10 Things I Learned In My 20s That Are Making My 30s Better

adulthood 20s vs 30s

My best friends and I always have conversations about who we were in our 20s compared to being in our 30s. Needless to say, considering we're no longer sweating profusely in house parties until 5 a.m. or nursing wild hangovers that left us crouching near toilets the next morning, hilarity often gives way to gratitude. Yeah, we're willing to admit we were fun, hot messes 12 years ago. We're still fun, but we're a little more refined in this season of adulthood.

The beautiful thing about aging is how much growth accompanies it. I'm calmer, more patient, and less prone to pettiness when I feel offended (thanks therapy). Seriously, my self-improvement makes me want to hug the confused, scared, and insecure girl I was in my 20s.

Since I physically can't do that, I like reflecting on the differences I've noticed about myself in my 30s compared to my 20s. I wouldn't say I'm a completely different person, but at the same time there are plenty of changes.

P.S. I'm still learning how to embrace change so circle back when I'm almost 40.

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I Thought I Still Had To Be The 'Good Girl'

My mom used to get a ton of comments about how well-behaved my sister and I were, but I didn't know I was internalizing them until it was too late. I used to thrive on not being considered a disappointment by church members, people at school, and adults in public. All of that praise made the moments I did make mistakes or do typical kid stuff feel like I was a complete failure.

Every comment about how rude, selfish, and sexual kids my age were emphasized they were things I felt like I had to avoid. I was the girl who didn't care about boys or dating until I did. I was also the girl who participated in purity culture and regaled my virginity as something sacred. Any rule there was, I followed them as much as possible.

But, I eventually saw this left little room for "error." To add insult to injury, there were people who would make comments about my biological dad I tried not to embody. I didn't want anyone to think I'd head down the same path because they thought I looked or acted like him.

The thing about being the "good girl" is that people expect you to perform for them all the time. It's tiring and unrealistic to expect a young adult to fit into every expectation the world has because we're all bound to mess up. I know firsthand how it feels to make mistakes and think you're going to be canceled for the rest of your life because you failed in the eyes of others. It's a lonely and depressing feeling that can follow you unless you get to the root of it.

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Genuinely Liking Myself Felt Like An Uphill Battle

Being a people-pleaser is probably why I didn't even like myself. It's not that I didn't know who was, but I filtered between settings. Either I thought I wasn't enough or I believed I was too weird to be genuinely liked. There was also belief that my skin color wasn't the "right" shade and my hair wasn't the perfect length.

So, I was always baffled when someone showed interest in me. I thought they only showed interested in me out of pity or some crazy dare just like She's All That or Cruel Intentions. My mindset was, "If I don't like me, why would anyone else?"

My self-esteem was in the dirt and I was the one refusing to nuture it because I genuinely didn't know how.

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Finding "The One" Was My Roman Empire

Sigh. 20-something Jasmine was fixated on falling in love with "the one" because of all the Disney movies and TV shows I watched that revolved around adults in relationships. I searched for my perfect prince and even thought I'd found him right before I turned 20.

I started dating this guy and fell in love for the first time. It was one of those relationships where we talked all the time and experienced multiple moments of jealousy. Still, I thought he was going to be the person I married so I began molding myself to be everything he liked.

I changed the way I dressed, started listening to music he liked, and even dimmed my personality so I wouldn't be "too much" for him. And when we called off our engagement after he wanted an open relationship, I ended up asking him for forgiveness. 🫠

It took him being low-key verbally abusive for me to snap out of my self-imposed, "He's the one" fog. The day I grew a backbone and called him everything under the sun was the moment I stopped making falling in love my personality.

Samson Katt/Pexels

I Assumed It'd Be Easy To Start My Career

I partially blame my love for Livin' Single, Sex and the City, and The Devil Wears Prada for believing I'd be able to become a career girl with little effort. Okay, that's not true. I knew I'd have to work hard, but I didn't realize that started a journalism career wasn't as easy as 1-2-3.

I assumed I'd be able to get my foot in the door, but felt crushed when I realized a lot of places wanted someone who had completed an internship. Since I was focused on fashion journalism and couldn't figure out my college trajectory for a while, I didn't know how I'd get my foot in the door while living in Georgia.

My mom wasn't a fan of me going to New York either, so I started giving up on starting a career. It seemed like I was placing too much stress on myself to hit a milestone by a certain age. So, I decided to cut my losses and worked at a law firm for 10 years. It's ironically the place I was able to learn the valuable lessons I'm now applying to my career.

Leeloo The First/Pexels

Believing Healthy Relationships Were Perfect

My little stint with my ex-boyfriend made me believe healthy relationships were the opposite of what we had; that they were perfect. You should've heard the way I started weaving in therapy speak to explain why healthy relationships were so great and full of boundaries, especially since I'd never been in one.

I had no idea that relationships still experience highs and lows, nor did I know how to navigate disagreements. I was still on edge from my last relationship because I'd think, "No man would ever speak down to me again." Can you imagine bringing this energy to a relationship with someone who's willing to work towards having something healthy?

