7 Expert Tips for Dealing With Difficult People

Jennifer Chen
Sep 16, 2018

You know the feeling: that pit in your stomach when you have to deal with certain people, whether it be a friend, coworker, boss, or family member. If there’s someone you always dread interacting with, you might be in a toxic relationship. Difficult people are unavoidable in life, but how you handle them can make a big difference. Author and scientist Vanessa Van Edwards runs a human behavior lab called The Science of People and writes about how we can learn to better navigate social situations, and she’s shared her tips with us for mastering small talk and rocking a party when you’re an introvert. Her bestselling book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People ($17) delves even deeper into how to use science to better understand human behavior. This time, Van Edwards suggests ways to handle challenging conversations with those people who really get under your skin.

1. Pinpoint your fears. We all have social fears — like being rejected, a person not liking you, or being criticized — but for each of us, these hang-ups are different based on our life experiences. Van Edwards thinks it’s important to recognize what triggers you in social situations. “When you interact with people, what are you afraid of?” asks Van Edwards. These “gremlins,” as she calls your social anxieties, force you into survival mode and make you feel anxious and act irrationally. For example, if a boss yelled at you, you might be afraid to speak with them about a raise because you’re afraid of being yelled at again. So your gremlin might be telling you, “Don’t talk to her.” However, Van Edwards wants you to understand that your gremlins are trying to keep you safe, but ultimately, they need to be recognized and accepted so you can move past your fears.

2. Figure out the other person’s fears. Van Edwards writes in her book Captivate that difficult people aren’t bad people. She believes that their fears put them in constant survival mode so they’re acting out of fear and without reason. If someone is driving you bonkers, ask yourself, “What is this person afraid of?” When talking with that person, listen to what “emotion words” they are using. “Emotion words,” writes Van Edwards, “indicate inner fears.” For example, if an annoying coworker says to you, “I’m so upset about the promotion at work! I’m so pissed I didn’t get it. It’s just so unfair,” the emotion words in their speech would be “upset,” “pissed,” and “unfair.”

3. Name the emotion. Now that you’ve figured out what emotion words they’re using, try to get to the root of their fear. Reflect back what you heard, like, “Not getting a promotion seems so unfair.” Then you might say, “Give me a sense of what you’re feeling.” If they’re not vocal about their emotions, try to distinguish what emotions you’re reading on their face.

4. Understand the feeling. Writes Van Edwards, “Once someone feels heard, their fear begins to disengage and you can deal with a more rational person.” The question to ask yourself once you’ve acknowledged their feelings is, “What is this person seeking?” Understanding what they truly want is helpful for working through their problems. Van Edwards suggests the phrase “Tell me what happened that made you feel this way” as an ice-breaker.

5. Transform the fear. Once you understand what’s driving this person’s behavior, then Van Edwards recommends asking, “What needs to happen for you to feel better?” This type of question allows the difficult person to name next steps. Of course, it doesn’t mean that they will take actions to resolve their issues, but it helps to defuse tense situations.

6. Say no to the wrong relationships. You’ll find that some toxic people have deep-seated fears that make them completely intolerable. Van Edwards writes, “Give yourself permission to say no to the toxic people who drain you. You deserve to interact on your terms, with people you like.” If you have trouble saying no to this person, Van Edwards recommends phrases such as “I’m so sorry I won’t be able to join” or “How wonderful of you to offer” as a gentle way to say no.

7. Set boundaries. If you have a hard time disengaging with a difficult person who tries to coax you into do something you don’t want to do, setting up boundaries is a healthy way to stop saying yes to what drives you nuts. If you hate large social gatherings, but your coworker insists that you come to her big birthday bash, you can say, “Sorry, I can’t make the party. Can I take you out to brunch tomorrow?” If it’s hard for you to share this in person, ask if you can check your calendar, then email or text your response so you can compose your words carefully.

What’s your best tip for dealing with difficult people? Tweet us @BritandCo to let us know.

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(Featured photo via Getty)

6 Subtle (& Obvious) Signs You Grew Up In A "Dysfunctional Family"

Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

Kaboompics.com

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

cottonbro studio

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

  1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
  2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
  3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

  1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
  2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
  3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

  1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
  2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
  3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
  4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
  5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

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13 Worst Christmas Movies To Hate-Watch This Holiday Season (We Know You Want To)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I'm referring to our holiday movie watchlist, of course. The best new Christmas movies always make for a good time. But when it comes to the worst Christmas movies ever? Honestly, sometimes they make for an ever better time (especially when you're really dedicated to hate-watching). See which movies made the list below!

Keep reading to see the 13 worst Christmas movies that are so bad, they made the naughty list.

Our Little Secret (2024) — On Netflix Now

Chuck Zlotnick/Netflix

We're starting off strong with a Rotten Tomatoes rating that made my jaw drop! Despite the fact Lindsay Lohan's new comedy, which follows two exes who realize their partners are siblings, made me laugh out loud, it only got a RT rating of 36 percent and audience rating of 59 percent, as well as an IMDb rating of 5.8 out of 10. Yikes.

