How To Be More Confident At Work, Using Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

What's the difference between cold and allergy symptoms?

Having seasonal allergies can be confusing when they coincide with cold season. Between kids being back in school and the weather changing, the fall/winter seasons seem to bring on sneezing, coughing, and more. But, how can you tell when you're merely dealing with allergies or something else?

"Colds are viral infections. Symptoms include a sore throat, cough and feeling tired," says Dr. Purdy. Dr. Stanford further explains that viral infections have "traditionally been Rhinovirus species, but it may also be Adenovirus species and others." Colds can also be accompanied by a fever in some cases.

On the other hand, Dr. Purdy and Dr. Stanford both agree allergies are specifically caused by allergens or irritants. "Common Symptoms include sneezing and itchy eyes," says Dr. Purdy. According to the CDC, around one quarter of adults deal with seasonal allergies (raises both hands), so it's not weird if you get confused about when it's time to switch from Claritin to Dayquil.

How should people relieve cold symptoms before heading to the pharmacy?

Before you head to CVS at the first sign of sneezing and a sore throat, there are a few things Dr. Stanford suggests you do. "Optimizing our immune systems by focusing on overall health and wellbeing can help reduce the risk of infections, including the common cold. This includes eating a healthy diet, being physically active, getting enough sleep, and keeping stress in check," she says.

Unfortunately, Gallupreports that 57% of people feel they're not getting the proper amount of sleep they need. But, this doesn't mean you should ignore your lack of rest just because others are struggling too. Take it from someone whose insomnia impacted their mental health and a nasty bout of the Flu followed by Covid-19 two years ago! "Properly treating other health conditions can also help prevent acute illnesses, like the common cold," says Dr. Stanford.

However, it's not unusual to get a cold because Dr. Stanford says they're the "result of germs spread from contact with others." Taking precautions just helps your immune system work the eliminate the viral infection faster.

Do elderberry and Vitamin C fight off colds?

This is where things get a little tricky. Though elderberry and Vitamin C have been hailed as supplements that combat colds, not everyone agrees on their effectiveness. Dr. Stanford says, "While the evidence for Vitamin C in treating colds is mixed, sufficient research suggests that taking vitamin C supplementation can shorten the duration and reduce the severity of cold symptoms." But if you're thinking about relying on Vitamin C supplements, Dr. Stanford is less likely to encourage you to take them because they haven't been proven "to be effective in preventing common cold symptoms."

She also doesn't think you should take elderberry as if that'll also fight off a viral infection. "Elderberry is not effective in preventing colds, and evidence is insufficient to suggest that it is effective in treating the common cold," she explains.

Do you recommend relying on Emergen-C to help combat cold symptoms?

So, what's the verdict on taking Emergen-C once it's confirmed you have a viral cold? The brand has several products that range from gummies to drink mixes, all aimed at supporting your immune system — but does that mean they're safe to take? According to Dr. Purdy, they are! "Emergen-C contains Vitamin C which is great for a good and healthy immune system and recovery. It also contains other good for you ingredients that help with your immune system like vitamin E and Zinc."

However, it's valid to want to know if there's a difference between Zicam and Emergen-C. According to Dr. Stanford, there is! "Similar to Vitamin C, evidence suggests that zinc may be effective in reducing the duration and severity of cold symptoms, but it is less likely to be effective in preventing the common cold," she explains. Plainly put, think of the two like this:

• Zicam = Zinc
• Emergen-C = Vitamin C

She even says, "Studies suggest taking both zinc and vitamin C could be beneficial!"

Can certain teas help soothe sore throats associated with colds?

Drinking warm tea can help alleviate cold symptoms, though you shouldn't think they're your only defense against viral infections. In conjunction with cold medicines, "throat coat teas really help soothe inflammation and help manage symptoms," says Dr. Purdy. The reason for this is that most "throat support products are indicated to ameliorate sore throat and similar symptoms, often by numbing agents, temperature, and other factors," Dr. Stanford explains. In short, don't be afraid to use tea as a form of hydration while you're sick!

Dr. Purdy says other things you can use to help alleviate your symptoms are a humidifier, nasal spray, and drops. Take it a step further by taking a "steam shower" to "provide some much needed relief."

