You're Probably Using The Term "Gaslighting" Wrong. Here's What It Actually Means.

what does gaslighting mean

Words hold of a lot of power, and can be used to make us feel inspired and creative, or tear us down. Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year is "gaslighting," a term which is used to describe manipulation that makes someone doubt themselves. It's vital that we talk about important issues like gaslighting, but we also need to make sure we're doing it the right way. That's why we spoke to Dr. Vanessa Kennedy, Director of Psychology at Driftwood Recovery, via email to figure out what the term actually means and why we need to be careful when we use it.

What Gaslighting Is

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The term "gaslighting" comes from the Alfred Hitchcock film Gaslight (inspired by the play Angel Street), in which a husband convinces his wife that she's imagining that the gaslights on the first floor of their house are dimming. In reality, it's a result of his turning on the upstairs lights to search through and steal her possessions.

Merriam-Webster defines gaslighting as the "psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator."

Wow. That's quite the mouthful! In short, gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt yourself by telling you an experience didn't actually happen the way that you remember. At its root, gaslighting is about manipulation, distorting the truth, and blame.

"[Gaslighters] may lead you to think that no one will believe your version of events, that you’re crazy for thinking things happened a certain way, or that you’re being dramatic and making things up," Dr. Kennedy says.

It's easy to define gaslighting, or to understand it in examples, but it can be more difficult to identify when it's actually happening in your own life. "It could look like your coworker taking credit for your idea in a meeting and later saying, 'Don’t you remember? I thought of that like months ago!', or your partner accusing you of being irrational, too sensitive, or overreacting."

Gaslighting can come from a variety of relationships in your life, whether it be romantic, platonic, or even professional, and is often a way for the gaslighter to deflect responsibility away from themselves. While some instances of this behavior can be on the more mild side, it can get very serious very quickly.

"More severe forms of gaslighting are patterns of behavior that affect your self-esteem and are meant to control and instill lingering self-doubt," Dr. Kennedy continues. "This may be considered psychological abuse."

Gaslighters can use both criticism and praise to confuse your relationship with yourself and with other people. "Gaslighting is, at its core, designed to leave you feeling confused and powerless and that maybe you really are irrational, forgetting, being overly sensitive, or being dramatic," Dr. Kennedy says. "It’s literally ‘crazy-making.’"

"They might say things like, 'You weren’t paying attention. I told you this,' or 'I was only joking. Don’t be so sensitive,' or 'Do you hear yourself? You’re being irrational,'" Dr. Kennedy says. "These gaslighting behaviors are usually directed at your insecurities." That way, Dr. Kennedy continues, you doubt yourself and are less likely to confront the gaslighter about their manipulative behavior.

​What Gaslighting Is Not

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Gaslighting has become a widely-talked about idea in recent years (in the last year alone, Merriam-Webster saw a 1740% increase in searches). It's amazing when conversations about unhealthy communication begin to happen, but it's important to figure out when those conversations begin misusing the term or turning it into a trend.

"People may incorrectly use the term 'gaslighting' when another person is pushing their agenda or perhaps insists on convincing others to see things their way," Dr. Kennedy says.

It is not appropriate to use gaslighting as a coverall for remembering something differently than someone or when you don't want to take responsibility for something you did wrong. "A person on the defensive may disagree with your perception but still respect that you see things that way," Dr. Kennedy says, "whereas a person gaslighting you will try to shame you for your flawed perception and attack your faculties, i.e., your memory, your sanity, and your emotional stability."

Misusing the term is much more than an incorrect definition — it can actually prevent the people who need help from receiving it. "Overusing the term 'gaslighting' can minimize the experience of victims of psychological abuse who endure severe gaslighting that affects their self-esteem, leaves them traumatized and struggling to trust others, and isolates them from supportive individuals in their lives," Dr. Kennedy says.

If you're experiencing gaslighting in an unsafe relationship, please reach out to The Hotline for more help.

Featured image via Karolina Grabowska/Pexels

HBO Max renewedEuphoria for a third season back in 2022, but we sadly haven't seen any progress on the show in the way of filming. Though details surrounding the plot for Euphoria season 3 haven't been revealed, we are awaiting the TV show with excitement!

Euphoria has inspired our coolest makeup looks and on-point Halloween costumes, so we can’t wait to see what the next season of this neon-lighted, drama-filled story holds. Here’s what we know about season 3, thus far. Stay tuned for more updates!

Keep reading for everything we know about Euphoria season 3, filming in 2025.

  • Euphoria season 3 is officially moving forward, and will start filming in 2025.
  • Cast members like Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, Jacob Elordi, and Hunter Schafer are returning.
  • Despite the fact creator Sam Levinson suggest Zendaya's schedule caused Euphoria production delays, the actress said she's "just waiting" to return to the show.

