How to Spot (and Deal With) an Impending Breakup

What Pop Culture Gets Wrong About Single Women

Did you know that 50% of people who aren't in relationships actually aren't looking for one (via Pew Research Center)? Yet, pop culture still has conflicting ideas about what this looks like for women (think everything from Sex and the City to Dead to Me). However, it seems that finding a new partner to fill a loneliness void seems to be at least one character's goal.

As a journalist and author of Single: Living A Complete Life On Your Own Terms, Nicola's noticed this too."There is this assumption that all single women are miserable and desperate and that our biggest concern is how we can quickly find a man in order to quickly end what people assume is a terrible state to be in," she says.

Guess what she sees that debunks this myth? "...most single women I know live good and full lives and dating is only a small part of their lives. We have so much more going on and being single is not a waiting room," she shares. To further prove uncoupled people aren't curled up in a dark corner crying into a bowl of ice cream, she features insights about singledom in her book.

"Lots of people I spoke to for my book were either taking a break from dating or simply not interested, yet those stories are rarely told when it comes to books and films and TV shows," she points out. But sadly, "single women are often the butt of the joke," according to her.

Rewrite The Rules

If you consider yourself to be a content person who has unlimited things to do on a Sunday? I'm so happy you've found your happy little groove, but I'm also rooting for you if you feel you're wondering about aimlessly because you're not dating someone.

Here's what Nicola has to say about this: "I think one of the first things I would say is to let go of the idea that you’re somehow in a waiting room waiting for your life to start if you don’t have a partner." Having been in your shoes, she says "there used to be so many things," she avoided. "...I felt like I should do them with a romantic partner until I realized I was holding myself back," she gently shares.

She's also conscious that "there is this idea that you need to be coupled up in order to be complete." But, no! "...you're a whole person and, in the words of one of my interviewees Bella De Paulo, one is a whole number," Nicola exclaims.

Navigating Singleness When You're Thinking About Fertility

The conversation about reproductive rights has made some people reconsider conceiving, but others are still open to becoming parents. If you're one of the few people who's worried about your biological clock ticking as a single person, Nicola and I want you to know your feelings are valid. In fact, she says "this is such a tough position to be in" and that she does "understand the pain and feelings of panic that you can feel as you get older and know your fertility must be declining."

Frankly, she acknowledges "it feels like a race against time," but your choices aren't limited. "I would say start researching your options. You can quite easily get a fertility check to see how you’re doing. Plus, thanks to advances in sciences, you can also freeze your eggs," she suggests. She knows "it's not guaranteed to work, but it may help you further down the line."

Also, understand that you don't have to deal with this by yourself. You can "reach out to support groups" like the community Nicola runs for uncoupled people. "It's associated with my newsletter and there are lots of people in the same boat. It can help to feel less alone," she says. Another resource she recommends is the "Stork and I community for those considering solo motherhood by choice (with a sperm donor)."

Moving On After A Long-Term Relationship Ends

You thought you and your former sweetheart were destined to be together forever until a bad breakup left you feeling disoriented. Nicola says she understand this feeling because she's "been there" too! But this isn't the time to pretend like you can bounce back like nothing happened.

"Firstly it’s OK to feel absolutely awful - it’s normal actually! It helped when I understood the science behind heartbreaks - there is a reason you feel so bad - which tells us that those going through heartbreak are experiencing similar feelings to those who are going through withdrawal from a drug addiction," she discloses.

The second thing she's sure about is that "your life is not over, but it's OK to take things day by day for a while." I don't remember how long it took to heal, but I was distraught after my last breakup. I thought I'd found the person I was going to marry and have children with so when it was obvious things weren't working out, I cried for a long time. Eventually, I was able to find joy in small things and went on to build a life I love.

And that's what Nicola wishes for you too! "Look after yourself, treat yourself and take it easy. Don’t try and push yourself to be happy and over it before you are," she advises.

