You'll Never Believe How Much Rare Beauty Is Donating To World Mental Health Day

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

The Last One by Rachel Howzell Hall

Kai awakens in a desolate land of disease and beasts void of memories to explain who she is or how she arrived. In pursuit of the Sea of Devour before things worsen, she is offered help from an unbelievably skilled, but equally as annoying blacksmith. In the kingdom of Vinevridth, where there is more to people than what meets the eye, Kai’s questions multiply, particularly about the blacksmith whose secrets may be deadly.

The Serpent and The Wolf by Rebecca Robinson

Shaped by a lifetime of training, Vaasa Kozár is a force to be reckoned with. Following the death of her mother, Vaasa inherits the same dark magic that claimed her and now feels death’s shadow looming. Her ruthless brother, seeing Vaasa as a threat to his crown, schemes to ensure her death will be the catalyst to war by marrying her off to a cruel foreign leader. Determined to survive, Vaasa finds herself presented with a nearly irresistible deal: her freedom and control over her dark magic for helping her husband's quest for power. But with everything at stake, she’s trapped between trust and an arrangement that starts to feel unexpectedly real.

Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros

With nearly eighteen months of training at Basgiath War College behind her, Violet Sorrengail realizes that the time for preparation has ended. Battle has begun, trust is scarce, and enemies linger in every direction. Determined to protect her dragons, her home, and everyone she loves, Violet embarks on an arduous journey in search of allies to stand alongside Navarre, bearing a heavy secret. The kind of secret that threatens to ruin everything. The pressure mounts and a deadly storm takes shape, but only Violet can find the truth.

Warrior of Legend by Kendare Blake

The price of becoming an Aristene is high, and now Reed bears the title of a Glorious Death, guiding heroes who exchanged their lives for glory. She buries herself in these duties, harvesting heroes tirelessly to try and distance herself from the memories of the prince she left behind. Summoned to guide a princess to a glorious marriage, Lyonene offers Reed a chance to take the place of the hero who isn’t fated to die. The mission turns out to be anything but simple. Familiar faces reappear, an old enemy threatening the Aristine, and the prince she loves, Hestion, a suitor of the princess. Loyalty is broken, death strikes, and Reed wonders how much more she can sacrifice to save her sisters and herself.

The Last Dragon of East by Katrina Kwan

Leading a relatively quiet life, twenty-five-year-old Sai manages the family tea house while caring for his sick mother, though his side job is a bit less traditional. He is a matchmaker, a career foraged from his gift to see the red threads of fate that connect soulmates. He has only ever seen his thread as gray and frayed, but a pair of dragon scales claimed by the family doctor to be a miracle cure, change everything. Sai’s once average life of ignoring past-due notices, is replaced with magical and mortal adventures.

Gentlest of Wild Things by Sarah Underwood

Desire is more than just a feeling on the island of Zakynthos; it’s love itself, bottled and sold at the highest price by the power seeking Leandros, descendant of the god Eros. Eirene and her twin sister Phoebe have avoided its lure, until Leandros interest turns to Phoebe as his next bride. Eirene strikes a deal to keep her sister safe: complete four detailed tasks and Leandros bride will have to marry someone else. It’s apparent to Eirene that something larger is at play and it has to do with Desire and Lamia, Leandros’s locked away daughter. Lamia, longing for the taste of freedom, builds a bond with Eirene but the cost of freedom is bloody when something deadly stalks the night.

The Witch of Wol Sin Lake by Lena Jeong

With the Netherking sent into the Deep, Mirae’s queendom is saved, but not without consequence. Her older brother Minho is possessed and tormented by the Netherking in the Deep and in an effort to save him, Mirae will be faced with an impossible decision. Now the Netherking possesses the powerful pearl of Seolla and as Mirae races through time with her divine powers she uncovers truths that shake her trust in faith and the future. Mirae must decide how far she is willing to go because to defeat the Netherking will take a sacrifice she may be unwilling to bear.

Mistress of Lies by K. M. Enright

Shan LeClaire, born of a powerful, but disgraced Blood Worker, has revenge on her mind. Her first step for vengeance is paved to save her brother and ends in the assassination of her father, now replacing him as head of the family. Samuel Hutchinson, gifted but reluctant, falls deeply into the world of magic after discovering the victim of a magical serial killer. Tasked by the Eternal King to catch the killer, Samuel’s path begins to converge with Shan and Isaac, a mysterious Royal Blood Worker. Entangled in Shan’s dangerous web of desire and deception, he must decide if his nation’s safety is worth the cost of his soul.

A Tribute of Fireby Sariah Wilson

Every year, Ilion sacrifices two Locrian maidens to an earth goddess in a ritual that hasn't seen a survivor for a millennium. This year, Princess Lia is one of the hunted, along with her untrained sister Quynh. Navigating the labyrinthine streets, endless decisions, and dead ends Lia finds herself cautiously enamored with Jason, an Ilionian sailor. The pressure is on Lia to survive and break the curse, saving every young woman from having to walk the same path.

The Rose Bargain by Sasha Peyton Smith

Ivy Benton lives in England where one bargain is given to every citizen by their immortal fae queen. Exchanging a memory or taste for beauty or talent to attract a suitor is the expectation for elite young women. Except this year's debut season features the ultimate prize, Prince Bram, the fae queen's son. Winning the competition for his heart could free her sister from a destructive bargain and save her family from ruin. But every fae deal has a sinister plot, and life as she knows it may never be the same.

The Fury of the Gods by John Gwynne

Varg has earned his spot as an accepted member of the Bloodsworn, but his greatest challenge lies ahead: slaying a dragon. In Snakavik, Elvar battles for control and faces the impossible task of taming a wolf god. Biórr’s bloodthirsty warband moves north and Guðvarr works to achieve Lik-Rifa’s favor. All roads lead to Snakavik where the final battle will show the true fury of the gods.

A Language of Dragons by S.F. Williamson

Viv has a handful of plans. She is going to follow the rules, get a summer internship studying dragon languages and protect her sister from the dangers of Third Class. But midnight strikes and Viv’s effort to free one dragon has ignited a civil war. Whether her family returns home or they all die rests on Viv after she is brought to Bletchley Park as a codebreaker. Viv begins to see that the peace treaty binding human and dragon societies is corrupt and she may be the key to exposing it all.

S(Kin) by Ibi Zoboi

Every new moon, fifteen-year-old Marisol sheds her skin and transforms into a fireball witch, sustaining her own life by feeding on others. Brooklyn’s bright lights and bolted doors make this no easy task, and she longs to break free from this place, old traditions, and her mother. Meanwhile, seventeen-year-old Genevieve is facing her own struggles with a skin condition and the chaos of her newly born siblings. A new nanny reveals a family secret and a connection to Marisol, and Gen stumbles on answers to unasked questions. As the girls’ paths intertwine, they discover that the magic they share may have more consequences to the relationships around them than any ancient magic.