10 Things I Learned In My 20s That Are Making My 30s Better

adulthood 20s vs 30s

My best friends and I always have conversations about who we were in our 20s compared to being in our 30s. Needless to say, considering we're no longer sweating profusely in house parties until 5 a.m. or nursing wild hangovers that left us crouching near toilets the next morning, hilarity often gives way to gratitude. Yeah, we're willing to admit we were fun, hot messes 12 years ago. We're still fun, but we're a little more refined in this season of adulthood.

The beautiful thing about aging is how much growth accompanies it. I'm calmer, more patient, and less prone to pettiness when I feel offended (thanks therapy). Seriously, my self-improvement makes me want to hug the confused, scared, and insecure girl I was in my 20s.

Since I physically can't do that, I like reflecting on the differences I've noticed about myself in my 30s compared to my 20s. I wouldn't say I'm a completely different person, but at the same time there are plenty of changes.

P.S. I'm still learning how to embrace change so circle back when I'm almost 40.

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I Thought I Still Had To Be The 'Good Girl'

My mom used to get a ton of comments about how well-behaved my sister and I were, but I didn't know I was internalizing them until it was too late. I used to thrive on not being considered a disappointment by church members, people at school, and adults in public. All of that praise made the moments I did make mistakes or do typical kid stuff feel like I was a complete failure.

Every comment about how rude, selfish, and sexual kids my age were emphasized they were things I felt like I had to avoid. I was the girl who didn't care about boys or dating until I did. I was also the girl who participated in purity culture and regaled my virginity as something sacred. Any rule there was, I followed them as much as possible.

But, I eventually saw this left little room for "error." To add insult to injury, there were people who would make comments about my biological dad I tried not to embody. I didn't want anyone to think I'd head down the same path because they thought I looked or acted like him.

The thing about being the "good girl" is that people expect you to perform for them all the time. It's tiring and unrealistic to expect a young adult to fit into every expectation the world has because we're all bound to mess up. I know firsthand how it feels to make mistakes and think you're going to be canceled for the rest of your life because you failed in the eyes of others. It's a lonely and depressing feeling that can follow you unless you get to the root of it.

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Genuinely Liking Myself Felt Like An Uphill Battle

Being a people-pleaser is probably why I didn't even like myself. It's not that I didn't know who was, but I filtered between settings. Either I thought I wasn't enough or I believed I was too weird to be genuinely liked. There was also belief that my skin color wasn't the "right" shade and my hair wasn't the perfect length.

So, I was always baffled when someone showed interest in me. I thought they only showed interested in me out of pity or some crazy dare just like She's All That or Cruel Intentions. My mindset was, "If I don't like me, why would anyone else?"

My self-esteem was in the dirt and I was the one refusing to nuture it because I genuinely didn't know how.

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Finding "The One" Was My Roman Empire

Sigh. 20-something Jasmine was fixated on falling in love with "the one" because of all the Disney movies and TV shows I watched that revolved around adults in relationships. I searched for my perfect prince and even thought I'd found him right before I turned 20.

I started dating this guy and fell in love for the first time. It was one of those relationships where we talked all the time and experienced multiple moments of jealousy. Still, I thought he was going to be the person I married so I began molding myself to be everything he liked.

I changed the way I dressed, started listening to music he liked, and even dimmed my personality so I wouldn't be "too much" for him. And when we called off our engagement after he wanted an open relationship, I ended up asking him for forgiveness. 🫠

It took him being low-key verbally abusive for me to snap out of my self-imposed, "He's the one" fog. The day I grew a backbone and called him everything under the sun was the moment I stopped making falling in love my personality.

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I Assumed It'd Be Easy To Start My Career

I partially blame my love for Livin' Single, Sex and the City, and The Devil Wears Prada for believing I'd be able to become a career girl with little effort. Okay, that's not true. I knew I'd have to work hard, but I didn't realize that started a journalism career wasn't as easy as 1-2-3.

I assumed I'd be able to get my foot in the door, but felt crushed when I realized a lot of places wanted someone who had completed an internship. Since I was focused on fashion journalism and couldn't figure out my college trajectory for a while, I didn't know how I'd get my foot in the door while living in Georgia.

My mom wasn't a fan of me going to New York either, so I started giving up on starting a career. It seemed like I was placing too much stress on myself to hit a milestone by a certain age. So, I decided to cut my losses and worked at a law firm for 10 years. It's ironically the place I was able to learn the valuable lessons I'm now applying to my career.