Is Euphoria season 3 coming out soon?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Release Date

Variety confirmed that we should be seeing Euphoria season 3 in 2026...but after an almost-three year wait...does anyone actually care anymore? I'm excited to see Zendaya return to the role that won her an Emmy (as well as the rest of the cast, obvi), but it's hard to be thrilled about something after such a long time. Luckily, fans are familiar with waiting a long time for new releases (remember that 2 ½-year wait for Euphoria season 2?), and hopefully the pent-up hype will be worth it when the show finally comes to streaming.

What's going to happen in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Plot

Season 2 of Euphoria left us with a lot to unpack: Rue’s (potential) sobriety, Lexi’s chaotic play, Fez and Ash’s shootings, Cal’s insane sexual spiral, and of course, the glorious girl fight between Maddy and Cassie. The third season has some loose ends to tie up, and we can’t wait to see how it’s done.

Sam Levinson tells EllethatEuphoria season 3 is more of a “film noir,” and that Rue's plot line will “explore what it means to be an individual with principles in a corrupt world.”

Originally, Sam showed multiple story ideas to both Zendaya and HBO (and although Z doesn't have total creative control, as an executive producer, she does get a say in where her story goes). The show will feature a time jump, bringing the characters closer to the actors' ages. According to Variety, the first draft of the script gave the "meaty" storyline to Sydney Sweeney and Jacob Elordi, and featured Zendaya's Rue as a private detective in more of a background role. More recent rewrites incorporated Z's idea of making Rue, who would now be sober, a pregnancy surrogate. Unfortunately, "the new scripts simply didn’t feel like the show tonally."

HBO chairman & CEO Casey Bloys told Variety that Sam Levinson is furiously working on the scripts. "One of the issues I think that Sam is thinking about is that he doesn’t want to have it in high school anymore. That’s where it was set and what made sense then," he says. "So when you take it out of that, there’s a lot of back and forth about where to set it and how far in the future to set it and all that stuff. But I think he’s got a take that he’s excited about, and he’s busy writing."

Is Storm Reid going to be in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen/HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Cast

No, Storm Reid won't be in Euphoria season 3. On November 20, she revealed she wouldn't return as Zendaya's onscreen sister Gia. “I’m very excited for Season 3,” she said in a Rotten Tomatoes interview at the Governors Awards. “Unfortunately, Gia’s not returning to the third season, but I am so so indebted to the cast and the crew of that show, to HBO. Euphoria’s a really special thing and I’m so glad that that’s a part of my legacy and that I was a part of such a cultural phenomenon.”

However, we also know that Barbie Ferreira (Kat) won’t be returning for season 3, due to butting heads one too many times with the show’s creator, Sam Levinson.

Okay, so who's actually in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

At the 2024 Sundance Film Festival, Dominic Fike (who played Elliot in Euphoria season 2) told Variety it “would be dope” to come back for Euphoria season 3, but that “I don’t really talk to them anymore.” And after Angus Cloud's (Fez) tragic passing, some fans were calling for HBO Max to cancel the series.

But when we finally do see the series again, we’ll see more of the main cast: Zendaya (Rue), Sydney Sweeney (Cassie), Hunter Schafer (Jules), Alexa Demie (Maddy), Jacob Elordi (Nate), Maude Apatow (Lexi), and more – but who knows? The production team may surprise us with new additions, like they did with Dominic Fike’s Elliot.

And the cast is even more excited for the show to return than we are! While Sydney Sweeney says she "honestly" doesn't “know anything about it,” (although she's hoping for "Crazy Cassie": "The crazier, the better for me."), Sweeney can't wait to reunite with Zendaya, Jacob Elordi, Alexa Demie, and everyone else from the show.

“They were the crew and the cast that were there at the beginning of my career,” she tells The Hollywood Reporter. “We all came up from different places but came together and were navigating so much at the same time, so it’s really nice having that core group. They’re experiencing a similarity to what I’m going through. It’s nice to have that community.”

Why is Euphoria season 3 delayed?

Eddy Chen / HBO

We've been waiting for Euphoria season 3 for over two years, but there's a very good reason for the delay. After a source told THR Zendaya was to blame, the actress reportedly laughed at the idea. “I will say, I have been off for a couple years, so not delayed because of my [schedule]…I’ve been open, just waiting,” the actress told Vanity Fair. "I haven’t read anything yet, but I’m excited to see what everyone has been working on, and what the future looks like for Euphoria...My most important thing is to do justice by the people who love and care about Rue, and make sure that she’s looked after as a character. I think that’s my number one duty."