Thank goodness for growth!

Elina Fairytale/Pexels

I Expected Parents To Be Perfect

I'm not proud to admit this, but parents used to annoy me when I was in my 20s. I thought my generation had lied about what makes a great parent because it felt like there weren't any. If you ever wanted to meet someone who had their head up their a— about parenting, I was your gal 10 years ago.

Honestly, I said a lot of biased and downright awful things about parents when I didn't have a child. I used to judge parents for letting their kids scream in public and even judged my own parents for not knowing how to handle every situation the way I thought they should. The truth is, I thought parents were supposed to be the all-knowing heroes in their kids' stories. People who could handle anything life threw at them. It just never really occurred to me that parents were individuals who have their own trauma, desires, fears, etc.

Also, I milked the whole being child-free thing. I'd think things like, "That person is just miserable because they're stuck being a parent." As a mom with a toddler who has severe eczema, I cringe at how much of an entitled a—hole I used to sound like. I think it's partially why I understand the "childfree by choice" comments, but can't get with the crowd who tries to pit their choices above others'.

My Mindset In My 30s

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Getting Focused & Honing My Skills Helped Me Start My Career

I have no problem telling anyone who'll listen that I wasn't prepared to start my career in my 20s. I was wildly all over the place, had no self-esteem, and couldn't stay focused on one thing to save my life. Everything I'm doing in my career requires confidence, a willingness to accept constructive criticism, and extreme focus.

At any given time I'm juggling two assignments at once, preparing for an interview, or trying to organize my inbox so I can respond to emails. This is usually accompanied by keeping an eye on my toddler, so it's the perfect time for me to handle so many responsibilities since I get to work from home.

What helped me get to this point is learning how to recognize when I was getting overwhelmed by things instead of spiraling. I haven't mastered it, but I'm able to notice when I need to take a step back to redirect myself. Sometimes this looks like going for a walk, taking a quick shower, or focusing on things I can see, touch, hear, and smell.

The other thing I credit with helping me prepare for my career is practicing like I already had it. I started blogging in 2014 and would interview other content creators like I was already getting paid to do it. This prep, along with seeking out remote internships or publications I could write for, helped me truly understand what my current role entails.

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Going To Therapy Helped Me Accept And Love Myself

I'm still learning how to love me in every season of life, but I credit my mom for introducing me to therapy. I frequently tell her how much she saved my life because I don't know where I'd be without it. I've mentioned it before, but this is where I learned how to confront certain narratives I believed about myself.

From believing I had to perform for others' approval to questioning my worth as a young Black woman, I was able to start peeling back the layers of things I'd internalized from childhood. Once I did that, I could truly see myself and it was scary at first.

I'd spent so much time running away from who I am that I didn't know if I was capable of accepting what I saw. But, the therapists I worked with did such an amazing job of helping me do just that. I still have to recite a few affirmations in the mirror from time to time, but it feels good to rely less on the opinions of others.

I can actually hear my own voice in my head instead of past bullies or adults who didn't realize how harmful their "jokes" were. That's priceless to me in my 30s.

Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Healthy Relationships Aren't Perfect...At All

I think there's still a huge belief that people who have relationships we admire must be perfect. As someone who's been actively working on having a healthy relationship with her fiancé, I'm here to tell you there's nothing perfect about it.

Do we curse at each other or physically fight? No, never have. Have we experienced moments of intense jealousy? Also no. But, we've had to learn how to navigate each other's traumas and personal quirks. We've certainly had to relearn how to prioritize each other after becoming parents which has been TOUGH. I'm talking two years of "I don't really like you at all right now."

If I was in my 20s, I probably would've left because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anything that didn't feel perfect. I mean, who wants to be willingly stressed out by their partner when both people are dealing with something new and are sleep-deprived + scared?

But I've realized it's not enough to say you want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Setting boundaries, learning to communicate, and being accountable takes work. The reality is that you're not always going to be on the same page with someone you love, and it's okay to agree to disagree.

My fiancé and I have 10 years under our belts so we've had a chance to navigate our 20s together. There's been a lot of growth and apologizing. We both feel that we're doing a great job, even when we have 10 minutes where we really don't want to talk to each other.

That's the other beautiful thing about healthy relationships being imperfect. You start picking up on each other's cues and can say things like, "I'm going to sit over here for a bit and I'll come back once I calm down," instead of having so many big arguments.

It feels good to say I don't need my fiancé or myself to be perfect. We have love, respect, a desire to learn, and a commitment to navigating all the changes that occur in life. That's more than enough.

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Becoming A Mom Opened My Eyes About A Lot

When I made the decision to be okay with my pregnancy in 2020, my feelings were crushed by someone close to me during my first trimester. I'd already started panicking about my past comments about parents, but I was also worried about how society would see me once it realized I was about to become a mom.