Four Christmases (2008) — On Hulu

New Line Productions

In my opinion, Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon are a match made in Heaven in Four Christmases, which follows their characters Brad and Kate as they go through four separate family gatherings on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, it looks like audiences disagree because the movie got a 5.7 out of 10 on IMDb and a 47 percent Rotten Tomatoes audience rating (with only a 25 percent from RT itself!!).

I'll Be Home For Christmas (1998) — On Hulu

Walt Disney Pictures

In I'll Be Home For Christmas, Jake (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) returns home for the holiday hoping that his estranged dad (Gary Cole) will get him a porsche...but winds up getting left with nothing but a Santa suit in the middle of the desert thanks to the football team. To make matters worse, his GF Allie (Jessica Biel) has no clue what happened to him, and decides to hitchhike with Jake's nemesis Eddie (Adam LaVorgna).

Even though it has a ton of elements that could make for an entertaining movie, this flick only got a 23 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, along with a 41 percent audience rating, and a 5.5 out of 10 on IMDb.

The Christmas Candle (2013) — On Tubi

EchoLight Studios

Despite the fact historical films like A Christmas Carol are beloved by so many, critics consider The Christmas Candle one of the worst Christmas movies. The story follows a minister (Hans Matheson) in 1800s England who finds himself in a standoff against townspeople (including Samantha Barks) who believe a candle, and an angel's touch, offer a miracle every Christmas Eve.

The movie only got a 22 percent on Rotten Tomatoes (despite the fact it has a 74 percent audience rating), and a 6.3 out of 10 on IMDb.

​Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas (2013) — On Tubi

KC Bailey/Lionsgate

Tyler Perry continues to be a fan favorite, proven by the fact that even though A Madea Christmas got a 21 percent on RT and a 5.1 out of 10 on IMDb, its RT audience score is 70 percent!

The Christmas movie follows Madea (Tyler Perry) and her niece Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford) on a journey to surprise Eileen's daughter Lacey (Tika Sumpter). Turns out, the reason Lacey didn't come home is she eloped! But it's with a character played by Chad Michael Murray, so I'm more than willing to press play on this one.

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006) — On Disney+

Walt Disney Studios

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and apparently the sentiment is not shared. This threequel follows Scott Calvin/Santa Claus (Tim Allen) goes toe-to-toe with Jack Frost (Martin Short) in a battle for the North Pole.

The movie only has a 17 percent RT rating and a 39 percent audience score, plus a 4.8 out of 10. Big yikes.

Deck the Halls (2006) — On Hulu

20th Century Fox/20th Century Studios

This horrible Christmas movie pairs up Matthew Broderick and Kristen Chenoweth three years after their stint in Disney's The Music Man, and follows Steve (Broderick) whose detailed, perfect Christmas is ruffled by Danny's (Danny DeVito) arrival in the neighborhood. One thing leads to another and suddenly Steve and Danny are in a battle to be the best-decorated house on the block. Oh, did I mention Kristin Davis costars?!

Deck the Halls has a startingly low rating of six percent on Rotten Tomatoes alongside its audience rating of 30 percent and a 5.1 out of 10 on IMDb.

A Law For Christmas (2023) — On Tubi

WesleyBros Productions

This new movie might have come just in time for the holidays last year, but viewers are wishing Santa had kept it for himself. The story (which stars Savannah Lathem and Chase Giacomo) follows a young politician who swaps the city for the country, and her job for her true calling.

It sounds romantic, but based on the 1.1 out of 10 rating on IMDb...it's not.

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

CBS

I recently saw this special on air and, I'm sorry, I can totally see how some people consider this one of the worst Christmas movies. Aside from the fact it features OG Star Wars cast members like Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford, it just doesn't have the same magic as the movies we know and love.

The Star Wars Holiday Special follows Chewbacca and Han Solo as they journey to Kashyyyk (the Wookiee homeworld) for Life Day, and then have to entertain themselves when they're stopped by an Imperial blockade. Nothing says happy holidays like a 2.2 out of 10 IMDb rating and a 25 percent for both critics and audiences on RT. Unfortunately, it looks like this special isn't even available to stream.

Home Alone 3 (1997) — On Disney+

20th Century Fox/20th Century Studios

When are they gonna learn not to mess with originals?! Instead of picking up with Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), Home Alone 3 introduces us to Alex Pruitt (Alex D. Linz) who has to defend his home from a new set of crooks when he's home sick.

The film has a 35 percent RT score and 27 percent audience rating, which is a far cry from Home Alone's respective 66 and 80 percents! The movie does star a young Scarlett Johansson though, so that's a plus.

Unaccompanied Minors (2006) — On Paramount+

John Bramley/Warner Bros. Entertainment

Being an unaccompanied minor might be every kid's dream but turns out, the movie's a nightmare. The story follows five stranded young adults (Dyllan Christopher, Tyler James Williams, Gia Mantegna, Quinn Shephard, and Brett Kelly) who take the opportunity to run buck wild in an airport (which...is still low-key a dream of mine TBH). Unfortunately their airport official (Lewis Black) and his assistant (Wilmer Valderrama) are not amused.

