A Guide to Dealing With Flaky Friends

Lindsay Burgess
Apr 21, 2018

Flaking out on a friend used to be the stuff of major TV drama: One character would be left alone with a group project or prom dress appointment, while their absent pal accepted an impromptu date with someone cooler. Usually, the flaky friend would remember the plan they’d ditched just a little too late and promptly rush to their BFF’s side. After talking through their underlying relationship issues, the friends would end up closer than ever.

In real life, flakiness is more frustrating than dramatic — and unfortunately, it’s rarely a catalyst for relationship growth. Whether you’re the “flaker” or the “flakee” (or, like most of us, you have experience on both sides), this behavior can cause a lot of stress. Here’s how to preserve your mental health (and your friendship) when flakiness gets in the way.

Practice Empathy

1. If You’re theFlakee: Your friend cancels plans at the last second, shows up late or not at all, and avoids messages across all platforms. It feels personal — but is there a chance that they’re dealing with their own problems?

“Sometimes when people are feeling down or low they think it’s better not to be social,” says Jasmin Terrany, LMHC, a therapist who specializes in supporting professional women being successful in their personal lives. “They don’t want to put their ‘heaviness’ on somebody else.” And if your friend is struggling with a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety, reaching out might feel physically impossible.

Couples’ counselor and psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher offers another mental-health-based explanation: “They may have untreated ADHD,” he says. “In relationships, this can come out as being chronically late, canceling last minute, or forgetting about the plans altogether.” For those who have lived with ADHD symptoms since childhood — especially without a diagnosis to put those symptoms into perspective — they might be experiencing additional feelings of negativity and low self-worth associated with their so-called flaky behavior.

Instead of taking your friend’s actions to heart, try to understand what might be going on below the surface. Terrany points out that when someone is caught up in negative feelings or insecurities, they may not be able to fully gauge how their actions affect others. “There’s a good chance this person is your friend because they are a good person, so the assumption should never be that they are intentionally blowing you off because they don’t care about you,” she says.

2. If You’re the Flaker: You’re exhausted from work and have a backlog of laundry, and just thinking about a mojito-fueled happy hour with your bestie makes your bones ache. You don’t *want* to cancel — again — but you just really, seriously can’t. Besides, is it really that bad to give your friend the chance to have a relaxing night in?

“What the flaky friend doesn’t realize is that their behavior can really hurt,” says marriage and family therapist Heidi McBain, MA, LMFT, LPC, RPT. “So the other person might feel sad or depressed because they don’t feel cared for or they may feel worried and anxious that their friend might not show up.”

When you feel comfortable in a relationship, it’s easy to assume you’ll always be forgiven. But the more often you hurt someone, the harder it gets for them to recover. Over time, emotional baggage might start weighing down your friendship.

Of course, there might also be times when, after a tough day at the office, your BFF is on the same page as you are — even hoping you flake out first! But don’t discount the possibility that they really need this time with you. And if you want to stay in because you’re feeling low, try to be honest about it. Give your friend the opportunity to be there for you, whether that means showing up on your doorstep to wash a week’s worth of dishes, or binging old episodes of Gilmore Girls via FaceTime.

Work on Communication

1. If You’re the Flakee: Sure, no one wants to be the friend with no chill. But if your friend’s flakiness is affecting you, then you owe it to the relationship to call them on their *ish.

“Make sure not to use the word ‘Why?'” says Terrany. “When we ask a question starting with ‘why,’ it makes the other person feel defensive. It’s more important to ask with love and curiosity and the assumption there is a deeper reason that isn’t personal to you.”

Fisher advises giving your friend the benefit of the doubt. “Then, discuss together what the options are for compromising or modifying this pattern moving forward,” he says.

2. If You’re the Flaker: If you notice yourself acting flaky, own up to it. Even if you’re not immediately able to break the habit, just acknowledging that you’re aware of your own behavior goes a long way.

Admitting what’s going on can also be a huge step for your own mental health, allowing you to start working towards an action plan to remedy this pattern.

Know Where to Draw The Line

1. If You’re the Flakee: At a certain point, if your friend’s behavior feels hurtful or stressful, or harms your self-esteem, you need to put your own well-being first.

McBain suggests reflecting on the relationship as a whole. “[You] need to really look at the friendship and figure out what [you] are getting out of it and if it’s positively or negatively impacting [your] life,” she says.

If your feelings about the relationship are more positive than negative, you could try changing the way you interact with your friend. McBain suggests lowering your expectations, making plans at your home, and assuming that your friend won’t come through if they don’t respond to a call an hour before your plans.

