Ladies, It’s Time to Stop Apologizing. Here’s How.

Growing up doesn’t mean never having to say you’re sorry. But if you’ve grown up as a woman, you’re probably apologizing too much. While a humble and gracious apology certainly has its place, saying you’re sorry for things that aren’t your fault is not winning you any points in the career or relationship department. The good news is that this chronic habit can be curbed with a few simple tricks that will re-wire your mind to communicate with confidence. #sorrynotsorry!

STep One: Don’t Be Sorry

Seems pretty simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. You don’t need an in-depth psychoanalysis to admit to yourself that you want to be liked, and offering an apology to peers and superiors is a quick way to turn down the volume when you’re asking for something, which makes you feel more likable. Or maybe, like many women, you’re simply afraid of being perceived as rude. Perhaps you dread sounding brash. Maybe you cringe when you hear yourself ask for things because you feel “demanding.”

Chances are, your threshold for what constitutes being offensive is probably quite low. According to a study published in Psychological Science, women tend to apologize four times as much as men do — but they also tend to see themselves as committing offensive behavior much more often. This means our self-perception of what people are thinking of our actions and reactions makes us feel like we need to apologize for everything.

But let us put it this way: YES, IT IS OKAY TO WANT THINGS. It’s okay to have needs. It’s okay to be a human being in the year 2017 who identifies as a woman and yet also has goals and ambitions. When you apologize for having, you know, realistic expectations, you’re actually damaging the collective social underpinning of those expectations. If someone feels negatively toward you because you dare to address your needs, wants, and self-actualization process, that’s on them.

So don’t pretend to be the problem when you’re not. The sooner you can give yourself the gift of saying “IDGAF,” the better off you’ll be — and you’ll find those “sorries” aren’t so quick to fly.

Step Two: WAIT A SECOND

When you’re reframing your state of mind to be less apologetic, it might take some getting used to. Remember that silence can be a pretty efficient communication tool; practice taking a moment between receiving information and responding to it. Imagine how you’ll feel about the words you want to use before you let them escape. Part of being overly apologetic comes from feeling pressure to react to situations before we’re ready to address the issues the situations force us to confront. Don’t be afraid to wait a beat before you speak, especially if frustration or embarrassment is the first emotion you feel.

During your pause, remind yourself that apologizing for something doesn’t necessarily make an undesirable conversation easier for the other person, either. In fact, psychiatric research tells us that saying you’re sorry doesn’t even make the recipient of the apology feel any better about what they’re hearing; it simply makes the conversation more difficult to have because the other party feels obliged to offer forgiveness.

 Step three: Say What You’re Trying to Say

Often, “sorry” is used as a way to soften the blow when we need to communicate something disappointing or inconvenient to somebody else. Instead of apologizing for what you need to say, try to get out of your own way and just say it. No need to add degrees of dread or anticipation to your delivery.

If you find it difficult to disappoint somebody without offering an empty apology first, start small by expressing your regret in a less self-effacing way. Language like “I hate to be the one to tell you this,” or “I’d hoped for a different outcome” addresses your feelings without the crown of blame that a “sorry” places on your head. There’s no need to be a martyr when it comes to, you know, making statements.

If you feel like someone is waiting for you to fulfill the social expectation of an empty apology, don’t play along. Turn their expectation on its head by doing something far more gracious and issuing a “thank you.” Thanking someone for their feedback, input, or even negative criticism lets people know that you’re self-assured enough to communicate maturely. Remember that it’s more impressive to take criticism in stride than to pretend that you’re supposed to be perfect.

Step Four: Feel Free to Forgive… Yourself

It’s a good idea to try to wean yourself off the self-deprecating sorry cycle. But if you figure out that you’re not quite ready to cut apologies out of the way you communicate, that’s okay too. Getting upset about these kinds of habits because they’re hard to change is counterproductive.

Seizing control of your own narrative is about finding a way to speak that emboldens you and highlights your strengths. If you’re distracted by self-doubt and criticism over your habitual apologies, that’s not going to work to your advantage, either. By becoming more aware of the words that you use, and the reasons why you’re using them, you’re already more empowered.

Have any tips for how to stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault? Tell us @BritandCo!

(Photo via Getty)

Apart from the occasional 1,000 yellow daisies, doesn’t it feel like it’s perpetually autumn and winter in Stars Hollow? Not that we’re complaining — we’re totally here for budget-friendly trends and the winter movie lineup. This time of year always makes us want to binge-watch our ride-or-die mother/daughter duo, even if we don't get Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life season 2. We all have our favorite episodes, favorite boyfriends, and favorite characters — which is why we thought it would be fun (and necessary, obvi) to match up the major Gilmore Girls characters to their zodiac counterparts. Go ahead, refill your coffee cup before you dig in. We’ll wait.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

Luke: Moody much? While you’re definitely not always as surly as Luke, Cancer, you do share his predilection toward unpredictable mood swings. It’s true — Luke has a tough outer shell just like you, and it takes a lot for him to make himself vulnerable to even his closest friends. You’re both sensitive souls with a nurturing streak a mile long. (How else could Luke take Jess back time and again?)

LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Ms. Patty: It’s your world, and we’re just living in it, Leo (er, and Ms. Patty). You’re a natural performer, and there’s no doubt Ms. Patty also knows how to own the stage. You’re both outgoing and creative with a flair for the dramatic, and we’re willing to wager you’d get along famously (while working hard to become famous, of course).

VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 22)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Emily: We think Emily is probably the most misunderstood character in Gilmore Girls, which we’re sure is something any Virgo can relate to. You’re both perfectionists who know how to throw a killer dinner party, with every last detail thoughtfully curated. You’ve got no time for inefficiency, and while you’re super-sensitive to criticism yourself, you can sometimes be a little judgy of others. But you both more than make up for it with your dedication to working for causes you believe in.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23-OCTOBER 22)

Image via The CW/The WB/Gilmore Girls' Facebook

Richard: When it comes to family drama, Richard reigns as the perpetual peacekeeper. From Emily and Lorelai’s constant struggle to understand one another to Rory’s infamous boat incident, Richard has that diplomatic Libra spirit to solve a crisis. You’re both even-keeled, thoughtful people who can see both sides of any story. The Gilmores would be beyond lucky to have you!

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23-NOVEMBER 21)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Jess: Within the Stars Hollow cosmos, there’s no one more intense than Jess — and the same goes for you, Scorpio. You’re both passionate, complex people who’ve come to appreciate your dark sides. Like you, Jess has incredible emotional depth that fuels a passionate heart. Plus, Jess’s mental/physical/emotional connection to Rory is exactly how you approach your own romantic relationships. Our lives would be so dull without you.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22-DECEMBER 21)

Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

Lane: With a healthy dose of naiveté that everything’s going to be okay, Lane somehow managed to make her less-than-ideal upbringing totally work for her in the end. It’s this same unflappable optimism that guides you through life, Sag. You and Lane are resilient women who thrive on figuring it out with a smile on your face. You also both have a tendency toward obsessing over things you love, whether it’s obscure ’80s punk records or baking the perfect soufflé.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19)

Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

Paris: Honestly, can you think of anyone more Capricorn-y than Paris Gellar (except for you, of course)? Whether it’s her laser-like focus on future success or her incredible organizational capacities, Paris totally vibes with your serious commitment to reaching your goals (and constant need to prove yourself). You both crave stability in your life and loyalty from your friends and have put structures in place to ensure you get them, no matter where life takes you.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20-FEBRUARY 18)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Lorelai: Emily may have underestimated Lorelai’s free spirit, but we know you totally have her ticket, Aquarius. Whether she’s raising a daughter on her own, going to graduate school, or starting a new business, Lorelai is forever independent, thinking outside the box to make her goals a reality. She’s also got a rebellious streak with an aversion to authority that sounds a lot like someone we both know. Plus, you’re both the kind of people who will say it like it is while still understanding that everyone walks their own path. Where you lead, we’ll totally follow.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19-MARCH 20)

Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

Dean: Does anyone really know Dean? He’s got that poetic, head-in-the-clouds thing down pat, which sounds a lot like you, Pisces. You’re both dreamers who prefer poetry to playing sports and have a shared illusory quality that makes you a bit of a chameleon, transforming yourself based on your current circumstances. Remember when he just up and got married all of the sudden?! Who knew!

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Logan: Did you know the Life and Death Brigade’s motto, In Omnia Paratus, means “ready for anything”? Of course you did, Aries, because it’s your life’s motto as well. Just as Logan literally leaped into the unknown, you too know how to take major risks and somehow always make them pay off. You’re both independent, strong-willed, action-oriented people who prefer to live boldly, whether that means stealing a boat or running a newspaper (er, but we wouldn’t recommend the former).

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Image via The CW/The WB/Gilmore Girls' Facebook

Sookie: If you could live outdoors, you would, Taurus, precisely the same way Sookie would live in Jackson’s garden if she could. You’re both super-grounded and delight in sensory experiences that connect you back to the earth. Obviously, Sookie is an amazing chef, and you’re known as being the top foodie among your friend group. Life is all about the earthly pleasures for both of you, and you find peace at home, surrounded by creature comforts (and lots of cake).

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Rory: You’re whip-smart with a mind that moves a mile a minute and an interest (and knowledge) in just about everything, Gemini — and that sounds a lot like our girl Rory. You’re both super-curious beings who derive genuine pleasure out of learning new things on the daily. If you could go to school forever, you’d be happy. And we’re pretty sure Rory would be sitting right beside you.

Does your favorite Gilmore Girls character fit with your zodiac sign match? Tweet us @BritandCo to let us know what you think!

Lead image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

This post has been updated.

Welcome to November 2024! It’s official, everyone. We are cleared of the eclipse season and approaching the holiday season and Election Day. The collective is stirring with anticipation, awaiting the next course in our journey. Breathe. Tensions are especially high due to the major polarity brought on by the collective planet Pluto's re-entry into Capricorn just months ago. The tides are expected to change as the regeneration planet regresses into Aquarius for good.

You may be thinking, “What’s in it for me?” Aligning with the cosmic flow will bring more peace, understanding, and balance in your everyday life. Scorpio season is in full swing, and it beckons you to begin analyzing your internal landscape, desires, and control. You'll improve the world by grasping the importance of revitalizing your inner self. Believe it or not, you're the main character of your story, and your light contributes more than you know. This November highlights this part of your narrative. Are you ready to learn what is in store for you this month? Read on for your sun, moon, and rising November horoscope below.

