Why Our Obsession With Happiness Is Making Us Unhappy

What is happiness, and how can we achieve it? The question is a straightforward one, but the answer varies wildly depending on who you ask. While human happiness may be one of philosophy’s most complicated equations, there’s one group of people that may be more driven and obsessed with achieving authentic happiness than any other: American millennials. And in our desire to steer our lives toward a permanently blissful state, we may be making ourselves miserable. For most of us, the problem isn’t rooted in a lack of opportunity or economic limits, but in the way we define what happiness is.

Daily life has come to resemble a complicated maze of what should be a series of simple choices. Should I buy my favorite coffee at the cafe, or should I make some at home to save money? Should I push harder in this moment to be recognized at work, or would it be better to focus on finding a new job instead? Should I plan to renew my lease, or keep my options open for a better apartment? Each choice becomes a high-stakes ethical dilemma when we see happiness as a revolving door of opportunities we could miss and never find our way through again.

Despite our most calculated and agonizing attempts to perfect our personal happiness equation, “no one can feel great 100 percent of the time,” Ruth Whippman, author of America the Anxious: Why Our Search for Happiness Is Driving Us Crazy and How to Find It for Real($16), told us. “There are difficult moments in any kind of life.” When we experience hardship, rejection, or pain, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with the choices we’ve made, or that we should be living differently to feel better.

“People have such high expectations of what happiness should feel like,” Whippman observes. While there might not be anything wrong with wanting to feel as happy as we can, the pressure we feel to find a sweet spot where our career, self-image, home, and family life all converge in a perfect equilibrium of authentic and feel-good might doom us to chasing something that, for the most part, is a fantasy.

While there’s little hope for the dream of living in a permanent state of Instagram-worthy bliss, there is good news: There is a path to experiencing a rich and fantastic life. But spending more time examining our desires and needs on an individual level is, surprisingly, probably not going to help us get there. Research shows that true happiness doesn’t hinge on self-care or personal fulfillment, but rather on embracing community and relationships with others.

“Americans define happiness as activities that focus on the self,” Whippman explains. But when she traveled the country to work on her book, she found more and more evidence that across the board, disconnection from other people in favor of self-actualization doesn’t get anyone any closer to nirvana. In fact, a lack of close relationships can put our health in more danger than even smoking and obesity. Exercise and meditation certainly have their place, but when we use them in the place of healthy social connection, we end up isolated, anxious, and incapable of a healthy perspective. “This is true of extroverts and introverts alike,” Whipmann notes.

So how do we foster relationships that will make us more content? “Have dinner with a friend, and don’t cancel,” was Whipmann’s suggested starting point. The US Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that in 2016, Americans spent an average of 39 minutes per day socializing and communicating with others offline. That’s staggeringly low, and evidence of a culture of isolation. We should be working to try to increase the amount of time we spend nurturing off-screen relationships each day. The practice of simply connecting with another person can increase our capacity to be grateful, give us purpose, and make us feel loved, all of which are ingredients for a healthier perspective.

And since happiness, however we choose to define it, can turn into a moving target, the best way to be happy is to stop focusing so much on achieving a certain status or reaching a particular career destination. When we evaluate our lives less on a sliding scale of comparison to what we perceive as other people’s happiness, we’re much more likely to feel good about the moment we’re in. That means less social media, less cultivation of our personal online “brand,” and fewer moments spent obsessing over how our lives look to everybody else.

This doesn’t mean we should completely discard our quest for self-actualization, but that we should contextualize our own happiness as something that can only exist in communion with other people. Put this way, it’s less of a surprise to realize that when we live our lives in a way that’s not totally about our own happiness, we actually feel more content.

What’s your take on pursuing true happiness? Fill us in @BritandCo!

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You and your friends have likely spent countless hours together, decoding everything from imaginationships to the best comfort shows to watch when you're sad. You've probably even settled into a designated role within the group. Maybe you're the super adventurous one, always suggesting friend date ideas for the group to try, while someone else always knows how to comfort everyone when life gets rough. But, have you ever wondered if you're the most empathetic friend in the group? That's easy, just ask Brianna Paruolo, LCMCH. She's the founder and clinical director of On Par Therapyso she knows how to recognize signs you're an empath, plus how to take care of yourself!

TL;DR

  • Empathy is when "you feel what others are feeling."
  • There are physical, emotional, social, and mental signs that you're an empath.
  • You may be an empath if you get physically exhausted after being in crowds, feel anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments, feel responsible for other people's happiness, or you find it hard to distinguish your own feelings from someone else's.

