The Most Important Reasons to Schedule Time for Yourself in 2018

For many of us, 2017 was a doozy, but we here at Brit + Co are ready to hit refresh in 2018! Follow our Hit Refresh series through January for new ideas, hacks, and skills that will help you achieve (and maintain!) those New Year’s resolutions.

Staying dedicated to your professional goals is admirable, but it’s important to take time to recharge too. In fact, studies show that making time for R+R can help you stay healthy, be more mindful, and even boost your productivity when you head back to work. Curious about how successful women see and use their downtime in an age where burnout runs rampant, we surveyed eight women who have already scheduled time off in 2018. Scroll on for the six ways they plan to use their break from business — plus what they believe they’ll get out of spending time away.

Make the Most of a Life Milestone

Maggie Germano is a certified financial education instructor and financial coach for women. She spends her time helping provide support and tools to help ladies take control of their money, break the taboo of discussing debt and income, and achieve their goals and dreams. A business owner who started her company as a side hustle, Germano is busy — and now she’s planning a wedding too! Needless to say, taking time off in the upcoming year will be vital.

“I started my business in early 2016, and I have finally quit my day job,” Germano shares. “I’ll be a full-time business owner starting in January 2018. Though I plan to ramp up my business in 2018, I also think it’s incredibly important to take time off; I don’t believe that anything is sustainable if you don’t make time to rest and recharge, no matter how much you love it. I’m also getting married in November and plan to take a three-week honeymoon. I won’t do any work during that time, as I know I’ll be working very hard on my business (and wedding) all year, and a long honeymoon will be a much-needed reward.” She tells us that her time off will be a success if she can recuperate from the wedding and business planning and recharge for 2019 and everything it might bring.

Beat Burnout and Work Smarter

“In July, I announced my exit from the online copywriting scene,” Margaret Olatunbosun tells us. “I was working over 12 hours a day (in addition to being a part-time registered nurse) and was completely burnt out.” A budding entrepreneur, Olatunbosun says that taking time off comes with two objectives that’ll help her succeed over the long haul. “First, I’m planning for monthly staycations in hotels to reflect on my journey as an entrepreneur; as an introvert, this really appeals to me. Second, I want to use the time to redefine what it means for me to be a creative entrepreneur so I can work with fewer clients.”

Saloni Doshi from EcoEnclose chimes in that working smarter, not harder, is a great way to preserve energy while getting tons done: “Most days I’m at work from sunup to sundown, and I absolutely love every second of it, but I’m an all-around better human being and much better boss when I’ve had some time to do things I enjoy and take a break from the busyness of running a business.” Doshi explains that in the coming year, she’s decided to be preemptive about taking breaks, scheduling them to prevent ever becoming exhausted in the first place. “I hope these scheduled staycations will keep me feeling fresh and inspired to be the best business-owner, boss, and mom I can be,” she confides.

Find New Inspiration

Sevensmith is a cool company that sells ethically made home decor products from artisans around the world, and founder Liat Tzoubari tells us that she’s inspired during her R+R, especially when vacationing to places that surface new ideas. “I’ve been working overtime since the beginning of September to ensure that we were ready for the holiday season, which has been extremely busy! But I’ll be going to southern Mexico in January for two weeks to soak up some sun and lay by the beach. Knowing this is ahead of me has helped me get through this tough and stressful time; I’m most looking forward to spending quality time with my husband, reading a few good books, and being able to take a step back from my business.” Tzoubari shares an added benefit to getting away: “I find that clearing my head helps me think of new ideas and different angles for my business, which is hard to do when you are knee-deep in operations on a day-to-day basis.” We couldn’t agree more.

Make Planned Time for Play

It’s easy to fall into a routine of work, work, work, but business consultant and coach Miara Shaw asserts that scheduling leisure time is a key component to her success. “Being a coach (and someone who is always developing other people and their businesses), I intentionally take each Monday off, in addition to the month of December.” Shaw says that she uses her time wisely, simply catching her breath and doing the things she enjoys most. “I love reading a book, sleeping late, catching up with friends, and relaxing,” she spills. “I must refill myself, as my business requires me to pour into others frequently.”