But if you’ve run out of good will, it’s okay to focus your energy on relationships that feel more equitable. “It’s important to cultivate several friendships beyond them so you’re not dependent on their consistency to feel good about yourself,” says Fisher.

2. If You’re the Flaker: If you notice yourself canceling plans regularly, take a step back. Is this an issue across the board, or do you tend to avoid certain people more than others? Are you withdrawing from weekly get-togethers with your bestie to prioritize something else, like work or a dude? As the expression goes, actions speak louder than words — and sometimes we need to listen and learn from them.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with putting your job first or getting caught up in a new relationship, but make sure you know what balance looks like for you. That might mean working more late nights than your friends can understand and sacrificing cocktails in favor of laundry — and that’s totally alright. But you also have to be real with yourself so you don’t end up scheduling commitments you can’t keep.

Have you worked through a flaky friendship? Tell us about it at @BritandCo!

(Photo via Getty)

11 Obvious Signs You’re Actually An Empath, According To A Therapist

You and your friends have likely spent countless hours together, decoding everything from imaginationships to the best comfort shows to watch when you're sad. You've probably even settled into a designated role within the group. Maybe you're the super adventurous one, always suggesting friend date ideas for the group to try, while someone else always knows how to comfort everyone when life gets rough. But, have you ever wondered if you're the most empathetic friend in the group? That's easy, just ask Brianna Paruolo, LCMCH. She's the founder and clinical director of On Par Therapyso she knows how to recognize signs you're an empath, plus how to take care of yourself!

How To Know If You're An Empath

  • Empathy is when "you feel what others are feeling."
  • There are physical, emotional, social, and mental signs that you're an empath.
  • You may be an empath if you get physically exhausted after being in crowds, feel anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments, feel responsible for other people's happiness, or you find it hard to distinguish your own feelings from someone else's.

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Gary Barnes

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

cottonbro studio

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

Yaroslav Shuraev

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

  • Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
  • Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
  • Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

  • Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
  • Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
  • Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

  • Feeling responsible for others' happiness
  • Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

  • Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
  • Being highly attuned to body language and tone
  • Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

Mikhail Nilov

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

cottonbro studio

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

Kaboompics.com

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

Vitaly Gariev

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

We have even more self-care stories for you to dive into if you need a mental and emotional boost!

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Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie FINALLY Reunite In Hilarious 'Paris & Nicole: The Encore' Trailer

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie created reality TV gold when The Simple Life debuted in 2003. Their antics were outlandish, but we couldn't help repeating their iconic phrases like "That's hot" or "Sanasa" during random moments in our own lives.

It's no secret the two didn't really act that way, but their 'characters' left a huge mark on a generation of millennials. "I knew what I was doing but the whole world didn’t, so it was kind of frustrating to me to be perceived in that way because it’s not who I am at all," Paris told People.

Even though she may have felt judged, it seems that Paris Hilton realizes how many people actually loved The Simple Life because she and Nicole Richie are teaming up to film a reunion special that'll debut on Peacock as we speak! Here's everything we know so far!

When did speculations about 'The Simple Life' reboot begin?

NBCUniversal Media

Peacock first shared a video clip on Instagram that hinted something special involving Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie is coming in May. A nostalgic TV set with a black and white screen can be seen while our favorite duo's voices can be hearing saying, "Sanasa, Sanasa."

Peacock captioned the post, "New Era. Same Besties. Coming soon to Peacock," and fans could barely contain their excitement. Even celebs like Naomi Campbell and Katy Perry commented on these hot vibes.

Bravo

Then Paris Hilton took to her own Instagram to share more about what fans could expect. She said, "As some of you may know, we are doing a reunion special to celebrate 20 years of our show The Simple Life and it's been so much fun."

Actress Selma Blair shared how much she's looking forward to this by commenting that she's "living for this."

So are we!

What was 'The Simple Life' about?

The Simple Life/20th Century Fox

The Simple Life showed Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as they basically traded their wealthy lifestyles for 'everyday' living. Cameras followed them from fast food jobs to dealing with getting out of sticky situations they'd supposedly never experienced. Needless to say, it was hilarious, iconic, and instant reality TV gold.

How long was 'The Simple Life' on air?

Peter Kramer/Getty Images

The Simple Life was on air from 2003 to 2007 with five successful seasons. It seemed like it wasn't going to be hit at first, but it defied expectations. By how much you ask?

According to reporting from The Cut, somewhere around 13 million viewers tuned in to watch Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's oddball take on daily life. That's a pretty huge deal if you ask us!

When will 'Paris & Nicole: The Encore' debut?

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Paris & Nicole: The Encore will premiere on Peacock December 12! The two were previously seen at a Sonic drive-thru yesterday so it can be assumed filming is underway (via People)!