It was heartbreaking to feel like I was already being attacked for how I was choosing to think about my child. I didn't think it was a conversation I'd need to have because I assumed that person would accept my choices the way I'd always accepted theirs. That fateful interaction made me realize how easy it is for people to put their truths and identities on a pedestal over others. Sometimes it's unintentional, but it doesn't hurt any less.

It also made me start examining my own internalized biases. Eventually I started freeing myself from the idea that people are supposed to be one way vs. the other. I also gave myself permission to understand that people will say and do things no matter how I feel. That any of us could follow every last "rule" imposed on us and someone would still have an issue with me. Basically, my people-pleasing ways started to disappear over time.
The other thing I truly understand is that parents aren't perfect. This is not me glorifying imperfections to the point I think I can get away with anything, but it is an acknowledgement. Yes, I've been in and out of therapy since I was 20. Yes, I have the tools and resources to be more self-aware. But, none of this means I've arrived at the pinnacle of perfection. If you ask me, I don't even think it exists anymore.
Perhaps the best thing I've learned since becoming a mom is how hard parenting is. There's not enough planning, money, or love in the world that can make it a breeze. It's the literal act of being responsible for someone outside of yourself and I think doing it on a daily basis means it'll always be accompanied by mistakes, just like anything else we do in life. But it's oh so worth it.

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Navigating adulthood as an eldest daughter can be tough. While you’re not a child in your parents’ home anymore, the dynamics you grew up with can still follow. Think about it: how often do you find yourself trying to solve everyone else’s problems while continuously trying to shoulder your own alone? If this resonates with you at all, you may be dealing with Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

To understand what this actually looks like beyond the TikTok therapy speak of it all, I talked to a licensed therapist, Briana Paruolo, LCMHC. As the founder of On Par Therapy — a practice that specializes in “burnout, disordered eating, and self-worth” that seeks to “empower high achieving women” — she comes across a lot of clients dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Here’s what Paruolo has to say!


TL;DR

  • Eldest daughter syndrome isn't in the DSM-5, but that doesn't make the experiences of eldest daughters any less real.
  • Eldest daughter syndrome can look like intense perfectionism, unrealistic high standards, an inability to delegate, and an innate need to prioritize the needs of others first.
  • Eldest daughters can heal by validating their experiences, understanding their self-worth, and setting clear boundaries with themselves and others — especially by just saying "no" sometimes.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

cottonbro studio

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Pavel Danilyuk

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

Netflix

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Any Lane

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

jasmin chew

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

Elina Fairytale

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

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As much as I love an ugly Christmas sweater party, a small part of me still cringes at just how wacky they can be. There's a very fine line between 'ugly Christmas sweater' and 'playful holiday get-up' – but I think these fun holiday sweaters strike the perfect balance of the two. They're all colorful, festive, and so much fun to wear to any and every holiday get-together you've got going this year.

Scroll on for our favorite fun holiday sweaters for every party!

Anthropologie

1. The Violette Short-Sleeve Tinsel Sweater by Maeve

With 'tinsel' literally in this sweater's name, you'll be making a shiny statement wherever you wear this piece. It also comes in silver, gold, navy blue, and brown to suit your personal holiday style.

Abercrombie & Fitch

2. The A&F Madeline Crew Sweater

This femme 'fit boasts a bow that's reminiscent of holiday gifts and all things merry. It only helps that this sweater is super soft to the touch!

Urban Outfitters

3. Out From Under Catching Feelings Fairisle Print Cropped Pullover

This sweet holiday sweater has an adorable reindeer design along the front, so it's instantly going to fit in for any holiday party. You can also snag the pair of matching shorts to complete the coziness if you'd rather stay in.

Urban Outfitters

4. BDG Stella Star Graphic Oversized Pullover Sweater

With this sweater, you'll literally be a star. The color palette challenges holiday tradition in the best way, though you could totally make it a better fit for a party with a black mini skirt, tights, and metallic boots.

Anthropologie

5. Maeve Faux-Fur Collar Cropped Cardigan Sweater

Oh, so fancy! This cardi's collar is lined with faux fur to make it feel ultra-luxe. Layer it over your best party dress, and voila!

Nordstrom

6. ASTR the Label Velvet Bow Cardigan

Bring on more bows, please! This tie-up cardigan secures with two oversized velvet bows that speak to the holiday season flawlessly.

Gap Factory

7. Gap Factory Peanuts Relaxed Gap Logo Sweatshirt

Snoopy is truly a holiday icon, especially in his dramatic puffer jacket. Don the famous dog on this cozy sweatshirt – it's so much cuter than an ugly Christmas sweater, plus you'll earn mega compliments (everyone loves Snoop!) wearing it.

Free People

8. Free People Festive Frost Sweater

This fuzzy sweater is downright festive, thanks to the traditional stripes across the top half. We love it because it still leans very 'holiday,' but isn't explicitly so, since the color palette isn't just reds and greens.