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Believing Healthy Relationships Were Perfect

My little stint with my ex-boyfriend made me believe healthy relationships were the opposite of what we had; that they were perfect. You should've heard the way I started weaving in therapy speak to explain why healthy relationships were so great and full of boundaries, especially since I'd never been in one.

I had no idea that relationships still experience highs and lows, nor did I know how to navigate disagreements. I was still on edge from my last relationship because I'd think, "No man would ever speak down to me again." Can you imagine bringing this energy to a relationship with someone who's willing to work towards having something healthy?

Thank goodness for growth!

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I Expected Parents To Be Perfect

I'm not proud to admit this, but parents used to annoy me when I was in my 20s. I thought my generation had lied about what makes a great parent because it felt like there weren't any. If you ever wanted to meet someone who had their head up their a— about parenting, I was your gal 10 years ago.

Honestly, I said a lot of biased and downright awful things about parents when I didn't have a child. I used to judge parents for letting their kids scream in public and even judged my own parents for not knowing how to handle every situation the way I thought they should. The truth is, I thought parents were supposed to be the all-knowing heroes in their kids' stories. People who could handle anything life threw at them. It just never really occurred to me that parents were individuals who have their own trauma, desires, fears, etc.

Also, I milked the whole being child-free thing. I'd think things like, "That person is just miserable because they're stuck being a parent." As a mom with a toddler who has severe eczema, I cringe at how much of an entitled a—hole I used to sound like. I think it's partially why I understand the "childfree by choice" comments, but can't get with the crowd who tries to pit their choices above others'.

My Mindset In My 30s

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Getting Focused & Honing My Skills Helped Me Start My Career

I have no problem telling anyone who'll listen that I wasn't prepared to start my career in my 20s. I was wildly all over the place, had no self-esteem, and couldn't stay focused on one thing to save my life. Everything I'm doing in my career requires confidence, a willingness to accept constructive criticism, and extreme focus.

At any given time I'm juggling two assignments at once, preparing for an interview, or trying to organize my inbox so I can respond to emails. This is usually accompanied by keeping an eye on my toddler, so it's the perfect time for me to handle so many responsibilities since I get to work from home.

What helped me get to this point is learning how to recognize when I was getting overwhelmed by things instead of spiraling. I haven't mastered it, but I'm able to notice when I need to take a step back to redirect myself. Sometimes this looks like going for a walk, taking a quick shower, or focusing on things I can see, touch, hear, and smell.

The other thing I credit with helping me prepare for my career is practicing like I already had it. I started blogging in 2014 and would interview other content creators like I was already getting paid to do it. This prep, along with seeking out remote internships or publications I could write for, helped me truly understand what my current role entails.

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Going To Therapy Helped Me Accept And Love Myself

I'm still learning how to love me in every season of life, but I credit my mom for introducing me to therapy. I frequently tell her how much she saved my life because I don't know where I'd be without it. I've mentioned it before, but this is where I learned how to confront certain narratives I believed about myself.

From believing I had to perform for others' approval to questioning my worth as a young Black woman, I was able to start peeling back the layers of things I'd internalized from childhood. Once I did that, I could truly see myself and it was scary at first.

I'd spent so much time running away from who I am that I didn't know if I was capable of accepting what I saw. But, the therapists I worked with did such an amazing job of helping me do just that. I still have to recite a few affirmations in the mirror from time to time, but it feels good to rely less on the opinions of others.

I can actually hear my own voice in my head instead of past bullies or adults who didn't realize how harmful their "jokes" were. That's priceless to me in my 30s.

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Healthy Relationships Aren't Perfect...At All

I think there's still a huge belief that people who have relationships we admire must be perfect. As someone who's been actively working on having a healthy relationship with her fiancé, I'm here to tell you there's nothing perfect about it.

Do we curse at each other or physically fight? No, never have. Have we experienced moments of intense jealousy? Also no. But, we've had to learn how to navigate each other's traumas and personal quirks. We've certainly had to relearn how to prioritize each other after becoming parents which has been TOUGH. I'm talking two years of "I don't really like you at all right now."

If I was in my 20s, I probably would've left because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anything that didn't feel perfect. I mean, who wants to be willingly stressed out by their partner when both people are dealing with something new and are sleep-deprived + scared?

But I've realized it's not enough to say you want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Setting boundaries, learning to communicate, and being accountable takes work. The reality is that you're not always going to be on the same page with someone you love, and it's okay to agree to disagree.

My fiancé and I have 10 years under our belts so we've had a chance to navigate our 20s together. There's been a lot of growth and apologizing. We both feel that we're doing a great job, even when we have 10 minutes where we really don't want to talk to each other.