Sporting partial Sonic uniforms, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie added accent pieces that match their signature flairs. Paris wore a pair of reflective sunglasses, silver sequin heels, and added a pink flip phone to front of her blue apron. Nicole wore gold hoops and a pair of slingback pumps alongside her hotdog mascot costume. That's hot (dog).

How does Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie feel about reuniting for a reunion special?

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Paris Hilton has expressed how much she loves to be sharing the screen with Nicole Richie again. "I'm so excited to be doing this with Nicole on Peacock. Nicole has been my best friend since we're 2 years old, every memory that I have is with her," (via E! News).

Nicole also posted a few throwback moments from The Simple Life on her Instagram, but the most notable one is the video mashup of them singing "Sanasa, Sanasa" over and over. "20 years ago, not only did we become television stars… we became song writers. Happy Anniversary Sill @parishilton#TheSimpleLife#sannnasaaaaa" she wrote in the caption.

What have Paris and Nicole said about their reunion special?

Peacock

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie sat down with W Magazine to let the world know the Paris & Nicole: The Encore show is on its way! Not only that, but fans can expect to see an Opera version of the show they fell in love with two decades ago. Paris said, "The idea of the opera was unexpected" while Nicole chimed in with, "What people need, even though they don't know it yet, is for 'Sanasa' to be an opera.'"

The two besties came up with the idea via a series of texts that started off as ideas between them. Nicole said everything "came up organically" for the two and we can only imagine the memories this brought up for them. OG influencer Paris even talked about how The Simple Life was an "important show in pop culture history" and we couldn't agree more!

Nicole truly wants people to enjoy themselves while watching Paris & Nicole: The Encore and "find the same joy" she had while filming it. According to Paris, she feels what they have is "magic" because "there's just so much history behind it."

It's not every day that you can get to have fun with your best friend while coming up with long-lasting memories that contribute to pop culture, but Paris and Nicole have always danced to the beat of their own drums.

Now we get to catch a glimpse of them in the official trailer for Paris & Nicole: The Encore! Watch it below:

The Official Trailer For 'Paris & Nicole: The Encore'

www.youtube.com

- YouTube

It starts off with Paris looking over at Nicole while saying, "I missed you, Bill" to which Nicole responds, "I missed you, Sill." The love and history shown in the first five seconds made my heart smile because I can't believe they're really back together onscreen.

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This post has been updated.

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13 Quick & Easy Ways To Calm Down When You’re Stressed Out

Lately, we've been faced with anxiety everywhere we turn. It's okay if (like us), you don't always know how to deal with the toughest of times, especially when the tough times never seem to end. If you are feeling that way, we're right there with you! Our team has always shared the ways we cope with our personal stressors over the years, and we wanna share these quick and easy tips for how to calm down with you! Keep reading for our recommendations — hopefully they can help the next time you're feeling anxious.

Thirdman

Intentional Thoughts

I'm someone who has a hard time letting things go; I can agonize over one thought or situation for days! Because of this, I focus a lot on taking thoughts captive, which just means pinpointing anxious thoughts and replacing them with what I know is true.

When I have an anxious thought, I do a creative visualization exercise in which I imagine it's inside a bubble floating over my head. Then I slam an imaginary door over the memory and lock it. Then the bubble explodes and the thought doesn't exist anymore. It's not necessarily pretending like it never happened, but it does allow me to exercise some control over what I allow myself to spend time and energy thinking about.

—Choe Williams, Entertainment Editor

Mikhail Nilov

Breathing Techniques

My mom is a Pre-K teacher and suggested I try the breathing exercises she does with her kids who are just four years old (I'm 31 for context). The first is called Mountain Breathing, which entails holding up your hand and tracing the outline of your fingers. As you climb up the mountain (or your finger), inhale, and as you trace down into the valley between your fingers, exhale. Another breathing visualization she recommends is as you inhale, imagine yourself breathing in to smell the flowers, and exhale to blow out a candle. These little imaginative scenarios help me get out of my head and focus on my breathing when I need a little reset throughout the day.

Hammock Swinging

Whenever I'm feeling super stressed, I head for the hammock I setup in my front yard. Just as rocking can soothe babies, swinging in a hammock is a powerful soother for adults too! I feel super chilled afterwards and am usually getting some Vitamin D while I'm at it for a win-win.

Painting

During the pandemic, I revisited arts and crafts with soft pastels. I started mixing the colors and doing gradient shadings on card stock with my hands, and it proved to be a super meditative way to decompress. The end result is DIY art you can share or pin on your fridge or wall.