Themes For Your November Horoscope In 2024

Brian Yurasits

This month kicks off with the New Moon in Scorpio on November 1st, helping you see how you're being of service to yourself and others. Due to Scorpio's vibe of death and regeneration, this lunation will also materialize the importance of “clearing out” from the old. Remember last month’s solar eclipse?

This New Moon in Scorpio extends the path for you to turn over a new leaf and actualize your desired changes. Make a move.

The communication signals will power up as Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2nd, manifesting a feeling of warmth and hope in our messages. The dialogue exchanged will be inspiring and educational.

Share information that will benefit others. You'll experience serendipitous moments as you give back.

Our drive and bravado will turn up as the motivator planet Mars enters Leo on November 3rd. Our self-worth will drive passion and desire. Step forward and claim your desire.

Patricia Luquet

Create your masterpiece and watch it come to life. Believe.

Love will shift to rationality and structure as Venus shifts into Capricorn on November 11. These next several weeks will help you gauge more accordingly with long-term plans and practical concerns. It will also invoke a more grounded approach to romance and dating.

Slow and steady builds stronger foundations in love.

On November 15th, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates the sky, highlighting the importance of taking the reigns through a measured approach. With the rebel planet, Uranus, in alignment with this full moon, it will stir up massive changes involving our narrative and how we are playing our part in our storyline. It can lead to impulsive moves, so remember to be intentional. The great news is that Saturn, the structure planet, is direct today, bringing more clarity regarding our direction.

Ahmed ツ

Brilliance awaits as you hold steady.

Buckle up! On November 19th, Pluto ingresses into Aquarius, settling into this future-oriented sign. Anticipate significant technological advancements, including refined artificial intelligence, quantum computing breakthroughs, renewable energy innovations, and immersive virtual reality experiences. Side note: VR Games like Supernatural(I'm a BIG fan!) are revolutionizing workouts, allowing people to exercise in other worlds while engaging with a supportive community for weight loss, endorphins, and positive accountability. As you visualize your ideal paradigm, Pluto will guide you toward the tools or necessary changes to attract your desired results. Embrace this transformation and let go of outdated constructs, paving the way for a brighter, more interconnected future.

Vlada Karpovich

Happiness and fulfillment await those willing to adapt and grow.

This month ends with the Sun in Sagittarius on November 21 and Mercury Retrograde on November 25. Sagittarius season invokes wanderlust, adventure, and growth. Remember that you'll reign this season as you remain open-minded to new concepts and ideas.

Close-mindedness and dismissiveness of others' input lead to dead ends.

As we conclude working with Mercury’s backspin this month, steer clear of making traveling plans (like booking a ticket/itinerary), launching a business, or signing contracts. Plus, it will help you streamline your messages, think through your personal beliefs, and change your attitudes towards life. Going through reflection will help you gravitate toward your desired outcomes.

Which signs will be most affected in November?

Juliane Monari

As we journey through November 2024, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, and Sagittariuswill each feel the cosmic waves uniquely. Scorpios will harness the transformative energy of the New Moon to reflect on their desires and initiate powerful changes. Taurus will be called to acknowledge new narratives during the Full Moon, prompting them to take control of their path and make intentional decisions. Aquarians will experience a significant shift as Pluto settles into their sign, inviting them to envision a brighter future and release old patterns that no longer serve them. Meanwhile, Sagittarians will be inspired by the Sun’s entry into their sign, igniting a sense of adventure and growth. However, they should navigate Mercury's retrograde carefully to avoid miscommunications and hasty decisions. Allow these energies to guide you toward a more fulfilled and intentional existence this month!

​Key Dates & Transits This Week

Griffin Wooldridge

  • 11/1 New Moon in Scorpio
  • 11/2 Mercury enters Sagittarius
  • 11/3 Mars enters Leo
  • 11/11 Venus enters Capricorn
  • 11/15 Full Moon in Taurus, Saturn Direct
  • 11/19 Pluto re-enters Aquarius
  • 11/21 Sun enters Sagittarius
  • 11/25 Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius

​Read Your November Horoscope For Your Sun & Rising Signs

Brit + Co

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Themes: Investments and Ambition

This month brings transformative opportunities for personal growth and ambition. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages you to dive deep into your desires and set intentions for long-term investments. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your voice shines, sparking optimism and inspiring connections. Let love lead the way as Mars in Leo ignites your creative passion and pushes you to take bold steps in your relationships. Make a move while factoring in your happiness. The Full Moon in Taurus prompts you to let go of unwanted habits while tying loose ends with finances. The great news is that your adventurous spirit flourishes with the Sun entering Sagittarius later this month. Be mindful of impulsive trips or conversations, as Mercury retrograde calls for thoughtful reflection on your plans and communication style.

Brit + Co

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Themes: Connection and Identity

Expect a month filled with deeper connections and self-reflection as you reassess your values and domestic life. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages the exploration of your love life and partnerships, manifesting progress. With Mercury shifting into Sagittarius, discussions around shared resources become enriching and insightful. Consolidate your research or your internal landscape of beliefs and get to the bottom of what keeps you from attracting more abundance. Mars in Leo energizes your home life, inspiring you to create a nurturing environment. Rearrange furniture or begin visualizing your ideal home life — this new pattern will attract movement in your domestic life. The Full Moon in your sign focuses on your identity, offering a moment of self-realization and understanding about how you need to reshape your narrative. Mercury retrograde will help you retrace your steps regarding merged resources and enable you to work out your financial priorities or unresolved debts — research methods.

