What This Social Experiment Shows Us About “Having It All”

You’ve heard a lot about the elusive search for “it all” — as in, having it all. When we talk about the cliché of “living the dream,” we often mean striking the perfect balance of #allthethings. Having it all means achieving dreamy romance, professional success, consistent friendships, good relationships with family members, and an impressive education. Oh, and did we mention that you should also have plenty of time to dedicate to self-care so you can constantly be looking and feeling your best?

New York University associate professor of psychology Dr. Emily Balcetis explains that women have articulated the pressure to have it all since 1982, when noted journalist Helen Gurley Brown coined the phrase in her book Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, Money. “This [book] is sort of the first call or push for women to strive for being a master of all domains of their lives,” Dr. Balcetis says. “Even though the definition of what ‘having it all’ means has changed since the early eighties when this phrase was coined, a commonality across the conversations over all these decades is the struggle that women, in particular, have with trying to achieve it all and figuring out what having it all really means.”

In order to learn more about the state of the larger conversation about having it all for women in 2018, Dr. Balcetis recently worked with the team at Lean Cuisine to develop a social experiment titled ItAll. The experiment — which took place over two weeks in the spring of 2018 — involved two parts. One prompted the participating women to articulate very specifically what having it all meant to them in somewhat of a vacuum, and another gave them the chance to get similarly specific but in the context of a shopping trip with female friends, family members, and colleagues. After completing a questionnaire made up of questions about their ideal family life, career, finances, personal enrichment, health, and education, the 18 participants (who, it’s worth noting, Dr. Balcetis describes as ambitious, high-achieving women) were invited to “shop” at the ItAll pop-up store. The items on the shelves within the store’s four walls mirrored the items listed in the initial survey, with labels like “two kids,” “8+ hours of sleep,” and more. Dr. Balcetis and her team then compared each woman’s survey responses to the shopping cart she cultivated while in the presence of a trusted shopping buddy.

Nearly 90 percent of participants actually set more ambitious goals when they were around their female pals, coworkers, and family members than they did when they were completing the private survey. More specifically, about three-fourths of them chose those more ambitious goals in the domains of life that they themselves noted were most important to them.

“To me, what this means is not that when we’re around influential women, we’re pushing each other to take on more responsibility,” Dr. Balcetis says. “Instead, it’s helping us to realize what it is that’s most important and will bring us the most satisfaction.” Perhaps most interesting, Dr. Balcetis tells us, is the extent to which these results demonstrate a shift in the way we talk about having it all — or, as she prefers to describe it, having her all. “These conversations [between women] weren’t reifying the stereotype that women are supposed to do everything,” she says. “These conversations were really helping these women to find what it was that would make them happiest — and that’s where you should spend most of your time.”

While the campaign did face some online backlash, it also opened up a discussion of what it means to more effectively pursue whatever having your all is or to support the women you care about in doing the same. “When we’re in the position to give advice, it has a big impact,” Dr. Balcetis encourages. “Our friends, family, and coworkers are listening, and they’re making choices in response to that. And when we’re in need of help making these big life decisions, the social support in our relationships is a great place to find it.”

How do the women in your life encourage you in your pursuit of “having it all”? Tweet us @BritandCo.

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Blake Lively is as multifaceted as they come. She's an actress who has starred in titles like Gossip Girl, A Simple Favor, and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (plus It Ends With Us). She's the founder of Betty Buzz, which has a variety of non-alcoholic mixers that taste just as good on their own as they do with liquor. And, she's also a mom. Lively has been outspoken about protecting her children from the paparazzi, making rare public appearances with them for events like her husband Ryan Reynolds' Hollywood Walk Of Fame Ceremonyandcozy date nights.

When Lively and Reynolds seemingly announced the birth of their fourth child last year, we melted. Here's everything you need to know about Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's kids.

Is Taylor Swift friends with Blake Lively's kids?

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Yes, Taylor Swift loves Blake Lively's kids! The family has shown up to the Eras Tour multiple times, and most recently supported the popstar at her concert in New Orleans, Louisiana. Blake and Ryan were joined by oldest daughter James (who looked amazing in a Reputation-inspired 'fit), and I can't believe how much James and Blake look alike! She's truly her mini-me! At the Philadelphia show of the Eras Tour, which Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively attended, Taylor said hello from the stage.

One funny detail about Ryan Reynolds' kids that I love is when he mentioned the girls finally realized Taylor Swift was a popstar. "I think what's most exciting for them is that for the longest time they just thought Taylor's just like an aunt, like a friend of Mommy and Daddy that's very, very close, almost family," he tellsThe Jess Cagle Show. "And then they went to a concert one day and were like, 'Ohhhhh, this isn't a hobby.'"

For Super Bowl Sunday in 2024, Blake Lively joined Taylor Swift to support beau (and KC Chiefs tight end) Travis Kelce. "Last week I left my kids for the first time ever," she says on Instagram. "I took pictures upside down and had no clue. I treated a friendship bracelet like a Flat Stanley for my husband like I didn’t realize it wasn’t ‘07. I borrowed more jewelry than the skeleton in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. And I went clubbing. Now I know what my episode of TheTwilight Zone would look like."

