10 Things I Learned In My 20s That Are Making My 30s Better

Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (October 15, 2024)

Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab captured my attention with her titles Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships so much that I always have them on my desk. It's one of the reasons I'm so excited to dive into her new book, Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace, next month!

It's almost as if she has secret intel, with all the precious nuggets she'll share that will help us center ourselves during tough moments. From friendly reminders to loving, but firm nudges, Tawwab provides guidance on everything from boundaries to finding joy during every moment.

Slowing: Discover Wonder, Beauty, and Creativity Through Slow Living by Rachel Schwartzmann

Author and Slow Stories podcast host Rachel Schwartzmann is here to remind us to slow TF down. Between receiving new information at the speed of light and having busy schedules, it's no wonder we're so stressed! Instead of being controlled by work and business, Schwartzmann wants us to reimagine the way we live and create.

She has poignant essays about the positive effects of slowing down — plus, she introduces readers to other voices who have insight about their own experiences with doing so! There are even "guided practices" to help reignite our introspection and creativity through journaling.

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Perfectionists, we've been summoned with a guide that wants to give us permission to stop trying to control everything. It's so funny — this book landed on my radar after stressing about how I haven't felt in control for a long time. See how life works?

Anyway, psychotherapist Morgan Schafler knows we've been spoon-fed ideology about having balance in our lives, and feels like it's actually not helpful in the long run. She even helps categorize different versions of perfectionism: classic, intense, Parisian, messy, and procrastinator. Yes, that's right. Your procrastinating habit is rooted in perfectionism.

Instead of telling you to get rid of a part of who you are, Schafler breaks down why we respond to things a certain way and teaches how to live life so that our perfectionism doesn't necessarily control every single thing we do.

The Secret Language of the Body by Jennifer Mann and Karden Rabin

Do you know the role our nervous systems plays in our bodies? It's basically our in-house communication center for messages between our brains and bodies. It's what triggers or flight or fight mode, which comes in handy if we're trying to escape a bristly bear in the woods, but does nothing for us if we're upset someone cut us in line at Starbucks. Little moments like that lead to nervous system dysregulation and can cause a lot of pain.

Mind-body practitioners Jen Mann and Karden Rabin wrote The Secret Language of the Body as way to help us understand what truly goes on in our nervous systems. They dive into topics like somatic therapy, Polyvagal theory, and how our minds and bodies are connected so we can stop living in survival mode.

The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue

You know what's even harder to navigate life with besides perfectionism? It's being a people pleaser and considering everyone else's feelings before you think about your own.

The Joy of Saying No aims to explain how this is often rooted in our childhoods from being known as the good kid to the one who believes overachieving makes them more likable. It's true these roles served a function, but they can also stop us from being who we are as adults. Natalie Lue wants to help us recognize how we continue to operate in people-pleasing mode via six steps so we can reset our connection to others.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

I'm going to talk about this book forever! It's one of my go-to reads when I'm experiencing so much burnout I can barely think straight. Sisters Emily Nagoski, Phd and Amelia Nagoski, DMA know that burnout isn't a new phenomenon — nor are they claiming it is. What they do know is too many women continue to experience it and are determined to help us change course.

There's lessons about how to move through our natural biological stress cycles, check in with our brains when we're frustrated, and get intimate with our inner critics who live to remind us that we're not doing enough. It's written so beautifully that you'll feel like you're talking to a friend who majored in psychology, but still has the same down-to-earth attitude you first encountered as kids.

The Sugar Jar: Create Boundaries, Embrace Self-Healing, and Enjoy the Sweet Things in Life by Yasmine Cheyenne

Yasmine Cheyenne's Sugar Jar metaphor is one of the easiest ways for us to realize how depleted we can become if we're not managing our boundaries and healing. From leaving our proverbial jars open, we become subject to energy vampires and moments we don't recognize we need to replenish ourselves until we're on the brink of burnout.

She teaches us how to understand what makes us feel exhausted, how we can press reset, and break up with our own negative habits. Also, she taps into our people-pleasing tendencies so we can find healthier ways to show up for ourselves and others.