Nordstrom

9. Vinyl Icons Martini Embellished Off The Shoulder Graphic Fleece Sweatshirt

Espresso martinis are a hallmark of the holiday season, and you simply can't change our minds on that. Get playful with your holiday sweater selection with this design that evokes a happy hour at any time of day, especially on a holiday break away from school or work!

Free People

10. We The Free Flower Patch Sweater

You'll be able to get a lot of wear out of this sweet red sweater around the holidays! The slouchy fit is ideal for pairing with even more winter layers to stay warm.

American Eagle

11. American Eagle Whoa So Soft Oversized Grinch Holiday Sweater

With Christmas' favorite villain on it, this super-soft sweater will always be in style around the holidays.

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Raise your hand if you've felt victimized by the rush to follow through on new year's resolution ideas! Now, raise your other hand if you finally feel like you're coming alive during fall! Great, we're feeling the same — and we promise it has nothing to do with our love for Halloween. Instead, the TikTok viral 'October Theory' may be the reason why it feels like we can breathe after another unprecedented year. But, is it viable or just another trend that everyone's going to forget about before the year is over (remember the lucky girl syndrome)? Also, what is it?

We chatted with psychotherapist, Kristie Tse, LMHC and traditional astrologer, Talisa Zampieri to get their hot takes about what the 'October Theory' is, whether you should pay attention to it, and how it may (or may not be) impacted by the stars.

What is the October Theory?

Vlada Karpovich

There are tons of TikTok videos that describe this theory in detail, but user @mindandbodymams describes it best. She says, "Because October is leading up to the ending of the year, people start looking at their lives and deciding what things need to be set into motion." She explains that this could look like making changes to your relationship, or starting a new job — it could even look like you starting a new hobby or letting go of a few bad habits.

Regardless, this all boils down to one thing: October is the perfect time to take a look at your goals and implement them before the end of the year.

Why is setting goals for the new year difficult for some people?

Ava Dillon

Thinking about the possibilities for the new year is so exciting, often leaving people inspired to make vision boards, write detailed resolutions, and dream big about what's to come. However, not everyone is thrilled about jumping headfirst into that energy. "Setting goals at the beginning of a new year can pose challenges for some individuals due to various psychological factors. For many, the pressure to start fresh and achieve immediate results can feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or anxiety," explains Tse. As the clinical director and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling, she specializes in helping clients make empowered decisions during different seasons of their lives.

Other things like "past experiences of unmet resolutions can also create a sense of skepticism or defeatism," adds Tse. "Additionally, societal and familial expectations may cloud individual desires, causing internal conflict about what truly matters to them." According to Forbes, 62% of people feel like they have to participate in the new year's resolution trend. What's even more surprising is that over half of women "feel slightly more pressured to set a resolution" than 60% of men!

Tse surmises these very reasons ultimately makes things "feel daunting" which can hinder "goal-setting efforts." She says, "As a psychotherapist, I recognize that these barriers are deeply rooted in personal and cultural narratives, which can often dictate one's ability to set and achieve goals."

Is there a psychological reason why October feels like a fresh start?

Orione Conceição

Some people welcome fall with open arms — and subsequently the 'October Theory' — because it seems to promise a much needed reset. You're not alone if you feel this way, and Tse says there's a reason for this. "Many individuals feel that October symbolizes the beginning of their new year due to the psychological transitions associated with changing seasons. The start of autumn represents a shift from the energetic and social atmosphere of summer to a more introspective and reflective time."

Think about how excited you get to watch the leaves turn from green to rich hues of golden yellow, orange, and crimson. As they fall from their respective branches, this process can signify things that we may need to let go in order to make room for fresh things to grow. "The onset of fall can trigger an internal reset, prompting people to reassess their goals and intentions. Psychologically, this period might coincide with academic calendars or fiscal years, influencing how some structure their personal timelines," she continues.

Not only that, but Tse's seen how beneficial fall is because it can "help clients refocus and energize their commitment to personal growth and change." The more they do this, the more they start "aligning more naturally with their internal rhythms compared to the culturally enforced January start," Tse observes.

What about astrologically?

Orhan Pergel

Not only is it October right now, but it's also Libra season! So while there's plenty of psychology to support your stance on fresh starts right now, could it also be written in the stars? Intuitive tarot reader and founder of Two Wander, Talisa Zampieri thinks so. She says that Libra is a cardinal sign, and that because all cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) fall on equinoxes and solstices, they're therefore "initiators of new seasons and change."

If you're not familiar with Libras in particular, no worries! Zampieri says, "Air signs are the connectors, visionaries, and communicators of the zodiac." She says this is because Libras are ruled by Venus, a "relational planet that governs our values." So the Libras in your life — and thus Libra season in general — may be more "focused on ideals, other people, and finding alignment."

Zampieri elaborates that Libra season actually illuminates the areas in our lives — usually specific to areas of our birth chart that we have Libra placements — that need to find that balance and alignment again. She says, "The general effect of Libra season is one of trying to rebalance where the scales have been tipped too far in one direction, beautifying our life, and coming to harmony."