How do Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively prioritize their kids?

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At the end of September, Ryan Reynolds revealed how different parenting seems to be now than when he was a kid. "Parents today are so different. We're so soft," he said at HubSpot’s INBOUND tech conference (via People). "I don't yell. I grew up with like — it was nuts, it was an improvised militia.”

“Now it's like, I can go look at all my resources for parenting and remind myself how to be perfectly compassionate,” he continued. "Something I love about [conflict resolution], and I know this is not very fancy, but what I love about it is that you can meet somebody where they are, and you don't have to be right or wrong...You can disagree and still connect."

Blake Lively recently joined an episode of her Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' costar Amber Tamblyn's Further Adoand revealed the one unbreakable rule she made with Ryan Reynolds.

“When Ryan and I got together, we made a rule not to work at the same time,” she says. “So that we could always prioritize our personal life...That takes working really hard when we're not. Just like financial planning and sustaining that; it takes balance.”

I love that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are serious about their family life, and that they have identified what works for them and are sticking with it.

What is the name of Blake Lively's 4th baby?

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Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' fourth baby is named Olin, which he revealed during the July 22 premiere of Deadpool & Wolverine!

Before Ryan chose to reveal the name, he appeared on the Today show and made a cheeky joke about it after the hosts urged him to spill the beans. He said, "We always wait for Taylor to tell us what the child's name will be. We'll say this: we're still waiting."

What are Blake Lively kids ages?

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Blake Lively's kids are all under 10. James is 9 (turning 10 on December 16), Inez is 7 (turning 8 on September 30), Betty is 4 (turning 5 on October 4), and Olin turned 1 in February.

What gender is Ryan and Blake's fourth child?

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On July 26, Ryan Reynolds confirmed that he and Blake Lively's fourth baby, born in February 2023, is a boy in an Instagram video supporting mental health charity Walking 4 Hope. Speaking with founder John Bell, who struggled with suicidal ideation after the 2020 loss of his son Jake, Reynolds says, “I want to share with you that I, too, have a son...Boy, John, if I love him one-tenth as much as you love Jake, I’ll feel like I’ve done a pretty d—mn good job.”

Considering how adorable James, Inez, and Betty are, I can only imagine how cute Blake Lively's son is!

How many children do Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have?

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Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have four kids. They welcomed their third daughter in 2019, making this new addition to the family their fourth child.

Did Blake Lively have a 4th baby?

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Blake Lively posted a pic on Super Bowl Sunday in 2023 showing what appears to be a post-baby body with the caption "Been busy."

Lively confirmed her fourth pregnancy in September 2022 when she arrived at her Forbes event in NYC cradling a baby bump and by posting her own personal photos on Instagramhoping that "the 11 guys waiting outside [her] home for a 🦄 sighting will leave [her] alone."

How old was Blake Lively when she had her first child?

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Blake Lively was 27 when she gave birth to her first daughter, James, in December of 2014.

Why did Blake Lively name her daughter James?

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The couple decided to name their daughter James after Reynolds' late father. While the name connects both James and Reynolds to his father, it also gives Lively the chance to bond with her daughter over having historically male names. "I liked having a boy's name," Lively said on Good Morning Americain 2015. "I thought I'd pass it on."

Their third daughter Betty's name is a tribute to Lively's late father. We didn't know the name of the couple's third baby until Taylor Swift used all three names in her 2020 album folklore. Swift also used James' voice at the beginning of her 2017 track "Gorgeous"! Does that mean we'll hear one of Ryan Reynolds' children in Reputation (Taylor's Version)? I hope so!

What has Ryan Reynolds said about raising their kids?

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In a conversation with Hugh Jackman ahead of Deadpool & Wolverine, Ryan Reynolds opened up about how his family has helped his anxiety. "I think it makes it better because your focus is less on yourself and more on your kids," he says (via People). "I love that I've had anxiety because when I see my kids experiencing some of that, which is probably genetic, I know how to address it in a way that is compassionate, that actually allows them to feel seen. I know that I can't just fix it. And I can communicate all that stuff to them and with them. I'm always grateful for it."

Per People, Ryan Reynolds has also made it clear he and Blake are wholly invested in the kids' daily lives. The doting husband and father enjoys the moments of "walking them to school and walking them back" as it deepens their bond. More than anything, Ryan and Blake's main goal is to make sure they teach their kids how to be introspective with Ryan saying "the thing we sort of hang our hat on the most is self-awareness with our kids."

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

However, that doesn't mean Blake and Ryan don't absolutely love being parents. "We're very excited [and] we wouldn't do this four times if we didn't love it," he says in an interview with CNBC's Power Lunch. "Everybody's doing great. Everybody's actually doing fantastic. I think if we hadn't figured it out by now, I think we'd be in deep, deep trouble."

"It's a zoo over here," he jokes. "This is my office here, this is where I'll probably — to be honest, I'll probably spend the rest of my life in here."