What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World by Prentis Hemphill

Prentis Hemphill knows the past few years have left everyone feeling off balance which is why What It Takes to Heal was written. It's a call-to-arms to remind us that our healing isn't optional if we want to move forward in the world.

You'll learn how to pay attention to how our body responds to certain things, including our own habits, and you'll figure out how to stop bearing the weight of emotional burdens. But instead of being in isolation, Hemphill encourages you to embrace being part of a community.

Sacred Self-Care: Daily Practices for Nurturing Our Whole Selves by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes

Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes is offering helpful insights for how to being nurturing ourselves in Sacred Self-Care. As a psychologist, pastor, and activist, she's seen how hard it is for people to maintain a self-care practice that helps them navigate life.

As such, she's developed a seven-week guide filled with practices and activities that hone in on our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. With each passing day, you'll receive journal prompts and scriptures that will help set the tone for the day. It's like a devotional from a psychologist's perspective and that can be great if you rely on both therapy as well as religion to get through your days.

You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead by Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols hasn't shied away from sharing her story and encouraging words with others on Instagram which is why it makes sense she's written You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead. She wants to help us embrace adventurous moments while sharing reminders that hard moments are temporary.

Sometimes all we need is a little courage to keep going when things feel bleak.

The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worst Emotions Into My Best Life by Lauren Martin

Have you ever felt burdened by mood swings? If so, I completely understand because I often question my own and so did author Lauren Martin. She hit a wall a few years ago even though it seemed like her life was perfect on the surface. No matter what she did, she couldn't shake feeling inferior of irritable. It wasn't only she crossed paths with another successful stranger who felt the same that Lauren begin to seek to understand her emotions.

The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worse Emotions Into My Best Life is a recollection of Lauren's journey and how she learned to find peace. She talks about varying triggers everyone has faced and blends her own wisdom with science-backed evidence to help us make informed decisions.

Self-Care for Moms by Sara Robinson, MA

Moms are often praised for our ability to be self-sacrificing and resilient in the face of hardship, but I'd be lying if I said it felt like people seem to forget we're human. We do care a lot and have the warm nurturing nature everyone talks about, but we also have our limits lest we fall victim to burnout.

Self-Care for Moms offers over 100 activities designed to remind moms how to pour into ourselves daily. Whether it's a 5-minute phone call or hour lunch with a friend sans kids, it's time for us to reclaim the way we care for ourselves.

How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free by Alexandra Elle

Alexandra Elle has shared her moving anecdotes with the internet since Tumblr, eventually becoming a bestselling author who continues to remind us to come home to ourselves. In How We Heal, she aims to help us rediscover peace by focusing on healing.

Broken into four parts, you'll find everything from journal prompts to meditations that tackle our innermost emotions. She even shares bits of her personal experiences so you feel less alone.

Dare to Feel: The Transformational Path of the Heart by Alexandra Roxo

If you're on the other spectrum of emotions that includes burying them, Dare to Feel encourages you to do the opposite. Although you may feel repulsed by the idea of cracking your heart open, trust that it's metaphorical. This is an invitation to connect with yourself, life, and others past a superficial level. You'll come across poems, meditations, and more that help you fall in love with being in tune with your emotions in this moving book.

Girl On Fire: How to Choose Yourself, Burn the Rule Book, and Blaze Your Own Trail in Life and Business by Cara Alwill Leyba

What's self-care without a reminder that you are THAT GIRL? Instead of questioning your worth, Girl on Fire wants you to start remembering who you truly are.

From encouraging you to not see other women as competition to offering tips for how to navigate the vision you have in your heart, you'll learn how not to let life and business get you down.

You'll feel empowered by the end of Girl on Fire and that's the point!

Trauma informed psychotherapist Star Rose Bond, LCSW has extensive knowledge about how to navigate tough moments in life without any snarky comments. Specializing in PTSD, she's a PEARL clinical supervisor and Co-Founder and CEO of Life Camp who has more than 15 years of experience. Here's what she suggests for getting over a crush.

What are the giveaway signs that someone has a crush on another person?

We've all been with our friends when someone's words seems to get caught in their throat when an attractive person walks by. It could be someone everyone knows, or the bartender at the buzzy new spot that just opened up near you. Crushes could be anyone, and though you may know your friend like the back of your hand, it's not always easy to pinpoint if they have a crush on someone if they haven't verbally said anything. But Bond says there's a few ways you can tell.

