Everything You Need to Achieve Your Self-Care Goals This Year

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Jalapeño Aioli

Let's start things off with a little spice, shall we? This zesty, zingy aioli gets infused with jalapeños, garlic, cilantro, and lime juice to form the most delicious flavor.

Super Easy Garlic Aioli

Let’s start off with the most mainstream, common version of aioli you’re likely to find. This easy-to-make recipe contains only five ingredients: mayo, garlic, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Like all aioli creations, this sauce is perfect for adding to sandwiches and burgers, and will also take your fries to a *whole* new level.

Cilantro Lime Aioli

Aioli recipes are *delish* on a quesadilla or another Mexican-inspired meal. The flavors of cilantro and lime pair with all kinds of flavorful (and spicy) foods.

Rosemary Aioli

Paired here with meatballs, rosemary aioli is a bit more herbaceous. The flavors of rosemary go well with meats. We also recommend serving this sauce on the sandwich portion of a hearty soup-and-sammie meal.

Pesto Aioli

Use some store-bought or homemade pesto to mix into thick mayo, and you have yourself an exceptional (and easy!) aioli recipe.

Truffle Aioli

One bite of this rich aioli recipe, and you'll be hooked. It's especially tasty alongside some fries!

Basic Homemade Aioli

This pick is as straightforward as aioli gets. If you're looking to hone your kitchen craft with more homemade dips and sauces, this aioli recipe is a great place to start.

Roasted Garlic Aioli

Here’s another crowd-pleasing garlic aioli recipe for you. Pro tip: roast the garlic by cutting it in half, placing the middle side down on a piece of foil, drizzling with olive oil, and roasting for about 30 minutes. You’ll unlock a super-rich flavor that you just can’t get with raw garlic.

Roasted Red Pepper Aioli

Looking for something a little... tangier? This roasted red pepper aioli will definitely do the trick. It combines the flavors of traditional aioli and red peppers with mustard, lemon juice, and sun-dried tomatoes for a condiment with kick!

Vegan Caper Aioli

Aioli recipes can be healthy — just ask this vegan caper aoil mixture. Salty capers meet mellowed-out mayo in this plant-based recipe.

5-Ingredient Chipotle Aioli

This baby is spicy – and it also happens to be totally vegan. The “mayo” is made from soaked and blended cashews, while the flavor itself comes from fresh chipotle peppers.

Magic Aioli Sauce

You'll just have to trust us on this one – this aioli recipe holds pure magic. It's dreamy and bright, meaning it's the perfect pair to hefty, salty potato wedges and the like. Each dip will leave you wanting more and more!

Gochujang Aioli

Gochujang, a spicy Korean chili and soybean paste, gets the aioli treatment, resulting in a spectacularly spicy spread that can be used across dishes from sandwiches to loaded fries. All we can say is bring on all the spicy aioli recipes!

Smoked Paprika Aioli

When shopping for paprika, go for a spice labeled “smoked paprika” or “sweet paprika.” Plain-old paprika tends to be a lot less flavorful. In the case of this pick, though, you’ll combine smoked paprika with a bit of cumin to achieve a rich, spicy flavor in your aioli recipe.

Chipotle Lime Aioli

We’ve already covered aioli with lime and aioli with chipotle peppers — but this mouthwatering recipe combines the two. Bonus points for serving these with healthy and delicious sweet potato fries!

Dijon-Thyme Aioli

This rich aioli is a sweet potato's BFF.

Lemon-Dill Aioli Sauce

Not so much into the peppery, spicy sauces? Keep things light and fresh with this lemon and dill-flavored creation. When prepping this aioli, be sure to bring your egg yolks to room temperature, or you may have some trouble getting them to mix with the rest of the sauce.

Vegan Egg-Free Aioli

Here’s another one for the plant-based eaters out there. The secret ingredient in this recipe is aquafaba... that is, chickpea water. You can store this mixture for up to seven days in a covered container, so it’s great for making ahead (meal prep FTW!) and taking to work.

Chimichurri Aioli

Chimichurri is often slathered on meats, and this aioli is just as – if not more – versatile. It shares a number of ingredients with traditional chimichurri sauce — a few of the stand-outs are cilantro, onion, lime juice, and jalapeño!

Spicy Lemon Aioli

For a dip with more kick, this spicy lemon aioli strikes the ideal balance between tangy and zesty.

Roasted Garlic Saffron Aioli

Saffron brings a muted, yet deep flavor to this blend that was crafted to pair with feta fries. It's one of the tastiest aioli recipes we've had!

Easy Lemon Aioli

When we say this recipe is easy, that’s kind of an understatement. There are literally two steps: whisk everything together, then allow it to chill in the fridge for 30 minutes. It’s *that* simple.

Creole Aioli

All the best parts of creole cookin' falvor are included in this aioli. Make sure you've got a lot of spices on your hands, or else this spicy pick won't quite hit the same.

Skinny Sriracha Aioli

What makes this Sriracha-infused aioli skinny, exactly? Instead of regular mayonnaise, you’ll sub in light mayo and Greek yogurt for a lower-fat, protein-packed alternative.

Garlic Avocado Aioli

All those classic garlic aioli recipes we’ve shared above are fabulous, but adding some avocado can be a *total* game-changer. With this recipe, you’ll whip some fresh avo right into the mixture, adding creamy texture and stellar flavor.

Lemon Parsley Aioli

This lemon-parsley combo is decidedly British-inspired and perfect for dipping. It showcases the flavors of mayo, parsley, lemon, Dijon mustard, and garlic. Bonus points for serving it with fried blue cheese olives, as shown here.

Vegan Roasted Red Pepper Aioli

If you’re interested in a red pepper flavor, but want to steer clear of animal products (or dairy in general), try this vegan version. You’ll sub in cashews (processed with water, of course) for mayo, keeping it dairy-free and super healthy.

Basil Garlic Aioli

If you’re a big pesto fan, you’ll adore this basil-garlic sauce. In addition to being a perfect addition to French fries, it would also go great on any kind of Italian-inspired sammie, such as an eggplant Parm or meatball sub. (via Self Proclaimed Foodie)

Roasted Garlic Chipotle Aioli

See those eggs in the background? That’s because this recipe has you making mayo from scratch. It doesn’t get more wholesome than that. You’ll bring the eggs to room temperature before processing them with additional yolks, lemon juice, and garlic, and adding olive oil toward the end of the process.

Super Garlicky Aioli

We thought we’d round off our list with another classic iteration of aioli. This garlic-infused version is perfect for all your aioli needs, but we *especially* love it with French fries and a glass of white wine. Cheers!