Shop Emergen-C, Zicam, & Throat Coat Teas

Emergenc-C 1000mg Vitamin C Daily Immune Support

Zicam with Echinacea and Sambucus, Homeopathic Zinc

Traditional Medicinals Throat Coat Original With Slippery Elm

Yogi Honey Lemon Throat Comfort

Mac Duggal Halter Rosette Satin Maxi Dress

Ooh, so sultry! This satin maxi dress features a cheeky open back design that pairs perfectly with a flattering halter neckline. The big rosette decal on the front recalls Valentine's Day blooms in the cutest way.

RIXO Ardith Check Midi Slip Skirt

With bits of red and pink, this plaid midi skirt would be so sweet for a more casual V-Day date alongside an oversized sweater and some ballet flats.

Dolce Vita Linsey Heels

These deep red satin heels with pairs of rosettes on the straps are everything. They'd work well with a mini dress and blazer for a fun V-Day 'fit, though you could also easily wear 'em year-round with dress pants and a formal blouse.

Lace Rosette Tulle Tights

These floral tights will instantly upgrade any Valentine's Day get-up, especially if you plan on wearing a coordinating mini dress or skirt – they're meant to be seen!

By Anthropologie Colorblock Column Midi Dress

The bold color blocking on this midi dress is playful enough that you can wear the piece alone. It'll look great whether you dress it up with heels, or down with some comfy sneakers.

The Giselle Lace Bustier

If you feel like really dressing up this year, this lacy bustier top adds a very sexy-yet-elegant vibe. Pair it with some black slacks or a black skirt, then layer up with a sleek cardigan or jacket.

The Tilda Maxi Slip Skirt

When it doubt, red it out. The color is V-Day's perfect match, and this comfy maxi slip skirt makes donning it so easy. You can style it however you please – we'd rock it with a tucked-in graphic tee, a denim jacket, and some sneakers.

Coconuts by Matisse Florence Kitten Heels

Kitten heels will always be a winner in our book. This sleek pair features a tiny heel height, pointed toes, and eye-catching paneling with mixed materials. They'll instantly complete your Valentine's Day outfit!

Reformation Tancy Midi Dress

Reformation kills it when it comes to dresses. This one's dotted in tiny hearts to fit right in with Valentine's season. The sweetheart neckline is ultimately super flattering, plus the midi length of the piece gives you ample coverage so you can wear it to a variety of plans, from dates to Galentine's parties!

Endless Rose Sequin Mini Skirt

This fiery and feisty number is a statement piece all on its own. Wear it with a more toned-down black top and some tall black boots to complete the look!

The Kenna Mid-Rise Heritage Barrel Jeans by Pilcro: Valentine's Day Edition

These ever-trendy barrel jeans are adorned with subtle heart illustrations, so they're a perfect fit for the lovey-dovey holiday.

ALOHAS Tb.490 Rife Sneakers

Yes, yes, and yes! These pink sneaks detailed with some bits of red practically scream Valentine's Day. The mix of suede on the upper and the rubber soles is so cute.

The Hannah Seamless Textured Tank

This tank boasts a floral texture that makes it a great base layer for any V-Day 'fits you're planning. The red is the obvious choice for Feb. 14, though you can also shop this piece in 8 more colors!

Endless Rose Off-The-Shoulder Knit Mini Dress

We looove an off-the-shoulder moment. The knit material on this piece will keep you warm, but the silhouette still allows you to show a lil' skin.

Beach Riot Monterey Quarter-Zip Sweater

How cutesy is this sweater?! It's the perfect casual V-Day piece if your plans this year are simply to stay in and bake some delicious treats.

Maeve Bow Lace Turtleneck Top

This top was made for layering. Whether you wear just a bralette or a full-on tank under it, the sheer pattern boasts some adorable bows that feel extremely appropriate for the V-Day season!

Bibi Lou Bonnie Slingback Buckle Detail Heels

We can't get enough of these eye-catching heels. The bold buckle, block heel, and slingback strap instantly qualify them as a total "it girl" shoe for Valentine's Day.