We love how much energy Ryan and Blake are pouring into their kids. It's always beautiful when parents are able to be present with their kids and teach them how to be present with themselves. Ryan Reynolds has also mentioned how having daughters "has been such a ride." Since he comes from a family of all boys, having daughters is something that was beyond his wildest dreams! “I love being a girl dad,” Ryan tells Access in 2020. “I have three daughters, which I never in a million years would imagine.”

He mentioned his newest child in June of 2023, when he announced his new series Bedtime Stories. "The idea for a show made to help everyone fall asleep was born the same day as my fourth child," he says on Instagram.

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

The Deadpool actor also offered some parenting advice on Amanda Hirsch’s hit podcastNot Skinny But Not Fat. "Embrace the chaos,” he tells Hirsch. "[Blake] always says, ‘They're all under our roof right now. The whole family's under our roof right now. We have them all.’ And that is a fleeting thing. Not an infinite resource, you know?”

While Reynolds understands firsthand how overwhelming parenting can feel, he also doesn't wish away this time with four young kids: “Just say, ‘Think about what you would give in 40 years or 30 years to come back and enjoy this one moment.’"

Besides this, Ryan knows their kids' childhoods don't mirror his or Blake's. However, he's not trying to place a huge emphasis on that because he wants them to have "as normal a life as possible" (via Page Six).

"I try not to impose upon them the difference in their childhood to my childhood or my wife’s childhood," he said (via The Hollywood Reporter). "We both grew up very working class, and I remember when they were very young, I used to say or think, like, ‘Oh God, I would never have had a gift like this when I was a kid,’ or, ‘I never would’ve had this luxury of getting takeout,’ or whatever."

In his eyes, he doesn't feel like it's the kids' responsibility or "bag of rocks to carry" because they're full of "gratitude" and "have a strong sense of empathy." That's how he knows he and Blake are "doing an OK job" as parents.

How has motherhood affected Blake Lively?

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Blake Lively opened up about how Ryan Reynolds and she monitor screen safety for their kids, which is definitely something top-of-mind in 2024. “This is not an ad. I get nothing out of this. I just love @tappityapp,” she said of the STEM-focused educational app. “It’s engaging, informative, fun and they care about safety."

She also jokes that she's learning new things right along with her kids! But, no matter how educational or fun an app is, Blake Lively also emphasizes the importance of engaging with her kids' devices: "I’m always triple checking any kids app constantly for safety because that’s my responsibility not an app’s, but I do LOVE this one.”

Despite its fun and funny moments, the actress has admitted being a mom is hard, but she did it with her signature dry sense of humor. “BettyBooze at your service," she wrote in an Instagram Story announcing the new brand. "These are recipes I’ve been making for loved ones for years. But I have 4 kids now. And I’m tired. So here they are. In a can."

Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for American Cinematheque

However, Blake Lively absolutely loves motherhood, and says in a 2022 interview with Forbes that having children has made her feel more comfortable in her own skin. "Once I had children, that just became even more profound because my time was even more precious, but also I think having children for me made me feel so much more in my skin," she says. "I never felt more myself or at ease in my own body or more confident — not to say that there aren't a bevy of insecurities coming at me a million times a day, but I just feel incredibly settled."

Speaking with People in 2021, Lively also explains how important it is that her children see her accomplish things outside the home. "I want to be as present of a mother as humanly possible and I want them to feel my presence, but I also think the best way to be the best mother is to show them that you can have a life and have a passion and have an identity outside of just being a mother," Lively says.

While she acknowledges that motherhood is all-encompassing, and it looks different for everyone, she knows that having your own identity is very important. "Teaching them that they can maintain themselves and that everything is possible [is crucial]," she adds.

When did Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have their daughters?

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Blake Lively's children were all born in the last 10 years. Blake Lively's daughters are James, Inez, Betty, and her fourth child is named Olin! Their fourth baby's name was announced during the premiere of Deadpool & Wolverine. Blake gave birth to James in 2014, while Inez was born in 2016. Lively gave birth to Betty in 2019 and Olin in February of 2023.

Do Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's kids have nannies?

Jamie McCarthy / Staff

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' children don't have a nanny. "I feel like I could sometimes have a bit of a short fuse, but there's just been this weirdly endless supply of patience," Ryan told GQ in 2015. "I have no problem waking up five times in the middle of the night and changing diapers, and as exhausted as you get, I have this stupid grin on my face all the time."

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This story has been updated.

Buying my first home was a crash course in the unexpected. There’s so much you don’t know until you’re in the thick of it — piles of (actually important) paperwork, surprise maintenance and repairs, hidden costs that can throw off your budget, and navigating regulations you didn’t even realize existed. And through it all, there’s the excitement of finally owning a space you can truly call your own. As a home writer and enthusiast, I couldn’t wait to redesign my space in my cozy Scandi-style aesthetic, but I also had to budget for a new water heater, a new roof eventually, and other non-cosmetic but critical upgrades.

To help you on your journey, here are 13 essential tips every first-time homeowner should know.