—Alison Ives, Head Of Content

KoolShooters

Breathing Techniques

Nothing calms me down quite like alternate-nostril breathing. I first learned about this technique in my yoga classes, but the practice (called Nadi Shodhana in Sanskrit) dates back to the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, which was thought to be written sometime between 200 BC and 200 CE. Put simply, you sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and cover one nostril while you breathe in through the other. Then, you switch which nostril you're holding closed, and breathe out. In modern times, the connection between vagal nerve tone (which is correlated with anxiety and emotional regulation) and alternate-nostril breathing is becoming more and more mainstream, which may eventually help us better understand why this practice is so naturally calming.

Tarot Reading

Tarot can mean a lot of different things to different people. For me, I use tarot cards as a method to help me understand what lessons I'm learning at any given time. This has allowed me to view stressors in my life as learning experiences, which has helped me stay calm in numerous crises. I personally like to light some incense or a scented candle, sit quietly, and pull a card to see what resonates. That said, tarot and its associated images and meanings can be scary or triggering if you don't have a deep and gentle understanding of what the cards mean. I recommend Lindsay Mack's classes and podcasts for anyone who wants to learn about tarot in a non-judgemental, non-predictive, trauma-informed way.

—Maggie McCracken, Former Senior Editor

Gustavo Fring

Sensory Accessories

My recent ways of coping/de-stressing have primarily been spiky sensory finger rings, which are a huge help when I need to get something done and can't stop my day to destress. I grab one of these guys which I have all over the place (most of my jacket pockets + purses), and it helps to calm me down and reset my focus.

Meditation On The Move

Another thing I do that I am trying to integrate into my daily routine is guided meditation walks. As someone who hasn't mastered sitting meditation I've found some on Headspace that I'm enjoying that are specifically for going on a walk through a city.

—Claire Shadomy, Former Graphic Designer

Kate Branch

Baths...

In times of high stress, or after a long day, my go-to is always a candle-lit bath soak. I put a large scoop of Epsom salts in the tub with a few drops of my favorite essential oil and place tea lights all around the tub. It’s like my secret getaway from the rest of the world. I always make a point to leave my phone in the other room too so I utilize the time to just relax in silence. Water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body's “rest and digest” response. It always gets my heart rate and blood pressure down.

...And Sound Baths

Sound baths are a meditative experience where you’re “bathed” in sound waves. I love to watch them online but you can also create your own experience. I find meditating with a singing bowl so relaxing. It can take a little practice, but once you’ve nailed the hand movement, it’s an interactive way to ease stress and channel your focus elsewhere.

—Allison Cimo, Former Social Media Manager

Brady Knoll

Take A Hike

Pretty much every day in 2020 I walked the trails near my house and I started to pick up a small rock each time. I'd fidget with it while I cleared my mind and let nature calm my nerves. I would throw the rock back into nature after my hike and it felt like a release for all of my worries.

Bedtime Music

My daughter and I listen to Doze sleep music on Headspace before we go to bed. It calms her late-night zoomies (and mine) and gets her to sleep in minutes!

—Theresa Gonzalez, Branded Content Editor

Anastasia Shuraeva

Journaling

What I use for my anxiety is the Intelligent Change Five Minute Journal. I have a safe word in place for when I feel myself spiraling or I'm not able to control my thoughts and breathing.

—Brittney Davis, Account Manager

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This post has been updated.

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16 Gifts Under $15 That Will Still Impress Your Bougie Friends

Who says thoughtful gifts have to come with a hefty price tag? With a little creativity (and even more searching online), you can find some pretty neat gifts under $15 that are sure to impress. These budget-friendly finds pack a big personality into a small price.

Check out the 16 best gifts under $15:

These are our top favorite gifts under $15!

Anthropologie

Anthropologie Bistro Tile Monogram Mug

Nothing beats a personalized gift. Even if it's just their initial on a stylish mug like this one, they're gonna love it. Morning coffees will never be the same!

Anthropologie

Daily Practice Athletic Icon Socks

These socks will allow your giftee to truly start their day off with a smile. They're perfect for workouts, walks, or even just lazy days spent at home.

Flewd

Flewd Ache-Erasing Bath Soak

This bath soak is specially designed to work out and relieve tight knots in muscles and achy joints – the perfect gift under $15 for your pals who are always nagging about their back pain.

Amazon

Compendium ThoughtFulls Pop-Open Cards

This deck of thoughtful pop-open cards delivers 30 different inspiring messages that are sure to brighten anyone's day.

Amazon

Tony's Chocolonely Chocolate Bar Variety Pack

This sustainably-made chocolate that comes in cheery rainbow packaging is an instant boost (sugar rush included) for anyone's holiday season. You could even divide up this 6-pack among different family members and friends for a tasty stocking stuffer.