Brit + Co

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Themes: Wellness and Subconscious Needs

Prepare for a month rich in exploration and relationship review, inviting you to evaluate your connections and daily routines. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on health and work, paving the way for beneficial changes. Begin a new protocol and establish a sacred practice involving wellness that will reorient you with your goals. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus shifts toward partnerships, enhancing the depth of your conversations. Work on listening intently to your partner or connections to find practical solutions. Mars in Leo ignites your curiosity, encouraging the pursuit of fresh ideas. Get involved in the local realms and initiate conversations — this will inspire you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus sheds light on your subconscious, urging you to confront hidden fears and clear out. The Sun in Sagittarius with Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and analyze your relationships and their direction.

Brit + Co

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Themes: Happiness and Friendship Circles

This month invites you to balance your daily routines with self-care for emotional fulfillment. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to understand the core of your joy and what fulfills you. Mercury’s entry into Sagittarius shifts your focus to daily routines, enhancing discussions around wellness. Health is wealth. As you focus on your overall well-being, abundance will follow. The great news is that Mars in Leo energizes your financial goals, motivating proactive steps forward, so taking care of yourself this month will ensure the results. Later this month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your social circles, prompting a reassessment of friendships. As Pluto in Aquarius encourages transformative growth, the Sun’s ingress into Sagittarius and Mercury retrograde emphasizes health, inviting you to take self-care practices and review how you typically extend your energy to others.

Brit + Co

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Themes: Fulfillment and Reassess Life Purpose

Get ready for a vibrant month of self-discovery and creative expression. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on your domestic life and family, inspiring you to cultivate a supportive environment while establishing your terms. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus turns to love and creativity, allowing you to step out of your comfort zone and explore these realms of joy. Mars in your sign boosts your confidence, empowering decisive actions in your pursuits. Be yourself and ignite your fire to get things done. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your professional aspirations, prompting you to reassess your career goals. Factor in what makes you happy and optimizes your energy. The Sun's entry in Sagittarius alongside Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and align with your priorities in love and your creative potential.

Brit + Co

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Themes: Ideas and Past Aspirations

This month brings clarity and enriched communication, inviting you to refine your thoughts and deepen your familial connections. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages engagement with new ideas and community interactions, promoting open dialogue. Being openhearted and receptive to people's feedback will lead to breakthroughs in your development. Mercury’s transition into Sagittarius shifts your focus to home and family, enhancing emotional discussions regarding your direction. Be curious in your approach; it will heal your unresolved matters. Mars in Leo energizes your subconscious, motivating you to confront hidden fears while helping you understand your habitual patterns. Rest and reflect. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus prompts reflection on your philosophical outlook and long-term goals. Look back at your old journals or past aspirations to fill the gaps in your story. Mercury's backspin entails reviewing your next steps involving your emotional security — look within yourself and align with your feelings instead of seeking external validation.

Brit + Co

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Themes: Self-Worth and Vulnerability

You're in for a month filled with financial themes and meaningful interactions, guiding you to reassess your values and friendships. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to reflect on personal resources, setting intentions for more stability. This is an opportunity to revamp your approach to money and security — research new methods that will attract more abundance. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus shifts to engaging conversations and learning opportunities. It is also an excellent opportunity to network locally and gain traction and confidence with the side hustles you may be working on. Mars in Leo energizes your social life, motivating you to cultivate new friendships and connections that will get you one step closer to achieving your long-term aspirations. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights shared resources, prompting a reassessment of intimate relationships and closing the chapter on any outmoded approaches. By the end of this month, Mercury retrograde will enable you to reflect on old ideas that may have rested on the back burner. This is your chance to let your past endeavors rest or revive once Mercury goes direct.

Brit + Co

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Themes: Self-Empowerment and Commitment

Embrace a month of self-confidence and financial insight! The New Moon in your sign empowers you to set intentions for your goals and new beginnings. You're worthy, as this is your chance to establish a new seed based on what's aligned with your heart. As Mercury moves into Sagittarius, your focus shifts to finances, enhancing your ability to express your needs clearly. It can lead to frivolous spending, so be mindful of ongoing patterns that can result in retail therapy. Your hard work will pay off as Mars in Leo energizes your career ambitions, motivating you to make bold moves. You'll shine as you begin to dream bigger and aim higher. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates your partnerships, prompting a reassessment of commitments and closing the chapter on past disagreements. Hold space for your heart and your past to find a solution. As this month closes, Mercury retrograde will enable you to feel more in your power as you analyze your self-worth and become intentional with your next steps in financial planning or business endeavors. Clarity will be set next month.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Themes: Revelation and Health

Get ready for a month of revelations and enriching opportunities. The month begins with the New Moon in Scorpio inviting you to assess your emotional patterns, reorienting you toward powering up your inner belief and renewal. Begin an affirmation practice because this lunation will level up your manifestation abilities. Mercury gracing in your sign will invoke clarity and enhance your ability to articulate your ideas. Traveling or seeking out new experiences will be your go-to course, as Mars in Leo fuels your adventurous spirit, motivating you to seek a new perspective. Taking a class or engaging in higher study will fulfill you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shifts attention to your work life and health, helping you to assess your well-being. Release whatever is weighing down at work or mental patterns — focus on one thing at a time to ensure productivity. Later this month, your season begins while Mercury retrograde occurs. It will be beneficial to slow down and observe your personal goals and how you're showing yourself up for others.