Actor Colman Domingo has another explanation for the delay: “[Sam Levinson is] a person who writes and rewrites and writes and rewrites again, because I think he's wrestling with what's important,” he tells GQ. “He's responding immediately to what the ills of the world are. I know that the one thing I can tell you is that he's very much interested in the existential question of who we are right now. Our souls. That's what he wants to figure out with season three.”

“HBO and Sam Levinson remain committed to making an exceptional third season,” HBO says in a statement to Deadlineabout the show's official, if temporary, pause. “In the interim, we are allowing our in-demand cast to pursue other opportunities.”

So much has happened in the real world since the end of Euphoria season 2 that could have an impact on the new installment, and I can't wait to see what that looks like!

When will Euphoria season 3 start filming?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria season 3 will begin filming in January 2025. “We are shooting Euphoria,” HBO's Casey Bloys said at an HBO/Max press event on November 12. "I think we have a start date, mid to late January. Nothing’s changed...We are shooting the season. I have read the scripts. We’re happy. We’re moving ahead. All of the actors are in the show.”

The Euphoria season 3 delay comes down to significant script rewrites (not to mention how busy the cast is!). According to Variety, the original plan was for the Euphoria cast to work on other projects throughout 2024, and that filming the new season could take at least 25 weeks. However, it looks like that plan could change at any time.

In a March 2024 interview with Who What Wear, Sydney Sweeney shared her excitement to return. "It’s going to be very, very wild,” she says. And regarding the time gap between seasons 2 and 3, Sydney “actually [likes] it because there’s so much room for growth for both me as a person and also Cassie as a character."

Storm Reid, who plays Rue's (Zendaya) little sister Gia in the series, expressed her hope (and a bit of hesitance) in for Euphoria season 3 in talks with E! News at the Challengerspremiere in April 2024. "We're on pause right now, but we're anxious to get back," she said. "If it's meant to be, we'll be back soon and we'll give the audience what they want and deserve. Hopefully, we will be back."

On the other hand, according to an article published by Vanity Fair, another cast member (who wished to remain anonymous) said at the time, “I just don’t think it will happen.”

The anonymous actor also shed some light on the show's delay. “Since January of 2022, we have had a start date of March that turned into June, that turned into January,” they say. “And then they kept pushing every month from then on. It was two full years of HBO telling all the actors we were going back soon, so we couldn’t take some jobs.”

Now that Euphoria season 3 is officially on hiatus, the cast members aren't barred from taking further jobs, they say: “Before last week I couldn’t take any TV jobs. Since they have put it on hiatus, I can now take any job. But what sucks is that we all had more momentum right when the show came out but now it’s been 2 years of waiting.”

Eddy Chen / HBO

Hunter Schafer, who plays Jules in the series, joined the Call Her Daddy podcast podcast in August 2024, discussing everything from relationships to fame. The topic of whether or not Euphoria season 3 is going to happen came up – as it's pretty hard to ignore at this point – and Schafer immediately got emotional.

Alex Cooper, the host of the podcast asked, "Is season 3 happening? What are we doing?"

"I think everyone feels a certain sense of anticipation for, like, if we are supposed to do a season 3," Schafer said between tears. "Obviously, I'm still coming to qualms with what's happened, and losing people that we really loved and were a part of this family and everything," she said, referring to the passings of co-star Angus Cloud and screenwriter Kevin Turen.

"If we do go back, that's going to be tough," Schafer said. "I think there's a world in which we can channel that into making it a beautiful season 3."

Will there be a time jump in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Multiple stakeholders in the Euphoria-verse expressed their interest in seeing the characters out of high school. When asked about season 3 in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Zendaya expressed her eagerness to see what post-East Highland will look like for the cast:

“I think it’ll be exciting to explore the characters out of high school,” said Zendaya. “I want to see what Rue looks like in her sobriety journey, how chaotic that might look. But also with all the characters, in the sense where they’re trying to figure out what to do with their lives when high school is over and what kind of people they want to be.”

Heidi Bivens, the HBO show’s costume designer, hinted further at a time jump between seasons 2 and 3 when talking with Vogue: “There is talk of [season 3] being approximately five years in the future, and that they’re not in high school anymore. Dorothy’s not in Kansas anymore.”

How many Euphoria seasons are there?

Eddy Chen / HBO

There are currently two seasons of Euphoria — both of which you can stream on HBO Max now. And it sounds like Euphoria season 3 will be the final installment. The Euphoria cast is contracted for the junior season, and according to a Variety source, they're all committed to seeing the story "through to the end with a third season."

Sign up for our newsletter to stay updated on all things Euphoria season 3 — plus all the new TV shows coming your way, like Stranger Things 5 and The Last of Us season 2!

This post has been updated.

First loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.

Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.

