10 Things I Learned In My 20s That Are Making My 30s Better

Trauma informed psychotherapist Star Rose Bond, LCSW has extensive knowledge about how to navigate tough moments in life without any snarky comments. Specializing in PTSD, she's a PEARL clinical supervisor and Co-Founder and CEO of Life Camp who has more than 15 years of experience. Here's what she suggests for getting over a crush.

What are the giveaway signs that someone has a crush on another person?

We've all been with our friends when someone's words seems to get caught in their throat when an attractive person walks by. It could be someone everyone knows, or the bartender at the buzzy new spot that just opened up near you. Crushes could be anyone, and though you may know your friend like the back of your hand, it's not always easy to pinpoint if they have a crush on someone if they haven't verbally said anything. But Bond says there's a few ways you can tell.

"People pay more attention to the person they have a crush on, often seeking opportunities to be around them. They may feel nervous or anxious in the presence of their crush, sometimes resulting in awkward behavior." she says. This can look like babbling in a conversation or making a self-depreciating joke that confuses their crush.

She also says, "A person will frequently compliment their crush and try to make them feel good about themselves." This can look like paying attention to that person's life, hobbies, and opinions. "They often initiate conversations, text messages, or social media interactions," Bond says.

One behavior that's completely obvious is seeing someone exhibit "signs of jealousy if they see their crush with someone else," adds Bond.

Can it be distracting to have a crush?

If you happen to have a crush on someone, you may find it odd that your friends have pointed out how often you talk about your crush. A small part of you could even ask yourself, "Is having a crush on this person becoming a distraction?"

Bond says, "Yes, having a crush can be very distracting. It can preoccupy a person’s thoughts, making it hard to focus on tasks at hand, whether it’s work, school, or other responsibilities."

Whether you can't get that person off your mind because you're imagining scenarios with your crush or wondering if they feel the same way you do, you could run the risk of temporarily forgetting reality.

"Managing these distractions is important to maintain productivity and well-being," Bond suggests.

Is it possible to have a crush on multiple people?

I know we talk about twin flames and the invisible string theory, but Bond says it's possible to have a crush on multiple people at once.

"Crushes are often based on admiration, attraction, or emotional connection, and it’s normal for someone to experience these feelings towards more than one person at a time. However, the intensity and nature of each crush can vary," she shares.

The best example I have is someone who has a list of celebrity crushes. They can think everyone from Chris Evans to Timothée Chalamet is hot, but that doesn't mean they necessarily value one over the other.

Do you think people are supposed to date their crushes?

This question is subjective because no one can really tell you that you shouldn't try to pursue a relationship with your crush. "Whether someone should date their crush depends on various factors, including mutual interest, compatibility, and timing," says Bond.

I know I'm incredibly glad that a lot of my crushes didn't lead anywhere because I later found out they weren't someone I truly wanted to be in a long-term relationship with.

Bond says, "While dating a crush can lead to a fulfilling relationship, it’s important to assess if both parties share similar values and goals. It’s also crucial to ensure that the feelings are reciprocated and that both individuals are ready for a relationship."

How can a person navigate being rejected by their crush?

Being rejected by a crush can feel like a gut punch if you've been thinking about them on a daily basis. I'd be lying if I said that I've never experienced rejection — it can feel humiliating — so I understand if things feel shattered because your crush isn't interested in pursuing something romantic.

Bond says, "Navigating rejection can be challenging, but it’s important for emotional well-being." She wants you to keep the following in mind:

• Allow yourself to feel and process the emotions that come with rejection.
• Focus on activities that make you happy and help you relax.
• Maintain a positive outlook and remind yourself that rejection is a part of life and not a reflection of your worth.

It's not the end of the world if your crush doesn't like you. It usually won't matter years from now!

If a person realizes their crush isn't the person they thought they were, how can they start getting over them?