Brit + Co

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Themes: Community and Desires

Prepare for a month focused on community engagement and clarifying your core desires. The New Moon in Scorpio invites you to energize your social circles, sparking intentions for collaboration and shared goals. Be sure that your connections contribute to your vision — enthusiasm is vital for success. With Mercury moving into Sagittarius, you’ll gain insights into your emotional patterns, helping you navigate feelings more effectively. This is your chance to change what no longer meets your standards as Mars in Leo brings energy to transformative experiences in intimacy and with your vulnerability. Get to the root and realize what needs revamping. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shines a light on your creative and romantic pursuits, urging you to reassess what brings you joy and fulfillment. As Mercury retrograde approaches, take a moment to reflect on past experiences that shaped your emotional landscape; you might find clarity in revisiting old dreams and wishes.

Brit + Co

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Themes: Professionalism and Family Roots

Get ready for a month rich in professional focus and social opportunities. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to define your career goals, inspiring strategic intentions for success. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your attention shifts to building social networks and enhancing collaboration and networking potential. Love and partnerships will fire up as Mars in Leo energizes your connections, motivating you to seek mutual growth and shared ambitions. It's time to set the terms with your relationship — this will help you get answers involving its direction. The Full Moon in Taurus highlights your dynamics, prompting a reassessment of your foundational support systems. Revisit the old structures regarding your family roots and decide whether you want to implement this as your course moving forward. As Mercury retrograde sets in, consider reaching out to old friends or colleagues; reconnecting could spark fresh ideas and rejuvenate your professional aspirations and inner needs.

Brit + Co

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Themes: Exploration and Purpose

You're in for a month of exploring and understanding your life purpose. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires a quest for new knowledge, guiding your intentions toward education, beliefs, or travel opportunities. It is time to fall in love with life by broadening your reach. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus sharpens on your life purpose and public image, enhancing your ability to articulate your ambitions. Dig deeper and understand what stirs in your zest for life. Expect vitality and endurance as Mars in Leo energizes your daily tasks, fueling your enthusiasm for tackling responsibilities. Consider a health kick or a new regimen to help you keep up with your new endeavors. Your body is a temple, and this month is the starting point in getting things done with your motivation. The Full Moon in Taurus lights up your communication skills, enabling you to reassess your old ideas and how they can be cultivated. It's time to launch your idea or make room for something better. With Mercury retrograde approaching, reflect on past career choices; revisiting old projects or connections might unveil new growth opportunities.

With 2025 just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to explore how you can power up your year ahead. Lumi Pelinku invites you to dive deeper into your journey through an extended reading that can provide tailored insights and inspiration. Click here to book your reading today!

Wanna stay up-to-date on all things astrology? Be sure to sign up for our weekly newsletter!

Happiness is often something we think we'll gain down the road once we accomplish X, Y, and Z: a dream job, the perfect partner, a bigger salary, a bigger house. Yet things like fame, goods, success, and validation are the stuff of which the old conception of happiness was made. According to this way of thinking, once we reach one goal, it's time to set another one that will for sure make us happy... yet it never really does. Society has told us that achieving our own personal success will make us happy, but that’s actually a lie, says Stephanie Harrison, founder and creator of The New Happy.

Stephanie developed The New Happy philosophy during her graduate studies at the University of Pennsylvania, where she received a Master's degree in Applied Positive Psychology. What is The New Happy? It comes down to setting compassionate goals rather than self-image goals in which you are trying to win or maintain other people’s approval. We chatted with Stephanie about this new outlook on life that has garnered more than 400K fans of her colorful, data-driven IG.


Why does happiness seem out of reach for so many?

Stephanie: I was fascinated to discover that so many of our beliefs about happiness do not come from within, but from the world around us. These beliefs have a profound impact on our actions and perceptions.

At The New Happy, our philosophy sets up a paradigm distinguishing between ‘Old Happy,’ the definition of happiness that you have been taught by the world around you, and ‘New Happy,’ a new science-backed approach to happiness that not only helps you but helps the world.

I think one of the core problems is that many of us don’t even know that we have a definition of happiness, let alone what it is and how it is affecting us. If we have a completely unrealistic definition of happiness, as Old Happy does, then it will always feel out of reach. In Old Happy, happiness is always one achievement away – it’s always the next one that will finally make you good enough, and then you can stop, take a break, spend time with your loved ones, and be the person you want to be. Starting to notice this pattern in ourselves is a really important way to begin shifting our perspective.

How have we been misinformed about happiness? How is that harming people?

Stephanie: The core belief underpinning the Old Happy paradigm is that you are not good enough as you are, and to remedy this, you must go out and achieve something in the world to become worthy. This belief creates tremendous pain. Feeling like we are only conditionally worthy puts us in a state of constant self-evaluation, judging how we are doing and how close we are to ‘enough’ – an exhausting experience that persistently drains our joy and vitality.

When I look at our collective well-being challenges, like burnout and loneliness, I see Old Happy all over it. We need to broaden our conversation about well-being and happiness to include societal influences, many of which have gone unacknowledged. If we have been taught by our world that happiness comes from achieving more, and that is reinforced by all of our systems, then we will prioritize individual success, and de-prioritize those critically important paths to happiness, like our connections, nature, and helping those in our community and the world around us.