Here's why some of us ignored how awful our first love might've been

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

Savannah Dematteo

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

Keira Burton

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Luis Zambrano

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

Adely

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Pavel Danilyuk

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Ketut Subiyanto

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

Andrea Piacquadio

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

  • Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
  • Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

Anastasia Nagibina

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

  • Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
  • Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
  • Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.

Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.

That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.

Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

Kaboompics.com

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

cottonbro studio

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

  1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
  2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
  3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

  1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
  2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
  3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

  1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
  2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
  3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
  4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
  5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

No matter how many times I rewatch The Vampire Diaries, there's nothing like seeing a cast reunion — and the weekend of December 6, we finally got to see our three favorite Mystic Falls gals together again! Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King were just some of The Vampire Diaries cast members who reunited for Epic Con to chat all things Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline...but things took a turn in the middle of the interview when one of the backdrops almost fell on Nina!

Keep reading to see what happened during The Vampire Diaries cast reunion with Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King.

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Even after all these years, Bonnie and Caroline are still saving Elena #tvd #thevampirediaries #ninadobrev #candiceking #katgraham #elanagilbert #carolineforbes #bonniebennett #epiccons

As someone who's done plenty of interviews myself, I know how fast a situation can spiral — and this interview accident is crazy. While talking on stage about the show, one of the backdrops begins to lean forward, and right before it falls on top of Nina, Candice and Kat quickly move to push it in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to see any 'Bonnie saves the day' memes," Kat jokes, referencing the fandom's love for Bonnie consistently helping the group throughout the show's eight-season run. "I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it!" You can also see a relieved Nina hug Candice before revealing she thought it was a spider!

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In addition to this "Bonnie saves the day" moment (sorry, Kat, I couldn't help it!), the internet went crazy when Nina posted a video of her, Candice, and Kat recreating a photo they took during season 1 — especially after rumors have circulated for years that Kat Graham was mistreated on The Vampire Diaries set.

While these rumors have never been outright confirmed, fans have paid very special attention to what Kat has said...especially when she confirmedshe was the lowest-paid cast member and cried over her natural hair after revealing she wasn't really allowed to have an afro while filming.

"Love you girls so much!!!!!! 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️" Kat commented on Nina's post, while a fan added, "And now the rumors can definitely be ended 🫶🏼❤️." These women are so powerful and clearly love each other so much, and I will take any and every cast reunion we can get!

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- YouTube

When Brit + Co caught up with Ian Somerhalder, he also expressed how much he loved filming The Vampire Diaries. "Every single day it was a laugh," he says. "I mean we had to be serious, you're running from ghosts and vampires and stuff, and you know, someone makes a fart joke and a 130 people erupt in laughter, there's only so much you can run for your life."

And thank goodness, Ian confirms just how much fun the cast had! "We laughed, that's how we kept each other sane," he says. "I spent 8 years on the show and now it's [been] 15 years. It's my longest relationship."

"I cannot believe it's been 15 years," he continues. "And so everyone who's seen the show, watched the show, supported us — and me — in any way, shape, and form regarding the show, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

What would your dream The Vampire Diaries reunion look like? Let us know on Facebook!

Brown butter pasta. Wedge salads. Espresso martinis. Actual martinis. What do these foods and bevs all have in common? They make me fancy as ever when I’m chowing down on them.

But there’s one flavor in particular that goes above and beyond in the way of fancy foods, and it just so happens to be featured in one of Trader Joe’s tasty new dips.

Trader Joe's

I’m talkin’ truffle, baby! Not one, but two types of the earthy, richly-umami fungus stars in Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip, and TJ’s fans can’t get enough.

Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip boasts an “exceptionally creamy” base made up of ricotta, parmesan, and cream cheese. Most importantly, it earns its super sophisticated flavor from a blend of black truffle paste and white truffle-infused olive oil. Yeah, I’m obsessed.

@traderjoesobsessed

Trader Joe’s fan account @traderjoesobsessed recently shared all the truffle goodness on their page, with truffle-infused favorites like Truffle Burrata, Truffle Brie, andTruffle Oil joining the ranks. Their followers truly blew up the comment section with lots of love for the famed Truffle Dip

“Come through truffle!!!!🔥❤️,” one person wrote.

“I use this as a pasta 🍝 sauce,” another commenter said. “It's amazing!!”

“I think it’s soooo good with the brioche toasts,” someone else said.

“I buy one every week,” another person commented. “I'm obsessed!”

The Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip is shoppable in stores for just $5.49 for 7.5 ounces of the creamy, dreamy product. It’s the perfect addition to slather on lunch wraps and sandwiches and will definitely make your holiday charcuterie spread shine this year.

No matter how you enjoy it, you’re sure to become absolutely obsessed, too.

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