That's the other beautiful thing about healthy relationships being imperfect. You start picking up on each other's cues and can say things like, "I'm going to sit over here for a bit and I'll come back once I calm down," instead of having so many big arguments.

It feels good to say I don't need my fiancé or myself to be perfect. We have love, respect, a desire to learn, and a commitment to navigating all the changes that occur in life. That's more than enough.

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Becoming A Mom Opened My Eyes About A Lot

When I made the decision to be okay with my pregnancy in 2020, my feelings were crushed by someone close to me during my first trimester. I'd already started panicking about my past comments about parents, but I was also worried about how society would see me once it realized I was about to become a mom.

It was heartbreaking to feel like I was already being attacked for how I was choosing to think about my child. I didn't think it was a conversation I'd need to have because I assumed that person would accept my choices the way I'd always accepted theirs. That fateful interaction made me realize how easy it is for people to put their truths and identities on a pedestal over others. Sometimes it's unintentional, but it doesn't hurt any less.

It also made me start examining my own internalized biases. Eventually I started freeing myself from the idea that people are supposed to be one way vs. the other. I also gave myself permission to understand that people will say and do things no matter how I feel. That any of us could follow every last "rule" imposed on us and someone would still have an issue with me. Basically, my people-pleasing ways started to disappear over time.
The other thing I truly understand is that parents aren't perfect. This is not me glorifying imperfections to the point I think I can get away with anything, but it is an acknowledgement. Yes, I've been in and out of therapy since I was 20. Yes, I have the tools and resources to be more self-aware. But, none of this means I've arrived at the pinnacle of perfection. If you ask me, I don't even think it exists anymore.
Perhaps the best thing I've learned since becoming a mom is how hard parenting is. There's not enough planning, money, or love in the world that can make it a breeze. It's the literal act of being responsible for someone outside of yourself and I think doing it on a daily basis means it'll always be accompanied by mistakes, just like anything else we do in life. But it's oh so worth it.

What are some differences you've noticed about yourself in adulthood? Let us know on Facebook!

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Navigating adulthood as an eldest daughter can be tough. While you’re not a child in your parents’ home anymore, the dynamics you grew up with can still follow. Think about it: how often do you find yourself trying to solve everyone else’s problems while continuously trying to shoulder your own alone? If this resonates with you at all, you may be dealing with Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

To understand what this actually looks like beyond the TikTok therapy speak of it all, I talked to a licensed therapist, Briana Paruolo, LCMHC. As the founder of On Par Therapy — a practice that specializes in “burnout, disordered eating, and self-worth” that seeks to “empower high achieving women” — she comes across a lot of clients dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Here’s what Paruolo has to say!


TL;DR

  • Eldest daughter syndrome isn't in the DSM-5, but that doesn't make the experiences of eldest daughters any less real.
  • Eldest daughter syndrome can look like intense perfectionism, unrealistic high standards, an inability to delegate, and an innate need to prioritize the needs of others first.
  • Eldest daughters can heal by validating their experiences, understanding their self-worth, and setting clear boundaries with themselves and others — especially by just saying "no" sometimes.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

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While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Pavel Danilyuk

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

Netflix

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Any Lane

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

jasmin chew

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

Elina Fairytale

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

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Jennifer Lawrence and Dakota Johnson are two of my favorite people in Hollywood because of the fact they do literally whatever they want, and they don’t care what you think about it. I aspire to be this confident and unbothered!! They've both had pretty big years — Dakota led both Madame Web and Daddio, while Jennifer announced she's pregnant with her second child at the end of October, and when I saw they hung out together, I knew this was one celebrity friendship I'd LOVE.

Are Jennifer Lawrence & Dakota Johnson friends?

Yes, Jennifer Lawrence and Dakota Johnson are friends! The actresses were recently spotted on a stroll in Los Angeles, beverages in hand. Jennifer wore a tee and blue hoodie that showed off her growing baby bump while Dakota kept things chic with a black-on-black coat and v-neck sweater over a white tee shirt. They both looked super cozy! And, let's face it, beverages are basically an accessory at this point, and their drinks of choice prove they love little treats as much as we do!

And this isn't the first moment Jennifer Lawrence BFF moment that's made us fangirl this year! At the Oscars in March, Jennifer introduced Emma Stone, who ended up winning Best Actress for her role as Bella in Poor Things. Emma cried, Jennifer couldn't stop smiling, and it was an adorable moment for girls' girls everywhere.

Did Jennifer Lawrence date Chris Martin?