I briefly mentioned this early, but sometimes it's you who ends up rejecting your feelings about a crush. They could do several things that are on your 'ick' list, reminding you that crushes don't have to become more than that. But, how do you even get over the fact you romantically liked someone?

Bond says there are several steps you can take. They look like:

• Accept that the person may not meet your expectations or ideals.
• Limit contact and interactions with the person to reduce emotional attachment.
• Engage in hobbies, activities, and self-improvement to shift focus away from the crush.
• Talk to friends or a therapist about your feelings and get support.
• Reflect on what you truly want in a relationship and how this person may not align with those values.

What would you say to someone who feels it's impossible to fully get over an ex?

And if your ex happened to be the crush that you successfully entered into a relationship with? Well, the rules still apply. You have to give yourself time and understand that you can't rush the healing process.

Bond says, "Healing from a breakup takes time, and it’s okay to feel like it’s a long process. Allow yourself to feel and process all emotions related to the breakup without judgment."

She still wants you to find new activities and experiences to focus on because you'll like create positive memories that have nothing to do with your ex or former crush.

By focusing on personal growth and seeking support, it is possible to move forward and find happiness beyond a past relationship.

My Healing Girl Summer

This season was dedicated to all the things that would actually make me look younger, feel healthier, and get hotter than ever—without any fillers (literally or figuratively)!

A simple shift of intention in how I spent my time, energy, and money could transform every aspect of my life—love, abundance, sex, and purpose!

When people mention healing, it’s daunting because we often don't know what it really means or looks like. Diving headfirst into it can be a really scary place.

That's why it's so important to have a support system around you, and tools and practices to help you come back to yourself during these times. With the right support and resources, you can navigate the healing process more effectively and find your way back to a place of balance and strength.

The first step in Healing Girl Summer was deep inquiry around the patterns that caused my wounds in the first place. Which means taking full responsibility.

As Dr. Gabor Maté writes about trauma, much of what we think is our personality is actually coping mechanisms and defense strategies we learned as kids to survive.

We’ve all heard, “You create your reality.” Well if that’s true, you create the dreams just like the nightmares. Taking radical responsibility for every aspect of your life reclaims the reins, returning power to the only person who can do something about it—you.

This means asking hard questions, and having tough conversations with yourself that guide your healing path.

I finally recognized I had been replaying the same major complaint from my dynamic with my father in my romantic relationship.

My mother role modeled overstaying in a situation that was unhealthy and disrespectful of her, then I did the same. Secretly afraid I’d never find anything more than someone who “tolerated” me and shamed my power.

My metamorphosis over the next few months became the great work of my life, and the roadmap for Healing Girl Summer. No matter how my heart aches, I never back away from healing. Which, though it requires massive courage and resolve, has been the greatest blessing I could imagine.

Part of my work involves leading transformative healing retreats at castles. This year, we're in a fairytale French palace, so naturally, I watched Cinderella to get in the mood. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten her iconic song. “No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish will come true.”

I’ve made so many dreams come true, I wasn’t going to let a few nightmares stop me.

I committed to weekly sessions of therapy to unwind mental patterns, structural bodywork to alleviate the pain and trauma stored in my body, and many other rituals with specific intentions of release, pleasure, or manifestation. If you find yourself in a healing girl season, here are my daily and scientifically proven practices that are all FREE:

Be in nature

There is nothing more healing for our nervous system than being in Nature. This is a crucial element for all human beings. We literally ARE Nature. Our body is the earth, bones like the stones in the mountains. Our blood is the rivers, creeks and streams of water in our veins. The breath in our lungs is the wind exchanged between us and the trees! And the same fire light that shines outside also radiates from within us, and keeps our hearts beating with its electric energy.

Our starvation from Nature and the knowing of our inherent interconnectedness contributes to so many mental and physical health challenges. She is my greatest teacher and friend, who I needed more than ever. I sat beneath big oak trees, by creek beds, or swam in the ocean and just let Her work Her magik on me.