"People pay more attention to the person they have a crush on, often seeking opportunities to be around them. They may feel nervous or anxious in the presence of their crush, sometimes resulting in awkward behavior." she says. This can look like babbling in a conversation or making a self-depreciating joke that confuses their crush.

She also says, "A person will frequently compliment their crush and try to make them feel good about themselves." This can look like paying attention to that person's life, hobbies, and opinions. "They often initiate conversations, text messages, or social media interactions," Bond says.

One behavior that's completely obvious is seeing someone exhibit "signs of jealousy if they see their crush with someone else," adds Bond.

Can it be distracting to have a crush?

If you happen to have a crush on someone, you may find it odd that your friends have pointed out how often you talk about your crush. A small part of you could even ask yourself, "Is having a crush on this person becoming a distraction?"

Bond says, "Yes, having a crush can be very distracting. It can preoccupy a person’s thoughts, making it hard to focus on tasks at hand, whether it’s work, school, or other responsibilities."

Whether you can't get that person off your mind because you're imagining scenarios with your crush or wondering if they feel the same way you do, you could run the risk of temporarily forgetting reality.

"Managing these distractions is important to maintain productivity and well-being," Bond suggests.

Is it possible to have a crush on multiple people?

I know we talk about twin flames and the invisible string theory, but Bond says it's possible to have a crush on multiple people at once.

"Crushes are often based on admiration, attraction, or emotional connection, and it’s normal for someone to experience these feelings towards more than one person at a time. However, the intensity and nature of each crush can vary," she shares.

The best example I have is someone who has a list of celebrity crushes. They can think everyone from Chris Evans to Timothée Chalamet is hot, but that doesn't mean they necessarily value one over the other.

Do you think people are supposed to date their crushes?

This question is subjective because no one can really tell you that you shouldn't try to pursue a relationship with your crush. "Whether someone should date their crush depends on various factors, including mutual interest, compatibility, and timing," says Bond.

I know I'm incredibly glad that a lot of my crushes didn't lead anywhere because I later found out they weren't someone I truly wanted to be in a long-term relationship with.

Bond says, "While dating a crush can lead to a fulfilling relationship, it’s important to assess if both parties share similar values and goals. It’s also crucial to ensure that the feelings are reciprocated and that both individuals are ready for a relationship."

How can a person navigate being rejected by their crush?

Being rejected by a crush can feel like a gut punch if you've been thinking about them on a daily basis. I'd be lying if I said that I've never experienced rejection — it can feel humiliating — so I understand if things feel shattered because your crush isn't interested in pursuing something romantic.

Bond says, "Navigating rejection can be challenging, but it’s important for emotional well-being." She wants you to keep the following in mind:

• Allow yourself to feel and process the emotions that come with rejection.
• Focus on activities that make you happy and help you relax.
• Maintain a positive outlook and remind yourself that rejection is a part of life and not a reflection of your worth.

It's not the end of the world if your crush doesn't like you. It usually won't matter years from now!

If a person realizes their crush isn't the person they thought they were, how can they start getting over them?

I briefly mentioned this early, but sometimes it's you who ends up rejecting your feelings about a crush. They could do several things that are on your 'ick' list, reminding you that crushes don't have to become more than that. But, how do you even get over the fact you romantically liked someone?

Bond says there are several steps you can take. They look like:

• Accept that the person may not meet your expectations or ideals.
• Limit contact and interactions with the person to reduce emotional attachment.
• Engage in hobbies, activities, and self-improvement to shift focus away from the crush.
• Talk to friends or a therapist about your feelings and get support.
• Reflect on what you truly want in a relationship and how this person may not align with those values.

What would you say to someone who feels it's impossible to fully get over an ex?

And if your ex happened to be the crush that you successfully entered into a relationship with? Well, the rules still apply. You have to give yourself time and understand that you can't rush the healing process.

Bond says, "Healing from a breakup takes time, and it’s okay to feel like it’s a long process. Allow yourself to feel and process all emotions related to the breakup without judgment."

She still wants you to find new activities and experiences to focus on because you'll like create positive memories that have nothing to do with your ex or former crush.