Break Free from a Regular Routine

“Ever since I was a child, I’ve associated ‘vacation’ with ‘travel,’” explains Monica Eaton-Cardone, the co-founder and COO of Chargebacks911. “Operating a global company with corporate offices in both the US and the UK, however, I already travel more than I’d like. To be honest, the idea of a vacation wasn’t all that appealing.” On the other hand, Eaton-Cardone admits that she needs a breather from time to time and that the magic in taking one comes simply from breaking up her routine. “I need to be exposed to new ideas and gain a fresh perspective,” she admits. “I live within a short drive of some amazing history and scenery, so I’ve started planning a few long-weekend getaways over the next few months. I look forward to being able to ‘shut down’ in small doses.”

Spend QT With Loved Ones

Tiffany Dyba, a career coach, says planning a 2018 trip with her husband is an awesome reward for the hard work she’s put in as a new business owner. “This trip could not come at a better time, as I am feeling the ‘new entrepreneur lonely syndrome’ and he’s been busy working in retail. We haven’t had a real vacation or chance to connect like we normally do in a long time,” she confesses. “My goal for this trip to Iceland is to live in the moment and be present.”

Kristin Groos Richmond, the CEO and co-founder of Revolution Foods, agrees. “I’ve always thought that taking a vacation is critical, given the intense nature of building a company. Vacation offers a chance to focus on family, personal time, and passions in a dedicated way that lets me come back to work feeling more effective and fulfilled in my career journey. My personal family trip this year will be for two weeks to Kenya, where I lived and worked in 2001/2002. I’m very much looking forward to sharing a magical place and incredible people and culture with my husband Steve and sons Watts and Caleb.”

Are you planning some R+R for 2018? Tell us what you hope it’ll do for your energy, creativity and health on Twitter @BritandCo.

(Photos via Getty)

The perks of having an older sister means I've been able to ask her all my more embarrassing questionsgrowing up. My whole life, we've chatted about everything from periods to sex to giving birth. Then one day, right before I graduated high school, she gifted me a book that changed everything: Nancy Redd's Body Drama: Real Girls, Real Bodies, Real Issues, Real Answers. It not only helped me understand my body more, but it also helped soothe some of the insecurity I had before my postpartum body developed into what it is today.

I eventually gifted Body Drama to someone else, but I never forgot about how beneficial it was, and I always thought there should be more work like it out in the world. As it turns out, Nancy Redd wasn't done normalizing bodies and questions bout sexual health — the author and Wirecutter journalist just released The Real Body Manual: Your Visual Guide to Health & Wellness! Not only is it a great resource for those who are looking for answers to more specific health questions, but it's something I continue to revisit on the days my insecurity dampens my mood!

I chatted with Redd to understand more about her work — and I came out understanding even more about myself and how I want to help raise the future generation.

The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

Amazon

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Centre for Ageing Better

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

MART PRODUCTION

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Anna Tarazevich

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

cottonbro studio

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Yan Krukau

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

Amazon

The Real Body Manual

Looking for more incredible books to read right now? Check out our fave new reads here!

We're officially one week into Scorpio season — are you feeling it? Is your intuition heightened? Are you super sensitive and a bit more introverted? It’s a good time to slow down, feel your feelings, and tap into the inner wisdom of your soul. Scorpio is often misinterpreted, perhaps because this season coincides with Halloween, the decreasing daylight in the northern hemisphere, or simply Scorpio’s intensity and power. A key word for Scorpio is transformation, which is never easy.

Think of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis — its time in the cramped and dark cocoon. That primordial, gooey existence is anything but comfortable. Transformation requires time, a willingness to experience discomfort, and patience before emerging as a beautiful butterfly.

Ajaila Walker

Scorpio is one of the healing signs in the zodiac, and while the Sun is in Scorpio, we can make great strides toward healing ourselves and helping others. There’s nothing superficial about Scorpio — it demands depth, wanting to uncover layers and expose what’s hiding. That’s why it’s a great time to focus on your inner world and subconscious mind. All forms of therapy are beneficial during Scorpio season, but psychotherapy is especially powerful if that's an option for you.

Eager to know what this transformational energy has to offer? Read on for your weekly horoscope to understand how this can impact your sun and rising sign!

​Astrological Overview For Your Weekly Horoscope

Eugene Lisyuk

The New Moon in Scorpio occurs on November 1 at 9 degrees of Scorpio. You'll want to check your birth chart to see where 9 degrees of Scorpio falls — this is the area of your life where you can experience transformation and growth. New Moons are powerful times to plant seeds for future growth, to dream and plan for the coming month. Take time to reflect on what truly matters during this period of darkness and inward focus.