Anthropologie

Capri Blue Mini Volcano Hand Cream

This stuff smells like heaven. Now, with this travel-size tube, they can take Capri Blue's iconic Volcano scent anywhere.

Urban Outfitters

Craighill Wilson Brass Keyring

For the always put-together and design forward, this brass keyring pushes the boundaries of what you thought you knew about carabiners.

Subscribe to our newsletter for more iconic gift ideas!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

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OMG, Tom Holland Wants To Start A Family With Zendaya "Sooner Rather Than Later"

If I'm completely honest, there are very few celebrity couples I care about the way I care about Tom Holland and Zendaya. Aside from the fact this couple is like a walking friends-to-lovers plotline IRL, and are both power houses on their own, these two actors and philanthropists are just unstoppable together. They also keep their relationship pretty private, so here's the latest news on it.

Here's everything you need to know about Hollywood It-couple Tom Holland & Zendaya.

Tom Holland And Zendaya's Relationship Timeline

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

July 2016 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Join Spider-Man: Homecoming

Tom Holland and Zendaya met and became friends when they were cast in the MCU's Spider-Man: Homecoming. Tom had already made an appearance in Captain America: Civil War, but the new Spider-Man movie was a huge deal for both Marvel fans and the couple themselves! Not only did Tom Holland and Zendaya spend time together on set, but they also hung out at the pool together during their free timeand goofed around during San Diego Comic Con.

Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

November 2016 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Are On The Cover Of The Hollywood Reporter

Tom Holland and Zendaya basically broke the internet when they graced the cover of The Hollywood Reporter's Nov. 2016 issue. The shoot was filled with plenty of classic Hollywood throwbacks, but I have always *loved* the blue dress Z wears on the cover. "Over the moon with my first cover," Tom writes on Instagram. "So grateful that I got to share it with the one and only @zendaya. Thanks mate for helping me out."

"Honored to share it with the very best...Spider-Man himself @tomholland2013," Zendaya says in her post. "Thank you for this beautiful cover @THR."

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

May 7, 2017 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Attend The MTV Movie And TV Awards

At the 2017 MTV Movie And TV Awards, Tom Holland and Zendaya premiered a clip from Spider-Man: Homecoming...and Tom did a flip onstage and then asked Zendaya to homecoming.

Robert Marquardt/Getty Images for Sony Pictures

July 13, 2017 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Are Reportedly Dating

In July 2017, a source seemingly confirmed what many fans had been wondering for months: that Tom Holland and Zendaya had been dating. Considering the two other sets of Spider-Man leads (Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst and Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield) both dated, it felt like this was one relationship that was bound to happen.

"They started seeing each other while they were filming Spider-Man," the insider tells People. "They've been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they've gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another."

"They're both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up," says another insider. "They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together."

Tom Holland and Zendaya actually took to Twitter (now X) to tackle the rumors. "Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven't been on a vacation in years!" Zendaya says, to which Tomreplies, "Does the press tour count[?]"

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

August 8, 2017 — Zendaya Shuts Down Dating Rumors

"We are friends," Zendaya tells Variety. "He's a great dude. He's literally one of my best friends. This past how many months we've had to do press tours together. There's very few people that will understand what that's like at 20 years old."

Noam Galai/Getty Images for New York Magazine

May 8, 2018 — Tom Holland Supports Zendaya's Iconic Met Gala Appearance

Zendaya showed up to the 2018 Met Gala (which had the theme Heavenly Bodies) as Joan of Arc, and it's quickly become one of her most iconic and recognizable carpet looks. Tom loved it just as much as we did and wrote on Instagram, "All hail the queen. Killing it mate."

Theo Wargo/Getty Images

July 2019 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Have A Very Chaotic Press Tour For Spider-Man: Far From Home

For Spider-Man: Far From Home in 2019, Tom Holland, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon did dozens of junkets together, and many of the interviews have gone viral — like Tom and Jacob finally meeting their favorite Watch Mojo hostandthe cast playing games with Jimmy Kimmel. Junkets are always fun to watch, and this one is no exception!

Cindy Ord/Getty Images for SiriusXM

July 2, 2021 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Are Seen Kissing

After years of denying they were dating, Tom Holland and Zendaya really and truly broke the internet when pictures of them kissing in a car showed up on social media. This was such a vital moment that I remember exactly where I was when I found out.

"THEY ARE END GAME DREAM COUPLE," one X user tweeted. "I don't know if I want to be Tom Holland to kiss Zendaya or be Zendaya to kiss Tom Holland," another user joked.