Starting to sound similar to October Theory? We thought so, too! Not only are we able to cosmically recognize where w we might need to shift our focus during this time, but Zampieri also highlights another shift. She says that "around October 22 we shift into Scorpio season, which is the master alchemist and transformer."

Feeling the pull towards finding change and balance? Check. Actually acting on that pull? Check. The October Theory is practically tattoed in the fabric of the stars.

How can someone embrace the 'October Theory' in real time?

Megan Ruth

Though a 'theory' can sound quite rigid and academic, this isn't something that requires you to dismantle your life and start with a completely different set of rules to live by. It's actually simpler than you think. "To embrace the 'October theory' in goal setting, start by assessing the changes you feel during this season. Use this transitional time to reflect on personal achievements, unfulfilled aspirations, and areas of growth," Tse suggests.

For example, let's say one of your goals was to stop relying on delivery services like Instacart or Uber Eats as much. We know life gets busy, causing us to backtrack on our cooking goals. But instead of kicking yourself for not being consistent with making homemade dinner recipes, you can start by asking yourself what kind of meals you want to eat. That could be all the encouragement you need to wander your grocery store aisles more successfully — and more empowered!

Tse says, "Create small, meaningful goals that resonate with your true desires, rather than what may have been imposed externally. Consider incorporating themes of autumn — like letting go and transformation — into your objectives, which can offer a symbolic motivation." She encourages you to "release habits that no longer serve you or cultivate new practices that align with the person you aim to become."

The more you shut out outside noise and check in with yourself, the more you'll be able to become clear about things you truly want.

How can different zodiac signs set goals that feel authentic during this time?

Darina Belonogova

From an astrological POV, there are things we can do to make sure our goals feel aligned to us. Zampieri says, "The ways each sign can lean into this theory in a way that feels authentic to them is by looking at which astrological house Libra (and Scorpio) fall for them in their natal chart and aligning with its themes."

For example, she points out that for Libra risings, "this this transit is occurring in their 1st house of self, which amplifies the focus on self-development." On the other hand, Sagittarius risings will be affected differently. "This is their 11th house of friendship and so they can focus on their community and aspirations, etc."

If you're a Libra, one of your goals may be to get serious about your fitness goals or setting boundaries that feel true to you. If you're a Sagittarius, you may be focused on exploring friend date ideas that allow you to bond with your best friends — or you may even be exploring the potential for friendship breakups, letting go of the relationships that no longer serve them.

The point is, regardless of your sun sign, you have Libra somewhere on your birth chart. Once you recognize this area — and what that area represents — you'll be able to facilitate change more specific to your needs.

How can people stay consistent when pursuing new goals?

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Pursuing new goals sounds fun until you realize you have to stay consistent, right? We've all been there to a degree — but there are ways to work around it, according to Tse. "Implementing structured daily rituals can create a strong foundation for consistency. Setting specific times for activities integrates them into your routine naturally," she says. This can look like setting alarms on your phone so you can allot time for whatever you want to do. But, why does this help us stay on track? "Tracking progress visually, like with a calendar, reinforces commitment," Tse shares.

If you're still struggling with procrastination, Tse says you can ask friends and other people you look up to for help, because "having someone to share successes and challenges with can keep motivation high." However, don't let your ambitious nature convince you that you have to tackle everything at one time. The last thing we want you to experience is burnout, so Tse has three key boundaries you can set in place:

  • Break the journey into smaller, manageable tasks to prevent feeling overwhelmed.
  • Connect each goal to a larger purpose or personal value to maintain passion.
  • Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and adjust the approach, rather than viewing them as failures.

How can you remain authentic throughout yet another internet trend?

Polina Tankilevitch

Still on the fence about what goals you should be pursuing? Zampieri says to avoid what doesn't resonate with you. "If starting afresh now makes you feel good and you like to work under a deadline, set those new goals," she says excitedly. But, she's not convinced it's something you have to do if you're not 100% sure about the 'October Theory.'

"If you are naturally more drawn inward during this time of year and prefer to wind down instead, do that (particularly Scorpio risings as this is their 12th house natally which is more introspective). Don't let the internet pressure you into anything," she insists.

This is especially true if all the talk about setting new goals ahead of next year is triggering anxious thoughts. Zampieri says, "If someone feels negatively affected by the 'October Theory,' they can try to regain some perspective by looking back to last year instead," she Zampieri says. "Sometimes it is easier to see how far we've come by reflecting on where we were this time a year ago. Alternatively, someone can focus on the rhythm of the seasons instead: nature is naturally preparing to hibernate now and so can we."

Just because the 'October Theory' has gone viral doesn't mean your life will be incomplete if you're not participating in it. It's an interesting concept, but you should ultimately choose whatever feels closely aligned with where you are in life. No journey is linear, so don't worry about this timeline — but if you do need a boost, then this trend has you covered.