Yuliia Tretynychenko

Mars, the planet of action and determination, has been opposite Pluto, the planet of transformation, for months. Both Mars and Pluto co-rule Scorpio, creating an intense and volatile energy. This opposition becomes exact again on November 3 and 4. Use this energy to propel yourself in a new direction and honor your true self. Strength and focus can harness this intensity for personal breakthroughs, but be cautious in making impulsive decisions during this time — on the global stage, tensions may rise, and there could be heightened aggression.

Sam Lion

Adding to this turbulent energy, Mercury, the planet of communication and learning, leaves Scorpio and enters Sagittarius on November 2. As Mercury exits Scorpio, it forms a beneficial trine to Mars and a sextile to Pluto. This is a powerful opportunity for words to contribute to healing, so take care in how you communicate. Be mindful of the power your words hold, especially as Sagittarius can be blunt and outspoken. While Mercury is in Sagittarius until January 9, focus on expanding your consciousness, learning new skills, and broadening your horizons.

Key Dates For Your Weekly Horoscope

Ashley Singerling

  • November 1 — New Moon in Scorpio
  • November 2 — Mercury enters Sagittarius
  • November 3-4 — Mars and Pluto opposition becomes exact

Read Your Horoscope Based on Your Sun and Rising Signs

Brit + Co

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

You’re being asked to dig deep into your subconscious this week. Keep your eyes and ears open for messages from dreams or moments of creativity. Meditation or solitude may reveal powerful realizations. If you feel the need to make a major life change, be sure your decisions come from the heart. You’re on the cusp of a creative breakthrough, but make sure your actions are driven by authenticity.

Brit + Co

Taurus (April 22 – May 21)

Relationships are in focus for you. This is a great week for couples therapy or deep, transformative conversations with your partner. Be willing to make changes that benefit your relationships, home, and career. Your sensitivity may be heightened, so incorporate self-care and self-love into any changes you make. Don’t shy away from this potential for growth — there’s tremendous opportunity for profound shifts.

Brit + Co

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Good fortune and harmony are possible, but luck won’t just fall into your lap — you need to be proactive. This could show up in your relationships with others or in your relationship with yourself. Kindness, equality, and fairness are key to success. Be cautious around people exhibiting aggressive behavior. You’ll receive back what you give out, so practice kindness and ensure you’re approaching things with fairness and balance.

Brit + Co

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

You prefer to avoid conflict, but this week you’ll have the chance to step out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to be confrontational, but a bit of assertiveness will help you move toward your goals. The seeds you plant during this New Moon will grow stronger if you add passion and creativity. Follow your intuition, especially when making important decisions. Your dreams need a touch of energy and action.

Brit + Co

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The Mars-Pluto opposition has likely stirred up some drama in your life. Have you mustered the courage to start something new? If not, this week offers an opportunity to fully step into your authentic self and begin a new chapter. Don’t hold back, but be prepared for uncharted territory. Your relationships, particularly with yourself, may need a refresh. Self-love and self-care are essential as you embark on these transformations. You might even consider sprucing up your home or making a move.

Brit + Co

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Career growth is in focus this week, but you’ll need to find a balance between your home life and work life. You may feel the urge to do more in both areas, but it’s crucial to stay grounded. Pay attention to details and avoid overindulgence. A balance between home and work will lead to the best results — be sure to tend to both areas without letting one consume the other.

Brit + Co

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your finances and values are the focus this week. Now is the perfect time to ensure your financial life is in order. Meet with a financial planner or make sure your will is up to date. This planning will give you peace of mind and reduce future stress. Once Mercury moves into Sagittarius on November 2, you’ll feel freer to have fun and pursue adventure, knowing that your financial security is taken care of.

Brit + Co

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your power and determination will only grow as the week progresses. Use this time to tap into your inner authority and work toward concrete goals. There’s likely to be movement in your career, but it won’t happen overnight. Patience and sustained effort are required. Cultivate joy and focus on long-term goals — there’s no rush, but steady progress will lead to great results.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Mercury entering your sign on November 2 invites expansion and learning. If you’ve been waiting to start a new project, learn a new skill, or expand your understanding of the universe, now is the time. Subjects like spirituality and philosophy will be easier to grasp during this time. Be mindful, though — your blunt communication style could come off as caustic, so take a breath before you speak.