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Prepare for Hidden Costs

Beyond your mortgage, you'll need to pay property taxes, which can run in the multiple thousands each year, home owner's insurance, and maintenance for things like your HVAC (heating and cooling system), water heater (which can last up to 15 years vs. 8-10 with regular maintenance), and roof. You'll also have to pay for utilities, like water and gas, that you didn't have to as a renter. Make sure to set aside 1 to 3 percent of your home’s purchase price annually for unexpected repairs like plumbing issues or roof leaks. You also have to pay for your trash pickup and recycling. Create a budget to avoid surprises and save for a rainy day – that hopefully doesn't lead to a leaky roof.;)

Photo by Andres Ayrton

Understand Your Home Insurance Policy

It's important to know what your homeowner's insurance covers, especially if you live in an earthquake and wildfire-prone area like me. Consider additional coverage for floods or earthquakes or other location-specific concerns.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov

Create A Maintenance Schedule

Learn the basics of your home’s plumbing, electrical system, and HVAC, like where they are! Locate the main water shut-off valve and circuit breaker box, and create a maintenance schedule for tasks like changing HVAC filters (every three months recommended), cleaning gutters (every spring and fall), and servicing your appliances, plus when the warranties run out.

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Have Recommended Contractors On Hand

There's nothing worse than having a plumbing problem and not actually having a plumber on call to fix it. NextDoor is a great resource for finding recommended electricians, plumbers, and other contractors to fix things that you can't. My neighbors knew exactly who to recommend and it was easy to connect with the right people (and avoid the wrong ones).

Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash

Get To Know Your Neighbors

Before buying, walk around the neighborhood to get the vibe. I wish I had chosen a neighborhood with more kids on the block. On the flip side, we are in a very quiet neighborhood! Post-sale, building relationships with your neighbors can help you create a sense of community – and it feels good to know you have extra eyes on your home when you're away. My neighbors have my phone number and we text each other when we're heading out of town and need packages taken inside. We also share goodies from our gardens, have an annual block party, and have friendly chats on the way to our mailboxes. Welcome to 'burb life!

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich

Take Renovations Slowly

It's easy to get so excited about renovating and decorating your new home, but I highly recommend taking your time with renovations. I bought a major fixer upper and rushed getting it all done so that it was livable, but now I wish I had been more thoughtful about certain choices, and bargain-shopped a little more. Some things definitely could have waited. Live in your home for a while, get to know it better, before making major changes. Your budget will thank you!

Photo by Ksenia Chernaya

Invest In Good Repair Tools

This is a good time to invest in a quality toolkit (hammer, screwdriver set, drill, and tape measure...) and hand drill because there will be many times in your role as a homeowner that you'll need all of the above and you'll be grateful you have them on hand.

Photo by Helena Lopes

Check Your Safety Features

Make sure to install smoke detectors and carbon monoxide alarms, and note on your calendar to change the batteries every 6-12 months. If you decide it's right for you, you'll want to install a home security system too.

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

Keep a File for Important Documents

There is so much paperwork your first year of homeownership. Store warranty information, receipts, and maintenance records in an easily accessible place. If you're renovating, there are also permits you'll need to keep on file. And of course, you'll want your title, deed and mortgage docs in a secure place that you'll remember!

Photo by Kindel Media

Know Local Regulations

Speaking of permits, before I had the windows replaced in my home, I checked with the county office online to make sure I didn't need a permit to do so. Turns out, the county had different rules than the city (I had moved from the county limits to the city limits), which did require a permit. I will spare you the story of an inspector coming by just as we were installing the last window! This is all to say, make sure to check local ordinances or your HOA (Homeowner Association) rules that might impact any changes, like fencing, landscaping and upgrades, you decide to make to your property.

Photo by Samson Katt

Improve Your Energy Efficiency Early

Upgrading to energy-efficient appliances, windows, even solar if it makes sense for your home, can help reduce your utility bills and overtime pay for themselves.

Photo by Gustavo Fring

Plan for Landscaping

Yard maintenance requires you to invest in tools or services for mowing, planting, and upkeep. If you consider the cost of your time, it's often cheaper to hire someone to do regular yard maintenance. Also, as you upgrade your landscaping, consider choosing low-maintenance plants and trees. After adding just a small bit of lawn and irrigation to maintain it, my water bill was a bit of a shocker!

Photo by Dane Deaner on Unsplash

Take Advantage of Tax Deductions

Either find a tax expert who can help you with your taxes, or research deductions or credits available to homeowners, such as mortgage interest or energy-efficiency upgrades. It's money you can use to cross things off your inevitable wish list!

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Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

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If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

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I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

  1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
  2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
  3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

  1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
  2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
  3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

  1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
  2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
  3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
  4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
  5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

2025 already has a nice ring to it – the new year always offers a fresh start, a nice chance to make improvements in all areas of your life. Technology is undoubtedly one of those things that’ll always make our lives better (well, depending on how you look at it), so the new year is the perfect time to revisit what your devices are doing for you. If you can think of more ‘cons’ than ‘pros,’ it might be time to upgrade your outdated tech gadgets.