Whether you're looking for the next pumpkin spice recipe, mocktails to mix, or book club find, we've got you covered! Follow us on Facebook for all the latest!

Christmas party games are a fun way to connect, relieve some holiday stress, and bring some holiday cheer, way better than zoning out in front of the TV or navigating tricky political conversations. Whether you're hosting a holiday party or hosting the big day (or eve), here are some ROFL Christmas games for adults and kids to experience real holiday joy, perhaps create some new traditions, and take the best IG shots of the season.

Here are 20 exciting Christmas party games you can play with the whole family!

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Christmas Charades

Play charades with a holiday twist! Write down Christmas-themed clues (e.g., decorating a tree, Rudolph, Mariah Carey, building a snowman...) and have teams act them out. Keep it simple for kids, especially ones learning to read, or add some pop culture references (Buddy the Elf, anyone?) for adults-only parties.

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Name That Carol!

Play short snippets of Christmas songs and have guests guess the title. To up the challenge, use instrumental versions or hum the tune. For kids, you can turn this into musical chairs with holiday music!

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Christmas Trivia

Create trivia questions about Christmas movies, traditions, and songs. Bonus points for the most obscure facts! Here's a few to start:

  • Which country started the tradition of putting up a Christmas tree? (Answer: Germany)
  • In the song Twelve Days of Christmas, what is given on the 7th day? (Answer: Swans a-swimming)
  • Which country celebrates “Feliz Navidad”? (Answer: Spain or Latin American countries)

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Guess the Holiday Scent

Use candles, essential oils, or holiday-themed spices like cinnamon, peppermint, or pine. Blindfold guests and have them guess the scent. Throw in some unexpected surprises like egg nog, maple syrup or Scotch tape.

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Snowball NBA

If you're lucky enough to have a White Christmas, set up buckets outside labeled with different point values. Guests toss real snowballs, or “snowballs” like white cotton balls or small foam balls if you're playing indoors, into the buckets for points.

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The Awkward Gift Wrap Race

Find awkwardly shaped items around the house, like a basketball or stuffed animal, and provide rolls of wrapping paper. The fastest (and neatest) gift wrapper wins!

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Ornament Relay

Hand out spoons or chopsticks and teams have to race to get ornaments from one side of the room to another.

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Candy Cane Hunt

Similar to an Easter egg hunt, hide candy canes around the house or yard and let guests hunt for them. Wrap a few with dollar bills to up the ante .;)

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Holiday "Who Am I?"

Stick Christmas-themed names or characters (e.g., the Grinch, Jude Law, Holiday Armadillo, Charlie Brown) on players' foreheads. Guests ask yes/no questions to guess who they are. It's a great ice breaker for new friends!

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Gingerbread Decoration Contest

Anything with a ticking clock adds a certain element of hilarity to it. Give your teams gingerbread houses with icing and decorations. Let the creativity flow, and award prizes for categories like “most festive” or “funniest" or "worst construction."

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Here are more Christmas games to play this season:

Jingle Bell Toss: Set up your college-era Solo cups into a bowling pin formation at opposite ends of the table. Each players tries to get large jingle bellsinto the opposite side’s cups. The first player to get a bell in each cup wins.

Human Hungry Hungry Hippo: Pair up, stand in a circle, and hand out plastic candy canes. Toss shatterproof Christmas balls in the middle of the circle. One person stands, holding the feet of the other person on the floor. The person on the floor tries to collect more balls with the candy cane than the other teams for a human version of Hungry Hungry Hippo!

Christmas Pictionary: Like charades, but on paper. Use pop culture references like "Hallmark Holiday Movie" or holiday-themed phrases like "Silent Night" for teammates to guess.

Left-Right Christmas Story Game: Make up a holiday story that includes the words "left" and "right" often. Guests pass a wrapped gift or object left or right as the words are mentioned, and whoever holds it at the end keeps the gift!

Christmas Bingo: Downloadbingo cards with holiday symbols or themes. Mark them off as they’re called out. First to yell “Bingo!” wins.

Reindeer Ring Toss: Use inflatable reindeer antler hats (or make your own) and toss rings to see who can "decorate" the reindeer.

Christmas Cookie Taste Test: Bake or buy a variety of holiday cookies. Blindfold guests and see who can identify the most flavors correctly.

Christmas Movie Emoji Quiz: Create a string of emojis that represent Christmas movies and have guests guess the titles.

Snowman Building Contest: If there’s snow, go outdoors for a snowman-building competition! If indoors, use toilet paper to “wrap” someone as a snowman.

Holiday Scavenger Hunt: Make a list of Christmas-related items like a red ornament, mistletoe, or a stocking and have guests search for them in teams.

Christmas Karaoke: Set up a karaoke machine or app and sing along to holiday classics. Bonus points for best singer or most dramatic performance!