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Gary Barnes

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

cottonbro studio

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

Yaroslav Shuraev

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

  • Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
  • Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
  • Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

  • Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
  • Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
  • Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

  • Feeling responsible for others' happiness
  • Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

  • Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
  • Being highly attuned to body language and tone
  • Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

Mikhail Nilov

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

cottonbro studio

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

Kaboompics.com

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

Vitaly Gariev

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

We have even more self-care stories for you to dive into if you need a mental and emotional boost!

Social media is full of trends that come and go — think loud budgeting or sleepmaxxing — but I have a feeling one may grow legs beyond TikTok or Instagram: the 4B Movement. TBH, it doesn't feel right to call it a 'trend' because its origins are rooted in something much deeper than saying or doing something controversial for likes.

If you're not familiar with this movement and are curious about it, we're going to take a deep dive into where it originated, it's purpose, and why women in the U.S. have started to abide by its principles. To understand the 4B Movement's sustainability and potential benefits, I spoke with Somatic Trauma Therapist and Founder of Freshwater Counseling & Consulting, Blessing Uchendu; Sex and Relationships Coach Leah Carey, host of the Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast; and Senior Statistician and Addictions Researcher at UCLA Nicole Prause

Here's what they had to say!

Scroll To Learn What The 4B Movement Is, How It Started, & What It Means For Women In America

  • The 4B Movement is all about abstaining from relationships with men, from dating to sex.
  • This movement started in South Korea after an atrocious act of gender-based violence.
  • Since the 2024 election, American women are exploring the idea of abstaining from relationships with men as well.
  • Ultimately, the 4B movement could lead to de-centering men from women's lives, eliminating some fears surrounding reproductive health and ultimately improving their mental health overall.

What is the 4B Movement?

According to The Washington Post, this is a "radical Korean feminist movement that swears off men to reclaim a sense of agency." It sounds similar to abstinence, but the trickle down effects are vastly different. Abstinence is taking a step back from anything that usually taps into your pleasure center — and that doesn't always mean sex. However, the 4B Movement is specifically rooted in 'de-centering men' completely.

CBSstates that researchers Jieun Lee and Euisol Jeong wrote a paper for Yonsei University about the movement, and deciphered that the "B" has four meanings:

  1. biyeonae — "refusal of dating men"
  2. bisekseu — "sexual relationships with men"
  3. bihon — "heterosexual marriage"
  4. bichulsan — "childbirth"

How did the 4B movement start?

In 2016, Hankyoreh reported that a man in his 30's chose to stab an unknown young woman in Seoul, Korea. When asked why he committed the crime, he gave this answer: "I did it because women have always ignored me." In response to the random attack, Hong Seong-su, a law professor at Sookmyung Women’s University, share a chilling message that the outlet recounted in the article. "The fact that [Kim] chose ‘some woman’ [as opposed to ‘some person’] as the target for his crime suggests it is not going too far to view this as a crime of hate against women."

This radical moment was an inception point for the movement overall, started in opposition to this gender-based violence, as well as gender-based discrimination as a whole. The Korean Herald noted that factors like pay inequality and a Donald Trump-like president of their own (Yoon Suk-yeol) were driving forces in 4B. Since his election in 2022, Yoon Suk-yeol has "promised to abolish the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, which has been popular with his anti-feminist base," (via Korean Herald). Between all this and the global sensation of #MeToo, the 4B Movement gained major momentum throughout the last eight years.

The 4B Movement's Lasting Impact In South Korea

According to The Korean Herald, over 150 elementary schools aren't seeing first-graders walk through their doors and it has everything to do with the falling birth rate in South Korea. CNN reports that officials are so concerned, they're willing to do something to combat it. President Yoon Suk Yeol said, "We will mobilize all of the nation’s capabilities to overcome the low birth rate, which can be considered a national emergency."

But, this isn't the first time the birth rate has been addressed. Another CNN article reported that South Korea dished out $200 billion to "boost the population over the past 16 years." Still, things haven't worked in the government's favor. It's evident less women are having children and it seems to directly stem from women upholding the ideology they're not allowing their bodies to be used for motherhood anymore.