Tip: do not throw your devices away – instead, turn them into an authorized recycling facility or sell them to a repair shop, because your old stuff may just be someone else’s treasure.

These 5 outdated tech gadgets are totally worth replacing in 2025.

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1. Wired headphones

It feels weird to say, but wired headphones are so outdated, especially considering the vast variety of hands-free, wire-free bluetooth headphone options on the market now.

Not only are wired headphones outdated, they’re also not very practical. They aren’t very workout- or travel-friendly, since they can fall out (or rather, get ripped out) of your ears easily.

A lot of today’s bluetooth headphone options – from AirPods to over-the-head designs – also have way better audio quality than wired ones.

Jéshoots / PEXELS

2. Anything older than an iPhone 12

The iPhone 12 launched in 2020, making it a whopping 5 years old in 2025. It doesn't sound that long, but Apple's made a ton of upgrades and improvements to their iPhone models since.

Due to the mass amounts of upgrades and improvements, snagging the newest iPhone may just surprise you in what it can do – and make your life easier all the while.

Anna Tarazevich / PEXELS

3. Chunky old speakers

My family’s owned the same stereo speakers for, like, 20 years. I mean, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it, but music, TV shows, and movies could sound so much better on a modern speaker.

If you or your family tend to hold on to older technology like chunky old speakers, it’s time to convince them that a hi-fi sound bar is the right upgrade. Sound bars often display much richer bass sounds, clearer dialogue, and provide a more immersive audio experience overall!

George Milton / PEXELS

4. Clunky printers

If you’ve entirely worn out your 2000s-era printer, shopping for a sleeker model could save you so much money, time, and result in higher-quality prints, no matter what you’re printing out.

Newer models often use less ink than older ones and can handle larger print jobs with ease. Plus, they don't take up nearly as much space in your home office.

Cottonbro Studio / PEXELS

5. Y2K-era PCs

If you’re still using a big ol’ PC, you’re way past due to treat yourself to a new iMac or Macbook. Get with the times, y'all! Apple models are the only computers I can recommend, based on my experience. They’re sleek, clean, fast, easy to use, and have great security measures.

It feels like everyone has at least one Apple device these days, so if you’re looking for a splurge moment, this is your sign.

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New Year’s Eve doesn’t have to just be all about crowded bars and overpriced drinks. Those options can be great, but sometimes a tasteful dinner party can be even more fun and celebratory. Picture this: an array of Champagne cocktails and all kinds of fancy finger foods for your giddy guests before you serve up a fantastic New Year's dinner. Top the night off with a New Year’s toast, and suddenly you’ve hosted the perfect gathering. To get you started, we’ve gathered elegant meal options that range from Asian-inspired to the ultimate adult-ified grilled cheese sandwich to vegan and healthier options. Happy new year!

The best New Year's Eve dinner ideas for a festive start to 2025!

Brit + Co New Year's Eve Dinner Recipes

Brit + Co

Mac + Cheese Gnocchi

When you’re forming your own traditions, start by riffing on classic recipes like this mac and cheese. Our fancy gnocchi side dish is loaded with three kinds of cheese and will make every carb lover give thanks. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Instant Pot Creamy Chicken Pasta

We love a good Instant Pot meal and this creamy and delicious dish does not disappoint. It's great for your NYE feast! (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Pressure Cooker Vegetarian Chili

Just dump the ingredients into your pressure cooker, and you'll have food enough to feed a family in less than 30 minutes. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

10-Minute Vegan Trader Joe's Stir-Fry

On a budget? You just need a bag of frozen stir-fry veggies and frozen brown rice on hand for the base to this healthy meal. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Mango Shrimp Curry

A jar of mango chutney acts as the base of this shrimp stir-fry. Talk about summery goodness. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Thai Basil Stir-Fry

Punchy Thai basil, chiles, and garlic add a burst of flavor to this simple ground chicken stir-fry. Serve with sticky white rice so you can soak up every last bit of sauce. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

4-Ingredient Vegan Baked Ziti

Bake pasta without having to boil it beforehand by giving it a quick soak. You'll be surprised at how much time you save. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Sheet-Pan Lemon Chicken, Squash, and Green Beans

We love everything about this simple and fresh sheet-pan chicken and veggies. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Vegan Sheet-Pan German Sausage and Veggies

Hearty vegan cooking doesn't have to take forever. Whip out your handy sheet-pan, and you'll be eating this melange of veggie sausage, potatoes, and cabbage in about 45 mostly hands-off minutes. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Mexican-Style Hot Dogs in Lettuce Wraps

Keep it casual with a jumble of veggies and black beans that put a much fresher spin on hot dogs. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

20-Minute Tahini Salmon Salad

The rich and nutty tahini dressing is the key to transforming this salad into one you'll actually get excited about eating. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Pressure-Cooker Carnitas