Let your thoughts out by journaling

Everything you can’t say, wish you had, or just don’t want to keep burdening your friends with is perfect fodder for the private pages of your journal. I also used specific prompts like, “Why is this actually for the best?”, “What things were always misaligned for us?”, “What parts of myself are ready to grow after this?”, and “What kind of relationship do I actually desire and require?”

Move your body and dance

Studies have shown dance is THE greatest remedy to depression. Freestyle movement became a necessity for celebration and release each morning or moment of overwhelm. Put your phone down and get into your body in spontaneous motion. Works every time.

Breathe and meditate

When the outside is chaotic, creating stillness on the inside can make all the difference. You don’t have to stop thinking, in fact you'll probably be spinning around all the conversations of the day and upcoming to-dos. But the intention of carving out quiet space and time for yourself to just be present and keep bringing yourself back to your breath and sensations sends important signals of safety to your body.

Add yoga or other low-impact workouts to your routine

Genuine, sustainable dopamine, yes please! As a dedicated yogi and former gym rat, I alternated each day to regulate my nervous system, push myself when I felt unmotivated, and get a revenge body, obviously.

I peppered in every other healing modality, mindset technique, and biohacking tool I could get my hands on like past life regressions, yoni massage, acupuncture, breath work, sound baths, Sauna/cold plunge, cryotherapy, IV’s and ozone, you name it. Then I jetted off to Thailand for three weeks for back-to-back tantra retreats full of death and rebirth rituals, jungle waterfall immersion, daily massages and an iconic change of scenery.

Now, I’ve been doing this work for almost 15 years, so I’ve had a lot of experience with confronting my fears to get to where I am. But we’ve all had challenges, a dark night of the soul, as they say. So, in case you find yourself there, allow me to offer you the same opportunity, whatever you might be going through.

Here are five simple ways you can start doing healing work that will fundamentally transform you, body, mind and spirit.

1. Connect with Your Inner Child: Imagine your five-year-old self is standing in front of you, what would they want you to remember that you’ve forgotten? Who or what did they want to become? How can you bring a little more of that energy into your daily life right now? Put a picture of them somewhere you’ll see often and remember who you’re doing all this for. Working with your inner child can involve meditation and visualization, embodiment, intentional dialogue, art therapy and so much more.

2. Illuminate Your Shadows: Our “darkness” gets a bad wrap, but this is the realm of the feminine: the void and the birthplace from which life and all its possibilities is born. Treat it as such. Whatever external circumstance is to blame, how can I take the responsibility and shine my eternal light upon it? If you have excuses like, “That’s just the way I am,” look at how it may stem from a hardship in your childhood.

Take an inventory of what is and isn’t working in your life, and see what beliefs you have about the challenges. Who did you see model the kind of struggle you’re experiencing? Each time I saw another negative belief rise up I would immediately change my behavior or thoughts. You can do this by taking an unfamiliar or non-habituated action. Sing an affirmative song until your mind attaches to it and forgets the downward spiral you were heading towards, or whatever works for you.

3. Abandon Your Comfort Zone: That place is dangerous, leads to complacency, and has more often than not been imposed upon you rather than established by you. The comfort zone never helped me achieve something greater than the status quo. Take the trip, go to the class, talk to that person at the bookstore. Change up your routine even if that means hanging out with different people because the ones you always see aren’t actually enhancing or helping you improve your life.

Doing things you’ve never done will get you results you’ve never thought possible. When all else fails, MOVE! I don’t mean across the country–unless that’s always been your dream. I just mean get up off the couch or out of bed! When you’re down in the doldrums, any type of movement helps shift stagnant energy, get a fresh perspective and brings you home to your center. Yoga, exercise, shaking, hitting a pillow, or just getting up for a walk.

4. Try a new healing modality. Maybe you’ve had an astrology reading, are a dedicated daily yogi, or have sat with ayahuasca. Try something new, whatever calls to you, go for it. See what deeper layers you might have access to, and notice if you can navigate this search based on the primary emotion(s) you have the hardest time expressing.

