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The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

The Real Body Manual

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

Kristen Bell And Dax Shepard's Relationship Timeline:

2007: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Meet + Begin Dating

The couple haven't been shy about revealing their first time meeting was exactly love at first sight. Kristen Bell admitted during an Instagram Q&A in 2018 that they actually met at a party for producer Shauna Robertson. E! News recalled that the actress said, "2 weeks later I saw him at a hockey game and he asked for the gum in my mouth." Knowing Dax's personality, that actually checks out.

She also revealed his unconventional pickup line. "Truly, his first text to me was: ‘Hi. My name is Dax. I violated your privacy and got your number from Shauna. How do you feel about that,'' she remembered.

Though they did start dating, Kristen regularly trolls Dax about the time they briefly broke up. She told Popsugar, "He sat me down and said, 'I can't have this right now. I think you're wonderful, but I am still dating other people.' And then I, like, liquefied and fell to the ground, but I felt incredibly respected that he had the balls to tell me we weren't in the same place."

2009: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Work As Co-Stars During Filming Of When in Rome

Who can forget the hilarious rom-com movie When in Rome? Kristen starred as the 'unlucky in love' main character Beth who finds herself being pursued by a handful of romantic prospects after she picks up coins from a fountain that's supposed to grant love those who dare to take from it. Dax played the role of Gale, a model who was very into himself, and it was funny watching them interact on-screen.

According to People, the couple got engaged shortly after filming ended.

August 2012: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Work Together Again On Set Of Hit & Run

November 2012: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Announce They're Expecting Baby No. 1

A source relayed the news to People in 2012 by sharing the following statement, "They’re so excited — they’re both ecstatic. They can’t wait to become parents." They also shared that Kristen had been dealing with a bit of morning sickness, but she started doing better as time passed.

March 28, 2013: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard's First Daughter Arrives

Several months later, Kristen gave birth birth to her and Dax's first daughter, Lincoln Bell Shepard.

June 2013: Kristen Bell Pops The Question To Dax Shepard

October 2013: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Tie The Knot

June 2014: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Prepare For Baby No. 2's Arrival

December 2014: The Couple's Second Daughter Is Born

Finally, the couple welcomed their second daughter, Delta Bell Shepard, before Christmas in 2014.

2017: Dax Shepard And Kristen Bell Star in CHiPS

September 1, 2018: Kristen Bell And Dax Shepard Celebrate His Sobriety Journey

Dax Shepard has never been ashamed to talk about his sobriety journey and shared a personal moment with that made him question everything He appeared on Blake Griffin's podcast, The Pursuit of Healthiness to talk about his struggles in 2021. "What I would do is I would get sober for movies. I cared more about movies — it was the only thing I was more addicted to was being in movies — and so I would get sober for movies and then in between movies it was getting more and more dangerous," he recalled.

It wasn't until he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror during a trip to Hawaii that he realized something was wrong. He remembered thinking, "I have every single thing I've ever wanted, and I'm at my lowest point emotionally and something has got to be very broken about that. If I have everything I said was going to make me feel good and I feel terrible, I've got to look at some other thing."

To celebrate her husband's commitment to remaining sober, Kristen wrote a heartfelt message on Instagram to encourage him to keep going. "I'm so proud that you have never been ashamed of your story, but instead shared it widely, with the hope it might inspire someone else to become the best version of themselves...I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and I want you to know, I see you. I see how hard you work," a portion of the lengthy message reads.

Addiction in any form is never easy to navigate so we admire how much Kristen's been supportive of Dax.

February 2019: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Launch A Baby Brand

September 2023: Kristen Bell And Dax Share The Secret To Their Happy Marriage

It's no doubt that Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have experienced a lot throughout their marriage, but they've managed to stay the course. Kristen actually shared some amazing advice for other couples during a conversation with Entertainment Tonight that we're thinking about applying to our own relationships. "Common goals, seek them out," she stressed.

The other thing she feels is crucial to making a relationship work is truly seeing and valuing your partner as a person. "Understanding that your partner used to be a little person is the best thing you can do. Sometimes if we're ever on the verge of a fight, one of us will say — it's usually Dax — 'I feel like 8-year-old Dax right now.' And I'm able to see him like I see my kids, which is in a very different way and go, 'Oh yeah, you're a little person that had trauma and triggers and it's not about me,'" she added.

That's powerful because it can be hard to remember that it's not just about you in a relationship. We don't think people intentionally mean to be selfish, but it can be happen and the key is to acknowledge it instead of doubling down on a particular stance that may not be helpful in the heat of an argument.

October 26, 2024: Dax Shepard Jokes About Kristen Bell's Chemistry With Adam Brody

Nobody Wants This has been the fall rom-com that we can't stop talking about because it's clear Kristen Bell and Adam Brody have intense chemistry in it. Not only were we surprised by it, but it apparently startled Dax Shepard. PEOPLEreports he opened up to the crowd at the New York Festival about it on Saturday, October 28 by recounting a conversation he had with his friend. "...we watched that scene together, the kissing scene, which I'd argue is the very best kissing scene ever, ever put on film," the actor said. "And my best friend, Aaron, from childhood, he goes, 'Does she ever kiss you like that?' No, I didn't even know she could kiss like that."

Dax has no problems poking fun at he and Kristen's relationship so I'm sure they've since debunked that behind closed doors.