Brit + Co

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mental well-being should be a priority. Use this time to focus on learning and honing your skills. Your approach to life and work is inspiring to others. If you’ve been dealing with self-doubt, discard any negative self-talk and practice self-compassion. You have a natural ability to teach others, so don’t hesitate to share your knowledge with those who might be facing something similar to your experiences.

Brit + Co

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

This week focuses on your community and your relationship with like-minded people. Group learning and activities will be more impactful than solo efforts. Mercury in Sagittarius from November 2 will encourage you to learn through travel and adventure. Something exciting and transformative is on the horizon — seize the opportunity for growth through connection with others.

Brit + Co

Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

It’s time to focus on your physical health. The energy of this week will make it easier to start a health regimen and stick to it. While you may become more serious about your health, don’t push yourself too hard. Take small, steady steps to make lasting changes. As the week progresses, you’ll feel more confident and enthusiastic about these positive changes to your well-being.

Looking for a more thorough reading? Reach out to Tina at SevenSistersAstrology.com!

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Navigating adulthood as an eldest daughter can be tough. While you’re not a child in your parents’ home anymore, the dynamics you grew up with can still follow. Think about it: how often do you find yourself trying to solve everyone else’s problems while continuously trying to shoulder your own alone? If this resonates with you at all, you may be dealing with Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

To understand what this actually looks like beyond the TikTok therapy speak of it all, I talked to a licensed therapist, Briana Paruolo, LCMHC. As the founder of On Par Therapy — a practice that specializes in “burnout, disordered eating, and self-worth” that seeks to “empower high achieving women” — she comes across a lot of clients dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Here’s what Paruolo has to say!


TL;DR

  • Eldest daughter syndrome isn't in the DSM-5, but that doesn't make the experiences of eldest daughters any less real.
  • Eldest daughter syndrome can look like intense perfectionism, unrealistic high standards, an inability to delegate, and an innate need to prioritize the needs of others first.
  • Eldest daughters can heal by validating their experiences, understanding their self-worth, and setting clear boundaries with themselves and others — especially by just saying "no" sometimes.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

cottonbro studio

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Pavel Danilyuk

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

Netflix

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Any Lane

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

jasmin chew

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

Elina Fairytale

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

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I turn to Instagram for mainly two things: hilariously adorable pet videos to share with my daughter before bedtime — a nightly ritual we started a year back — and a steady stream of home decor inspiration. Having studied interior design and spent years writing about stunning spaces, my love for beautiful interiors runs deep. The home decor bloggers I follow offer a mix of styles and experiences, from cozy vintage vibes to refined and sophisticated homes and rooms. Whether you’re looking to refresh your space for the season or simply find joy in nesting at home, there’s a little something from everyone here to inspire you. Happy decorating!

PrettyOnFridays

PrettyOnFridays

Writer Deema Tabbara Lopez's Friday newsletter, Merci Ktir, offers a glimpse into all the pretty things bringing her joy each week. Her home is so cozy, filled with vintage charm and lovely DIYs and how-tos (and stunning paint colors!). You'll want to dive into her feed for all the inspiration this fall.

ThisHouse5000

ThisHouse5000

Home decor enthusiast Elena Lohse and her handyman husband have been renovating their 1935 home in Toronto’s west end, the Junction, for the past 4+ years. Her style is clean, fresh, and never boring. I love her DIY videos, and her blog follows their travels too through a unique design lens.

Erin Conway Kismet House

Kismet House

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From Kamala Harris-inspired bobs to silky Lindsay Lohan-esque tresses, the season of the silk press (or straighter hairstyles) is officially here! It's been fun watching watching TikTok videos of women going to the salon to get their hair straightened, but it made me ask myself if people truly know how to maintain this style at home. It's one thing to watch a licensed hairstylist work their magic, but the upkeep may not be as straightforward for some people!

Luckily, celebrity hairstylists, Takisha Sturdivant-Drew and Natalie Lamorena, are here to answer all my burning questions. Sturdivant-Drew has over 20 years of experience working in the film and commercial industry, styling clients such as Kerry Washington, Lucy Liu, and Ashley Graham. She also worked on TV series like Suits and the Oscar-nominated film Ray. Lamorena owns Polished Pub Hair & Nail Bar— not to mention she invented the viral "Headicure" service for clients who love the idea of getting a manicure while receiving the best blowout of their lives. And with all that experience, the two of them have plenty to say about silk presses.