This bad Christmas movie has a 30 percent on RT with an audience rating of 35 percent, and an IMDb score of 5.4 out of 10.

The Perfect Holiday (2007) — On Peacock

Yari Film Group

The Perfect Holiday? Not so perfect. The movie follows divorcée Nancy (Gabrielle Union), whose youngest daughter Emily (Khail Bryant) plots to put a smile back on her mom's face. When she asks a store Santa Benjamin (Morris Chestnut) to give Nancy a compliment, she beings a chain of events that might just bring some Christmas magic back into their lives.

Sadly the movie only got a 19 percent RT score and 52 percent audience rating alongside an IMDb rating of 4.8 out of 10.

The Nutcracker: The Untold Story (2010) — Rent On Amazon Prime

Freestyle Releasing

And we're rounding out the list with what might be the worst Christmas movie of all; somehow The Nutcracker: The Untold Story got a ZERO PERCENT RATING on Rotten Tomatoes! How is that even possible?!

The movie follows Mary (Elle Fanning), who receives a magical nutcracker from her Uncle Albert (Nathan Lane). When the nutcracker comes to life and transports Mary to a magical land on Christmas night, she has to stand off against the evil Rat King — and rescue the nutcracker when he's kidnapped.

Unfortunately, the inspiring plot did not inspire viewers considering it got a 28 percent RT audience score and 4.1 out of 10 on IMDb.

Do you think these are the worst Christmas movies ever? Let us know your pick on Facebook!

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Jenna Bush Hager's Book Club Pick Is Perfectly Poignant To End 2024

I've recently started sitting on my balcony in the morning to catch up on standout book club reads, and it's been so refreshing. Call me obsessive, but I just can't get enough of finding hidden gems that others — like Jenna Bush Hager — are reading. When she's not co-hosting TODAY with Hoda & Jenna, she's sharing her monthly book club picks on Read With Jenna and accompanying podcast!

Created by Hager in 2019, Read With Jenna features over 50 titles that Hager eagerly shares with other book lovers. She told The Today Show, "There's nothing like falling in love with a book," and I wholeheartedly agree. If you can't get enough of curating your own bookshelf, here are 32 standout reads from Jenna Bush Hager's book club.

December 2024

Amazon

Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliverby Mary Oliver

Jenna Bush Hager's December book club pick is a little different than what's been featured before because it focuses on the amazing poetry of Mary Oliver. With over 200 poems that eloquently capture Oliver's love for life, readers are sure to find ways to be in awe of the little things that are often taken for granted.
Of this pick, Jenna Bush Hager said it reminds her of the things that center her. "When life feels uncertain, I find comfort in a few things: stepping outside into nature, leaning into my faith, or picking up poetry. Mary Oliver’s poems, in particular, feel like a warm hug," (via Read With Jenna on Instagram).

November 2024

Amazon

This Motherless Landby Nikki May

Funke goes from enjoying a cozy life in Nigeria with her parents and brother to being jostled off to England, an unknown land she's never been to before. Upon her arrival, she recoils at the tragic state of where she'll be living and how different her interactions are with other family members. Yet, she and her cousin Liv find joy in each other.

This same joy follows them to the next phase of their lives until their bond is shattered given the revelation of their mother's former decisions. Individually, Funke and Liv find it difficult to live lives that are free from the pain of their family's past.

October 2024

Amazon

The Mighty Red by Louise Erdrich

Argus, North Dakota bears witness to the intertwined fates and lives of those attending a wedding. Gary Geist is faced with huge responsibilities, but also can't stop thinking about making Kismet Poe his wife. He's not the only one with eyes for her though. There's also Hugo and his resolve that Kismet belongs with him.
Kismet is gifted with visions like her mother Crystal who happens to help with the sugar beets of Gary's family farms. Somehow, each of them will have to make sense of the things they can see and what remains unknown in The Might Red.

September 2024

Amazon

Blue Sistersby Coco Mellors

Grief affects everyone differently, but it's never been painted so poignantly before. Blue Sisters introduces readers to the three Blue Sisters – Avery, Bonnie, and Lucky — as they try to piece together their lives after the death of their sister Nicky. From remnants of addiction to defeat in various forms, the sisters are forced to reconcile their emotions when more shocking news beckons them to return home.

August 2024

Amazon

The Wedding People by Alison Espach

Reading like the sister of Ally Condie's The Unwedding, The Wedding People centers around one woman's determination to make the most of time in Rhode Island.

Phoebe Stone's hit rock bottom without her husband, but hasn't given up on her dream of traveling to Newport, Rhode Island so she can unwind at Cornwall Inn. Coincidentally, her arrival doesn't cause a stir because it's assumed she's one of the many guests that'll be attending a lavish wedding.