My argument is that there is a far better way to find happiness: through being of service to the world using your authentic gifts. This is what I call your New Happy. To be happy, you need to feel useful. There are so many problems in our world that need help: they need your brain, your heart, your hands, your energy, your voice. There are people who are suffering, and they need exactly what you have to offer. In doing that, you will not only be able to help make our world a better place, but when you are expressing yourself authentically, you will also find purpose, feel frequent joy, and cultivate a stable, lasting sense of well-being. This approach to happiness is underpinned by a sense of compassion for all, a recognition that we are all connected and we need to care for the collective to be happy as individuals. It’s also hopeful: I believe that if we come together, we have what it takes to create a world where every person can experience happiness, just as they deserve.

Can you share some data points that support the New Happy philosophy?

Stephanie: One of the research topics supporting our philosophy is the idea of quieting your ego. This is the process of seeking a sustainable balance between yourself and others that leads to positive growth for all. It is related to personal outcomes like self-esteem and resilience, but also to the actions that you take in the world. Having a quiet ego is strongly connected to setting compassionate goals, which are goals where you are trying to contribute to other people’s well-being. These are contrasted with self-image goals, where you are trying to win or maintain other people’s approval – Old Happy goals. While self-image goals are associated with a decrease in self-esteem and connection, compassionate goals are associated with an increase in self-esteem and connection.

Another important element of our philosophy is the recognition of our interconnectedness. I think it’s really beautiful that the research shows this: When we care for others, we experience personal benefits; when we care for ourselves, we are inspired to and supported in caring for others. Giving increases your own positive emotions, sense of connectedness to others, and sense of meaning. One recent study found that behaving in a more selfless way is associated with greater happiness.

Turning to the research on caring for yourself, we can see the benefits, too. Extending compassion toward yourself predicts a reduction in depression, anxiety and stress symptoms as well as an increase in well-being. One study found that practicing self-affirmation increases feelings of self-compassion, which in turn motivates giving behavior. Every time you care for yourself, you’re supporting your ability to be there for others; every time you care for others, you’re also caring for yourself. It’s all connected.

Are there people who are just born happier, or can you learn to be happier?

Stephanie: There’s some debate about this, but many scholars believe that we have a general ‘happiness set-point,’ which is your base natural level of natural happiness. It is helpful to think of it more like a range, where you can boost yourself up to the top of it based on your daily actions. What you do does matter.

Happiness can be thought of as more than just the emotion that you feel when things go right. It’s about living a happy life, an existence that is aligned with who you are and what matters most to you.

One powerful reframe here is thinking of happiness not as an outcome, which is an Old Happy perspective, but as an action. When you are living your life, being authentically yourself and sharing that self in a way that has a positive benefit upon others, you experience happiness as a byproduct.

What are ways in which we can experience more joy in our lives?

Stephanie: Creating joy in our lives is such a priority. It is an emotion that not only benefits our own well-being, but also contributes to our relationships, our capacity to help and support others, and our resilience. Here are a few strategies.

First, help someone around you. There’s a reason that being of service is at the heart of our philosophy! There are so many studies that show the power of giving: It not only affects our happiness but impacts our physical health, too. It can positively impact your blood pressure, reduce your stress, and even extend your longevity. Do something small right now: Send someone a thank you text, let a loved one know how special they are to you, do a random act of kindness, share your expertise with someone, donate or advocate for a cause that needs you, engage in a warm conversation with a stranger, ask someone how they are doing and really listen. In the longer term, think about how you can use your gifts – the authentic actions that bring you joy – and offer them up to contribute to the world’s collective happiness.

Second, slow down, and look for something beautiful in the world around you. We miss a lot of the good, important stuff because we’re so focused on what we need to do. Decide you are going to look for the good: a wonderful quality in a loved one, something in nature, a moment of kindness. Once you see it, allow yourself to savor it and really soak it in. If you can, tell someone else about it to leverage the additional benefits of social connection. When you share with someone, you are able to extend the moment of goodness beyond the event itself, a ripple effect of joy that touches you and your relationship in a meaningful way.

Third, get outside into the world if it’s accessible for you. Our feelings of loneliness and disconnection are likely to increase when we are stuck inside our homes, as so many of us have been. One study found that spending just twenty minutes in nature lowers cortisol, your stress hormone, up to 20 percent! Nature is also the most reliable place to experience a sense of awe, which can inspire giving and compassionate behavior.

Finally, make joy a shared pursuit. Decide with your family or roommates or friends that you are going to consciously ‘joy-ify’ a regular activity, like making dinner, doing chores, or a regular routine. Ask yourselves, what would make me feel more connected to this activity, this moment, or the people we are sharing it with? There are so many creative ways you might do this. In one of our New Happy Challenges where we taught the skill of joy, participants came up with all sorts of wonderful ideas, including cooking recipes from around the world, doing an end-of-workday dance party, and sharing a moment of gratitude as a family at the end of every day.


How can we support our friends when they're feeling down?

Stephanie: As a society, we’re not very comfortable with pain, suffering, grief, and the difficulties of being a human. There’s so much pressure to appear happy and like you have it all together. No one has it all together, and everyone is going through something, and I think that collectively pretending that this isn’t true is very harmful for all of us.