Not only are they two of Hollywood's "It" girls, but they also share an overlap in their dating history. Jennifer Lawrence (who's now married to Cooke Maroney) dated Dakota Johnson’s current beau Chris Martin between 2014 and 2015. Dakota started dating him just two years later.

Rumors started circulating in August that Dakota and Chris had called it quits, but thankfully, Dakota proved they were just rumors when her rep told Page Sixthe couple is still "happily together." The Social Network actress also told Bustle that when it comes to Chris' kids (whom he shares with ex Gwyneth Paltrow), she loves them "like my life depends on it. With all my heart." I'm simply obsessed.

Stay tuned for all the best Jennifer Lawrence & Dakota Johnson friendship moments, and read up on why Dakota Johnson's Book Club Isn't Your Average Celebrity Reading List.

Raise your hand if you've felt victimized by the rush to follow through on new year's resolution ideas! Now, raise your other hand if you finally feel like you're coming alive during fall! Great, we're feeling the same — and we promise it has nothing to do with our love for Halloween. Instead, the TikTok viral 'October Theory' may be the reason why it feels like we can breathe after another unprecedented year. But, is it viable or just another trend that everyone's going to forget about before the year is over (remember the lucky girl syndrome)? Also, what is it?

We chatted with psychotherapist, Kristie Tse, LMHC and traditional astrologer, Talisa Zampieri to get their hot takes about what the 'October Theory' is, whether you should pay attention to it, and how it may (or may not be) impacted by the stars.

What is the October Theory?

Vlada Karpovich

There are tons of TikTok videos that describe this theory in detail, but user @mindandbodymams describes it best. She says, "Because October is leading up to the ending of the year, people start looking at their lives and deciding what things need to be set into motion." She explains that this could look like making changes to your relationship, or starting a new job — it could even look like you starting a new hobby or letting go of a few bad habits.

Regardless, this all boils down to one thing: October is the perfect time to take a look at your goals and implement them before the end of the year.

Why is setting goals for the new year difficult for some people?

Ava Dillon

Thinking about the possibilities for the new year is so exciting, often leaving people inspired to make vision boards, write detailed resolutions, and dream big about what's to come. However, not everyone is thrilled about jumping headfirst into that energy. "Setting goals at the beginning of a new year can pose challenges for some individuals due to various psychological factors. For many, the pressure to start fresh and achieve immediate results can feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or anxiety," explains Tse. As the clinical director and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling, she specializes in helping clients make empowered decisions during different seasons of their lives.

Other things like "past experiences of unmet resolutions can also create a sense of skepticism or defeatism," adds Tse. "Additionally, societal and familial expectations may cloud individual desires, causing internal conflict about what truly matters to them." According to Forbes, 62% of people feel like they have to participate in the new year's resolution trend. What's even more surprising is that over half of women "feel slightly more pressured to set a resolution" than 60% of men!

Tse surmises these very reasons ultimately makes things "feel daunting" which can hinder "goal-setting efforts." She says, "As a psychotherapist, I recognize that these barriers are deeply rooted in personal and cultural narratives, which can often dictate one's ability to set and achieve goals."

Is there a psychological reason why October feels like a fresh start?

Orione Conceição

Some people welcome fall with open arms — and subsequently the 'October Theory' — because it seems to promise a much needed reset. You're not alone if you feel this way, and Tse says there's a reason for this. "Many individuals feel that October symbolizes the beginning of their new year due to the psychological transitions associated with changing seasons. The start of autumn represents a shift from the energetic and social atmosphere of summer to a more introspective and reflective time."

Think about how excited you get to watch the leaves turn from green to rich hues of golden yellow, orange, and crimson. As they fall from their respective branches, this process can signify things that we may need to let go in order to make room for fresh things to grow. "The onset of fall can trigger an internal reset, prompting people to reassess their goals and intentions. Psychologically, this period might coincide with academic calendars or fiscal years, influencing how some structure their personal timelines," she continues.

Not only that, but Tse's seen how beneficial fall is because it can "help clients refocus and energize their commitment to personal growth and change." The more they do this, the more they start "aligning more naturally with their internal rhythms compared to the culturally enforced January start," Tse observes.

What about astrologically?

Orhan Pergel

Not only is it October right now, but it's also Libra season! So while there's plenty of psychology to support your stance on fresh starts right now, could it also be written in the stars? Intuitive tarot reader and founder of Two Wander, Talisa Zampieri thinks so. She says that Libra is a cardinal sign, and that because all cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) fall on equinoxes and solstices, they're therefore "initiators of new seasons and change."

