The cost of transportation is not eligible for reimbursement.
Amazon
Blue Light Glasses
Blue light glasses are covered by HSA; lenses like these block out blue light from screens which helps prevent eye strain and fatigue.
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The 'Yellowstone' Creator Cast Bella Hadid As His Girlfriend & The Internet Has Thoughts
Dec 11, 2024
We all know the Yellowstone season 5 cast is stacked: Kelly O'Reilly, Wes Bentley, Luke Grimes, Kelsey Asbille — and now Bella Hadid?! Yep, that's right, the model showed up on the latest episode of the TV show and the internet is going crazy. Not only because Bella is in the show (and she's an incredible equestrian) but also the fact that creator Taylor Sheridan cast her as his onscreen girlfriend.
Keep reading for everything you need to know about Bella Hadid's Yellowstone cameo — and the internet's reaction.
Was that Bella Hadid on Yellowstone?
Paramount
Well yes, that was Bella Hadid on Yellowstone. Good eye! The actress appeared in season 5, episode 13, "Give The World Away." When Beth Dutton (played by Kelly Reilly) shows up at Travis Wheatley's ranch, she's greeted by Travis' girlfriend Sadie (Bella Hadid) instead of the horse trainer himself (who's played by creator Taylor Sheridan).
As the episode progresses, we see Beth and Sadie start to bond (or at least, we see Beth try to figure out why Sadie's with Travis) and Sadie hops on a horse herself. If there's one thing that will solidify the return of the Western aesthetic, it's Bella Hadid wearing a cowboy hat.
And this isn't the first time Bella has showed off her horseback riding skills! Her boyfriend Adan Banuelos posted a video on November 3 of Bella competing, saying "Bella rode 3 horses and qualified to 7 different finals, bringing home her first CHAMPIONSHIP buckle! We continue to be proud of her in (and out) of the arena."
The model and actress' 'Ôrəbella Alchemy Foundation also works with the Professional Association of Therapeutic Horsemanship (PATH) to provide therapeutic and adaptive horseback riding for individuals for special needs.
After the new Yellowstone episode aired, the internet simply couldn't help but roast Taylor Sheridan (who's 54) for casting the 28-year-old Bella Hadid as his own girlfriend.
"Taylor Sheridan making Bella Hadid his girlfriend in 'Yellowstone' is objectively hilarious," @spaseycasey tweeted, while @rigginsslim says making Taylor's character "the Dutton savior + coolest guy in the universe" while "1/3 of it is him shirtless [and] he’s f—king Literally Bella Hadid" isn't even "the top 5 dumbest parts of the episode."
However, it looks like this was the push some of Bella's fans needed to start the show! "starting yellowstone because bella hadid made a cameo in it," @cardiganfml tweeted. (I literally cannot judge considering I started 1923 after seeing Brandon Sklenar in It Ends With Us).
Bella Hadid wasn't the only guest star on this week's episode of 'Yellowstone'
In addition to Bella, we also saw Blake Lively's brother-in-law Bart Johnson make a guest appearance. The High School Musical star's character has the audacity to try and hit on Beth during a girls' night out. Read the room!
What did you think of this week's Yellowstone episode? I can't believe next week is the finale! Check out why Paramount+'s New Drama Landman Will Fill The Yellowstone Void In Your Life.
We're still thinking about the end of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life(and the fact we might finally get season 2?!). There were so many questions left unanswered when the series and its spinoff finished, like how exactly do the Gilmore Girls eat so many donuts and pizza? More importantly, which guy is Rory finally going to end up with? Even if you’re #TeamLogan or #TeamDean, you can’t deny the appeal of stereotypical bad guy Jess. He turned into a major success story in the end, not to mention became a huge advocate for Rory getting her life back on track. Here are 10 moments that prove that anyone who isn’t #TeamJess is seriously delusional.
1. 22.8 Miles
After Rory makes the big decision to go to Yale, Jess actually looks up the distance from Stars Hallow to campus on Yahoo Maps (how very early ’00s of him!). This might be a small gesture, but it shows just how much he was thinking about their future — even if he wasn't ready to admit it — proving once and for all, he does care about her.
Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix
2. The Swan
When Jess shows up at Friday night dinner with a black eye, we all thought our worst suspicions about him had come true, that he’d gotten into a bad fight with Dean. Actually, he just got beat up by a swan (duh) and was too proud to admit it. We. Can’t. Even. (This is also one of our favorite Luke and Jess episodes!)
3. The Bjork Snow Woman
Jess always seems to know what’s in Rory’s heart best, like the little comments he leaves for her in the books they share and the jokes they're constantly cracking. And when he recognizes that Lorelai and Rory have dressed their “snow woman” up like Bjork, it’s like he just gets it.
Image via The CW/The WB/YouTube
4. This Isn’t You
Rory stealing a boat, dropping out of Yale and joining the D.A.R. was possibly the worst or most frustrating plot line in the history of plot lines. Jess is the one who lets her know she needs to get back on track because the whole rebel rouser thing so isn’t her.
5. When He Publishes a Book
It’s understandable if you weren’t so into Jess in high school. He was sarcastic and rough around the edges and could be harsh. Grown-up Jess, on the other hand, has grown into someone who's mature, thoughtful, and grounded. He's got a good head on his shoulders and totally grounds his scenes in the Season 6 episode "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out."
6. When He Leaves It All on the Line
That time Jess actually shows up at Rory’s dorm room and tells her to come away to New York with him was so sweet. Even if it was never going to happen in a million years, you’ve got to give the guy some credit for leaving it all out there.
Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix
7. When He Says “I Love You”
Everyone knows Jess isn’t the warm and fuzzy type. At the start of his time on Gilmore Girls, Jess has a hard time communicating and forming connections with the people around him. So when he finally drops the bad boy front, and comes out and says he does love Rory, we can’t help but get all the feels.
Image via WB
8. The Sprinklers
Early on in the show, Rory can’t get the sprinklers off and her neighbors lawn is going to be ruined. Jess comes running to help, no questions asked. Even if this was still the period in their early friendship when they consistently got on each other's nerves (and Jess was actively trying to convince everyone he didn't care about Rory), it's *clear* he cares more than he lets on.
9. When He Borrows Luke’s Love Advice Tapes
At one point in the show, Luke goes through a mushy phase where he expresses his commitment to Lorelai by buying some goofy relationship tapes/books. Jess totally gets in on it and Lorelai even finds one of the books in Jess’s backpack. Busted!
10. When He Tells Her She’s Still a Contender
If you haven’t seen Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life yet, 1. What the heck are you waiting for? And 2. When Rory is down and out on her luck, who is the guy who tells her she’s still got it? Jess, obvs.
Are you Team Jess, Dean or Logan?Tell us @BritandCo!
Lead image via The CW/The WB/YouTube
This post has been updated.