This flexible recipe has a flavorful base of pork shoulder, aromatic veggies, adobo sauce, and beer, but you can also get creative by adding your own combination of herbs and seasonings. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Easy French Dip Sandwiches

For a casual yet still comforting NYE meal, try our version of Pinterest’s most-pinned Instant-Pot recipe cooks tender chuck roast in nutty ghee, which we serve on buttered pretzel rolls with mild cheddar cheese, caramelized onions, and leftover juices for dipping. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Paleo Orange Chicken

The classic American-Chinese staple is made even quicker when seared and pressure-cooked in the IP. Add a little bit of sriracha for a sweet and spicy flavor that's unmatched. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Instant Pot Beef Stew

You'll want to go ahead and bookmark this Instant Pot recipe because chances are, after you make this stew for the first time, you’ll go back again and again. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Keto Cheese-Stuffed Meatballs

We thought meatballs couldn't get much better but stuff them with cheese and suddenly they're a whole new meal that we can't get enough of. We love to use them on top of zoodles but any old noodles will work too ;). (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Pumpkin Curry

This side dish can also serve as a main course for any plant-based eaters around your dinner table this Christmas Eve. The flavors of pumpkin and vegetables keep things light and bright, while the spicy curry will warm you to your toes. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Harissa Shrimp Recipe With Chickpea-Dill Tomato Sauce

You'll love this recipe due to its versatility. The tomato sauce could easily support any protein, from tofu to rack of lamb. Not into dill? Use parsley, mint, basil, or cilantro (or d. all of the above) instead. No chickpeas? Omit them or substitute literally any other legume. Go to Italy or India this NYE with your flavor profile. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Squid Puttanesca

This sustainable, healthy, and delicious meal is a great start to a happy new year. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Sheet Pan Shrimp Fajitas

Sheet pan meals are a lifesaver on busy nights when you don't have time to cook and do a pile of dishes. Quick-cooking shrimp is the ideal protein for the method, since it cooks up in mere minutes. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Sesame Shrimp Puffs

These savory puffs are perfect for your NYE potluck. (via Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Spicy Butter Chicken

makes for a romantic weeknight at-home date night. Serve with plenty of basmati rice for scooping up that addictive sauce, and enough slices of naan to literally wipe your plate clean. (via Brit + Co)

New Year’s Food That’s Both Fancy and Delicious

A Spicy Perspective

Pan Seared Duck Breast with Savory Blackberry Sauce

Duck breasts are surprisingly easy to prepare and this flavorful dish will have your dinner guests in awe of your cooking talents. (via A Spicy Perspective)

Culinary Hill

Beef Stroganoff

This crowd pleaser is comforting and easy to prepare with variations like extra creamy or garlicky. (via Culinary Hill)

Barley & Sage

Chicken Pot Pie Soup

Make this cozy soup with the classic flavors of chicken pot pie,, topped with crispy puff pastry bites for the perfect NYE meal! (via Barley & Sage)

Half Baked Harvest

Crock-Pot Crispy Caramelized Pork Ramen Noodle Soup With Curry Roasted Acorn Squash

Who knew a crockpot meal could look so beautiful? We love this for an NYE party because it has a little bit of everything, thanks to some truly mouth-watering flavors. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Cozy Cravings

BUTTERNUT SQUASH AND SPINACH LASAGNA

Make this flavorful twist on traditional lasagna with layers of roasted butternut squash sauce, roasted garlic and a cheesy spinach mixture, all baked until golden. (via Cozy Cravings)

The Endless Meal

PORCHETTA

This all-belly porchetta is so rich and tender and perfect for a holiday dinner. Fennel and traditional Italian seasonings make it feel fancy but it's super easy. Serve with some roasted potatoes and greens. (via The Endless Meal)

Joyful Healthy Eats

Pan Seared Ribeye With Herb Butter

If you need some New Year’s Eve food ideas for an intimate night with just you and bae, it might be time to whip out the top-quality ribeye. Don’t forget to dowse it in the homemade herb butter. YUM! (via Joyful Healthy Eats)

Domestic Superhero

Apple and Gouda Grilled Cheese

Elevating cheese and apples… from the hors d’oeuvres tray to the dinner plate. If you feel like something more casual, try a grab-and-go instead of a sit-down New Year's Eve meal. This sandwich ticks all of the boxes. (via Domestic Superhero)

Natasha's Kitchen

Oven Baked Salmon With Lemon Cream Sauce

If your New Year's dinner ideas need some beautiful color, this salmon recipe should do the trick. Paired with asparagus and rice, your guests will leave absolutely stuffed. (via Natasha’s Kitchen)

Inquiring Chef

Braised Red Wine Short Ribs

We don’t want to get too fancy on you, but the Parmesan polenta made with this dish totally sold us. Plus, the braised ribs are super easy — toss them in the oven, then simply pull them out when guests arrive for a tasty New Year's recipe. Done! (via Inquiring Chef)

Yammie's Noshery

Bacon, Brie, and Apricot Grilled Cheese With Balsamic Reduction

This might be one of the most mouthwatering sandwiches, and New Year's Eve menu ideas, we’ve ever come across. The thick slabs of Brie melting into the apricot preserves goes perfectly with the crunchy, toasted bread. (via Yammie’s Noshery)