If you're not familiar with Libras in particular, no worries! Zampieri says, "Air signs are the connectors, visionaries, and communicators of the zodiac." She says this is because Libras are ruled by Venus, a "relational planet that governs our values." So the Libras in your life — and thus Libra season in general — may be more "focused on ideals, other people, and finding alignment."

Zampieri elaborates that Libra season actually illuminates the areas in our lives — usually specific to areas of our birth chart that we have Libra placements — that need to find that balance and alignment again. She says, "The general effect of Libra season is one of trying to rebalance where the scales have been tipped too far in one direction, beautifying our life, and coming to harmony."

Starting to sound similar to October Theory? We thought so, too! Not only are we able to cosmically recognize where w we might need to shift our focus during this time, but Zampieri also highlights another shift. She says that "around October 22 we shift into Scorpio season, which is the master alchemist and transformer."

Feeling the pull towards finding change and balance? Check. Actually acting on that pull? Check. The October Theory is practically tattoed in the fabric of the stars.

How can someone embrace the 'October Theory' in real time?

Megan Ruth

Though a 'theory' can sound quite rigid and academic, this isn't something that requires you to dismantle your life and start with a completely different set of rules to live by. It's actually simpler than you think. "To embrace the 'October theory' in goal setting, start by assessing the changes you feel during this season. Use this transitional time to reflect on personal achievements, unfulfilled aspirations, and areas of growth," Tse suggests.

For example, let's say one of your goals was to stop relying on delivery services like Instacart or Uber Eats as much. We know life gets busy, causing us to backtrack on our cooking goals. But instead of kicking yourself for not being consistent with making homemade dinner recipes, you can start by asking yourself what kind of meals you want to eat. That could be all the encouragement you need to wander your grocery store aisles more successfully — and more empowered!

Tse says, "Create small, meaningful goals that resonate with your true desires, rather than what may have been imposed externally. Consider incorporating themes of autumn — like letting go and transformation — into your objectives, which can offer a symbolic motivation." She encourages you to "release habits that no longer serve you or cultivate new practices that align with the person you aim to become."

The more you shut out outside noise and check in with yourself, the more you'll be able to become clear about things you truly want.

How can different zodiac signs set goals that feel authentic during this time?

Darina Belonogova

From an astrological POV, there are things we can do to make sure our goals feel aligned to us. Zampieri says, "The ways each sign can lean into this theory in a way that feels authentic to them is by looking at which astrological house Libra (and Scorpio) fall for them in their natal chart and aligning with its themes."

For example, she points out that for Libra risings, "this this transit is occurring in their 1st house of self, which amplifies the focus on self-development." On the other hand, Sagittarius risings will be affected differently. "This is their 11th house of friendship and so they can focus on their community and aspirations, etc."

If you're a Libra, one of your goals may be to get serious about your fitness goals or setting boundaries that feel true to you. If you're a Sagittarius, you may be focused on exploring friend date ideas that allow you to bond with your best friends — or you may even be exploring the potential for friendship breakups, letting go of the relationships that no longer serve them.

The point is, regardless of your sun sign, you have Libra somewhere on your birth chart. Once you recognize this area — and what that area represents — you'll be able to facilitate change more specific to your needs.

How can people stay consistent when pursuing new goals?

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Pursuing new goals sounds fun until you realize you have to stay consistent, right? We've all been there to a degree — but there are ways to work around it, according to Tse. "Implementing structured daily rituals can create a strong foundation for consistency. Setting specific times for activities integrates them into your routine naturally," she says. This can look like setting alarms on your phone so you can allot time for whatever you want to do. But, why does this help us stay on track? "Tracking progress visually, like with a calendar, reinforces commitment," Tse shares.

If you're still struggling with procrastination, Tse says you can ask friends and other people you look up to for help, because "having someone to share successes and challenges with can keep motivation high." However, don't let your ambitious nature convince you that you have to tackle everything at one time. The last thing we want you to experience is burnout, so Tse has three key boundaries you can set in place:

  • Break the journey into smaller, manageable tasks to prevent feeling overwhelmed.
  • Connect each goal to a larger purpose or personal value to maintain passion.
  • Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and adjust the approach, rather than viewing them as failures.

How can you remain authentic throughout yet another internet trend?

Polina Tankilevitch

Still on the fence about what goals you should be pursuing? Zampieri says to avoid what doesn't resonate with you. "If starting afresh now makes you feel good and you like to work under a deadline, set those new goals," she says excitedly. But, she's not convinced it's something you have to do if you're not 100% sure about the 'October Theory.'

"If you are naturally more drawn inward during this time of year and prefer to wind down instead, do that (particularly Scorpio risings as this is their 12th house natally which is more introspective). Don't let the internet pressure you into anything," she insists.