American Women's Response To The 4B Movement

Kaboompics.com

After the shocking results of the 2024 presidential election, many women began to rethink how they relate to the men in their lives, finding South Korea's 4B Movement in the process. Based on the current rhetoric about women who don't have children and the restrictive anti-abortion laws with hardly any policies in place to reduce the maternal mortality rate, it's understandable why some women are fearful or fed up — and why many women are now finding parallels to what sparked 4B in the first place.

When you see people like Nicholas J. Fuentes tweeting things like "Your body, my choice. Forever," on the same day Trump won a second term as president, it can leave a sickening taste in one's mouth. One user's response to this was, "Funny how the loudest champions of 'freedom' are often the first to undermine it for everyone else."

Alongside this are men's social movements that are clearly intertwined with the current political climate, too. While obviously not all men believe in these ideologies, there's been a stark rise in their prevalence.

Mizuno K

In 2020, ADL reported about the mindset of "Incels" and discovered that they feel emboldened by the 'manosphere.' So, what do they tend to believe? According to outlet, there's a belief "that the current sexual 'marketplace' gives women too much freedom to choose their own partners." Not only that, but the outlet says Incels tend to think women choose to ignore men unless they look a certain way or have a certain status, "leaving the remaining 80 percent of men (including incels) without a potential partner."

Nicole Prause, a UCLA Statistician and Academic, is well-versed in abstinence movements, and what they ultimately indicate based on statistics. "There are a number of similar men's movements already, especially Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)," she says. According to her, MGTOW don't pursue marriage or relationships with women, but "seek sex when it is on their 'terms.'" She says, "They're often viewing it as a battle pitting sexes against one another. These movements tend to be separatist, often evolving into misogyny and violent speech, such as glorifying sexual coercion and rape."

www.tiktok.com

started in south korea. now in america? yas. #4b #4bmovement #jesusisking

As a result of these growing men's movements and the incoming 47th President of the United States — a convicted felon with multiple allegations of sexual assault — there have been growing calls from women on social media to consider the 4B Movement for themselves. X user @jungsooyawning wrote, "american women it's time to learn from the koreans and adopt the 4b movement as a matter of fact women from all over the world should adopt the 4b movement i'm so serious," on the platform.

Freelance writer Daria Yasmiene also wrote about about why she's taking part in the movement for POPSUGAR. She said, "As a Black woman who has lived through three back-to-back elections with Trump as a focal point, I'm so far beyond tired that I need a lifestyle change." Ultimately, she wants to continue having the freedom to choose to live her life in a way that's not solely governed by men.

"With the little autonomy that I have left, I would rather be alone and safe from the consequences of male influence in my life than lie next to someone who doesn't see me as an equal. We deserve so much more than that."

Meanwhile, Sex and Relationships Coach, Leah Carey says that 4B "makes sense as a response to realizing that a majority of men valued the economy over a woman's right to self-determination." Depending on where you stand, she also says that it can be "seen as 'punishment' for men" or "as a choice of self-determination and self-protection for women." Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu shares Carey's sentiments in that the movement is "a response to patriarchy and the centering of men and conversely the objectification of women, with the expectation that they fulfill roles as wives and mothers."

Potential Benefits Of The 4B Movement

Antoni Shkraba

So with all that in mind, is a movement like 4B beneficial? And is it even sustainable? I'm not going to tell you that you should or shouldn't join the 4B Movement because it's a personal decision. It's always wise to examine where you are in life instead of relying on social media, news outlets, or even the government to determine what you're going to believe. Still, there may be some benefits to the 4B Movement that outweigh any potential fallouts.

Carey says that "not being refused care for reproductive matters" is a potential benefit of 4B, while also highlighting that "the mental health benefits can also be huge for people who deal with anxiety, depression, or anything else that might cause emotional hardship in the current climate."

This could also lead to women identifying and honoring their true desires instead of following society's scripts about who they should be. Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu believes that 4B is about women de-centering men and re-centering themselves — about "being the 'stars of their own stories,' rather than supporting characters in a malde-dominated narrative." Uchendu says. "It can be incredibly empowering to step away from systems that have felt compulsory in order to reflect on whether you are making decisions centered on yourself and your desires or whether these decisions are centered on the expectations of the society around you."

The most important thing Carey wants to note is that women aren't unable to find love and joy ever again by participating in the 4B movement. "Just because a woman chooses not to date, have sex, get married, or have kids with a man doesn't mean she can't do those things: with other women. it's more and more common for adult women to explore their same-sex attractions after divorce or widowhood," she notes. "With a generation of young women growing up with the understanding that heterosexuality is not the only option, we may see a wave of younger women also exploring in this arena (in addition to all the younger women who already know themselves to be queer)."

