8 Small and Big Ways to Live More Sustainably After Kids

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Dyson Special Edition Airwrap Multi-Styler

The Dyson Airwrap is like the Lamborghini of hair tools. It's bougie, for sure, but it's oh-so good. This premier hair tool can dry and style strands simultaneously, all without heat damage. Mom can easily customize her hairstyle with the 6 attachments – she'll never need another blow dryer in her lifetime.

Fellow Stagg EKG Pro Studio Electric Gooseneck Kettle

I use this kettle every single day, so I can confidently say it's well worth the splurge. If your mom's a major tea (or coffee!) drinker, she'll appreciate that this kettle heats up quickly, can hold its contents at a custom temperature for however long she wants, and provides a very even pour. It also just looks like a total work of art when it's sitting on the countertop, so it won't mess up whatever feng shui she's already got goin' on in her kitchen.

UGG Tasman Slippers

As reliable as a gift house shoes can be, giving her a pair that'll actually last is a way better choice than opting for cheaper styles that'll crap out after a few months of use. These UGG slippers are super durable, thanks to their grippy outsoles. That way, she's not relegated to only wearing them inside the house – she can easily take them outside to check the mail or run errands. If your mom lives somewhere where it gets extremely cold in the winter, these wool-lined bad boys will also keep her toesies ultra-warm!

Soft Services Smoothing Set

Mom's new skincare routine is loading! This trio helps revive dry, flaky skin with a gentle exfoliating bar that doesn't dramatically strip the skin's moisture, a soothing gel exfoliant for the bod, and a lightweight lotion that delivers deep hydration for softer skin. Soft Services' packaging is also so beautiful and feels like a nice, somewhat-bougie upgrade from the products your mama may use on the daily.

e.l.f. Celestial Winter 10-Piece Eyeshadow Palette

I know my mom goes crazy for an eyeshadow palette, which is why this one from e.l.f. caught my eye. Inspired by a winter's night sky, this 10-shade palette hosts the ideal mix of warm and cool tones, plus a good variety of matte, shimmer, and metallic hues. The range of this palette makes it a great fit for any eye color, too. This will allow her to create so many different looks in one easy-to-use product!

BrüMate Era Straw Tumbler Water Bottle

I like to think of this water bottle as the famed Stanley tumbler but (dare I say it) so much better. I sip from it on the daily to hit my daily water intake goals, and it's an absolute delight – I know your mom will think so, too! What I love most about it is the leakproof lid. And it's not just one of those leakproof lids that's not actually leakproof, it really lives up to its name: I haven't spilled once! Plus, this bottle's stainless steel lining helps keep its contents cold for over 24 hours for an ice-cold sip every single time.

Baggu Large Nylon Sling Bag

If your mother is a lady on the go, there's no question she's in need of a large bag to help her tote her stuff around. This pick from Baggu will definitely earn her major style points, as it emulates a lot of the trendy bucket bags we're seeing rise in popularity. I like that it offers the convenience of a large tote bag without the taxing upkeep of leather or suede – Baggu's signature nylon material is easily machine-washable when it's time for a refresh! This bag comes in 5 different colors so you can track down the one that really suits her vibe.

Dieux Glow Trinity Skin Set

Every single skincare product from Dieux is super gentle, yet effective. This set includes their Baptism cleanser, Deliverance serum, and Instant Angel moisturizer, which all work wonders on their own, but operate better together. The cleanser is my personal favorite of the three – it always leaves my face feeling clean without really stripping any of its existing moisture. This power trio will save mom's dry winter skin in an instant!

Breda Jane Bracelet Watch

Is it a bracelet? Is it a watch? This time, it's both. This style from Breda feels especially jewelry-like, but offers practical use by telling the time. I like how minimalistic the design is – mom will be able to rock it across all different kinds of looks, from workdays to dinner parties. The 14k-gold plate, quartz, and mother-of-pearl construction make it perfectly elevated and elegant as a gift.

Quince Mongolian Cashmere Crewneck Sweater

A good cashmere sweater can run you upwards of $100, but this style is just $50. Plus, it comes in 14 different colors. Mom will want to bathe in its "irresistibly soft" fabric all winter long!

Uncommon Goods Modular Honeycomb Serving Set

This is the coolest gift idea for the hostess with the mostess! This innovative serving set connects magnetically, so mom can fashion it however she pleases. From busy get-togethers to chill movie nights at home, she'll be able to set out snacks in perhaps the most aesthetically-pleasing way possible. Once the snacking's over, each component conveniently stacks on top of one another for easy storage!

SeaVees Acorn Trainer Sneakers

Step up mom's shoe game with these sleek sneaks! I promise they're going to be one of the softest shoes she's ever (literally) step foot in. Though super lightweight, the thick, cushiony memory foam footbeds of these sneakers provide unparalleled comfort and support. Plus, the '90s-inspired sporty silhouette can work with a variety of outfits, thanks to the chilled-out color palette.

Flamingo Estate Roma Heirloom Tomato Candle

'Heaven in a candle' is the only way I can accurately describe this scent. Encapsulating of "balmy summer nights in the garden, where tomatoes hang heavy from freshly watered vines and the leaves become their most fragrant," it burns the most delicious herby, peppery, potent smell. This makes a refreshing gift for the moms out there that simply can't stand floral- or vanilla-forward candles!

Ember Temperature Control Smart Mug

Mom is too good for microwaved coffee. Help her keep her brew fresh with this self-warming mug! It can keep 14 ounces of liquid warm for up to 80 minutes on a single charge, or even a full day if she keeps it connected to the coordinating coaster. The set-up itself is very compact, so it can fit on her desk fuss-free.

According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CSPC), the Stanley recall covers all Switchback and Trigger Action travel mugs. These travel mugs pose a “burn hazard” to sippers who have them since the mugs’ lid threads can shrink when exposed to heat and torque, causing the lid to detach during use.

Stanley received 91 reports from consumers facing this issue, with 38 burn injuries worldwide. A total of 11 consumers required medical attention from the flaw. The CSPC estimates that about 2.6 million mugs are part of the massive recall.

These are the exact recalled products:

• Switchback 12-ounce mug, product identification number 20-01437
• Switchback 16-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-01436, 20-02211
• Trigger Action 12-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02033, 20-02779, 20-02825
• Trigger Action 16-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02030, 20-02745, 20-02957
• Trigger Action 20-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02034, 20-02746

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“We ask that all customers in possession of either product immediately stop use and reach out to Stanley 1913 for a free replacement lid,” a recent Instagram post from Stanley 1913 reads. “At Stanley 1913, we are committed to constant improvement and are focused on creating quality products that are built for life.”

If you believe you own any of the recalled products, you can visit www.stanley1913tmrecall.expertinquiry.com/ for a free replacement lid by verifying your mug’s product identification number and place of purchase.