TL;DR

  • You should rely on professionals for the majority of your silk presses, but you can maintain them at home with "the right tools and products."
  • Different hair types require different temperatures and products — be sure to research and check with your hair dresser to make sure your treating your hair the right way.
  • Don't get a silk press if you've recently straightened your hair.
  • Heat protectant is key for any silk press or hair straightening.
  • Naturally curly or textured hair should limit silk presses to once or twice a month; other hair types should keep it to no more than once a week.
  • Be sure to wrap your hair correctly and use a bonnet to maintain your style.

How do you know when to straighten your hair at home or go to the salon?

Sephora

Desperate times call for desperate measures when you're due for a hair appointment and can't book one. I'm sure all of us have turned into an armchair hairstylist by giving ourselves a trim, quick haircut, or dye job. You've probably even watched a few tutorials about how to give yourself a homemade silk press or blowout. I know I've recently purchased a few things to help me maintain my hair at home, but should we be straightening our hair at home?

Lamorena says, "While it’s possible to straighten hair at home, I’d recommend going to a professional for the best results. Stylists know how to work with different hair types, adjust heat settings accordingly, and use high-quality products that protect your hair." If we decide to forego a stylist's expertise, she says we can "accidentally cause damage with uneven heat or over-processing."

Sturdivant-Drew agrees that it's best to see a stylist "for the first few silk presses," but it's not impossible to safely straighten your own hair. "If you have the right tools and products, along with research, you can achieve this hairstyle at home," she says.

How should different hair types approach a silk press?

Sephora

Just like everyone doesn't have the same skin complexion or undertones, hair types can differ too. This means someone with a fine hair isn't always going to have the same routine as someone with thicker strands — which is why all silk presses aren't the same. "There's definitely no one-size-fits-all approach. The technique used depends on the client’s hair type and texture," Lamorena confirms. This isn't to scare you, however!

Sturdivant-Drew says, "The process of getting a silk press is pretty standard — prepping the hair with shampoo, conditioner, and heat protectant, followed by straightening with a blow dryer and flat iron, and finishing with a lightweight oil or serum."

She and Lamorena do agree that some hair textures require a little more than others though. Lamorena says you could only need "a simple blowout and flat iron" while someone may need "more intensive treatments like keratin or a Brazilian blowout for longer-lasting results." If your hair is very curly or textured — and you're ultimately not seeing the results you want — she says chemically straightening your hair is another option. However, Sturdivant-Drew reminds me, "Stylists usually adjust heat settings based on their client's hair health and texture."

Either way, we always recommend you check with your stylist before making any permanent or lasting decisions!

What should you avoid doing before getting a silk press?

Mike Jones

Getting a silk press doesn't always involve chemicals, but there are still things you need to avoid before your appointment. Unlike the steps you may follow at home, Lamorena wants you to "avoid loading your hair with a bunch of heavy products " because this can "make the straightening process less effective and lead to more heat being used" than you need. Also, she doesn't want you to wash your hair because "natural oils protect your hair from the heat."

It probably goes without saying, but you also shouldn't book a silk press appointment if you've already straightened your hair. "...that can make it harder for the stylist to work with and could increase the risk of damage," says Lamorena. Besides that, Sturdivant-Drew advises against "using color or relaxers should be avoided before getting a silk press" because "this could lead to a lot of breakage."

What increases a risk of heat damage with this style?

Amazon

As gorgeous as silk presses are, it's possible to use "too much heat," according to Lamorena. She says, "People tend to crank up the heat on their flat irons and blow dryers, but that can seriously damage the hair cuticle, especially if your hair is fine or already fragile." Something I've learned over time is that a licensed and experienced hair stylist has better knowledge of what's really going on with our hair. They're able to have a clearer view of your scalp, roots, split ends, and more.

The other thing that contribute to damage is not protecting your hair. Lamorena implores that heat protectant products are "are crucial for minimizing damage." Even if you use the right products, you could be straightening your hair way too often. It's normal to want to have straighter hairstyles for a little while, but you should keep in mind that you don't want to overdo it.

"Not prepping or using a heat protectant on your hair will cause a lot of damage. Silk presses require a lot of heat, so it's best to use good heat protectant," adds Sturdivant-Drew. She personally prefers to use Smooth Moisture's Thermal Hair Strengthener because "their system is built for silk presses specifically." She loves that it truly upholds against heat and "adds a nice shine to the hair" once you apply it.