This is especially true if all the talk about setting new goals ahead of next year is triggering anxious thoughts. Zampieri says, "If someone feels negatively affected by the 'October Theory,' they can try to regain some perspective by looking back to last year instead," she Zampieri says. "Sometimes it is easier to see how far we've come by reflecting on where we were this time a year ago. Alternatively, someone can focus on the rhythm of the seasons instead: nature is naturally preparing to hibernate now and so can we."

Just because the 'October Theory' has gone viral doesn't mean your life will be incomplete if you're not participating in it. It's an interesting concept, but you should ultimately choose whatever feels closely aligned with where you are in life. No journey is linear, so don't worry about this timeline — but if you do need a boost, then this trend has you covered.

Whether you're looking for the next pumpkin spice recipe, mocktails to mix, or book club find, we've got you covered! Follow us on Facebook for all the latest!

So long, pumpkin spice season: Starbucks’ holiday menu is on the way, and per menu leaks, it reportedly brings back a ton of seasonal favorites starting next week.

From a classic Peppermint Mocha to the beloved Caramel Brûlée Latte, the recent menu rumors say a new Refresher flavor, 6 unique cold foams, and 4 new bakery items are on the way as the holidays draw near – including many items we predicted! The speculated lineup is honestly wild. Starbucks teased that the holiday menu will hit stores on November 7.

If you just can’t wait to order off the Starbucks holiday menu, here’s every offering reportedly coming to your closest cafe!

When will the Starbucks holiday drinks for 2024 come out?

Starbucks

According to an Instagram post from Starbucks, new holiday drinks and snacks will come out on November 7, 2024.

Will there be holiday cups?

Starbucks

We do anticipate that the Starbucks holiday menu will include some new holiday cup designs! Though we don't know what they'll look like just yet, previous holiday menus over the years have featured vibrant reds, greens, and pinks, plus stars, sparkles, Christmas trees, swirls, and stripes. Typically, Starbucks' holiday cups span across hot and iced drinks. Additionally, a new lineup of reusable cups and mugs should become available!

What's missing from this year's rumored Starbucks holiday menu?

Starbucks

Per rumors around the Starbucks holiday menu, the Eggnog Latte, Toasted White Chocolate Mocha, Irish Cream Cold Brew, and Gingerbread Loaf won't be returning to cafes for 2024. We're especially sad to see the Toasted White Chocolate Mocha not included, though the official menu lineup has yet to be released!

When is Starbucks Red Cup Day 2024?

Starbucks

Though there's no official word out about Red Cup Day for 2024, our best guess – based on the Red Cup Days of years past – is it'll return mid-November. In 2023, Red Cup Day fell on November 16. In 2022, the coffee chain held the event on November 17. Both dates landed on the third Thursday of November, so we predict it to hit on November 21 for 2024. Red Cup Day is when Starbucks customers can get a free reusable red cup when they order a seasonal drink off the holiday menu.

Drinks On The Starbucks Holiday Menu 2024

@markie_devo

NEW! Cran-Merry Orange Refresher

The Starbucks holiday menu leak reported that this brand-new Refresher is packed with sweet orange, tart cranberry and warm spice. It also has cranberry inclusions and is order-able mixed with water, lemonade or coconut milk.

Starbucks

Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai

Chai is a totally underrated holiday flavor in our opinion. This iced drink is crafted with warm chai spices and creamy oat milk, then gets topped with even more frothed oat milk infused with gingerbread-flavored syrup and a sprinkling of spice.

Starbucks

Peppermint Mocha

You know it, and you love it! The Peppermint Mocha has hit Starbucks menus year after year, making it a total statement sip for the holiday season. This drink (available hot or iced) combines peppermint syrup, mocha sauce, and your milk of choice with espresso for a festive feel. It's traditionally topped with whipped cream and tasty chocolate curls.

Starbucks

Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha

Similar to the classic Peppermint Mocha, this bev swaps chocolate for white chocolate sauce.

Starbucks

Caramel Brûlée Latte

This rumored Starbucks holiday menu drink is very rich. The sweet caramel brûlée sauce totally completes the sip, along with plenty of whipped cream and crunchy lil' brûlée bits for textural variety.

Starbucks

Sugar Cookie Almondmilk Latte

Literally like a sugar cookie in liquid form, this super-sweet latte is handcrafted with blonde espresso (it's sweeter and lighter than Starbucks' traditional espresso shots), sugar cookie syrup, and almond milk for a little bit of a lighter effect. It's finished off with red and green sprinkles to up the seasonal vibes even more!

