8 Reasons to Ditch “Having It All” and Be the Mom You Want to Be

I keep hearing about the winter arc challenge, but what is it?

According to TODAY, influencer Carly Bergesshared a viral video talking about the trend at the end of September. Her TikTok platform is all about taking steps to improve yourself, hence why she emphasized the winter arc's goal of inspiring people to not slack off their goals just because the year is ending. It's meant to cover the time between October 1 and January 1 — approximately 90 days, or the length of time it takes to form a habit.

Dr. Lane says the winter arc "encourages people to 'lock in' on self-improvement goals for the last few months of the year." That sounds like setting new years resolutions right? I thought so too, but she says this challenge or trend aims to help people "be their best selves." It feels more specific, which makes all the more it intriguing.

"In terms of the winter arc, an example of this may be someone reflecting on their year thus far and thinking how they 'didn't accomplish anything' because they didn't lose the 20 pounds they had hoped to lose, and thus they may completely lose sight of the things that they DID accomplish over the year," she adds. The examples she gives are:

• Successfully starting an exercise routine
• Cooking more meals at home
• Opting to order out less
• Accomplishing things unrelated to goals

5 Ways You Can Embrace The Winter Arc In 2025!

1. Get An Adequate Amount Of Rest

We've already dug into sleepmaxxing and it's benefits, so we think this is definitely one of the ways you can optimize your winter arc. Not only does it involve getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night, but there's an emphasis on making sure your bedtime routine and sleep environment are also promoting something positive. This means everything from limiting your screen time before bed to keeping your room cool at night.

Dr. Lane says, "Try to view rest as a choice that's aligned with your values rather than as a sign of laziness. Use this time of year as an opportunity to reconnect with whatever matters most to you, whether that's family, time for self-reflection, etc."

2. Eat A Balanced Breakfast

If this sounds simple, it's because it is. How many times have you skipped breakfast this year only to find yourself with a raging migraine around lunch time? PIedmont Healthcaresuggests that foregoing meals can lead to "low blood sugar," causing us to eat more things that aren't healthy. Even if you're in a hurry, try to at least eat breakfast that includes fruit and fiber.

3. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude journaling is one of the things we love talking about at Brit + Co. It's something we've been relying on when things get rough and it's a good thing because Dr. Lane suggests living in a state of gratitude. "Research shows that taking a few moments to reflect on specific things you are grateful for can have a profound impact on your overall mental health and well-being," she says.

When everyone's talking about everything they've achieved in 2024, she believes "it's easy to have FOMO and/or feel like we aren't doing 'enough,'" but "a daily gratitude practice can shift the focus to what IS going well in your life and help you to be more present with that." How does she suggest you practice gratitude?

• "Write down 3 good things that happened at the end of the day everyday, as well as why those things happened (the WHY is important as it often allows you to give yourself credit for the meaningful/impactful things you've done). You can even extend this more broadly and reflect on good things that happened over the past year and why those things happened."

4. Find Something To Enjoy Everyday

It doesn't take much to find something to be upset about everyday. It actually feels like our brains look for it. But, Dr. Lane wants you to try to retrain your mind so you're not focusing on everything that went went wrong in any given day. "Be mindful of savoring enjoyable parts of your day-to-day-routine. This could include things like savoring a warm cup of tea, walking in nature, or journaling at the start or end of the day." Even if someone cut you off in traffic, your favorite Starbucks order will likely make you forget about the small infraction

5. Set Small, Meaningful Goals

Even though you may be looking to have your shot at having a winter arc, you don't have to set huge goals just because someone else is. "Instead of aiming for big year-end milestones, focus on small, purposeful actions that are aligned with your values, like 'spend 10 minutes in silence' or 'call someone who brings me joy,'" Dr. Lane encourages. As far as we see it, achieving goals that matter to you means you've probably already been having a winter arc without naming it.

The official winter arc challenge timeline is almost over, and I have FOMO!

Okay, take a deep breath. You're not behind because you've never heard of this trend and feel like you're missing out on something. "As a psychologist who specializes in burnout, I have often seen firsthand the negative impacts that our self-improvement culture can have on people's overall well-being," states Dr. Lane.

From her POV, ignoring the winter arc trend may be better for you because it's a way of "protecting your energy." The call to move away from hustle culture is real with Dr. Lane saying the winter arc "can pressure people into unnecessary busyness, draining energy that could be better spent resting or connecting with loved ones."

Also, it's possible that you're not 100% on board with the winter arc trend. "What works for others may not align with your personal priorities or values — and that's okay," she adds. In this day and age, she feels "it can be empowering to decide what truly serves you versus going along with a popular trend."

If you don't feel energized right now, you don't have to pretend you're in the mood to improve yourself weeks before the new year arrives. According to Dr. Lane, "Winter is a natural time for reflection, restoration, and stillness." While you shouldn't be telling yourself that you'll rest when you're dead, she's adamant about you getting as much rest as you need."Rest isn't just an option — it's essential for overall well-being and entering the new year with clarity."

Should you feel anxious about missing the majority of the winter arc's timeline, here's what Dr. Lane says you can do:

• Try Breathwork: Simple techniques like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) can calm the nervous system in just a few minutes.
• Engage the Senses: Use grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste). These can bring you back to the present moment.
• Prioritize Restorative Routines: Focus on activities that recharge your system, like consistent sleep, gentle movement, time outdoors, or unplugging from screens in the evening.
• Set Boundaries: There are so many demands and expectations on our time, attention, and energy this time of year - both from the outside world and from ourselves. I recommend being intentional around your boundaries for this time of year and even writing them down. This could include things like the amount of time you'll stay at certain social events, events/requests that you will plan to say "no" to, etc. Planning these things in advance can help you feel more empowered to stick to the plan if/when these things come up
• Reflect Without Judgment: Instead of dwelling on what didn’t go as planned this year, acknowledge the lessons learned and focus on what you did achieve or overcome.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize the small joys or successes from the year—whether it’s navigating a tough season, prioritizing self-care, or simply making it through.

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CSPC), the Stanley recall covers all Switchback and Trigger Action travel mugs. These travel mugs pose a “burn hazard” to sippers who have them since the mugs’ lid threads can shrink when exposed to heat and torque, causing the lid to detach during use.

Stanley received 91 reports from consumers facing this issue, with 38 burn injuries worldwide. A total of 11 consumers required medical attention from the flaw. The CSPC estimates that about 2.6 million mugs are part of the massive recall.

These are the exact recalled products:

• Switchback 12-ounce mug, product identification number 20-01437
• Switchback 16-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-01436, 20-02211
• Trigger Action 12-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02033, 20-02779, 20-02825
• Trigger Action 16-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02030, 20-02745, 20-02957
• Trigger Action 20-ounce mug, product identification numbers 20-02034, 20-02746

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“We ask that all customers in possession of either product immediately stop use and reach out to Stanley 1913 for a free replacement lid,” a recent Instagram post from Stanley 1913 reads. “At Stanley 1913, we are committed to constant improvement and are focused on creating quality products that are built for life.”

If you believe you own any of the recalled products, you can visit www.stanley1913tmrecall.expertinquiry.com/ for a free replacement lid by verifying your mug’s product identification number and place of purchase.