She flies under the radar so much that she and the organized bride begin developing a bond that results in secrets being shared. But, Phoebe has a plan and no one will see it coming.

July 2024

Amazon

In a time where America is in the midst of political and social changes, a small town in Missouri is left shaken by the disappearance of girls. Despite the residents' fears, no one knows why this is happening nor do they know where to begin searching for the missing girls.

But, a young boy by the name of Patch decides to step up to the plate to return the daughter of a well-to-do family. Though the family seems to be grateful for her return, unrest begins bubbling underneath the town's surface.

As Patch and his family begin grappling with what it means to be a hero in society's eyes, they also realize that some things are merely a facade to hide darker truths.

June 2024

Swift River by Essie Chambers (June 4)

Prepare to be transported through time as you read one family's saga through the yes of the young Diamond Newberry.

She and her mom have relied on other people to drive them wherever they need to go since her Pop vanished without any indication of where he could be. Everyone in town knows who Diamond is and they often subject her to harsh bullying. It's something she wishes would change, but the only thing she can foresee is her mother's sheer determination to move on with their lives.

That sounds great, but Diamond's suddenly left with more answers when she learns about more of the women in the Newberry family. She even learns more information about her Pop that paint a much larger picture than she originally saw. What this does is creates a strong tether that helps Diamond start finding her place in the very world that's sought to mistreat her.

But, how much of Diamond's life will be forever changed the more she learned?

May 2024

Real Americans by Rachel Khong

Real Americans is a beautiful story about identity, class, and more in America. It begins with Lily Chen falling in love with Matthew despite their different backgrounds. She's dealing with being an unpaid intern who's the child of someone who escaped Mao's Cultural Revolution while Matthew is the heir of a successful pharmaceutical company. Nevertheless, they somehow manage to fit together.

But, something happens in between the time they fall in love and the moment Lily's son Nick realizes his mom seems to be keeping something from him. She's never talked about his father and this has only piqued his curiosity even more.

The more he tries to find answers about his dad, the more Nick realizes there's not always a clear path to the past.

April 2024

The Husbands by Holly Gramazio

What if you came home from work one day to discover you're married to a stranger and everyone knows but you? That's exactly what happens to Lauren and it confuses her because she's sure she'd remember getting married. Not only that, but she's apparently been married for a while. Everyone in her life knows and the life around her shows evidence that her marriage isn't a fluke. So why can't she remember it?

The answer to her question lies in the mysterious act that occurs in the attic. For some reason, it's become a place where she 'receives' new husbands and a brand new lifestyle. She starts to enjoy the newness of living different lives, but eventually she wonders if it's possible to find happiness in one of the realities she's being afforded.

March 2024

The Great Divide by Cristina Henríquez

Debuting tomorrow, The Great Divide is a tale about the intersection of lives, compassion, and dedication. Set in Panama, the novel allows readers to form an intimate relationship with Omar, Ada Bunting, and John Oswald as they navigate circumstances that bring them together.

Despite his father's disdain for a new canal that's been commissioned to be built, Omar finds himself among one of the workers tasked with paving the way for it to exist. It's backbreaking work that takes a toll on him, but his weariness is comforted by Ada. Having seen firsthand how Ada cares for those who are fragile or sick, scientist John Oswald immediately enlists her help due to his wife being sick.

The Great Divide sweeps you into it's compassionate arms and has an ending that'll surely make your heart swell.

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

To celebrate it's 40th anniversary, Jenna Bush Hager's book club has named The House on Mango Street as it's second pick for March! It's about Esperanza Cordero's desire to define who she is outside of what her Spanish culture has chosen for her. There's moments of sheer bliss that make heart-wrenching recollections easier to stomach, but Esperanza always finds a way to embrace how these things make her who she is.

February 2024

Good Material

Good Material is the new coming-of-age novel for adults who are still trying to figure out if they're adulting properly and revolves a series of events that makes main character Andy feel like he's down on his luck. From watching the breakdown of his longterm relationship to feeling like he's not growing as a comedian, it's clear that Andy is ready to do whatever it takes to become better in the love and career departments. But, is he truly ready to learn his life's lessons and will he be prepared for what happens next?

January 2024

The Waters

Trigger Warning: This novel contains graphic mention of animal cruelty.
The Waters is a gripping tale that involves Hermine "Herself" Zook's unmistakable way of healing others in Whiteheart, Michigan. However, she doesn't have the best relationship with her daughters and this makes for a complicated life when her granddaughter, Dorothy "Donkey" Zook" is left in her care.

Despite Donkey's desire to run free in Whiteheart, her family's past threatens to disrupt that and then some. Will she be able to understand what's threatening the community around her or history repeat itself? Find out when the book releases January 9, 2024.

December 2023

We Must Not Think of Ourselves

#ReadWithJenna announced its December pick yesterday and it's a historical novel that's sure to tug at your heartstrings. We Must Not Think of Ourselves follows Adam Paskow's journey as a Jew held captive by the Nazis. He later finds himself working alongside others who are committed to immortalizing history as it unfolds around them. Not without flaws, Adam unintentionally falls in love with Sala Wiskoff despite the latter being a married mother. This thrusts him into a world filled with complicated choices fueled by the need to survive and love.

