This Is the Surprising Source of Most Mom-Shaming

The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

The Real Body Manual

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

Doctor Odyssey — On ABC/Hulu

Max might live on a luxury cruise ship, but life is not a vacation (even if the crew really knows how to party). Working as the ship's doctor means constantly facing unexpected medical (and relational) issues. And while that already sounds complicated, being miles off shore doesn't help.

Doctor Odyssey stars Joshua Jackson, Don Johnson, Callum Swan, Emma Churms, and Stuart Clark.

You'd think by now we'd know what to expect from a day at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, but Grey's Anatomy season 21 has PLENTY of surprises in store. I'm still reeling from Mika's sister undergoing cancer treatment and potential fertility-saving treatment.

Grey's Anatomy season 21 stars Ellen Pompeo, Chandra Wilson, James Pickens Jr., Kevin McKidd, and Camilla Luddington.

Transplant — On Peacock

This can't-miss show follows Syrian doctor Bashir "Bash" Hamed, who takes refuge in Canada during the Syrian Civil War and rebuilds his career at Toronto's York Memorial Hospital.

Transplant stars Hamza Haq, Laurence Leboeuf, Ayisha Issa, Jim Watson, and Sirena Gulamgaus.

Chicago Med — On NBC And Peacock

Dick Wolf's NBC medical drama provides the staff of Gaffney Medical with plenty of challenges — both inside the emergency department and out.

Chicago Med stars S. Epatha Merkerson, Oliver Platt, Marlyne Barrett, Jessy Schram, and Luke Mitchell.

Saving Hope — On Hulu

Dr. Alex Reid already has a lot on her mind as a doctor at Hope Zion. But when a car accident leaves her fiancé Dr. Charles Harris in a coma (while on the way to their wedding no less), Alex has to balance her patients with the hope that he'll make it out okay.

Saving Hope stars Erica Durance, Michael Shanks, Erica Durance, Michael Shanks, Daniel Gillies, Huse Madhavji, Julia Taylor Ross, Kristopher Turner, Wendy Crewson, and Benjamin Ayres.

New Amsterdam — On Netflix And Peacock

Upholding tradition while also embracing the new is something we've all probably faced at one point or another, and that includes this medical drama. When Dr. Max Goodwin becomes the director at one of the oldest hospitals in the country, he's determined to change it for the better.

New Amsterdam stars Ryan Eggold, Freema Agyeman, and Janet Montgomery.

SkyMed — On Paramount+

Saving lives in a hospital? Incredible. Saving lives in a plane? Miraculous. This medical drama TV show follows the nurses and pilots flying air ambulances through Northern Canada, which is a concept I don't think I'll ever wrap my head around.

SkyMed stars Natasha Calis, Ace “Aason” Nadjiwon, Morgan Holmstrom, Praneet Akilla, Thomas Elms, Mercedes Morris, Kheon Clarke, and Braeden Clarke.

Dr. Death — On Peacock

Mandy Moore stars in this medical drama TV show, which follows a doctor who cares more about his ego than his patients — and causes more harm than good.

Dr. Death stars Joshua Jackson, Grace Gummer, Christian Slater, Alec Baldwin, AnnaSophia Robb, Édgar Ramírez, Mandy Moore, Ashley Madekwe, Gustaf Hammarsten, and Luke Kirby.

The Resident — On Netflix And Hulu

Gilmore Girls fans will want to tune into this one because Matt Czuchry (Logan) stars as the lead! And dang he looks good in scrubs. This medical drama follows the staff at Chastain Park Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, treating their patients while also peeking past the curtain into the healthcare industry. But don't worry, there's plenty of relationship drama, too ;).

The Resident stars Matt Czuchry, Emily VanCamp, Manish Dayal, Shaunette Renée Wilson, Bruce Greenwood, Merrin Dungey, Melina Kanakaredes, Moran Atias, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, and Andrew McCarthy.

House — On AppleTV+, Hulu, Prime Video, And Peacock

The successful and unconventional Dr. House leads a team of diagnosticians at New Jersey's Princeton–Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in this loose take on Dr. Holmes.

House stars Hugh Laurie, Lisa Edelstein, Omar Epps, Robert Sean Leonard, Jennifer Morrison, Jesse Spencer, Peter Jacobson, Kal Penn, Olivia Wilde, Amber Tamblyn, Odette Annable, and Charlyne Yi.

The Good Doctor — On Hulu

In this medical drama, Freddie Highmore stars as Shaun Murphy, the good doctor in question, an autistic surgical resident at San Jose St. Bonaventure Hospital. While he creates a new life for himself San Jose, California, it doesn't take long for his life in Wyoming to catch up with him.

The Good Doctor stars Freddie Highmore, Christina Chang, Richard Schiff, Will Yun Lee, Fiona Gubelmann, Paige Spara, Noah Galvin, and Bria Samoné Henderson.