I would also say that you can always go back to dating and engaging with men whenever you want — this movement doesn't have to be a permanent choice if you don't want it to be. The whole point is to take charge and embrace your own sense of agency.

Yet, Prause does pause to mention the downside to "separatist movements." She explains that without support from men, women could struggle financially given pay disparities and other gender-based work inequities. Still, she says this doesn't really affect much if women have been figuring things out for themselves with little help from men.

Ultimately Uchendu says women having the freedom to exist without the weight of society's patriarchal standards on their shoulders is the "ultimate freedom." She says, "In the words of Audre Lorde 'If I did not define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and be eaten alive."

Andrea Piacquadio

No woman should have to live in fear of having violence committed against her, but history continues repeating itself in terms of how society treats our bodies. "When a woman's right to make choices about her own body and health care are removed, she may decide to not put herself in a position where pregnancy can become an option," Carey says.

Prause chimes in with, "On average, women are more likely to experience mental health declines with marriage to a man (the opposite is true for men). While men also can experience domestic violence and sexual assault, the risks are exceptionally higher for women." Not only that, but she also points out that "women risk unwanted pregnancy, from which they now have fewer healthcare rights to address" and "are at much higher risk for sexually transmitted infections, even from their regular romantic partner."

As if that weren't a slap in the fact, Prause mentions that "childcare continues to fall disproportionately on women and does cause less income for women over time."

So, at the end of the day, I can't tell you what the right choice is, but I do know that patriarchy's long-lasting fixture in society has harmed everyone. From men who think women owe them something to women who believe they're not worth anything unless they're married or mothers, there's a lot to unpack.

What I do know is that no one should have the right to control the personal lives of other people nor should they try to make their personal beliefs and religious ideologies into laws that govern people who will be around long after they're not.

No matter where you stand on the matter, hatred and violence should never be tolerated or praised. Remember to take care of yourself by diving into more self-care stories we have on-site.

Lately, we've been faced with anxiety everywhere we turn. It's okay if (like us), you don't always know how to deal with the toughest of times, especially when the tough times never seem to end. If you are feeling that way, we're right there with you! Our team has always shared the ways we cope with our personal stressors over the years, and we wanna share these quick and easy tips for how to calm down with you! Keep reading for our recommendations — hopefully they can help the next time you're feeling anxious.

Thirdman

Intentional Thoughts

I'm someone who has a hard time letting things go; I can agonize over one thought or situation for days! Because of this, I focus a lot on taking thoughts captive, which just means pinpointing anxious thoughts and replacing them with what I know is true.

When I have an anxious thought, I do a creative visualization exercise in which I imagine it's inside a bubble floating over my head. Then I slam an imaginary door over the memory and lock it. Then the bubble explodes and the thought doesn't exist anymore. It's not necessarily pretending like it never happened, but it does allow me to exercise some control over what I allow myself to spend time and energy thinking about.

—Choe Williams, Entertainment Editor

Mikhail Nilov

Breathing Techniques

My mom is a Pre-K teacher and suggested I try the breathing exercises she does with her kids who are just four years old (I'm 31 for context). The first is called Mountain Breathing, which entails holding up your hand and tracing the outline of your fingers. As you climb up the mountain (or your finger), inhale, and as you trace down into the valley between your fingers, exhale. Another breathing visualization she recommends is as you inhale, imagine yourself breathing in to smell the flowers, and exhale to blow out a candle. These little imaginative scenarios help me get out of my head and focus on my breathing when I need a little reset throughout the day.

Hammock Swinging

Whenever I'm feeling super stressed, I head for the hammock I setup in my front yard. Just as rocking can soothe babies, swinging in a hammock is a powerful soother for adults too! I feel super chilled afterwards and am usually getting some Vitamin D while I'm at it for a win-win.

Painting

During the pandemic, I revisited arts and crafts with soft pastels. I started mixing the colors and doing gradient shadings on card stock with my hands, and it proved to be a super meditative way to decompress. The end result is DIY art you can share or pin on your fridge or wall.

—Alison Ives, Head Of Content

KoolShooters

Breathing Techniques

Nothing calms me down quite like alternate-nostril breathing. I first learned about this technique in my yoga classes, but the practice (called Nadi Shodhana in Sanskrit) dates back to the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, which was thought to be written sometime between 200 BC and 200 CE. Put simply, you sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and cover one nostril while you breathe in through the other. Then, you switch which nostril you're holding closed, and breathe out. In modern times, the connection between vagal nerve tone (which is correlated with anxiety and emotional regulation) and alternate-nostril breathing is becoming more and more mainstream, which may eventually help us better understand why this practice is so naturally calming.