Tom Holland and Zendaya were later seen attending a friend's wedding...and sitting very close to each other.

Tom Holland/Instagram

September 1, 2021 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Make Their Relationship Instagram Official

On Zendaya's 25th birthday, Tom Holland posted the sweetest picture from the Spider-Man makeup trailer on Instagram. "My MJ, have the happiest of birthdays," he says in the caption. "Gimme a call when [you're] up xxx."

Michael Loccisano/Getty Images

November 17, 2021 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Open Up About Their Relationship

In an interview with GQ, Tom Holland opened up about his relationship with Zendaya and how their relationship to fame has impacted everything. "One of the downsides of our fame is that privacy isn’t really in our control anymore, and a moment that you think is between two people that love each other very much is now a moment that is shared with the entire world,” he says of their July 2 kiss. “I’ve always been really adamant to keep my private life private, because I share so much of my life with the world anyway...We sort of felt robbed of our privacy.”

“It was quite strange and weird and confusing and invasive,” Zendaya agrees. “I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a special thing and something that you want to deal with and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two people that love each other."

“Our relationship is something that we are incredibly protective of and we want to keep as sacred as possible," Tom later told The Hollywood Reporter. "We don’t think that we owe it to anyone, it’s our thing, and it has nothing to do with our careers.”

Emma McIntyre/Getty Images

December 15, 2021 — Zendaya Posts A Tribute To Tom Holland As Spider-Man

Before Spider-Man: No Way Home hit theaters, Zendaya posted a pair of photos featuring Tom in his superhero costume on set, and in a costume as a kid. "My Spider-Man," the caption reads. "I’m so proud of you, some things never change and good thing♥️." Adorable!

Aurelien Meunier/Getty Images

February 22, 2022 — Tom Holland Says He'd Love To Be In Euphoria

Zendaya shattered records when she became the youngest person to win the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series for Rue in Euphoria. Tom also made headlines related to Euphoria when he said he'd be interested in making a cameo in the series. "I would be in Euphoria. I think I would be a really good Maddy," he jokes during a BuzzFeed puppy interview. "I'm a big Euphoria fan. I love the show and I love season 2. I visited a lot while they were shooting it and I really, really enjoyed it...I would love to guest star or just be an extra in it. Or maybe I am and you just don't know."

Momodu Mansaray/Getty Images

April 20, 2022 — Zendaya Talks About Tom Holland's Support During Euphoria

"I think it's great to have that support and love around you, because you need that," Zendaya tells Entertainment Tonightduring Euphoria's Emmy For Your Consideration event. "This isn't an easy job, so it's good to have that to free you up from it every now and then."

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME and Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

June 1, 2022 — Zendaya Celebrates Tom Holland's Birthday

For Tom's 26th birthday, Zendaya posted a rare photo of her with Tom, captioning the post, "Happiest of birthdays to the one who makes me the happiest <3."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

March 20, 2023 — Zendaya Wears A Ring With Tom Holland's Initials

I am always in favor of cute, meaningful, and minimalist jewelry, and apparently, Zendaya is too! When Zendaya's nail artist posted a video of the actress' new ballet pink manicure, fans quickly noticed the "TH" ring Z was wearing.

Ethan Miller/Getty Images

April 27, 2023 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Go To An Usher Concert

2023 was the year of concerts for everyone, including celebrities! While Zendaya attended CinemaCon to promote Dune 2, she also went to an Usher concert with Tom Holland. "Childhood dreams come true, going to an @usher concert," Zendaya said on her Instagram story (via People).

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images and Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

May 4, 2023 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Attend An NBA Game

Tom Holland and Zendaya had another date night in May, complete with the perfect athleisure, popcorn, and relaxed smiles.

Xavi Torrent/Getty Images

January 12, 2024 — Tom Holland Confirms His Relationship With Zendaya Is Still Going Strong

After Zendaya unfollowed everyone on Instagram ahead of her new movie Challengers (Blake Lively pulled a similar move before her film A Simple Favor, as did Taylor Swift before Reputation), rumors started swirling that the pair had called it quits. When asked whether they had broken up, Tom says (via TMZ), "No, absolutely not."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

January 14, 2024 — Tom Holland Says He Loves Watching Spider-Man: Homecoming With Zendaya

During the 2024 Critics Choice Awards, Tom Holland told Extra how much he loves rewatching his first Spider-Man movie, especially when he watches it with Z. "Zendaya and I will, every now and then, watch Spider-Man 1 and reminisce about being 19 and making those movies again," he says. "I love those movies, and I love savoring those moments, so I try not to watch them as often as I would maybe like to because it’s so special. It's such a luxury, such a gift to be able to sit down and sort of relive your youth.”