Will his choices hinder those he's agreed to help or will he prove that taking risks is necessary for history to move forward? Pick up a copy of We Must Not Think of Ourselves to find out!

November 2023

The Sun Sets in Singapore

To help ring in a new month, Jenna Bush Hager's book club announced its November pick earlier today. Available for purchase tomorrow, The Sun Sets in Singapore introduces us to three women whose paths seem different at first glance. However, each of them have something that's lurking behind initial assumptions. As Dara, Amaka and Lillian find themselves 'lost' in Singapore's paradise, they begin to realize there is a such thing as too much tranquility - especially if it's disguised to hide life-altering truths. Will they be able to confront what they've escaped from or will it continue to follow them like shadows on a summer day?

October 2023

How To Say Babylon

Jenna Bush Hager's October pick is a tale of what happens when toxic traditional views begin to threaten a family's foundation. Young Safiya Sinclair must come to grips with her father's authoritative reign over her family, especially when she realizes her mother's only act of rebellion is making sure her daughters are educated. It's something that Sinclair allows to open her mind and set her free from her father's views.

A Woman Is No Man

Let your curiosity and assumptions about this book's cover introduce you to the journey of Deya. While she has her sights set on going to college and chasing her dreams, her strict grandmother is only concerned about Deya becoming someone's wife. Tradition seems to rule her life, and it's the last thing Deya wants. A random turn of events grants her wish and takes her on a journey of self-discovery where she learns what it means to be a woman whose voice is not only heard, but also respected.

Searching For Sylvie Lee

Families can carry hidden secrets that threaten to undo everything one knows once they begin searching for the truth. And this is exactly what happens when Amy rushes to find out what happened to her older sister Sylvie after her disappearance. With her confidence growing as she draws nearer to the truth, Amy is faced with the difficult task of seeing her family without rose-colored glasses and has to decide what that means for them as well as her.

Nothing to See Here

When Lillian drifts apart from her roommate and eventual friend Madison, she thinks nothing of it. That is until Madison begs her to help her caring for her stepchildren whose irritation manifests as fire. Over time Lillian is able to develop a beautiful relationship with the twins and learns the depths of her love are limitless.

The Girl With The Louding Voice

As she grows up in Nigeria, Adunni longs for a future that looks different from what she's always known. She goes to great lengths to figure out how to do so and this takes her down a path filled with sorrow and faith.

Valentine

When Mary Rose Whitehead finds young Gloria Ramirez on her doorstep, she quickly realizes a vicious act of brutality happened. Unfortunately, justice isn't swift and this leads Whitehead to take matters into her own hand.

A Burning

A Burning takes readers on a tale that intertwines the lives of three different people. Beginning with the public smear campaign of Jivan, readers are then introduced to a gym teacher whose ambitions cloud his judgment and a sweet, yet misunderstood soul who works to clear Jivan's name.

Friends and Strangers

Friends and Strangers follows Elisabeth and Sam as they navigate what it means to show up in the different seasons of their lives. They somehow form an unlikely friendship that's quickly threatened and leads to things that are hard to come back from.

Leaving The World Behind

When Amanda and Clay decide to take a breather from city life with their teenagers, they initially feel they're in for peace and quiet at the rural location they've chosen. Unfortunately for them, the owners of the home they're renting arrive in the middle of the night. It's a tale of wariness that spills over and it's up to the reader to decide if it's warranted or not.

White Ivy

People aren't always what they seem, and Ivy Lin is a prime example of this. She learns how to steal from her grandmother, and she doesn't stop until her mother decides enough is enough. After being sent to China, Ivy grows to become trustworthy and evens bumps into her former crush's sister. But, her past begins to haunt her and she finds out that some things are hard to forget.

What's Mine And Yours

Gee and Noelle's worlds collide when integration brings them together. Behind the scenes we find that their mothers — both with strong opposing views — are doing what they feel is best to prepare their children for a life in America. Each has their own reasoning even if it threatens to erase who their children truly are.

Good Company

Flora Mancini is forced to question the life she and her husband have built when she discovers he didn't actually lose his wedding ring years ago. It's enough to make anyone go mad, but she somehow works to piece together the puzzle to discover the truth and decide how to move forward.

Malibu Rising

Things reach a fever pitch in this tale about family secrets and longing. Each of the Riva siblings have their own ghosts and anticipation to look forward to as their famous summer party draws near. It's only a matter of time before things bubbling underneath the surface burst in front of everyone.

Hell of a Book

Hell of a Book is about an author who's being followed by an imaginary child and a Black boy named Soot. As the past and present collide, Hell of a Book somehow lives up to its name in a reckoning tale.

