How I’m Keeping Twin Toddlers *and* Myself Healthy Through Cold Season

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

What is HSA?

HSA stands for Health Savings Account, a type of savings account that lets you set aside funds to pay for qualified medical expenses. HSAs are often available as a part of health insurance plans, though banks and credit unions offer them, too.

What can I buy with an HSA?

You can buy a lot more with your HSA funds than you think: menstrual products, over-the-counter medicines, sunscreen, and travel to and from medical appointments are just some of the things you can buy with an HSA.

Is HSA worth it?

Whether an HSA is worth it is really dependent on your needs. There are some nice advantages associated with it, though. You may be able to lower your out of pocket costs for medical needs. Plus, the funds are not taxed, so you may be able to save more. Unlike an FSA (Flexible Spending Account), HSA funds roll over year-over-year, so you don't have to worry about it expiring.

Should I max my HSA?

Maxing out your HSA to your account's annual maximum amount via monthly contributions can be beneficial if your goals are to save money and limit out of pocket costs for medical care. You can also opt to invest some of your HSA funds, which can be a smart decision for saving for things like family planning or retirement.

Sunscreen

Per Cigna, sunscreen counts as a reimbursable HSA purchase. SPF is super important for skin cancer prevention, plus wearing it regularly can reduce signs of aging – a win-win!

Hatch Alarm Clock

The famed Hatch Restore alarm clock is both HSA and FSA eligible. It's a superb tool for going to bed soundly and waking up feeling refreshed as ever!

Period Underwear

Menstrual care and feminine hygiene products are also HSA eligible. Cigna says this category may include tampons, pads, liners, cups, sponges, and similar items, like period underwear!

Theragun

This luxurious massage gun is both FSA and HSA eligible! It's truly life-changing for relieving muscle soreness and tightness. Therabody's other devices like the Theragun PRO Plus, Theragun Sense, and Theragun Relief are also eligible.

Oura Ring

This fitness tracker ring is FSA and HSA eligible – it can help you keep tabs on your sleep, activity, stress, heart rate and more.

Breathing Strips

According to Cigna, breathing strips are HSA eligible, plus you don't need a doctor's prescription for reimbursement.

Electric Toothbrush

Electric toothbrushes are HSA eligible and reimbursable with a medical diagnosis. This model in particular cleans way better than a regular toothbrush, expertly supporting your oral health.

Essential Oils

Essential oils are HSA-covered with a medical diagnosis. Certain oils can help relieve stress, anxiety, physical pain, and nausea, and aid in better sleep.

Hand Sanitizer

Hand sanitizers of any kind are also surprisingly HSA eligible. We love these sprays from Touchland because they're cute, easily portable, and smell delicious.

Humidifiers

Humidifiers are indeed HSA eligible – the moisture they put out into the surrounding air can relieve respiratory issues, common colds, and even reduce snoring.

Air Purifiers

Similarly, air purifiers are eligible because they can help remove airborne contaminants and viruses that cause allergies and disease.

Spa Trips

In the case you're prescribed a lovely visit to a spa or resort by a physician for medical treatment, the only part that's covered by HSA are the services you receive while you're there. The cost of transportation is not eligible for reimbursement.

Blue Light Glasses

Blue light glasses are covered by HSA; lenses like these block out blue light from screens which helps prevent eye strain and fatigue.

If you're hosting a party, serve up the goods in a slow cooker, so guests can serve themselves. Don't forget plenty of toppings! (via Brit + Co)

Start with a classic. This version is extra-rich due to the use of high-quality chocolate coins. (via Brit + Co)

This boozy libation packs all of the flavors of the holidays, from star anise to cranberries, in one warm, chocolatey cup. (via Brit + Co)

There’s no better way to add a refreshing zing to hot chocolate than with peppermint patties. A candy cane stirrer makes it fit for a queen. (via A Zesty Bite)

You don't have to add Kahlua or bourbon to this already decadent hot chocolate, but it is a good idea. (via Minimalist Baker)

Sweet vanilla powder and an unexpected touch of salt unite for a hot chocolate that stands out. (via Love & Olive Oil)

We all knew chocolate could mend a broken heart, but this healthy beverage can heal a headache; it uses magnesium-rich ingredients to soothe tension. (via Hello Glow)

Unsweetened cocoa powder and low-carb sweetener transform this splendidly creamy hot chocolate into a keto-friendly beverage. (via Savory Tooth)

If wintry weather has you down, this pink-as-can-be, sprinkle-covered white hot chocolate will cheer you up in no time. (via Love & Olive Oil)

Plenty of dairy-free beverages claim to be creamy, but thanks to ground cashews, this vegan hot chocolate really is luscious. Spice it up with cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger for an even more soothing sipper. (via Domestic Gothess)

Finally, something exciting to put in an ice-cube tray: chocolate and marshmallows. You'll have fun working for your hot chocolate by swirling these spoons into warm milk. (via Fork and Beans)

Pretend you're in an Italian cafe as you sip on this luxurious cioccolata calda, made with chopped dark chocolate. (via Inside the Rustic Kitchen)

Slowly steeping mint in hot chocolate makes its bright flavor come through. (via The Magical Slow Cooker)

Coconut milk is the base of this vegan hot chocolate, which gets a unique twist from homemade pumpkin syrup. (via How Sweet Eats)

Can't decide between tea and hot chocolate? With this beverage, you don't have to. (via Port and Fin)

Matcha adds a healthy — and photogenic — touch to this white-chocolate-based drink. (via How Sweet Eats)

Thanks to Grand Marnier, this deeply flavorful hot chocolate burns in the best way. (via Salt & Lavender)

Cayenne and cinnamon are the keys to cocoa with a kick. (via Delish Knowledge)

Ground cinnamon is a reliable, easy way to amp up your hot chocolate without going to the grocery store for a special ingredient. (via Jelly Toast)

Just when you thought hot chocolate couldn't be more relaxing, here's one with a big splash of red wine, which acts as a natural sweetener. (via Paper & Stitch)