Tom Holland/Instagram

January 23, 2024 — Tom Holland Shows Zendaya Some Love

Since Tom Holland and Zendaya are very private, they don't often post about their relationship on social media. But when Zendaya debuted a new look at Paris Fashion Week, Tom Holland couldn't help but post a pic of Z to his Instagram story with three heart-eye emojis. We share the same sentiment, Tom, what a coincidence!

Joe Maher/Getty Images

February 15, 2023 — Tom Holland Supports Zendaya's Dune 2

The London premiere of Dune 2 was very eventful. Zendaya basically broke the internet by wearing a Mugler "Machinenmensch" robot suit (before changing into this chic black dress from Mugler by Casey Cadwallader), a certain actress spoiled her appearance in the movie by showing up to the carpet, and Tom Holland and Zendaya were spotted at the afterparty together. I love the care and attention Tom shows Zendaya (I, too, would be overwhelmed if I was surrounded by paparazzi like in this video of the couple), and I hope they got to unwind after a crazy night!

Tom Holland/Instagram

February 21, 2024 — Tom Holland Also Supports Zendaya's Challengers

After the new trailer for Challengers dropped, Tom Holland shared it to his Instagram story, promising the movie looks just as good as we're hoping. "You ain't ready for this one!" he says alongside the trailer.

Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

February 21, 2024 — Zendaya Says Tom Holland Has The Best "Rizz"

When asked who has the best "rizz" (short for charisma) in the Dune 2 cast, Zendaya immediately pivots and makes the answer more personal! "Everybody's kind of got their own [rizz]," she tells Buzzfeed. "I think someone who has beautiful charisma, not on the Dune cast, but...it works for me, is Mr. Tom Holland."

"I'm more shy and kind of quiet, so it takes a little bit more to pull me out of my shell but he's great at just talking to people and getting to know people," she continues. "He's just naturally very good at that. Or as for me, I've definitely had to pull it out of me a little bit. He's got that natural gift."

Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

March 17, 2024 — Tom Holland And Zendaya Watch A Tennis Game

Ahead of Zendaya's spring movie Challengers (in which she plays a tennis pro-turned-coach opposite Mike Faist and Josh O'Connor), she watched the BNP Paribas Open Men's Final at Indian Wells Tennis Garden. Alongside Tom Holland and her assistant Darnell Appling, who she frequently calls her brother, Zendaya got comfy in a cream-colored tennis skirt, tank top, and zip-up hoodie ensemble. Spring really is here!! My favorite part of the afternoon is when Tom Holland and Zendaya sang along with Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."

James Gourley/Getty Images

April 9, 2024 — Zendaya Raves About Tom Holland

In her Vogue cover story for May 2024, Zendaya talks a lot about how fame has affected both her life and Tom Holland's. “His [career] changed overnight. One day you’re a kid and you’re at the pub with your friends, and then the next day you’re Spider-Man,” she says. “I definitely watched his life kind of change in front of him. But he handled it really beautifully.”

That star power was evident in 2022, when Tom Holland and Zendaya spent the afternoon at the Louvre in Paris...and almost broke the internet. “You just kind of get used to the fact that, 'Oh, I’m also one of these art pieces you’re going to take a picture of. I just gotta be totally cool with it and just live my life,'" Zendaya continues. (She also says that when the museum let them walk around after-hours, "it was like Night at the Museum.”)

This spring, Zendaya can't wait to see Tom Holland in his London production of Romeo & Juliet: "[I] could not be more proud. I’m going to try to see as many shows as I possibly can.”

Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images

April 10, 2024 — Challengers Premieres In London

Tom Holland showed up for the London premiere of Challengers, and got to support Zendaya in the sweetest way. In this video captured at the premiere, you can see Tom and Z share a hug and a kiss on the cheek during the evening. Even the smallest gesture can mean a lot during a busy night, and I love how in sync Tom Holland and Zendaya are!

The latest viral clip about Tom Holland and Zendaya also has to do with Challengers. During another Challengers press tour stop, Zendaya's overjoyed to be presented with a bouquet of gardenias. “These are my favorite flowers!” she exclaims. When asked if Tom Holland buys her flowers, she points at the camera and jokes, “I hope he's watching!”

While not every girlfriend necessarily wants a bouquet, every couple definitely has to figure out each other's love languages so they can get to know each other better — and apparently A-listers are the exact same!

Arnold Jerocki/Getty Images for LVMH x Vogue x NBC

August 31, 2024 — Zendaya And Tom Holland Match On A Day Date

After a summer starring in Romeo and Juliet, Tom Holland took a late-summer stroll with Zendaya in Calabasas, California. They also ended up wearing matching white tanks (Zendaya styled hers with trousers and ballet flats, while Tom opted for cargo-esque joggers and white sneakers) for the ultimate twinning moment.