Tarot Reading

Tarot can mean a lot of different things to different people. For me, I use tarot cards as a method to help me understand what lessons I'm learning at any given time. This has allowed me to view stressors in my life as learning experiences, which has helped me stay calm in numerous crises. I personally like to light some incense or a scented candle, sit quietly, and pull a card to see what resonates. That said, tarot and its associated images and meanings can be scary or triggering if you don't have a deep and gentle understanding of what the cards mean. I recommend Lindsay Mack's classes and podcasts for anyone who wants to learn about tarot in a non-judgemental, non-predictive, trauma-informed way.

—Maggie McCracken, Former Senior Editor

Gustavo Fring

Sensory Accessories

My recent ways of coping/de-stressing have primarily been spiky sensory finger rings, which are a huge help when I need to get something done and can't stop my day to destress. I grab one of these guys which I have all over the place (most of my jacket pockets + purses), and it helps to calm me down and reset my focus.

Meditation On The Move

Another thing I do that I am trying to integrate into my daily routine is guided meditation walks. As someone who hasn't mastered sitting meditation I've found some on Headspace that I'm enjoying that are specifically for going on a walk through a city.

—Claire Shadomy, Former Graphic Designer

Kate Branch

Baths...

In times of high stress, or after a long day, my go-to is always a candle-lit bath soak. I put a large scoop of Epsom salts in the tub with a few drops of my favorite essential oil and place tea lights all around the tub. It’s like my secret getaway from the rest of the world. I always make a point to leave my phone in the other room too so I utilize the time to just relax in silence. Water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body's “rest and digest” response. It always gets my heart rate and blood pressure down.

...And Sound Baths

Sound baths are a meditative experience where you’re “bathed” in sound waves. I love to watch them online but you can also create your own experience. I find meditating with a singing bowl so relaxing. It can take a little practice, but once you’ve nailed the hand movement, it’s an interactive way to ease stress and channel your focus elsewhere.

—Allison Cimo, Former Social Media Manager

Brady Knoll

Take A Hike

Pretty much every day in 2020 I walked the trails near my house and I started to pick up a small rock each time. I'd fidget with it while I cleared my mind and let nature calm my nerves. I would throw the rock back into nature after my hike and it felt like a release for all of my worries.

Bedtime Music

My daughter and I listen to Doze sleep music on Headspace before we go to bed. It calms her late-night zoomies (and mine) and gets her to sleep in minutes!

—Theresa Gonzalez, Branded Content Editor

Anastasia Shuraeva

Journaling

What I use for my anxiety is the Intelligent Change Five Minute Journal. I have a safe word in place for when I feel myself spiraling or I'm not able to control my thoughts and breathing.

—Brittney Davis, Account Manager

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This post has been updated.

Gifting is hard. Unless you're able to work some serious mental magic and track down the most perfect and most personalized gift for everyone on your list, searching for the right thing(s) to give is a full time job! That's where gift sets come in. Gift sets are often packaged up to perfection (taking some precious wrapping time out of the equation), plus they come in every different category you could ever think of!

Below, we've listed our favorite gift sets – that we're totally eyeing for ourselves 👀 – by Beauty, Foodie, Home, and Fashion categories. You're sure to find some gift sets that will make them go crazy!

Scroll on for our favorite holiday gift sets of 2024!

Beauty Gift Sets 

Amazon

Sol De Janeiro Bum Bum Summer Jet Set

With nearly 100 5-star ratings on Amazon, this gift set from Sol De Janeiro brings forth luscious scents of pistachio, salted caramel, and vanilla via a travel-size trio of shower gel, skin cream, and perfume mist.

Target

Camille Rose Scalp Goals Hair Treatment Gift Set

Scalps need TLC too! Your little sister will love this pretty pink gift set that features Camille Rose's Rosemary Oil droplets and a much-needed massager. All she needs to do is section her hair and spend time applying the drops to her hair before massaging them in!

Amazon

Foxybae Rose Gold Round Brush Set

The girls love a blowout – for the gal who always has her locks in check, this round brush gift set will give her routine a rose gold reset. Right now, you can shop this trio for 50% off.