Starbucks

Chestnut Praline Latte

This nutty latte – rumored to return for 2024 – brings on notes of chestnut and praline, which is a nice, flavorful departure from the very expected peppermint you'll see everywhere come holiday time.

Starbucks

Salted Pecan Crunch Cold Brew

Initially introduced for fall 2024, it appears as though the Salted Pecan Crunch Cold Brew will stay on the Starbucks menu well into winter. The salted, pecan-flavored cold foam offers that classic sweet n' salty twist you'd enjoy on fall snacks like trail mix or dipped pretzels. The best part is you can now also order the cold foam in non-dairy form!

Starbucks

Holiday Cold Foams

Per the menu leak, Starbs will be bringing back four beloved holiday-flavored cold foamsand two new options for 2024. They're the perfect drink customization to add to your iced coffees and cold brews if you don't want to order an all-out holiday drink. See all the predicted flavors below:

  • NEW! Gingerbread
  • NEW! Salted Pecan
  • Peppermint Chocolate
  • Sugar Cookie
  • Chestnut Praline
  • Caramel Brûlée

Snacks On The Starbucks Holiday Menu 2024

@markie_devo

NEW! Dark Toffee Bundt

Per the menu leak, this sweet toffee-flavored bundt will be topped with holly- and berry-shaped sprinkles. How perfect for the holiday season!

@markie_devo

NEW! Turkey Sage Danish

This savory snack reportedly includes "turkey sausage with creamy béchamel sauce in a pastry." It sounds like Thanksgiving in a single treat, and we can't wait to try it!

@markie_devo

NEW! Penguin Cookie

This cutie sugar cookie is decorated like a lil' penguin bundled up for the cold.

Starbucks

Snowman Cake Pop

Starbucks' classic vanilla cake pop gets a wintry twist with an adorable snowman face – this sweet really makes us crave the holiday season!

Starbucks

Sugar Plum Cheese Danish

This cream cheese-filled danish is topped with a slightly-spiced sugar plum jam. It's been one of our go-to's over the past few holiday seasons at Starbucks!

Starbucks

Cranberry Bliss Bar

The Cranberry Bliss Bar has become an absolute staple on the Starbucks holiday menu, and for good reason! This blondie treat is smothered in a delicious cream cheese frosting and sprinkled with orange zest and dried cranberries for added seasonal enjoyment.

What People Are Saying About The Leaked Starbucks Holiday Menu

Though most commenters on @markie_devo's Starbucks holiday menu leak post seemed to be excited for the upcoming rumored menu items, some Starbs fans noticed a few things missing from the leaked lineup.

"Still missing eggnog 😢," someone noted.

"Where is the toasted white chocolate mocha 😢😢😢😢," another questioned.

"ALLLLLL these cold foams, and not the one people want: Irish Cream," one more commenter said.

"Ugh still no gingerbread loaf 😭," a disappointed user wrote. "Everything else looks bomb though!"

Despite the Eggnog Latte, Toasted White Chocolate Mocha, Irish Cream Cold Brew, and Gingerbread loaf not being part of this year's menu predictions, the holiday season is our favorite time of year at Starbucks. Many more users shared the same sentiment:

"So excited for all chestnut praline shaken espressos & cranberry bliss bars 🎄🎄🎄🎄," someone wrote.

"Oh hell yess all the chestnut praline offerings," another rejoiced.

Subscribe to our newsletter to stay posted on the latest Starbucks news, including when the official holiday menu lineup drops!

This post has been updated.

It seems Thanksgiving is barely a week away by the time we start thinking about the menu. But while ovens all over the country will be working overtime this year, don't forget your secret weapon — the crock pot! Kitchen strategy is key when you're trying to factor various cook and prep times for both oven and stovetop dishes. There just never seems to be enough time (or counter space).

Whether you're already finalizing your menu for the day or are just in charge of a few side dishes, we've scoured the web and found 18 Thanksgiving crock pot recipes that are perfect for any gathering.

Creamed Corn

Damn Delicious

Cornis a standard side dish for most Thanksgiving meals, but this recipe is a total game-changer. Five simple ingredients go in your crock pot, and three hours later you’re greeted by corn that is so creamy and delicious, you’ll never be able to eat the canned stuff again.

Wheat Bread Stuffing

Recipe Runner

Free up some room in your oven and cook the stuffing right on the counter this year. Crusty whole wheat bread, celery, onions and chicken broth will have you going back for seconds. Once it’s cooked, turn the heat to low and it will be ready whenever you are.