When would it be recommended that a client avoid getting a silk press?

Kaboompics.com

Here comes the not so fun part. As much as you don't want to hear this, your hair may not be able to handle getting a silk press right now. "If your hair is already damaged, it's best to hold off on straightening. Hair that's brittle, dry, or over-processed can be further damaged by heat styling," says Lamorena. What you can do in the meantime is help strengthen your hair by giving yourself "deep conditioning treatments," according to Lamorena.

This is completely up to you and your stylish, but Lamorena suggests staying away from having your hair straightened "during really humid months...if you're prone to frizz" because "the style may not last as long."

Is there a limit to how often clients should receive a silk press?

Tomaz Barcellos

I'm not an expert, but even I know too much of something can become a bad thing. In the case of using excess heat, I can imagine the implications of that over time. Lamorena says, "There's definitely a limit. You don't want to be straightening your hair too often," and shares her rule of thumb for textures:

  • Naturally Curly or Textured Hair — Limit silk presses to once or twice a month to avoid weakening the hair or losing your curl pattern.
  • Other Hair Types — Keep it to no more than once a week.

All hair types are capable of experiencing "long-term damage," but giving "your hair a break between sessions helps maintain its health," Lamorena says.

Sturdivant-Drew stresses, "Taking a break between silk presses is important in allowing your hair to recover and maintain the health of your hair. I recommend limiting your silk presses to every 6-8 weeks."

How can clients maintain this style at home during the fall?

Sephora

Even though cooler temperatures means you won't have to fight against possible frizz, you still have to take care of your silk press. "Maintaining a straight style during the fall can be tricky with cooler weather, wind, and dryness in the air, but it’s doable," says Lamorena. She suggests that you use:

  • Use a flat iron with adjustable heat settings to avoid unnecessary damage. Tools like the Dyson Corrale or GHD Platinum+ are solid options
  • A wide-tooth comb is great for detangling without pulling or breaking the hair

"Keeping up with a regular routine and using the right tools and products can really help your style last, even through the challenges that fall weather brings," she says.

No matter what your hair type is, Sturdivant-Drew suggests "wrapping your hair correctly and using a bonnet" as they're "key to maintaining" a silk press. Similar to what Lamorena said earlier, Sturdivant-Drew believes "humidity is your worst enemy...so try to avoid humid environments as best as possible!"

Shop Other Expert Silk Press Recommendations

Amazon

Bumble and Bumble Invisible Oil Primer

"Always apply a heat protectant before using any hot tools. Some favorites include Oribe Royal Blowout and Bumble and Bumble Invisible Oil Primer," she says.

Amazon

Moroccanoil Treatment

"For taming frizz, try an anti-frizz serum like Moroccanoil Treatment," suggests Lamorena. or John Frieda Frizz Ease.

Amazon

John Frieda Frizz Ease

Another option you can use to beat the frizz is John Frieda's Frizz Ease. It's another one of Lamorena's recommendations that will "help seal in moisture and keep your style sleek even in windy fall weather."

Amazon

Kérastase Discipline Fluidissime

Lamorena says, "A good leave-in conditioner is key to keeping hair smooth and hydrated; Kérastase Discipline Fluidissime works wonders."

Amazon

Living Proof Perfect Hair Day

"To extend your style without washing, use dry shampoo. This is a great option to absorb oil without having to restyle with heat," she says.

Our Silk Press Recommendations

Amazon

Giovanni Frizz Be Gone Serum

This anti-frizz serum will not only keep humidity from messing up your silk press, but it'll help improve your hair's elasticity over time and will even add an extra boost of shine to it.

Amazon

Wavytalk Professional Hair Dryer with Diffuser

If you decide to straighten your hair at home, you need a good blow dryer that'll work with your texture. Wavytalk has an inexpensive option that comes with a comb attachment, diffuser, and nozzle to help you dry your hair no matter what style you're wearing. It also has the right amount of heat settings that'll lessen the chance you cause any damage.

Amazon

CHI 44 Iron Guard Heat Protectant

Not only do I personally love this heat protectant, so does our Affiliate Writer Meredith Holser! It's been our go-to product whenever we straighten our hair because it truly does a great job of protecting our hair from heat and has a slightly fragrant smell we can't get enough of. In my experience, a little goes a long way so you'll get plenty of uses out of it.

Follow our Amazon storefront to see which hair products we'll always keep in our bathrooms.

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.