Call The Midwife — On Netflix

Take a trip to London (and the '50s and '60s) with this dramatic series revolving around the lives of nurse midwives in the East End.

Call The Midwife stars Jessica Raine, Miranda Hart, Helen George, Bryony Hannah, Laura Main, Jenny Agutter, Pam Ferris, Judy Parfitt, Cliff Parisi, Stephen McGann, Ben Caplan, Daniel Laurie, Emerald Fennell, Victoria Yeates, Jack Ashton, Linda Bassett, Charlotte Ritchie, Kate Lamb, Jennifer Kirby, Annabelle Apsion, and Leonie Elliott.

Brilliant Minds — On NBC, FuboTV, And Peacock

One of NBC's newest medical dramas follows a neurologist and his group of interns as they explore our brains like we've never seen before as they deal with relationships, mental health, and life outside the hospital.

Brilliant Minds stars Zachary Quinto, Tamberla Perry, Ashleigh LaThrop, Alex MacNicoll, Aury Krebs, Spence Moore II, and Teddy Sears.

Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman — On Prime Video

If you're a fan of science AND history, then tune into this 90s TV show that has literally every kind of drama wrapped into one: family, relationship, and more. I promise the series, which follows Dr. Michaela Quinn as she moves from Boston to the West in the 1800s, is a super compelling watch.

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman stars Jane Seymour, Joe Lando, Chad Allen, Shawn Toovey, Orson Bean, Jessica Bowman, and Erika Flores.

The Night Shift — Rent On Amazon Prime

If you thought your average medical drama was crazy during the day, wait until you see The Night Shift, which follows the nightly staff — and patients — at San Antonio Memorial Hospital.

The Night Shift stars Eoin Macken, Jill Flint, Ken Leung, Brendan Fehr, Robert Bailey, Jr., Jeananne Goossen, JR Lemon, Freddy Rodriguez, Daniella Alonso, Scott Wolf, Tanaya Beatty, and Luke Macfarlane.

A Gifted Man — On AppleTV+

Surgeon Michael is self-absorbed, cold, and materialistic — but things start to change when the ghost of his late wife begins visiting him.

A Gifted Man stars Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Ehle, Margo Martindale, Liam Aiken, Julie Benz, Pablo Schreiber, Rachelle Lefevre, and Afton Williamson.

ER — On Hulu And Max

If you've ever been to the ER, then you know how chaotic it can be. And seeing both the professional and personal issues play out in this medical drama? Just as wild as you'd think.

ER stars Anthony Edwards, George Clooney, Sherry Stringfield, Noah Wyle, Julianna Margulies, Eriq La Salle, Gloria Reuben, Laura Innes, Maria Bello, Alex Kingston, Kellie Martin, Paul McCrane, Goran Višnjić, Michael Michele, Erik Palladino, Ming-Na Wen, and Maura Tierney.

Body of Proof — On Hulu

Think of Body of Proof like Gilmore Girls in a different font. Because while balancing her career as a medical examiner with the rest of her life, Dr. Megan Hunt is also trying to reconnect with her daughter.

Body of Proof stars Dana Delany, Jeri Ryan, John Carroll Lynch, Nicholas Bishop, Sonja Sohn, Geoffrey Arend, Windell Middlebrooks, Mary Mouser, Mark Valley, and Elyes Gabel.

Good Sam — On AppleTV+

One Tree Hill's Sophia Bush leads this medical drama about Dr. Sam Griffith, who becomes Lakeshore Sentinel's top surgeon when her boss (and dad) falls into a coma. Naturally, that means she's in charge when he wakes up.

Good Sam stars Jason Isaacs, Sophia Bush, Skye P. Marshall, Michael Stahl-David, Omar Maskati, Wendy Crewson, Edwin Hodge, and Davi Santos.

Private Practice — On Hulu

Anyone who's missing Bridgerton should totally tune into this medical drama (and Grey's Anatomy spinoff) from Shonda Rhimes! Addison Montgomery is a neonatal surgeon who swaps Seattle Grace Hospital for a public clinic in LA (and a love triangle for a fresh start).

Private Practice stars Kate Walsh, Tim Daly, Audra McDonald, Paul Adelstein, KaDee Strickland, Chris Lowell, Taye Diggs, Amy Brenneman, Brian Benben, Caterina Scorsone, Benjamin Bratt, and Griffin Gluck.

Trust Me — On The Roku Channel

Trust is one of the most important parts of a doctor-patient relationship. But what happens when that trust disintegrates? This medical drama finds out.

Trust Me stars Jodie Whittaker, Emun Elliott, Sharon Small, Blake Harrison, Alfred Enoch, Katie Clarkson-Hill, John Hannah, and Ashley Jensen.