If someone trusts you enough to open up to you about their pain, this is a powerful opportunity to nurture your connection, share micro-moments of love, and support them. I developed an acronym to help you to be there in these moments: FANAL, which is an old word for a lighthouse or beacon. I love this metaphor because it gives us an idea for how we can be for others: firmly grounded within ourselves, sharing a light that shines upon them and guides them to a safe, secure place.

Here’s how to use it:

  • F: Focus on the person. Give them your full attention and make this moment about them.
  • A: Ask how they are feeling. If they brush you aside or give a standard answer, you might need to gently ask a second time or in a different way to make it clear you really want to know how they are.
  • N: Notice their suffering. Many of us are afraid to look at pain, as though it is embarrassing or contagious. This leaves the person in pain feeling so lonely. Try to really see them and their pain.
  • A: Acknowledge their experience. This pain might be the most palpable thing in their lives right now. Honor that reality. Don’t deny it or try to change their perception of it. Tell them that you see what they are going through, and how painful it is.
  • L: Listen. Just keep listening, asking more questions to invite them to keep sharing. Stay with them until they are ready to change the topic.

This practice will help you to be there for them in a compassionate way.

Thanks Stephanie! You can follow the New Happy @newhappyconewhappyco.

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Main photo by Jakob Owens onUnsplash

This post has been updated from a previous story.

Things are heating up betweenSelena Gomez and Benny Blanco since late last year to the surprise of some, but it seems like the couple's romance is just getting started. They're not shy about PDA and posting each other on social media and pretty much telling anyone who doesn't like it to get lost. We love how fiercely supportive they are of each other, giving us so many good green flags! Here's everything we know about the lovely new couple so far.

Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco's Relationship Timeline:

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

March 2019

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco first collaborated on the song "I Can't Get Enough" along with Tainy and J. Balvin in 2019. Though they were featured in a cute scene together, there weren't any rumors about them being romantically linked then.

August 2023

They didn't work together again until late summer 2023 when he produced Selena's single "Single Soon" with Cashmere Cat.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

December 2023

Before 2023 ended, Selena started leaving comments on Instagram that suggested she and Benny Blanco were in fact together. One of the comments she left appear on this Instagram fan page and it reads, "He is my absolute everything in my heart."

Some fans weren't so thrilled to see the two together though and they weren't afraid to express their opinions. But, this only prompted Selena to leave more comments that defended her relationship with Benny.

People grabbed a screenshot of one of the comments Selena responded that revealed the couple had been together for a while. "Not mad. It’s been 6 months bb. I will always defend my friends, family and fans till the day I die," she wrote. They even shared another screenshot from Selena's Instagram Story that showed her wearing a "B" ring on one of her fingers.

Craig Barritt/Getty Images for TIME

December 15, 2023

Soon after that, Selena shared a photo carousel on Instagram that included some of her favorite moments in New York and Benny Blanco can be seen in BTS moments. The last picture of the carousel features them sharing a kiss in a black and white photo that basically confirms the responses the singer had for fans.

December 28, 2023

Before the new year began, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco spent some time at a cute art exhibit during a date. From the looks of things, it seemed like they discovered their love language of physical touch early on.

Presley Ann/Getty Images for GQ

January 2, 2024

Feeling the love of being with Selena, Benny Blanco took to Instagram Stories to officially signal that the two are dating. People grabbed a few more screenshots that Benny shared and all we can see is the happy glint that was in Selena's eyes.

Sarah Stier/Getty Images

January 3, 2024

The next day the couple were seen court side at one of the Los Angeles Lakers' game. Once again, their love language was on full display in the most intimate way. A source revealed to People that they understood why people had so many opinions about Selena's relationship with Benny. "Everyone was a fan of hers before Only Murders [in the Building], and now everyone is protective of her."

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

January 15, 2024

Later that month, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco showed up to the Emmy Awards together. They were sitting side-by-side and weren't afraid to show affection with each other.

Jesse Grant/Getty Images for AFI

March 2024

When Benny Blanco's birthday rolled around, Selena Gomez shared a sweet message to him on Instagram. She wrote, "Happy birthday baby! Your emotional endurance, positive disposition, unbelievable talent (that blows me away), undeniable humor and loving, kind heart absolutely kill me. I love you @itsbennyblanco 🎂🥹."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

April 2024

Although we're only four months into the new year, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship is still going strong! The Only Murders in the Building star has been seen smiling in every pic she posts which indicates she's genuinely happy in her relationship. A source hinted to People that the two are doing well. "It’s a very serious relationship, and they’re making long distance work while she’s in New York for work commitments," they said.

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Spotify

April 25, 2024

In an interview with WSJ, Benny Blanco gave his POV of how his relationship with Selena Gomez began and it was the cutest revelation. "It’s crazy how your partner could just be sitting there the whole time, right in front of your eyes...And then you have a Clueless moment where you're like, Wait, I'm in love," he says.

A man who compares his relationship to that moment in Clueless where Cher and Josh admit their feelings for each other gets brownie points from us!

May 15, 2024

It looks like Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship may be ready for the next step — that's if you ask Mr. Blanco. He appeared on The Howard Stern Show yesterday to chat about everything, including his relationship with Selena. When Howard Stern asked, "You want to have kids with Selena? Have you told her you want to have kids yet," Benny replied, "That’s my next goal, to check the box. I have a ton of godkids. I've got a ton of nephews. I love being around kids."