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Following in the footsteps of movie musicals like Mean Girls, Wicked might just be the 2024 movie we're most excited for. The fantastical design, beautiful songs, and enemies-turned-besties relationship between Elphaba and Glinda come together like magic. The show first opened on Broadway in 2003 with Idina Menzel as Elphaba and Kristin Chenoweth as Glinda. Stephen Schwartz, lyricist and composer, has teased the film since 2017, and every little bit of new news gets us more excited to finally travel to Oz on the big screen. Keep reading for everything we know about the gravity-defying fall movie!

Here's the latest news on 2024's brand new Wicked movie.

  • Wicked is coming to theaters this November.
  • The movie's based on the musical of the same name, which premiered in 2003.
  • The Wicked cast includes Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey, Ethan Slater, Jeff Goldblum, Michelle Yeoh, and Marissa Bode.

Is there a Wicked movie singalong?

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Good news for singers and theatre kids alike: Wicked singalongs are coming to theaters! While the movie premieres on November 22, interactive screenings are coming to around 1,000 movie theaters in North America starting December 25. Stay tuned for location details! Until then, please do us all a favor and hum under your breath during "Defying Gravity."

What has the Wicked cast said about each other?

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The Wicked cast truly became a family onset. Ethan Slater exclusively told Brit + Co that Ariana Grande & Cynthia Erivo welcomed everyone into the film "with open arms," while Michelle Yeoh added working together was "magical." Meanwhile, our leading ladies went viral for crying over how much they mean to each other.

And Jonathan Bailey just spilled some more behind the scenes secrets in his Vanity Fair cover story. In addition to calling Ari and Cynthia "the girls" (which is a nickname I love!! I feel like it emphasizes how close they are by highlighting the fact there's only two people he could be talking about), he opened up about the support he received making the transition from Fellow Travelers and Bridgerton to Wicked.

"I’d flown back from Canada and then I was filming Bridgerton," he says. "I met the girls then, and they were well and truly underway. I remember going to the dressing rooms, and theirs were pink and green and were just spilling into the hallway. And mine was just an interrogation room with nothing. But I did spend the whole day with [choreographer] Chris Scott and went from Chris Scott to see [musical writer] Stephen Schwartz, and it was just, for me, boot camp days. You just lean on the amazing choreographers and obviously [director] Jon M. Chu’s vision."

What is the Wicked movie release date?

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Wicked: Part I hits theaters on November 22, 2024. It was originally scheduled for a Christmas release (and then Thanksgiving) but the sooner, the better IMO!

And good news for any Amazon Prime subscribers: you can see the movie early! Amazon's new “Oz on Amazon” campaign means members can screen Wicked in theaters November 18, four whole days before the rest of the world sees it. Get tickets here while they're still available!

Will there be a Wicked movie soundtrack?

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Yes, we're getting a Wicked movie soundtrack! Full of beloved Broadway numbers like "Popular," "I'm Not That Girl," and "The Wizard and I," this is an album for a whole new generations of Ozians.

“The other week I was visiting my family in Boca and I was up late one night with my headphones on because the mixes had just come in for the soundtrack,” Ariana Grande told Allure in September. “I was sitting in my childhood bedroom with the poster across from my bed signed by the original Broadway cast and listening to our mixes of the soundtrack. It was really emotional. I just burst into tears.”

Watch The Wicked Trailer!

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If you didn't already believe that Wicked was going to be the musical movie event of the century, this trailer will convince you. The dancing! The costumes! The literal magic! I am going to be weeping the entire time (and I need to start working on my Halloween costume STAT!)

Check Out The New Wicked Poster

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The newest Wicked poster shows off Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo as Glinda and Elphaba like we've never seen! As a Glinda girl myself, I love to see all the details on Ariana's costume, plus all the texture and intricacies on Cynthia's. The poster is totally giving "The Creation of Adam" painting with Glinda and Elphaba just out of reach of one another — and it also reminds of "Defying Gravity" since Elphaba is in the air!

Who else is in the Wicked movie cast?

Sophy Holland/Universal Pictures/Vanity Fair

We got a first (leaked) look at Bridgerton star Jonathan Bailey as Fiyero the week of May 13. We already know that he can sing so we're extra excited to see him in action alongside Ariana and Cynthia!

In this Vanity Fair first look, we see the three actors are joined by a powerhouse cast including Jeff Goldblum as the Wizard and Everything Everywhere All At Once star (and Academy Award winner!!) Michelle Yeoh as Madame Morrible. The cast also features Broadway actor Ethan Slater as Boq, Marissa Bode as Nessarose, SNL star Bowen Yang as Pfannee, and The Greatest Showman actress Keala Settle as Miss Coddle.

We might have gotten a first glimpse at the movie during CinemaCon 2023, but this year's convention finally revealed the one cast member we've been waiting for: Dr. Dillamond, who will be played by Peter Dinklage.

"The wicked movie now has an academy award winner, grammy winner, tony winner and an oliver award winner," says @sheeshgwws on X. "i mean the talent is stacked."

Who auditioned for the Wicked movie?

