5 Unexpected Ways Dreaming Can Improve Your Health

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer

I've been dipping into this bronzer since high school (don't worry – I've repurchased, like, 4 tins since then), and it's never failed me. The color itself is a nice blend of both matte and shimmery finishes, which I feel makes for the most natural glow around. I also adore how smoothly it goes on, likely thanks to the addition of murumuru, cupuaçu, and tucuma butters to the formula.

From my experience, the Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer works best on fully makeup-ed skin. I typically wear it when I'm rockin' foundation, concealer, and powder, and find that it has more pop than if I use it on bare skin for minimal makeup days. A simple powder brush is the best tool for application!

Promising review: "I have bought many bronzers and this one is by far the best I've tried. I'm very pale and I use this to give a light sun-kissed look. The only thing I'm not a huge fan of is the applicator it comes with to apply. I use a blush brush instead. I use this almost daily and it has lasted me close to 6 months."

Milani Baked Bronzer

Milani's Baked Bronzer is a very close second when it comes to the best drugstore blush. It definitely has more shimmer, which is perfect for an extra-glowy look. I like to apply it to my cheekbones, temples, and even add a bit on my nose for a tanned appearance.

Promising review: "This is the real deal! It is so beautiful and I love the subtle shimmer it has. So good I will definitely not be ordering my usual very expensive baked bronzer anymore. This is my new go-to!"

Pixi On-The-Glow Bronzer Stick

I've come to really enjoy cream and stick makeup products over the past year. Of course, I fell for Pixi's viral stick blush, which led me straight to their stick bronzer. What I love about it most is how dang easy it is to apply. Just one or two swipes of the product does the trick, then I can lightly blend it out with my fingertips.

The formula of Pixi's On-The-Glow Bronzer Stick is always super smooth and soft, so I can feel good about putting it on my skin regularly. As opposed to traditional powder bronzers, I feel like the creaminess of this product is super compatible with bare skin.

Promising review: "I recommend this, especially because it's really easy to manage the amount of color you want. It can sheer out so much, or build up easily. It won't break the bank, either. I use it as a lip tint, too. You really can't go wrong here."

NYX Matte Buttermelt Bronzer

NYX's Buttermelt Bronzer is just as amazing as their Buttermelt Blush. The feel is extremely smooth, and as the name suggests, buttery. This makes it easily blendable, plus a little product goes a long way, so I feel like the $10 investment is well worth it.

Promising review: "I am in love with this bronzer! It has such a smooth, buttery texture that just glides on effortlessly and blends like a dream. It does have a slightly tropical, coconut-sunscreen scent but it's not going to haunt you all day the way some scented cosmetics can. The shade "BMB02 - All Buttad Up" works really well for my light olive complexion. 10/10 would recommend!"

Sheglam Sun Sculpt Cream Bronzer

This $6 cream bronzer can double as a bronzer and a contour shade, thanks to the localized application tip. It allows you to place the product exactly where you want it, sculpting your face and adding a nice wash of color to warm up any look! It has amazing blending capabilities, so you can work it to be as bold as you please. It went viral on TikTok with 101 million views, and counting, so it pretty much has everyone's approval.

Promising review: "My skin is very light, most bronzers end up looking orange on me and don't match with my skin and undertones. THIS is the only liquid contour that had the actual tone I needed which has a grey tone rather than orange. It's buildable and blends flawlessly with my beauty blender! Will only be purchasing this now"

e.l.f. Bronzer Palette

This bronzer palette is the way to go if you wish to customize your glow every time. You've got 4 fun shades to pick from, all of which host the perfect amount of shimmer for a natural finish. For a more sculpted, contoured look, simply opt for a contour brush instead of a powder brush (which'll give you more of a general sun-kissed vibe).

Promising review: "Elf is always affordable and delivers on their products, this palette is no different. Definitely useful and I think it’s a real systole to your makeup bag without breaking the bank."

Wet n Wild MegaGlo Makeup Stick

This stick bronzer reigns supreme in the way of affordable drugstore bronzers. It's currently only $4 from Amazon! The product truly melts right onto your skin in one swipe and blends out just as easily.

Plus, these sticks from Wet n Wild span across both blush and highlight shades, so you can get a full face look on the go.

Promising review: "What gets cheaper than Wet N Wild. I've tried many cream blushes at this point (I'm 38) and this is by far the easiest to blend and the most natural looking. I am NOT a make up aficionado, I only wear tinted lip products, blush and mascara, but this blush has been my favorite of all time. I swipe it right on my cheeks and blend with my fingers with a circular tapping motion. Flawless application, buildable and super natural looking on my light skin with cool undertone."

e.l.f. Halo Glow Contour Beauty Wand

You'll fall in love with how buildable this product is. The cushion tip makes applying it extremely quick and easy, allowing you to contour and bronze simultaneously.

Promising review: "I use this every day when I’m getting ready for work. This is my go to to contour my face. I absolutely love how easy it is to use how well blends into your skin and the glow you have after you use it"

Essence Baby Got Bronze Cream Bronzer Stick

This is another one of my fave bronzers since I can swipe it on and blend it with my fingers. Since I tend to go bare-faced more often than not, it works really well for bringing my skin to life when I don't want to apply foundation. The formula is undeniably smooth and silky, which feels so nice on.

Promising review: "I've been using this cream bronzer for a few months now and its even better than the higher end ones I've tried. This one is creamy, very pigmented and it stays on if you put a powder bronzer over the top. Really amazing and the best part is, the formula is clean! highly recommend"

Physicians Formula Butter Glow Contour Wand

This wand is like the creamy, liquidy version of the Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer. It's definitely easier to apply on-the-go since all you need is the tube and your hands to blend it out. It also smells amazing!

Promising review: "Can't believe the price. It's definitely a dupe for the Charlotte Tilbury and i may also add that this one lasts longer so it's probably better in my opinion. very natural finish and easy to blend with fingers. It's thin so i powder after foundation and before using this wand. LOVE IT"