Closet Cooking

Chicken in a Creamy Parmesan and Sundried Tomato Sauce

These chicken breasts can be whipped up in a snap and are truly drool-worthy, which obviously makes them the ideal choice to serve at a holiday dinner party. This would be perfect on a bed of noodles or wild rice. (via Closet Cooking)

The Bojon Gourmet

Curry Roasted Eggplant With Smoked Cardamom and Coconut Milk

If you're wondering what to cook for New Year's Eve, look no further. We think whipping up a curry would be super unexpected and a great surprise to dinner guests. They might be hesitant at first, but once they taste the tender eggplant, all bets are off. (via The Bojon Gourmet)

Cooking and Beer

Chicken Alfredo Gnocchi Bake With Bacon

Alfredo and bacon, friends… the savory combination we didn’t even know we needed. Make sure you’re ready for the cream overload, though, because this gnocchi bake is chock-full of ricotta, sour cream, cream cheese, and Parmesan. (via Cooking and Beer)

The Seasoned Mom

Honey Dijon Roasted Pork Tenderloin

This New Year's Eve meal idea is great for an intimate gathering of friends or family to celebrate the new year. Other than the pork, you only need four pantry ingredients (plus salt and pepper), so you can have this whipped up in no time. (via The Seasoned Mom)

Olive You Whole

Whole30 + Paleo Shallot Filet Mignon

Kick off the new year with this healthy yet totally satisfying meal. (via Olive You Whole)

Chef Genevieve LaMonaca

Foolproof Beef Wellingtonby Chef Genevieve LaMonaca

Ingredients:

  • 2 lbs beef Tenderloin center cut canon (ask your butcher)
  • 1-2 T Avocado Oil for searing
  • 8oz shallots, minced
  • 1 lb Mushrooms, cremini or button, minced
  • 6 T butter
  • 1 t thyme leaves
  • 1 T minced Parsley
  • Salt and Pepper TT
  • Pastry Dough x 2:
  • Bread Flour 1 1/2 cups plus 1 T
  • Butter 3/4 cup (6oz) cubed
  • Salt 1/2 t
  • Ice cold water 1/4 cup

Directions:

  • Slice off a 2 lb center cut canon from a beef tenderloin or ask your butcher.
  • Pat dry, season heavily with salt and pepper. sear on all sides using a fat with a high smoke point (Avocado oil)
  • Tip: Precooking your beef is the secret to preventing a soggy bottom crust and most of the moisture is removed prior. This will also ensure that your tenderloin is cooked perfect every time.
  • Roast in a 150 oven to an internal temp of 115. Chill
  • TIP: I like to measure my canon lengthwise side to side then the circumference by using butchers twine. This will help me determine the size I need to make my prosciutto bed and pastry sheet.
  • Make your mushroom duxelles. Saute half a pound of minced shallots in 6 T butter then add 1 lb finely chopped mushrooms and thyme, saute, deglaze with sherry wine as necessary, cook until pan is dry, add minced parsley, season and set aside.
  • Add flour and butter to a counter top mixer and using a paddle, combine on lowest speed until the butter is turned into crumbs and all the flour is Incorporated. Pour in your ice water and mix until combined. Place dough onto the counter and form into a ball then flatten/ wrap with plastic wrap and chill.

New Year's Eve Recipes That Cover All The Bases

The Food Charlatan

Savory Parmesan French Toast With Hollandaise Sauce

We’re noticing that Parmesan cheese is a recurring ingredient on this list, but we’re obviously okay with it. Take this savory French toast, for example. This New Year's Eve dinner recipe is breakfast for supper, only better. (via The Food Charlatan)

Recipe Tin Eats

Slow Cooked Lamb Shanks in Red Wine Sauce

Instead of just drinking red wine, you can cook your meat in it too. Serve these shanks on top of mashed potatoes and you have yourself a meal fit for your finest guests. (via Recipe Tin Eats)

The Almond Eater

Mushroom and White Truffle Mac and Cheese

This dish isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s the most grown-up of the grown-up macaroni and cheeses out there. If you love noshing on truffle fries, then this New Year's menu idea is right up your alley. (via The Almond Eater)

Life As A Strawberry

Parmesan Spinach Gnocchi

We’re mixing up New Years' party food and adding gnocchi with this recipe. It’s warm, delectable, and makes for a comforting winter dish. Everyone craves a cheesy, cream-based meal when it’s cold, so they might as well get it at your NYE dinner party. (via Life As a Strawberry)

Yummy Healthy Easy

Pasta With Light Avocado Cream Sauce

Don’t be fooled by the green — these aren’t zoodles, although those would make a great dish for New Year's Eve too. These noodles get their pretty green color from being tossed in avocados and creamy spinach. (via Yummy Healthy Easy)