Bero

October 15, 2024 — Tom Holland Launches A New Company With Unexpected Help From Zendaya

After going sober in 2022, Tom Holland announced on October 15 he was launching a non-alcoholic drink company called Bero. “When I got sober, I started exploring the world of non-alcoholic beers and realized there was space for me to fit in,” Tom says in an interview with Forbes. “My first year sober was really difficult, and had I had Bero, I think it would have been easier.”

“Zendaya hates beer, like, absolutely hates beer," he continues. And when she helped with the taste testing, a joke helped guide the overall brand. "She does not drink beer at all, and the first round of testing she was like, ‘Wow, these are really tasty’, and I was like, ‘Well, that's probably not a good sign.'"

And at the launch event for Bero in New York City, Tom and Zendaya wore matching shades of burgundy! Z stunned in a floor-length leather dress while Tom paired a short sleeve sweater with black trousers.

On

October 15, 2024 — Zendaya Reveals Why She'd Never Take A Dance Class With Tom Holland

While speaking to Teen Vogue for her partnership with On, Zendaya reveals she'd probably avoid dance classes with Tom Holland because "he's too good, it would piss me off," she jokes. "I would want to take someone who could be equally as bad as me."

"Kayaking, I would choose Tom because I think that, if I can remember correctly, with the kayak, you have to be in sync with the person," she continues. "And I think it would be hilarious because we are both very controlling and we both want to be in charge. So it would be funny to watch us be like, no, we're going to go this way. No, we're going to go that way. And I think it would be a good story after the fact."

October 31, 2024 — Tom Holland Reveals Googling Zendaya Eases His Anxiety

While appearing on an episode of Samah Dada’s On the Menu podcast, Tom Holland spoke about how protective he gets over Zendaya, which, if you ask me, is pretty clear after that viral video of her getting swarmed by paparazzi — and him physically getting in the middle.

“I’m not on socials, and I delete [the apps] when I’m not using [them],” he tells Samah. “So sometimes I — it’s more of a bit of an anxiety thing...I just give it a little Google, look [through] the news, and I’m like, ‘She’s good. We’re fine.'"

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

November 13, 2024 — Zendaya Reveals Working With Tom Holland Is "Like Second Nature"

In Vanity Fair's new Hollywood 2025 issue, Zendaya opened up on what it's like to work with her partner, and reveals "it’s actually strangely comfortable."

"It’s like second nature, if anything," she says. "You feel extra safe with the person you’re acting beside. I love working with him. He’s so talented, and so passionate about what he does. He always gives things one thousand percent, even if he’s absolutely worn down. I really appreciate that about him. It feels pretty normal. That’s how we met. Literally, at a chemistry read."

I'm sure that was one heck of a chemistry read!

Tom Holland/Instagram

November 24, 2024 — Tom Holland & Zendaya Have A Cozy Date Night

Tom and Zendaya went out for a pint to wrap up the weekend, heading to Foxhole to sample Bero "in the wild," according to Tom himself (via Instagram stories). And the actor ended up sharing a super cute photo of Zendaya in a red top with a gold necklace, a menu, and her cell phone covered in a grippy phone mount that a lot of TikTokers use to attach their phones to the wall. Does this mean there's a backlog of Zendaya TikToks?!

One People sourcealso reports the couple was "very relaxed and very chatty together" at Trident Booksellers & Cafe in Boston during a Friday morning breakfast. Sweet!

December 2, 2024 — Tom Holland & Zendaya Are Reportedly Ready To Settle Down

We all know that Tom and Zendaya are homebodies, and it appears they're only getting cozier the farther they get into their relationship — especially as friends like Robert Pattinson start their own families! “As Tom and Zendaya move closer to having a wedding next year, basically living like a husband and wife already, and continuing to book multiple film projects together, Rob is cheering them on,” a source tells Life & Style. "If things keep going in this direction, Rob is going to figure into their wedding as a best man or groomsman and he absolutely wants the new, little families they are starting to be close going forward."

“For Tom’s part, he’s seen up close how settling down, getting serious and having kids has changed Rob,” they continue. “Tom wants that life for himself and Zendaya, sooner rather than later.”

If Tom and Zendaya really are planning on getting married, and Robert Pattinson ends up in the wedding, I'll cry! And I just know Zendaya's wedding dress is going to be THE look of the decade.

Keep checking back here for the latest news on Tom Holland and Zendaya's relationship, and see what Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are up to as well!

This post has been updated.

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