Solo Date Ideas To Celebrate Yourself

Solo date ideas are very much a thing I stand behind and does Nicola. "Sometimes I have chosen to completely ignore the day but other times I have embraced it and chosen to celebrate the love I have for myself. One year I took myself out for a meal one lunchtime at a spot I consider I real treat. I then bought myself flowers on the way home," she divulges. TBH, this sounds like my kind of carrying on!

She continues with, "Other things I’ve done on Valentine’s or on my birthday include booking a spa day or going for a massage, going to the cinema — which is one of the easiest solo date ideas as everyone is quiet and doesn’t speak when the film is on so you don’t need to go with anyone anyway — and choosing a recipe you have never tried before (bonus points if it’s something elaborate) and cooking yourself a slap up meal."

Nicola also says a guest writer for The Single Supplement newsletter "once wrote about a three course meal she lovingly prepared for herself because why not? You deserve to be treated, so you may as well treat yourself!"

What Loving Yourself While Single Feels Like

So, what does it mean to be 100% okay with being single? For Nicola, she's been finding new things to admire about herself. "I’ve learned just how capable and resilient I am and I now have the knowledge that I am OK - more than OK - on my own." One of the things that makes me smile is her realization that this "feels like a super power to her" in light of knowing she "used to have such a tendency towards being co-dependent in relationships."

It's evident my younger self didn't see this, but I too relied heavily on former partners for joy, fun, love, and validation. I thought that they were the answers to things that didn't feel right in my life, but that wasn't the case. The awesome thing about growth, however, is the ability to make peace with who you are and things you learned along the way.

To that Nicola says, "If I did find someone, I think I would be in a much healthier place than I used to be. But equally, if I remain single, I now know I can still lead a joyful life that’s full of love."

Check Out Nicola Slawson's "Single: Living a Complete Life On Your Own Terms" Today

Single: Living a Complete Life On Your Own Terms by Nicola Slawson

1. Play Card Games

A study conducted in 2015 showed that regularly playing cards can actually increase brain volume in various regions, which is linked to improved cognitive functions like memory and critical thinking.

Not to mention, card games are a great way to boost focus, hone your decision-making skills, and connect with other players. Some popular favorites you can try out include poker, crazy eights, hearts, bridge, and gin rummy.

2. Strengthen Your Trivia Knowledge

Are you more of a "Jeopardy!" or "Family Feud" person? Regardless, trivia is an excellent way to exercise your brain and learn more across a wide variety of topics. The best part is that you can play solo or in a group.

Download a trivia app on your phone, hit up a trivia night at local bars or cafes, or play some trivia board games with friends or family. Participating in trivia regularly may improve both short-term and long-term memory retention.

3. Build Jigsaw Puzzles

From simple 100-piece images to more complex 1,000-piece works of art, puzzles are more than just a way to relax. They're also a great mental workout.

Building jigsaw puzzles has been shown to activate multiple cognitive functions, such as spatial reasoning, visual processing, and problem-solving, all of which are critical for preserving brain health as we mature.

4. Venture Off The Beaten Path

When we stick to the same routines day in and day out, our brains can get pretty complacent. Try shaking things up and stepping outside of your comfort zone by challenging your mind.

For instance, taking a different route to work is a small habit switch that can have a surprising impact on cognitive function. You'll be forcing your brain to adapt to new environments or processes and stimulating areas responsible for memory, problem-solving, and spatial awareness.

5. Play An Instrument

If you've ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument, there's never been a more perfect time. Again, since the brain is adaptable and continues forming new connections throughout your life, you can develop new skills at any age.

Plus, picking up an instrument requires concentration, coordination, and memory, making it a stellar brain exercise.

6. Learn A Foreign Language

You can reap significant cognitive benefits from learning a foreign language as well. Research suggests that being bilingual can actually enhance creativity, memory, and visual-spatial skills. It even makes it easier to switch between tasks and may help delay mental decline.

The best part? It's never too late to get started. There are plenty of language-learning apps available right on your smart device. Otherwise, visit a local class to connect with others who are also picking up a new language.

7. Teach Someone Else A Skill

It's one thing to learn a new skill; it's another to teach it to someone else. Not only will it reinforce your own knowledge, but it'll deepen your understanding further.