Brussels Sprouts

Damn Delicious

These aren’t Grandma’s Brussels sprouts. Covered in a brown sugar balsamic reduction and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese, these sprouts will have you converted after just one bite.

Sweet Potatoes

The Magical Slow Cooker

This one takes minimal effort, but packs maximum flavor. Wash and dry your sweet potatoes before wrapping them in tinfoil and piling into the crock pot. Cook on high for six hours, and resist the urge to open the lid so the steam doesn’t escape. Serve with butter, brown sugar and mini marshmallows.

Apple Cider

Damn Delicious

Your guests are going to need something to sip on. Made 100% from scratch, this apple cider recipe will definitely steal the show: Combine apples, cinnamon sticks and spices and cover with water, and drink in the delicious smell while it simmers in the slow cooker.

Candied Sweet Potato Casserole

Creme de la Crumb

Okay, so this does require a little oven time, but it’ll be the last thing you heat up before you can dig in (and it’s totally worth it). Peel and chop 5lbs of sweet potatoes and let your slow cooker do all the work for the next four hours. Transfer to a casserole dish, spread a layer of pecans over the sweet potato mixture then bake for 20 minutes to achieve maximum crunch before adding the mini marshmallows. Bake for five more minutes (or until marshmallows are golden brown) and dig in.

Caramel Fondue

Creme de la Crumb

From apple slices to pretzels, there’s no wrong way to dunk with this dip, made from only three ingredients — caramels, heavy cream and marshmallows. Say hello to your new post-Thanksgiving party trick.

Garlic Ranch Potatoes

The Cookie Rookie

Tender red potatoes are a great alternative to the typical mashed variety. Top the wedges with ranch seasoning, chives and garlic for a fresh side dish that no one will believe you made entirely in the crock pot.

Cranberry Sauce Crock Pot Recipe

Gimme Some Oven

This is the ultimate set-it-and-forget-it recipe. Toss in the ingredients and come back in three hours for cranberry sauce that is the perfect combination of tart and sweet. Add a splash of vanilla extract right before serving.

Cinnamon Apples

A Spicy Perspective

The best side dishes double as dessert. Cover thinly sliced apples in brown sugar, cinnamon and bourbon, then simmer for four hours. Top with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or enjoy as is — they’re delicious either way.

Cranberry Meatballs

Spicy Southern Kitchen

Trade out the usual jar of grape jelly in your famous meatball recipe for cranberry sauce to give it a holiday update. The sweet and tangy flavor will keep you coming back for more. In fact, you better double the recipe.

Maple Pumpkin Spice Chex Mix

Averie Cooks

This tasty party snack is perfect for clearing out your cabinets: cereal, peanuts, pretzels, dried fruit and graham crackers all come together in a salty sweet crunch. Drench the mix in butter, maple syrup and pumpkin pie spices before testing your willpower for the next two hours.

Apple Pie Oatmeal

The Healthy Maven

Breakfast is still the most important meal of the day (especially on Thanksgiving), but this oatmeal couldn’t be easier: Toss all the ingredients into your slow cooker before you go to bed and you’ll wake up to the aroma of nutmeg and maple syrup.

Buttery Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Creme de la Crumb

A pile of fresh herbs, butter and garlic make these mashed potatoes stand out on the buffet table. Use red potatoes and leave the skins on for a rustic flair that not only adds a ton of flavor, it also saves you some work.

Spinach + Artichoke Dip

Damn Delicious

Keep your guests from getting hangry while they wait for dinner: Serve this creamy spinach and artichoke dip with bread, pretzels or pita for a Thanksgiving staple made super easy, thanks to your crock pot.

Butternut Squash Soup

Life Made Sweeter

Combine coconut milk with chunks of butternut squash and sweet potato, then cook in the crockpot for four hours. Once everything is fork tender, break out your immersion blender to make the texture velvety smooth. Top with extra coconut milk and toasted pumpkin seeds before devouring.

Pumpkin Cobbler

The Gunny Sack

Trade in your standard pumpkin pie for a cobbler that is made in the crock pot from start to finish. Pro tip: place a paper towel underneath the lid to keep the condensation off the food and ensure a crispy crust. Top the plated perfection with a dollop of whipped cream and caramel syrup.

Dinner Rolls

Lil Luna

The slow cooker might be the last place you'd think to bake dinner rolls, but trust us on this one. This trick comes in handy year-round, especially on hot summer days when you don't feel like blasting that oven. Genius.

Don't miss out on knocking out a dish or two this year with these Thanksgiving crock pot recipes and if you need more inspiration, join our newsletter or explore our new cooking classes on B+C Classes.