Amazon

LOOPS Hydrogel Face Masks 5-Pack

The face masks in this pack are tailored to virtually any skin type, taking the guesswork out of skincare gifting. Most importantly, the formula is hydrating, which we all know is much needed during wintertime.

Burt's Bees Tips & Toes Gift Set

Dry skin? Nobody has time for that! This Burt's Bees gift set comes prepped with purse-sized hydrating lip, hand, and body products.

Amazon

Laniege Midnight Minis: Lip Sleeping Masks

These lip masks seal up cracked, flaky lips overnight. This is one gift set that'd made of pure magic, soothing throughout the dry season.

Target

R.e.m. Beauty x Wickd Galinda Makeup Set

Can't get enough of Wicked? Achieve Galinda's look with this cute makeup set. It comes with a smudge-proof kohl liner, long-lasting liquid eyeshadow, a hydrating blush & lip stick, and a creamy metallic lipstick. It's the only things you'll need to complete your holiday look!

Henry Rose

Henry Rose Mini Body Spray Trio Set

This gift set sells for $90 ($120 value) and includes three 50ML dreamy scents. Each one is hypoallergenic and cruelty-free, but most notably, they all smell like sheer luxury.

Amazon

Charlotte Tilbury Plillow Talk Beautifying Lip Kit

This gift set has everything required for the perfect juicy pout – coordinating lipstick, lip liner, gloss, and balm.

Amazon

Olaplex In Good Repair Hair Kit

Give the gift of Olaplex's nurturing products with this repair hair kit. It features the No. 3 Hair Perfector, No. 4 Bond Maintenance Shampoo, No. 5 Bond Maintenance Conditioner, and No. 7 Bonding Oil which work overtime to nourish tresses.

Amazon

Pattern by Tracee Ellis Ross Curl Cocktail Kit

Treat someone's curls to their own personal cocktail with this kit! it features mini versions of the brand's leave-in conditioner, styling cream, and curl gel which will aid in the perfect wash and go set. Or, it can simply be used to refresh 3-day-old twist outs!

Amazon

Conair Infinitipro Multi-Styler

If your friend has been interested in a blowout kit without spending a ton of money for one, surprise her with Conair's Multi-Styler. It comes with four attachments that have different functions. You'll get a curling wand, round brush, paddle brush, and a drying nozzle! It also comes with a storage bag to store all the pieces in one organized place.

Amazon

Touchland Power Mist Hydrating Hand Sanitizer Spray Juicy 3-Pack

Everyone is sure to love these aesthetically-pleasing hand sprays. From post-grocery store runs to gym trips, they provide not only sanitization, but gorgeous smells, too. Gift your recipient all three, or split up the pack to grace several stockings.

Poppi

Poppi x InnBeauty Project Sips & Lips Duo

The two lip gloss flavors inspired by Poppi in this gift set channel that of the holiday season. First, Raspberry Rose Glaze gives off a perfect pink tint, then Cranberry Fizz Glaze comes in with a deeper red hue.

Amazon

Rinna Beauty Icon Lip Kit in Kiki

This lip kit has everything you need to create the juiciest and perfectly balanced lip look like Lisa Rinna. What's more is the formulas are all super hydrating and anti-aging!

Foodie Gift Sets

Isle of Harris

Isle of Harris The Harris Serve+ Gift Set

The gin-loving gals and gentlemen will adore this highly-tailored drink set for its botanical influences. The gin gets its character from local sugar kelp seaweed, a story told further by the details in the sleek box.

Peet's Coffee

Peet's Coffee Ultimate Holiday Treats Gift Set

How could you possibly go wrong with coffee and chocolate?! This gift set blesses the gift receiver with a 1lb bag of Peet's Coffee Holiday Blend alongside two seasonal chocolate bars and a box of chocolate cherries. Yummmm.

Nordstrom

Palais des Thés Holiday Favorites Assorted Tea Gift Set

This gift set was made for any tea lover. There's a really nice assortment of tea varieties that they can sip year-round.

Amazon

The Omsom Saucy Noodle Sampler

We gobble Omsom noodles down on a weekly basis, and so far, there are no regrets. This noodle-fied gift set is complete with ten boxes of some of the brand's most-loved flavors – which come deliciously together in only 5 minutes, the ultimate cure for holiday cooking burnout.

Amazon

Clevr Blends Golden SuperLatte

Functional caffeine is one of 2024's food trends, so for the sippers that keep their finger on the foodie pulse, this SuperLatte kit is sure to please!