Recipe Runner

Pear, Prosciutto, and Gorgonzola Pizza

This pizza brings together a whole lot of flavors we love and want more of. It’s salty and sweet perfection for dinner. The best part? It’s loaded with Gouda, mozzarella, and Gorgonzola. (via Recipe Runner)

Cafe Delites

Smoked Salmon and Avocado Pizza

Everyone will want to grab a slice of this pie (or the whole thing). If you weren’t sold at avocado, the “sauce” is made up of cream cheese, dill, and garlic, then melted together with grated mozzarella. (via Cafe Delites)

A Pleasant Little Kitchen

Instant Pot Lamb Chops With Creamed Cauliflower

If you got an Instant Pot for Christmas, this recipe will have you putting it to good use by making these tender and herbaceous lamb chops served over creamy puréed cauliflower. (via A Pleasant Little Kitchen)

This innovative take on ravioli includes a velvety butternut filling, crunchy walnuts, roasted cauliflower, and browned butter.

Jelly Toast

Barramundi en Papillote

Flaky barramundi is steamed in parchment alongside Meyer lemons, ginger, bell peppers, and butter for a meal that promises big flavor and little clean-up. (via Jelly Toast)

Jo Cooks

Apple Bacon and Blue Cheese-Stuffed Pork Chops

There truly is no better way to enjoy a pork chop than when it’s stuffed to the max with a mouthwatering medley of sweet apples, tangy blue cheese, and salty bacon. (via Jo Cooks)

Pinch of Yum

Instant Pot Korean Beef Tacos

Everyone loves tacos, so feeding your pals these tender and juicy Korean beef tacos topped with fresh cilantro, kimchi, peanuts, and Sriracha mayo is a surefire way to win at hosting. (via Pinch of Yum)

Rasa Malaysia

Garlic Butter Scallops With Lemon Sauce

Scallops will win over the heart of any dinner guest — especially when they’re pan-seared to golden perfection in buttery garlicky goodness. (via Rasa Malaysia)

Half Baked Harvest

Crockpot Coq au Vin Meatballs

Make these easy herb-seasoned parmesan chicken meatballs cooked in wine with vegetables, onions, garlic, and fresh herbs for a warm and flavorful holiday meal. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Folks & Foliage

Arayes With Cheese

These crispy arayes feature a flavorful ground meat mixture and shredded cheese stuffed into pita bread then grilled to crispy, juicy perfection. (via Forks & Foliage)

Feel Good Foodie

Pomegranate Roasted Chicken Thighs

This easy chicken recipe has an intense sweet and sour flavor similar to balsamic. The pomegranate roasted chicken thighs are made with a flavorful marinade using pomegranate molasses. (via Feel Good Foodie)

Feel Good Foodie

Cheese Stuffed Shells

For an easy and delicious vegetarian dish, these cheese stuffed shells are made with three types of cheese, ricotta, mozzarella and parmesan, baked with a marinara sauce, and served with fresh basil. !(via Feel Good Foodie)

Salt & Lavender

One Pan Creamy Gnocchi with Sausage

This meal only takes 30 minutes but looks and tastes like you've spent all day in the kitchen. (via Salt & Lavender)

Maggie Bakes Grace

Vegan Creamy Lemon Pasta

Even if not everyone is vegan, this lemon pasta will please a crowd. The secret ingredient? Hummus! (via Maggie Bakes Grace)

Munching With Mariyah

Aloo Gobi is one of the easiest curries to whip up and made with cauliflower, potatoes and spices you likely already have in your pantry..(via Munching With Mariyah)

Rach L Mansfield

No-Boil Broccoli Rabe + Sausage Baked Pasta

This oven-baked pasta is one of the most satisfying for a winter holiday meal. (via Rach L Mansfield)

Nareen's Eats

Seared Scallops in Roasted Vegetable Puree

Keep it simple yet elegant with seared scallops and vegetable puree, perfect for a fancy night dish. (via Nareen's Eats)

Allosimone

Coconut Dal

NYE is a great time to try something new like this coconut dal dish with comforting lentils. Serve over rice with warm bread or naan. (via allosimone)

Chef Bai

BAJA NO-FISH TACOS

Oyster mushrooms and cashew cream make these vegan tacos as delicious as the fish-based.(via Chef Bai)

Two Spoons

Vegan Shepherd's Pie

Go for this cozy classic with a vegan and gluten-free twist made with a brothy lentil base and fluffy mashed potato topping. (via Two Spoons)

Live Eat Learn

Truffle Pizza

You can never go wrong with truffle oil and pizza to please a crowd. (via Live Eat Learn)

Cilantro Parsley

ITALIAN MAHI MAHI WITH LEMON BUTTER SAUCE

Mahi mahi, butter, garlic, white wine, lemon, capers, and parsley served over rice or pasta sounds like a perfect NYE meal to us! (via Cilantro Parsley)

Want more easy New Year's Eve dinner recipes? Follow us on Pinterest and subscribe to our email newsletter for some extra inspo!

This post has been updated. (Additional reporting by Dana Sandonato, Chloe Williams and Theresa Gonzalez)