Bright Burning Things

Bright Burning Things sheds light on a former entertainers love for her son and struggle to part ways with drinking. It's a tale that's familiar to those who have parents who struggle with alcoholism and the pain it often inflicts.

Black Cake

With their mother's cryptic message and a family-long recipe involving black cake looming between them, brothers Byron and Benny must work together to learn more about her history. They also have to find a way to repair their relationship before everything that still ties them together is lost forever. Be sure to read Black Cake before it comes out on Hulu this November!

Remarkably Bright Creatures

Tova Sullivan has suffered two great tragedies in life — the death of her husband and her son's unsolved disappearance. When she befriends an octopus named Marcellus, he becomes determine to help her understand what happened to her son before evidence is completely lost at sea.

Check Out More Titles From Jenna Bush Hager's Book Club:

Images via Amazon

Which books are you adding to end-of-year reading list? Let us know in the comments and follow our Amazon Storefront for more of must read picks!
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Lead image via Read With Jenna/Instagram
This post has been updated.
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Keiko Agena Revealed Which 'Gilmore Girls' Costars She Actually Keeps In Touch With

Gilmore Girls fans can all agree that, despite how much we love the show, Lane Kim (Keiko Agena) deserved WAY better. But Keiko admits that even though Lane's treatment on GG leaves a lot to be desired (starting with the fact that Lane is Korean American and Keiko is Japanese American), it was still a special role.

Keep reading to see which Gilmore Girls costars Keiko Agena talks to the most!

Keiko Agena has a complicated relationship with 'Gilmore Girls' character Lane Kim.

Saeed Adyani/Netflix

“I think what [the role] was for people was different than what it was for me,” she tells Juliet Litman on an episode of the Dear Felicity rewatch podcast (via People). “In a weird way, I feel like I want to honor the experience that people had from the show, and what it meant to them, especially young Asian people, because I get that comment a lot, about what it was like for them to see someone like that on screen.”

And it's no surprise that as much as Gilmore Girls viewers love Lane, Keiko "[loves] her too. I can tell, when I meet someone who knows Gilmore Girls or who loves Lane, it's like, I recognize that love. I see that you love that person."

But it's possible to hold two conflicting emotions at the same time, and although Lane Kim was an incredibly special role at the time, there are some things Keiko would do differently today. “The best thing is to have a Korean American writer [and a] Korean American actor,” she says. “I don't think that that role, cast that way, would happen today. But at that time, in 2000, it was such a different time that I definitely know I wouldn't have said no or pulled myself out of that situation at that time...Now it's just a mix of just having gratitude for having gone through that experience and having that experience.”

Keiko Agena also keeps in touch with two very special 'Gilmore Girls' costars!

And one aspect of Gilmore Girls that Keiko Agena is thankful for is her relationship with the Gilmore Girls cast! And there are two costars in particular she frequently keeps in contact with: John Cabrera (who played Brian) and Sean Gunn (who starred as Kirk).

“There is this kind of lovely nostalgia for that time, and yet also we have years since then,” she says. “I [have] gone to both of their weddings. Our friendship is part Gilmore Girls and appreciation for that crazy time, and then part just like a million other things that are just like friends.”

I was totally surprised to learn she keeps in contact with John and Sean (supposedly) more regularly than Alexis Bledel, but it makes sense when you remember Keiko, John, and Sean are all around the same age — and Alexis is 7 years younger. Hopefully we get another Gilmore Girls reunion to see our favorite television BFF's reunite!

Watch Lauren Graham & Scott Patterson's Mini Gilmore Girls Reunion for more Stars Hollow love!

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Your Home Gym Will Be Your Favorite Place With These Affordable Upgrades

Turn your home gym into your favorite workout spot with these affordable upgrades that maximize functionality and motivation. This article highlights must-have equipment and accessories that can transform any space into a personalized fitness haven without breaking the bank. From versatile resistance bands and adjustable dumbbells to space-saving storage racks and cushioned workout mats, these upgrades are perfect for all fitness levels. Whether you’re just starting your fitness journey or enhancing your current setup, our curated list ensures you’ll find budget-friendly solutions to elevate your home workouts. Get ready to break a sweat and crush your fitness goals in a gym tailored just for you!

Thanks for reading about our favorite finds from across the internet! FYI: We participate in affiliate programs and may get a share of the revenue from your purchase.

Upgrade Your Strength Routine With These Adjustable Dumbbells That Go Up to 24 Pounds

Amazon

Lift smart with adjustable dumbbells, the ultimate space-saving solution for strength training. With a magnetic pin mechanism, you can seamlessly switch weights between three and 24 pounds per hand. The ergonomic rubber grip ensures a comfortable and secure hold, so you can focus on crushing your goals worry-free.

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Add Variety to Your Workouts With This Essential Pilates Ring

Amazon

Target stubborn areas with this Pilates ring, your go-to tool for toning thighs, arms, hips, and more. Lightweight and portable, it even includes a carrying pouch, making it perfect for at-home or on-the-go workouts.