By focusing on personal growth and seeking support, it is possible to move forward and find happiness beyond a past relationship.

Mummy Jalapeño Poppers

This savory Halloween snack can be made as spicy as your guests want it – just scoop a little or all of the jalapeño seeds out before stuffing these 'mummies' with cheese and wrapping them in store-bought crescent roll dough.

Deviled Egg Brains

Your party pals will definitely be freaked out by this bite! Red food coloring aids in turning traditional deviled egg filling a spooky pink color.

Sweet and Salty Healthier Caramel Apples

Made without any processed sugar, these caramel apples require just a few ingredients: apples, maple syrup, honey, cream, vanilla, chocolate, and flaky salt.

Halloween Popcorn Mix

This candy-coated bowl of popcorn loads up on festive accoutrements like candy corn, pumpkins, and Halloween sprinkles.

Halloween Puppy Chow

Add Halloween-themed sprinkles to some classic Chex mix for a spooky seasonal snack.

Monster Party Bark

Melt a few chocolate bars with some pretzels, candy eyes, and coconut flakes for a salty-sweet Halloween snack that will be ready in only three minutes.

Halloween Pretzel Bites

Just place small pieces of chocolate on top of pretzels, heat them long enough for the chocolate to soften, then lightly place a candy corn on top. Viola! Simple, tasty treats with a twist – and no tricks!

Chipotle Pumpkin Hummus

We don't know anyone who doesn't love hummus. This quick dip can be served with crackers or veggies for a healthy Halloween party snack.

Halloween Pumpkin Covered Strawberries

If you have some strawberries on-hand, this recipe is made even easier. Just grab some orange candy melts and decorate away!

Caramel-Dipped Marshmallows

Simply dip marshmallows in caramel, then cover them in some cute holiday sprinkles for an easy treat that everyone won't stop snacking on.

Banana Boo Pops

Put a festive touch on the classic frozen chocolate “boo-nana" by giving them a ghostly makeover. The only heavy lifting you'll have to do for this recipe is let them sit in the freezer for a bit.

Spiderweb Pretzels

Melt some chocolate, then swirl it over pretzel sticks for a spooky spiderweb-like snack. These could be served alone, or on a cake or ice cream.

Halloween Candy Bark

Whether you're using new or leftover Halloween candy, this bark recipe is super simple.

Apple Kabobs

Buy a package of pre-sliced apples, then dip them in chocolate and caramel for an easy alternative to a favorite Halloween pastime. Plus, they're just easier to eat!

Candy Corn Fruit Parfait

For a sweet treat that's still healthy, skip the candy corn and cut up some colorful fruit in its place.

Sweet and Salty Pumpkin Seeds

For flavors both sweet and salty, these pumpkin seeds can be made in a jiffy.

Strawberry Ghosts

Dip some strawberries in white chocolate, then give them chocolate chip eyes and a mouth for these cute and tasty snacks.

Tangerine Pumpkins

Peel a few tangerines and place a small piece of celery in the middle to make these tangerine pumpkins. Bonus: these can definitely double as the perfect kid's snack for school.

Witches' Brooms

To make these adorable 'brooms,' you'll push a pretzel in the end of a sliced string cheese stick.

Halloween Walnuts

These nutty little guys are the perfect snacking companion for the holiday.

Loaded Halloween Cream Cheese Brownies

These super soft and gooey brownies are the ultimate snack that'll melt in your mouth. They're perfect for anyone who has a sweet tooth and loves a combination of fudge, oreo cookies, and cream cheese. Plus, you'll taste a hint of vanilla extract in it that serves as a nice surprise!

Halloween Candy Bark

Looking for chill Halloween snacks to munch on throughout the day? Make this holiday candy bark that has all the makings of a trick-or-treat explosion. You'll need everything from bittersweet chocolate to your favorite Halloween candies for this fun recipe.

Halloween Popcorn Mix

Got a taste for something that involves trail mix and popcorn? This Halloween snack has your name written all over it! It takes less than an hour to perfect and involves popcorn, a little sugar, honey, salt, and more delicious ingredients! In our mind, it's the perfect sweet and salty treat you'll want to recreate every season!