However, he's not in a rush and wants everything to happen naturally. All that matters is that the two of them are in each other's life. He said, "I just know that when I look at her, I just say, ‘I don’t know a world where it could be better than this.’ That’s what I always say to her.”

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

May 29, 2024

Selena Gomez tells TIME just how much Benny Blanco means to her — no matter what anyone else says. "My own fans, who I adore and feel like have shaped who I am, will say the most hurtful things to me about how I live my life," she says. "But he has the strength in him that none of that noise fazes him. It’s really impressive, and I just cherish every moment with him. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that he’s not going anywhere any time soon.”

Selena Gomez/Instagram

October 27, 2024

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco looked amazing in their Alice in Wonderland couple's Halloween costume. "Curiouser and curiouser," Selena wrote on the post, which is totally reminding us of Taylor Swift's 1989 (hello "Wonderland"!!!).

Selena wore a corset dress in what looks like slate blue with cap puffed sleeves and a tulle skirt, along with a blonde wig, black bow, and slingback shoes. Benny went all out as the Mad Hatter with face paint, a wig, a top hat, and a waistcoat. We'd follow them down the rabbit hole!

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This post has been updated.

Gretchen Weiners' hair might be full of secrets in Mean Girls, but in Amanda Seyfried's new movie, her life is full of secrets. The Housemaid, based on the novel by Freida McFadden, follows Millie (played by Sydney Sweeney), who's down on her luck and in desperate need of a fresh start. When she snags a job as a housemaid in Nina's (Amanda Seyfried) beautiful home, it looks like things are finally moving in her favor. But all is not as it seems — and it doesn't take long for Millie to realize Nina's secrets are the most dangerous thing about her.

The book, which has sold over 3.6 million copies, has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for over a year and Amazon's Bestsellers list for 98 weeks (talk about popular). It was also the second-most-read title on Kindle for their 10th anniversary, so it's no surprise that the story is getting its own adaptation. Here's everything you need to know about The Housemaid starring Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Brandon Sklenar.

  • The Housemaid by Freida McFadden is getting the movie treatment.
  • Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney will star as Nina and Millie, respectively, while Brandon Sklenar will star as Andrew.
  • Seyfried promises fans "I'm gonna do you well."

Who's in The Housemaid movie?

Jon Kopaloff/Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

The Housemaid Cast

The cast of The Housemaid will be led by Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, Anyone But You) as Millie, Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, The Drop Out) as Nina, and Brandon Sklenar (It Ends With Us,Drop) as Andrew. Uma Thurman, Phoebe Dynevor, and Anthony Hopkins will also star. Check back here for the rest of the official cast list!

"I hope [die-hard fans of the book] accept this casting," Seyfried jokes in an interview with Bustle. "I know Sydney's amazing...I can't wait to work with her. I think we're going to have a lot of fun. But also, like, I don't know how people see Nina, my character...I hope they like the casting because the fans are the reason it's being made. So I'm here to tell all the fans that I'm gonna do you well."

"I can’t even express how excited I am to announce that #TheHousemaidMovie is coming soon!!!" McFadden said in an Instagram post. "@Lionsgate has come up with the absolute perfect cast and director, and I am just so grateful! I mean, Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Paul Feig…mind blown!!!! I’m so honored and thankful to all my readers who helped make this dream come true!!!!!"

Is The Housemaid going to be made into a movie?

Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels

Yes, Deadline announced on October 8 that The Housemaid would become a film, thanks to Hidden Pictures and Lionsgate. Paul Feig will direct, Rebecca Sonnenshine will write the script, and Todd Lieberman, Laura Fischer, and Feig will produce while Alex Young, author Freida McFadden, Sydney Sweeney, and Amanda Seyfried will executive produce.

“I’m thrilled to have The Housemaid join our upcoming slate,” said Adam Fogelson, chair of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group. “A great filmmaker and a great cast with a great script from a great book is a terrific place to start.”

“Part of the fun of the book was imagining the cast while we read it, and Sydney Sweeney and Amanda Seyfried are perfect for Millie and Nina – they’re both mysterious, nuanced, and incredibly skilled at becoming characters who don’t reveal everything right away,” said Erin Westerman, co-president of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group.

What is the plot of The Housemaid?

Amazon

The Housemaid Plot

Millie has one more chance at starting over, and taking a job as a housemaid for wealthy couple Nina and Andrew is the perfect place to start. But as she cleans, cooks, and takes care of their daughter, Millie quickly realizes her employers are far from perfect — even if they'll do anything to keep up appearances.

When is The Housemaid coming out?

Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

The Housemaid Release Date

We don't have an official release date for The Housemaid yet, but there's a good chance we could see it in 2025. Stay tuned for more news!

How many books are in the series The Housemaid?

Amazon

Freida McFadden has three books in The Housemaid series: The Housemaid, The Housemaid's Secret, and The Housemaid is Watching.

Is The Housemaid spicy?

hubbugaye/Pexels

There is some sex and violence in The Housemaid, but it's not as overwhelming as some other popular books on the market. One Goodreads user compares the content to what you'd watch in Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Minds. If you're concerned about one of your preteens reading this book, you could always read it first, or start a bookclub and read it together!

Read The 17 Best Mystery And Thriller Books For All Readers while it's still spooky season!

This post has been updated.