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Support Your Workouts With Copper-Infused Compression Leggings

Amazon

Recover like a pro with these copper-infused compression leggings, designed to boost circulation, reduce inflammation, and support muscle recovery. They're even antimicrobial to keep bacteria at bay, helping you jog back into your fitness routine with confidence and style.

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Expand Your Strength Routine With a Resistance Band Set Complete With Handles

Amazon

Get a total-body workout with resistance bands featuring handles, the ultimate at-home fitness essential. Compact, versatile, and travel-friendly, these bands make strength training accessible and effective. Start your home gym journey with these bands and watch your progress soar.

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Sculpt Your Core Anywhere With a Portable Ab Wheel

Amazon

Level up your core workouts with the portable and budget-friendly ab wheel, the go-to tool recommended by fitness pros. In just 10–15 minutes, this compact wheel delivers an intense ab burn. Whether you’re at home or sneaking in a quick office session, it’s your ultimate core-crushing companion.

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Enjoy Yoga Anywhere With This Supportive Yoga Mat With a Carrying Strap

Amazon

Make floor workouts comfier with this thick yoga mat, offering extra cushioning and nonslip support. Whether you’re planking, stretching, or practicing Pilates, this mat provides the comfort you need, available in multiple colors and complete with a convenient carrying strap.

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Bounce Into Fitness With This Trampoline That Isn't Just for Kids

Amazon

Bring the fun back to cardio with a mini trampoline, a low-impact workout tool that’s as entertaining as it is effective. Featuring guided workouts and an LCD monitor to track your progress, this trampoline will have you bouncing your way to better fitness.

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Strengthen Your Core With This Wobble Board for Targeted Abs Workouts

Amazon

Challenge your core with the wobble board, the perfect accessory to enhance balance and stability. Whether you’re planking, squatting, or just trying to stay upright, this tool engages your muscles for a fun and functional workout.

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Soothe Your Muscles With an Air Compression Calf Massager

Amazon

Soothe tired legs with this calf massager, a portable device that provides air compression therapy for swelling and soreness. With adjustable intensity and a remote control, it’s like having a personal massage therapist on call, anytime, anywhere.

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Perfect Your Crunches With the Ultimate Neck and Back Support Tool

Amazon

Upgrade your ab routine with this versatile crunch assistant, designed to boost the effectiveness of crunches while doubling as a tool for push-ups and dips. Compact and easy to use, it’s a must-have for any core-focused workout.

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Hop on This Yoga Wheel

Amazon

Do you suffer from back pain? If so, this yoga wheel is exactly what the doctor ordered. It fits perfectly in between your shoulder blades to target muscle relief.

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Channel Your Inner Gymnast With These Durable Rings

Amazon

Channel your inner gymnast with gymnastics rings, which are ideal for building upper body strength and improving flexibility. While you might not make it to the Olympics, these rings deliver a full-body workout that’s both challenging and rewarding.

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Keep Your Phone Secure on Runs With This Cell Phone Armband

Amazon

Keep your essentials close with this handy armband, perfect for holding your phone, keys, and more during workouts or runs. Lightweight and secure, it’s a practical accessory that won’t hold you back.

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Boost Agility and Coordination With This Agility Ladder

Amazon

Boost speed and coordination with the agility ladder, a compact tool favored by athletes for improving footwork and balance. Easy to set up and portable, it’s a game-changer for anyone looking to level up their training routine.

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Enhance Your Workouts With These Wearable Weights for Added Intensity

Amazon

Amp up leg day with adjustable ankle weights, perfect for adding resistance to exercises like leg lifts and glute kickbacks. With multiple weight options, these versatile weights help you intensify your workouts and achieve your fitness goals.

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Blow Off Steam With This Heavy-Duty Punching Bag

Amazon

Punch out stress with this punching bag, the ultimate way to combine fitness and therapy. Compact and perfect for apartments or small spaces, it helps you release tension while building strength and endurance. Punch your way to both physical and mental health.

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Stay Comfortable While Toning With These Mesh Sneakers

Amazon

Step up your footwear game with these slip-on sneakers, combining fashion and function. Featuring cushioned support, breathable mesh, and an easy slip-on design, they keep your feet comfortable while engaging leg muscles for better movement and style.

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Maximize Cardio With a Space-Saving Compact Exercise Bike

Amazon

Stay active anywhere with this mini exercise bike, perfect for pedaling under your desk or in front of the TV. With adjustable resistance, anti-slip pedals, and an LCD monitor, it’s a compact way to incorporate movement into your day without leaving your seat.

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Protect Floors and Joints With Puzzle Exercise Mats That Interlock Easily

Amazon

Transform your home gym with these puzzle exercise mats, providing a cushioned, nonslip surface for safer and more comfortable workouts. Easy to assemble and versatile, they protect your joints and flooring, making them a must-have for any home fitness space.

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Customize Your Strength Training With This Adjustable Fitness Bench Offering 16 Configurations

Amazon

Maximize your exercise options with this adjustable fitness bench, offering endless possibilities for targeting muscle groups. From step-ups to bench presses, this height-adjustable bench includes storage space, blending functionality with convenience.