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Before we got the official Wicked cast list, it turns out that a lot of our favorite stars went out for the film! When the movie was in its earliest stages of pre-production, back in 2014, Lea Michele and Harry Styles were reportedly the frontrunners for Elphaba and Fiyero (via The Guardian).

And once Jon M. Chu was attached to direct and the film really took off, a lot of stars we know and love made it into the audition room. Reneé Rapp told Watch What Happens Live that she auditioned for Glinda, while Dove Cameron confirmed she also auditioned for the role, via The Wrap. Amanda Seyfried was also in the running for the Good Witch, and revealed she auditioned (via Cosmopolitan) when she was playing Elizabeth Holmes in The Dropout.

But the most surprising bit of news to me is that Joe Jonas and Nick Jonas went out for the same role! Nick confirmed to Variety that both brothers auditioned for Fiyero.

Considering in the mid-2010s One Direction was at the top of their game, Mamma Mia star Amanda Seyfried proved her singing chops again in Les Misérables, and we all had major crushes on the Jonas Brothers (still do, TBH), this cast would have overwhelmed every Tumblr musical theater girlie in the very best way.

Who is Jonathan Bailey playing in Wicked?

Sophy Holland/Universal Pictures/Vanity Fair

Jonathan Bailey from Bridgerton is starring as playboy-turned-lover boy Fiyero. When he first meets Glinda and Elphaba, he's taken with Glinda's charm and popularity, but he quickly realizes there's much more to Elphaba than meets the eye. In this Vanity Fair first look, we see that just like Anthony Bridgerton, Fiyero has an affinity for vests, billowy shirts, and horses. I'm not mad about it.

Why was Ariana Grande at the Oscars 2024?

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Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo presented the award for "Best Score" and "Best Original Song" at the Oscars 2024! The duo showed up ahead of the Wicked movie (which hits theaters this fall), wearing their best Oz-approved fashion. Ariana Grande wore a voluminous bubblegum pink gown from Giambattista Valli Haute Couture that was reminiscent of Glinda the Good Witch, while Cynthia Erivo channeled Elphaba in a leather green Louis Vuitton dress.

While the aesthetic and fabric of both dresses were very different (similar to their Wicked characters!) both Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo looked stunning and otherworldly thanks to the artistic silhouettes. I am simply in love with Ariana's off-the-shoulder bubble cape, and Cynthia's ruffled sleeves. I can't wait to see the rest of their press looks!

What is the Wicked movie about?

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Wicked is an origin story for the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good from The Wizard of Oz. As young women, Elphaba and Glinda uncover the wizard's plot to suppress all of the animals in Oz and keep his power. When Elphaba tries to expose him, he frames her for the act. Wicked will be directed by Jon M. Chu, who also directed 2021's In The Heights. We loved his work on that blockbuster musical, so we can't wait to see what Chu brings to the big screen with Wicked this time!

Who will play Elphaba in the wicked movie?

Cynthia Erivo/Instagram

Elphaba will be played by Broadway star Cynthia Erivo. She starred in a revival of The Color Purplefrom 2015 to 2017, winning a Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical for her performance. She also took to the screen in films like Harriet, Pinocchio, and Bad Times at the El Royale. Cynthia Erivo first teased her Wicked look in an Instagram post, and we can't wait to see more!

Who is playing Glinda?

Ariana Grande/Instagram

Popstar and actress Ariana Grande will play Glinda in the films. We're very excited about this, especially after she sang "The Wizard And I" at the 2018 Wicked 15th Anniversary Special. Ariana may be a global pop sensation, but she has strong roots in musical theatre, starring as Charlotte in 13 the Musical in 2008. She's also been asking the Wicked team about a movie for over ten years!

“Since I was 20, I was like, ‘Hey, I don't know when this is happening, but when it's happening, may I please at least just audition?’" Ariana Grande tells Amazon Music's Zach Sang. "That's all I wanted, was an audition. I've never wanted anything more.”

Ariana prepped for the audition with “voice lessons every day, acting lessons every day” for six whole months. “I trained every single day to prove to [Wicked producers] that I could handle taking on this other person," she says.

Why is the Wicked movie two parts?

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Wicked will be split into two parts, just like the Broadway show. That way, the stakes will feel higher, and we'll have more time with the characters! The two-part release follows in the footsteps of blockbusters like The Hunger Games and Dune. Wicked: Part I will premiere in November 2024, and the second part will follow the next year.

Why is Wicked coming out in 2024?

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The Wicked movie was originally supposed to premiere in 2021 but because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the film got pushed. Thankfully, the strikes during the summer of 2023 didn't delay the movie at all!

Watch The Brand New Preview For "Wicked" Here!

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Hopefully the wait for the 22 will only feel like One Short Day...until then, catch us watching this preview on repeat!

Keep checking back here for more Wicked movie updates and let us know what you're most excited about on Twitter! Until we get to see the movie in theaters, check out the top Spring Movies and Summer Movies to watch in the meantime!

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This post has been updated.