Brightland

Brightland The Luminous Capsule

Brightland's pure extra virgin olive oils are prime for cooking or drizzling on meals. Even then, the bottle is just fun to look at! This foodie-forward capsule gift set is packed with their Awake olive oil, Champagne vinegar, and California honey.

Home Gift Sets

Material Kitchen

Death & Co x Material The Stirred Set

This design-forward vessel in intended for batched cocktails (or mocktails), so any happy hour host will love it. Gift this piece alongside a list of our best winter-warming drinks.

Target

GreenPan Rio Nonstick Aluminum Cookware Set

If your friend is moving into her new apartment next month, she'll love this cookware set! It features 16 gorgeous blush pots and pans, plus four wooden utensils come with it! They heat really quick which means she won't have to spend a ton of time in the kitchen if she doesn't want to.

Amazon

The Bamboo Abode 10 Piece Cheese and Charcuterie Board Set

This charcuterie gift set is perfect for gifting to the host or hostess in your life. It comes with high-quality utensils and bowls to help them serve. The best part is it also comes with complementary recipes for them to try out! This really is the whole package.

Grove

Grove Co. Holiday Hosting Set

Adults know that a clean house is invaluable, so gifting cleaning products (especially cute ones like these) will definitely spread some cheer amongst the grown-ups. This gift set is fit with 2 soap dispensers, a hand soap refill, a dish soap refill, a candle, and a scrubber sponge.

Character

Character The Essential Tool Set

Okay, hear us out – though not many people would view a literal toolbox as a great gift, this could make a really epic option for the fresh-outta-college or new-homeowner individuals. Plus, you can't deny that this color is cuuute. You can get it for $295 (a $355 value) to help them get their sh*t together.

Amazon

Mosaic Liquid Hand Soap Gift Set

We're not sure about you, but sometimes we just simply do not feel like splurging on home essentials. In the vein of generosity, please gift the adults in your life only practical things – like hand soaps (ahem, this gift set). laundry pods, or dish-washing goods! We promise it will be valuable to them, especially in these times.

Target

Threshold Diffuser Candle Set

Everyone could use a little more relaxation in their lives so gift someone this diffuser candle set. It comes with a soothing candle, room spray, and diffuser that'll make any room smell good!

Fashion Gift Sets

Amazon

17 Mile Store Gold Hoop Earrings

$20 for an entire nine pairs of earrings (and cute earrings at that) is just unheard of. Grab this gift set for the gold hoop-wearer!

Natural Life

Natural Life Happy Box Gift Set

This gift set is packed to the brim with trinkets and decor that will being a sure smile to anyone who gets it.

Amazon

YZKKE Vintage Wool Crew Socks

This set of colorful socks will stylishly accompany them wherever they go!

We're serving up holiday deals + must-have gifts all season long. Sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on the good stuff!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated.

The period ofThanksgiving through the New Year is when with family, often after not seeing them for several months out of the year. This is usually the time where everyone likes to catch up with each other to see if there's potential news they may have missed. But, this sometimes lead to the inevitable prodding questions that can make us want to crawl under the dinner table.

At some point, at least one person usually thinks it okay to ask super personal questions between eating yummy ham and candy recipes.They can range from questions about the class you flunked to your love life, putting you in an uncomfortable spotlight. You may feel like screaming at the top of your lungs, but licensed psychologist Dr. Michele Leno, host of the Mind Matters with Dr. Michelepodcast and therapist Alison McKleroy, LMFT, founder of Center for Spark®and author of the Self-Compassion Journal, have a few suggestions to help you avoid that.

Here's How To Politely Shut Down Your Family's Prodding Questions Over The Holidays!

  • Being around family during the holidays can increase the likelihood of juggling questions you don't wanna answer.
  • Recognizing your own needs and values will help you identify how you want to respond to your family's questions.
  • Setting clear boundaries with your family — and for yourself — can also help you communicate more effectively with your family.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and other self-care tools can help you better navigate awkward and tense family scenarios.

What is it about the holidays that trigger uncomfortable or prodding family questions?

Yaroslav Shuraev

If you had a dollar for every time some asked something that created awkward tension during the holidays, how much money would you have? For some reason, it always feels like this is the time for people to ask the most embarrassing questions in the word. But, what if it wasn't done on purpose? Dr. Michele says, "While many love holidays, others dread them. Those who have close family relationships approach the season with ease."