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Build Strength With a Set of Adjustable Dumbbells for Versatility

Amazon

Get stronger with these adjustable dumbbells, the ultimate space-saving solution for a full-body workout. Whether you're building strength or toning muscle, these dumbbells adapt to your fitness needs, offering versatility and effectiveness in one compact package.

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Level Up Your Training With This Kettlebell in Various Weights

Amazon

Add a cardio and strength-training powerhouse to your routine with this vinyl-coated kettlebell, available in weights from five to 50 pounds. Its smooth handle ensures a secure grip, making it an excellent choice for building endurance and strength.

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Relieve Muscle Tension With a Foam Roller Featuring a Textured Surface

Amazon

Roll out muscle tightness with this affordable foam roller, your personal sports masseuse at home. With a high-density textured surface, it’s perfect for relieving tension, increasing circulation, and mimicking gym machine exercises to elevate your recovery and flexibility.

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Add a New Dimension to Your Training With These Egg Weights That Fit Perfectly in Your Palm

Amazon

Supercharge your workouts with these small egg weights, the perfect addition for resistance training. These half-pound palm-sized weights are ideal for boxing or adding a challenge to any fitness routine. Lightweight, portable, and easy to grip, these little eggs pack a powerful punch.

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Elevate Your Bodyweight Workouts With This Set of Parallel Bars

Amazon

Take your strength training to the next level with parallel bars, a compact solution for dips, pull-ups, and more. Crafted from heavy-duty carbon steel, these bars provide unmatched stability and durability, making them an essential addition to your home gym setup.

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Experience a Full-Body Workout With This Pilates Bar Kit Complete With Accessories

Amazon

Bring the Pilates studio home with this portable Pilates bar kit, featuring resistance bands and accessories for balance, coordination, and muscle toning. This space-saving kit fits neatly into a carry bag, making it perfect for both at-home and on-the-go workouts.

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Take Your Home Workouts to New Heights With a Suspension System Featuring Industrial-Strength Straps

Amazon

Challenge your entire body with a suspension training system equipped with industrial-strength straps for adjustable exercises. Target your upper and lower body with ease—just find a sturdy anchor point and get ready for a full-body workout experience.

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Enhance Core Strength With This Weighted Medicine Ball

Amazon

Enhance core strength with a weighted medicine ball, a versatile tool for building muscle and improving balance. Available in multiple weights, its textured rubber surface ensures a secure grip, making it a staple for dynamic and effective workouts.

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Step Into Fitness With a Step-Up Platform for Sustained Cardio

Amazon

Elevate your cardio game with a step-up platform, perfect for heart-pumping exercises and a dose of nostalgia. Featuring a slip-resistant surface and adjustable risers, it’s a customizable, ’80s-inspired fitness essential for any workout routine.

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Add Resistance to Any Routine With a Breathable Weighted Vest

Amazon

Push your limits with a weighted vest designed to evenly distribute weight for a safer, joint-friendly workout. Made from breathable neoprene, it’s comfortable and versatile, allowing you to increase intensity while staying cool and focused.

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Get Low-Impact Cardio With This Space-Efficient Rower

Amazon

Row your way to full-body fitness with an affordable rowing machine, offering a low-impact, high-reward workout. With a foldable design and an LCD screen to track your progress, it’s the ultimate cardio machine for any fitness level.

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Track Your Progress With the Advanced Apple Watch Health Metrics

Amazon

Stay on top of your fitness goals with the Series 8 Apple Watch, your ultimate wrist companion. Packed with features like temperature sensing, blood oxygen monitoring, and ECG tracking, it’s more than a watch—it’s a mini supercomputer dedicated to your health and performance.

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Increase Workout Intensity With a Set of Resistance Bands in 6 Tension Levels

Amazon

No room? No problem. These resistance bands are a space-saving powerhouse, perfect for a full-body workout without the need for heavy, bulky equipment. From squats to bicep curls, they adapt to your routine at home or on the go.

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Work Out Anywhere With These Dual-Sided Sliders for Any Surface

Amazon

Add intensity to your bodyweight exercises with sliders, the small but mighty upgrade your workouts need. Boost plank variations, enhance lunges, and challenge stability—all without weights. Lightweight and travel-friendly, these sliders are a home gym essential.

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Stay Light on Your Feet With an Adjustable Jump Rope

Amazon

Boost your cardio with an adjustable jump rope, designed for full-body engagement. Improve coordination, balance, and stamina with this compact, low-impact workout tool designed for small spaces. Whether you're into fitness or upping your game, this rope delivers.

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Anchor Your Workouts With This Simple Yet Effective Door Anchor for Resistance Bands

Amazon

Transform any doorway into a gym with a door anchor and resistance bands. This dynamic duo creates a cable-machine-like setup without the hefty price tag. Affordable, portable, and easy to use, this dynamic duo turns any space into your personal training zone.

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