When you explain a concept or technique to another person, you have to break it down, identify key steps, and correct mistakes along the way. This helps solidify your grasp on the topic at hand while bolstering your memory.

8. Meditate

Finally, daily meditation does more than merely calm your mind or reduce stress. Regular practice may also improve memory and increase your brain's capacity to process information more efficiently.

All you have to do is take a few moments each day to focus on your breathing and clear your mind.

1. Studded Denim Shorts

One Of A Kind High Waisted Studded Shorts

Studded denim shorts were everywhere in the early 2010s, thanks to festival fashion legends like Kylie Jenner and Vanessa Hudgens. They were truly so edgy, but the excessive embellishments have since fallen out of style.

Levi's Baggy Dad Jorts

If you want to go the denim route for a festival ‘fit, you’re better off rocking high-waisted designs or baggy jorts for a more current feel.

Silence + Noise Mona Studded Shoulder Bag

To channel the good old days of festival fashion, you could totally bulk up your Coachella ‘fits with cute studded accessories like hats or purses!

2. Combat Boots

Amazon Essentials Lace-Up Combat Boots

Combat boots – you know the ones! They were once the go-to footwear for grungy festival looks, but along with not being super practical for all-day wear, they just add an unnecessarily bulky vibe.

Tecovas The Beth Boots

Instead, cowgirl boots are the “it” shoe to wear to festivals like Coachella. They’re way more comfortable and go with everything from denim shorts to flowy mini dresses!

3. Fringe Tank Tops

Fringe Beaded Tie Dye Top

Remember when everyone and their mothers were chopping up their tank tops with fringe hems? We definitely participated in this festival-inspired trend, even tying little plastic beads onto the strands. Oh, take us back!

Urban Outfitters Zolli Embroidered Open-Back Fringe Halter Top

Fringe tank tops were most certainly a symbol of the boho aesthetic that was so big in the 2010s, but they’ve now been eclipsed by sleeker styles.

We The Free Fringe Out Vegan Suede Jacket

If you still want to embrace the Coachella nostalgia at your next festival, try out a fringy poncho or jacket or a purse for something a little more low-key.

4. Flower Crowns

Sun Flower Headband

Nothing screams ‘early Coachella’ more than flower crowns, but this trend came and went so quick. Flower crowns became so overused that they became cliché – LOL.

Free People So Silk Bandana

Luckily, you can still achieve the carefree vibe without having to put one on! Opt for chicer hair accessories like hair clips, bandanas, or bows. Plus, braided hairstyles can totally replace the need for anything excessive.

5. Gladiator Sandals

Vintage Foundry Pruitt Sandals

Oh gosh, we totally regret that these were even a fashion trend. Gladiator sandals – especially the knee-high, lace-up versions – were huge at one point, but they’ve since lost their appeal due to their impracticality. Not only are they hard to walk in, they take literal years to put on and take off, and can cause weird tan lines if you’re standing out in the sun for a festival.

Teva Flatform Mevia Sandals

These days, chunky platform sandals or cowboy boots are more the norm when it comes to festival fashion.

6. Crochet Dresses

ASOS Monki Crochet Knitted Mini Dress

While crochet absolutely still has a place in festival fashion, the fully-crocheted maxi and mini dresses that were once all the rage now feel a wee bit overdone – and too closely tied to the ever-popular boho aesthetic of the past decade.

Motel Fulvia Ruffle Trim Slip Mini Dress

Instead, rock some sheer mesh dresses, flowy slip dresses, or lace-trimmed pieces that offer a more modern take on lightweight festival dressing.

7. Tie-Dye Everything

Los Angeles Apparel Tie Dye Baby Rib Halter Top

Tie-dye was another huge festival trend. From shirts to shorts, everything was seemingly covered in the pattern around the 2010s. The visually heavy prints now feel pretty costume-like, compared to today’s more-refined festival fashion. Earthy tones and minimalist patterns feel more appropriate for today’s trends.