Still, she acknowledges how that's not always the case for everyone. "People with strained family relationships find holidays unbearable. The closeness can encourage prodding that feels invasive. Sometimes, people simply have a need to know the ins and outs of your life."

However, you don't have to feed anyone's curiosity if you don't want to!

How can I politely say that a question is bothering me?

RDNE Stock project

Your first reaction to certain questions may be shock and embarrassment followed by irritation or anger. Those are normal responses when something catches us off guard. While our emotions are justified, the way we want to respond may not be. McKleroy says, "First, it’s crucial to recognize your own needs or values that are stirred up by the question. If your aunt asks you, 'Are you still at that job, or did you finally find a better one,' this question could likely bring up a need for acknowledgement — maybe you want your aunt to see the value in your work."

She further explains, "It could also point to your need for autonomy and freedom to make career choices on your own terms without feeling pressured. You can respond by saying, 'Yep, I'm still at that job, and I'm learning a lot and enjoying being there right now,'" which places the ball in your court without you cursing her name.

This is the time to be curious if you're not sure what your needs are. Like McKleroy says, they're a good indicator of why certain questions bother you. Truthfully, she believes you look at invasive questions as a good thing. "Navigating personal questions from family, especially the kind that feel intrusive, is a chance to courageously practice protecting your peace and setting empowered boundaries," McKleroy says.

Still, you likely need to set boundaries with your family. "Another way you can navigate prodding questions is by expressing your need for privacy in a kind way. If your grandfather asks you about your dating life, you can say, 'I really appreciate your interest, and right now, I’m keeping that part of my life private. I’ll happily share more when I’m ready,'" she suggests. It's a great way for you to "honor his care while respecting your own boundaries," according to her.

What if I'm afraid to set boundaries with my family?

Nicole Michalou

Setting boundaries with anyone isn't always easy, especially if you're a people pleaser or empath. But Dr. Leno says, "It is best to set boundaries up front, understanding that family may or may not respect them." Echoing McKleroy's thoughts about how to redirect certain questions, she says you can tell someone "now is not the time to talk about it."

If you're still afraid of pushback for setting a boundary, she encourages you to "talk to the host or another family member to help you out." Based on her experience, she feels "there is usually someone willing to redirect subjects as needed." If it helps, I've been known to ask my mom or sister an unrelated question to what I'm being asked to signal that I'm feeling anxious about something I've been asked.

Your apprehension about setting boundaries isn't in vain though. It's a real feeling based on a number of things. Dr. Leno says, "Establishing boundaries can be difficult for someone hoping to maintain peace or avoid conflict. They fear appearing hostile. However, your well-being comes first."

What can I do if my family chooses to ignore my boundaries?

Nicole Michalou

Like Dr. Leno said, everyone isn't going to honor your boundaries based on things that have nothing to do with you. It's hard not to take things personal, but it's worth learning how not to internalize their lack of respect. "There are times when your family will disregard your boundaries, so brace yourself. Prepare to protect your mental space, and stand your ground," informs Dr. Leno.

Also, she says that "even if your family repeatedly oversteps, your ability to stick to your boundaries is more important than their willingness to respect them." Should you feel depleted trying to mentally and emotionally guard yourself, she wants you to "take a break by exiting the room or house or venue altogether."

I personally love doing the later if I'm unable to stay grounded when fielding prodding questions and think I'm about to say the wrong thing. Taking a break usually gives me time to calm down and find something else to focus on.

Andrea Piacquadio

If you still need help learning how to deal with your family's invasive questions, there are CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) tools you can rely on. They've been a huge life saver for me which is why I'm always sprinkling them throughout different family and self-care articles. For anyone who's unfamiliar with what CBT is, Dr. Leno says it "focuses on self-management" because "people learn to regulate their emotions by managing their thoughts."

Realistically, the holidays shouldn't cause you to feel stressed out. "If you're feeling emotionally drained leading up to the holidays, your thinking may be the culprit. Your worst-case-scenario think will cause an anxiety build-up that feels unmanageable," warns Dr. Leno.

Instead, she wants to try developing "some self-care tools" like:

  • "Only sharing what makes you comfortable"
  • "Refusing to answer certain questions because the person asking will get over it"
  • Managing your anxiety with deep breathing"
  • Avoiding the all-or-nothing mindset. It is perfectly fine to limit your participation in the festivities. Give yourself permission to leave early if necessary."

Follow us on Instagram for more ways you can indulge in self-care!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.