I thought I was doing a great job of managing my anxiety... until the end of last year. It's not that I didn't have tools from therapy to calm myself down; it's more or less I wasn't in the right frame of mind to access them. The day after a panic attack, I spoke my with therapist about everything that was going on, and she asked me one of the deepest questions that I think saved my life: "Why do you think you have to control everything and everyone?"
Sensing my confusion, she decided to surprise me with this response, "You think planning for every contingency and working to prove you can juggle motherhood with everything else in your life makes you responsible. But they don't. All you're doing is sending your anxiety into overdrive." Jaw. On. The. Floor.
From my therapist to people in family who've been vocal about having 'bad nerves,' there's phrases I've learned from them that I like to repeat — like a mantra — whenever I'm rattled about something. Hopefully they help you too!
Scroll to see the 12 phrases I use to stay calm when I'm feeling anxious.
1. All I can control right now are my thoughts and my breathing.
Anxiety can feel like being stuck in a hot air balloon that keeps rising higher and higher. I could say it's merely 'fight or flight,' but it doesn't feel like the kind of travel anyone willing cancel plans for.
To combat the feeling of being held prisoner by it, saying something like "All I can control right now are my thoughts and breathing" is one of the easiest phrases I can remember. I repeat it as many times as I need to before I feel myself getting calmer.
2. I am calm, I am safe, I have everything that I need.
Have you ever been scrolling on social media when you've felt your chest get tight while your mind is racing. Yeah, I've done it too. It's likely we're reading too many negative comments, coming across gloomy news, or feel jealous that our doesn't look like that one influencer we follow.
That's our cue to log off and tell ourselves, "I am calm, I am safe, I have everything that I need" because it's true.
3. This moment will pass, it's just a feeling.
Choosing not to let anxiety win isn't about ignoring how we feel. Our emotions are always valid, but we have to ask ourselves if we're willing to let them be the reason we do or say certain things.
If you ever have a moment where you feel you're about to say something harsh because of anxiety, remind yourself: "This moment will pass, it's just a feeling." If I don't say this to myself, someone in my inner circle will bring it up which usually catches my attention.
4. You're not being chased by a lion, tiger, or bear.
It's extremely rare that any of us is being chased by a lion, tiger or bear, but anxiety probably tricks our mind into responding like we are. It's one of the greatest lies it believes so this silly, yet impactful phrase can help us relax our shoulders.
I hold tension in your upper shoulders and back when anxious so I like to say this phrase to remind myself there's no reason to lash out in 'fear' at whoever's in my vicinity.
5. Chances are, you'll never see this person again. Breathe.
I know the person in Target who skipped you in life keeps turning around and staring you down for no reason at all. Before you flick them off, remember that you don't even know who they are. This is probably the first time you've seen them and it'll be the last.
I personally had an experience where an elderly couple saw me standing in line at an Xfinity store with my son and decided to get in front of me because their issue was 'urgent.' When it was my turn, I let the customer service rep know I had an appointment and he immediately went to get someone to help me. To my amusement, the couple looked flabbergasted that they had to wait and I didn't even after skipping me.
That served as a reminder to remain calm even when people are being annoying and my anxiety wants to go off on them.
6. My body is keeping me safe.
Getting anxiety because our bodies don't look the same as it did a few years ago is a sure way to let anxiety plague us with thoughts of what we should be doing. Instead of berating and cursing ourselves, remember that our bodies are keeping us safe. It doesn't matter if we think we need to eat healthier or not. In any given moment, our body is functioning the way it needs to so we can get through our day.
Besides healthy habits can't bloom if we're being negative!
7. This feels hard, but it's not the first time life hasn't been easy.
Life's not easy, but it doesn't mean we're destined to face hardships forever. There are ups and downs that not only teach lessons, but they also build character if we're willing to appreciate them.
Even if we could care less about both things, trust that we've made it through multiple hard moments and will be able to get through this one, eventually.
8. I don't have to rush my way through life today or any other time.
Take a break from the rat race and breathe. People with anxiety are always thinking about all the things we want to accomplish and what we're missing out on, but rarely do we remember we don't have to rush to achieve success on our terms.
We deserve better than that so remember to say, "I don't have to rush my way through life today or any other time," when you're struggling.
9. My anxiety isn't the enemy. It wants to keep me safe, but needs a little help.
Remember when Joy discovered Anxiety wasn't a bad emotion in Inside Out 2? That's a real connection that we can acknowledge because our anxiety doesn't want to hurt us. When it's hyperactive, it's doing whatever it can to keep us safe from potential bad scenarios.
Tell yourself, "My anxiety isn't the enemy. It wants to keep safe, but needs a little help," whenever you're sure that you hate it.
10. It is safe to ground myself.
Grounding ourselves has nothing to do with being in timeout. It's a means of getting connected with the present so that we're not living in our heads. Since overthinking can cause anxiety to spike, this saying is a reminder to come back to earth via meditation or walking barefoot outside for a few minutes.
11. What do I know to be true right now?
This is more of a question rather than a phrase, but it's still true. Since anxiety can believe the lie that we're in grave danger even when we're not, it helps to ask ourselves about the what's true in the current moment.
Let's say you've been in life for a little over 5 minutes and are starting to sweat because you think the person behind you thinks you're the reason the line is moving slowly. Ask yourself how many people are in front of you and if it's logical to take the blame for the line's snail pace. 9 time out of 10 your answer will debunk whatever your anxiety was telling you!
12. My anxious thoughts are allowed to exit my mind with every exhale.
If you've mastered the art of saying phrases that calm you down, it doesn't hurt to repeat one more! Saying, "My anxious thoughts are allowed to exit my mind with every exhale" is another way to keep yourself calm when you're repeating things that aren't in the sound of your voice.
Taking deep breaths always calms me down in addition to repeating this phrase so I have it written in my phone, planner and journal.
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