If you feel shameful celebrating yourself and feeling peak joy, try ecstatic dance or female empowerment work. If you have repressed memories try a shamanic drum journey. I love somatic therapy, embodiment practices and going on transformative retreats. (I’m leading one in August at a fairytale French castle if that’s your kind of vibe).

5. Believe in MAGIK & MIRACLES Perhaps the most important of them all, when we were little, magik was real. I have proven that we don’t have to lose it in adulthood. Even with all this heartache, my life still feels better than a Disney movie most days. Though this prince and I didn’t live happily ever after, we did have some peak life experiences together, because that’s the norm for my existence.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it's because of my (sometimes bordering on delusional) faith in magik. I’m not talking about the rabbits out of hats kind of illusions. I’m talking about the infinite universal power that you and I all have access to at every moment. Manifestation is really just a more mainstream word for magik. If you expect the worst, that’s what you’ll continue to receive.

Caterpillars in cocoons liquify and become butterflies through their imaginal cells. Yes, that's really what they’re called. If you can trust the process even in the moments you’re being metaphorically liquified and imagine that your best days are yet to come, you will be reborn as the most magnificent butterfly. I know that’s where I’m headed, and I hope you’ll come with me.

Your self-care journey doesn't have to end here! We have eight more amazing ways you can romanticize your summer!

Mia Magik is a guest contributor and intuitive advisor who teaches women to trust their inner guidance system, which everyone is capable of. USA Today called her a “spiritual fairy godmother” as she empowers individuals to reconnect with their infinite spiritual abilities as well as nature to help make their dreams come true.

See Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden's 2024 Emmys Date Night!

At the 2024 Emmys, Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden made their first red carpet appearance as a married couple and I simply cannot get enough of them. The Little Women actress stunned in a navy skirt and bandeau set, complete with draping detail and a silver necklace, while Jack Lowden wore a complementary navy and black tux with a bowtie.

Are Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden married?

Yes, Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden are reportedly married! Documents from a Scottish civil marriage registry show that the couple have an official license and tied the knot in Edinburgh (via People).

They had an intimate ceremony that was kept under wraps by all who attended (via Irish Independent). This is on par with the couple's tendency to keep the details of their relationship out of the public eye.

It's hard to say if they'll make a public statement about their marriage, but we're still happy for the cute couple!

Where was Saoirse Ronan seen wearing a diamond ring?

According to People, Saoirse made an appearance at the Louis-Vuitton Womenswear SS 2024 runway show last year. In addition to gorgeous blonde bob she was seen sporting, close observers noticed a beautiful diamond ring on her finger — hence the engagement speculations.

How long did Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden date before they reportedly got engaged?

The lovely couple have been dating for some time now. In 2018, Page Six shared that Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden were dating following their appeared in the film Mary Queen of Scots. A source told the outlet, "We don’t know when they got together...but they seem very happy and sweet."

They've mostly kept their relationship under wraps but have made appearances here and there.

What has Saioirse Ronan said about Jack Lowden?

In an interview with Harper's Bazaar UK, Saiorse Ronan offered a brief glimpse into their relationship. She said, "When a person you respect as much as I do him says that, it means more than anyone else’s opinion."

What has Jack Lowden said about Saiorse Ronan?

Jack has sang Saoirse's praises when talking about her work ethic with him recently telling Esquire UK, "Saoirse is, first and foremost, one of the best actors in the world, so to work with her in that way and help in any way I could was great." He was referring to her role as Amy Liptrot in The Outrun - a film their production company is producing.

What has Saoirse Ronan been working on lately?

Saoirse recently appeared in Foe, which premiered in theaters October 6th. She stars alongside Paul Mescal as they play a married couple whose bond is tested when they're met with an unusual offer. Two words — artificial intelligence.

To watch it in theaters, visit AMC to get tickets!