How Yoga and Meditation Can Biologically Reverse Stress

The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

The Real Body Manual

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds' Full Relationship Timeline

2010 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Meet While Filming Green Lantern

"We were buddies for a long time, which I think is the best way to have a relationship, to start as friends," Ryan Reynolds said in an interview with SiriusXM's Entertainment Weekly Radio in 2016. "About a year after Green Lantern had come and gone and we were both single, we went on a double date — she was on a date with another guy, and I was on a date with another girl — and it was like the most awkward date for the respective parties because we were just like fireworks coming across."

Their relationship quickly evolved to the one we know and love today!

October 22, 2011 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Reportedly Start Dating

After Blake and Ryan (along with their dogs) were spotted outside a Boston apartment, a source told People: “They are very much a couple. They’re really happy together.”

Blake Lively revealed that at the start of their relationship, Ryan gave her a bouquet every single week. "When my husband and I first got together, he would send me a bouquet of flowers every week, but he would always send a card and it would just be a sentence of something that had happened that week," the actress tells People. "Something funny or emotional that one of us said."

September 9, 2012 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Get Married

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds said "I do" in September of 2012. The wedding had a children's choir & a Florence Welch performance, paper lanterns, and a sour cream wedding cake with peach-apricot preserves, according to People. But the planning didn't go as smoothly as one might hope.

"Our wedding was becoming a disaster, and we didn't know what to do, so we called Martha!" BlakeLively told Vogue in 2014. "She said, 'Don't worry. I'll handle it.' She sent her team down to save us."

The wedding took place at Boone Hall Plantation, a former slave plantation in South Carolina, a location the couple is "unreservedly sorry for," Reynolds told Fast Company in 2020.

May 5, 2014 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Make Their Red Carpet Debut

At the 2014 "Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Met Gala, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds looked glamorous and sophisticated with Blake's Gucci Première gown with rose gold details and Ryan's dark blue velvet tux.

December 16, 2014 — Blake Lively Gives Birth To Her First Child

Blake first announced her pregnancy on her since-closed website Preserve. She told Vogue in July 2014 how excited she was to start a family with Ryan. “He’s going to be a great father and leader and patriarch—he’s so meant to be all of those things," she said. "The fact that he lived so much before we got together, he’s the exact realized person that he should be.”

"They are absolutely ecstatic and just so ready for this. It is the perfect time in their lives to start this new chapter; they are so in love and are going to be amazing parents," a Peoplesource said at the time.

Ryan Reynolds confirmed their first daughter James' birthday on December 16, 2015, when he tweeted, "Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter."

September 30, 2016 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Welcome Their Second Child

Two years after giving birth to James, US Weekly confirmed Blake Lively (who was filming The Shallows at the time) was pregnant with baby number 2! “Blake is absolutely thrilled and so is Ryan,” the source told People.

Blake Lively gave birth to Inez on September 30, 2016.

May 2, 2019 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Walk Detective Pikachu Red Carpet, And Announce Baby Number 3

At the New York premiere for Detective Pikachu, Blake Lively surprised fans by showing off a baby bump and announcing her third pregnancy! Their daughter Betty was born on October 4, 2019.

Ryan Reynolds confirmed the baby was a girl in an October 16 tweet, while Taylor Swift revealed the baby's name in "Betty" from her 2020 album Folklore.

May 2, 2022 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Stun At The 2022 Met Gala

As Met Gala co-chairs, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds pulled out all the stops for their iconic looks. Blake's art deco gown was the perfect nod to New York, and represented Grand Central Station and the Statue of Liberty. Ryan looked very handsome in a black velvet tux.

February 2023 — Blake Lively Gives Birth To Her Fourth Child With Ryan Reynolds

After showing up to the 10th Annual Forbes Power Women's Summit with a baby bump in September, Blake unofficially announced the birth of their fourth baby (whom we now know is named Olin) with an Instagram post that shows the actress without a baby bump.

"Puppy Bowl Sunday 2023🥘 🍲 🥧 been busy," she says in the February 12 post.

July 26, 2024 — Blake Lively And Her Kids Make A Deadpool 3 Cameo

After fan speculation that Deadpool & Wolverine would either include Blake Lively or Taylor Swift, we were over the moon to see Blake make a (masked) cameo, along with Inez and Olin!

"In 2010, @robliefeld drew an unmasked Lady Deadpool for the first time," she says on Instagram. "@deadpoolmovie wasn’t real. And Rob had no idea I was working with @vancityreynolds. 12 years later I read Rob’s post. A year after that, @deadpoolmovie 3 was filmed. And today it’s in theaters. The universe has such a magical sense of humor sometimes."

Blake Lively & BFF Gigi Hadid also revealed that Ryan Reynolds loves a girls' night, which is information I didn't know I needed.

August 6, 2024 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Attends It Ends With Us Premiere

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds love to support each other at their movie premieres, but it goes way deeper than that. "He works on everything I do, I work on everything he does. So his wins, his celebrations are mine and mine are his," Blake told E! News. "The iconic rooftop scene [in It Ends With Us], my husband actually wrote it."

At the New York premiere for the new Blake Lively movie, Blake and Ryan shared a moment that proves they belong together. While heading to talk to People on the carpet, Blake Lively leans over and grabs Ryan Reynolds' butt. And the funniest part is that Ryan doesn't even turn around.

"He didn’t even react because It happens so often," one user jokes in the comments, while another says, "I love the respect that they have for each other - with love! Yes that her man!"

September 9, 2024 — Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Celebrate Their 12th Wedding Anniversary

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have been married for 14 years as of September 9, 2024. And the couple remains closer than ever. "Blake and Ryan are a great team when it comes to both their family and work," a source told People. "They're super supportive of each other. He's very proud of her. They have a great marriage and love to celebrate everything they created together."

October 23, 2024 — Blake Lively Celebrates Ryan Reynolds' Birthday

Ryan Reynolds turned 48 on October 23, and to celebrate, Blake took him and the kids to see a matinee showing of & Juliet! "I don't know what to get him for his birthday? What do you get him for his birthday? I know he loves musicals, I love musicals, the kids love musicals. So it felt like the right choice!" Blake told the cast, according to a People source. "They were just raving about how good it was."

Bringing Ryan and the kids to the show (which features songs like Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time"), just proves how much Blake knows her family!

October 31, 2024 — Ryan Reynolds Celebrates Eras Tour Date Night With Blake Lively

After attending another Eras Tour show (this time in New Orleans), Ryan Reynolds celebrated the "cultural phenomenon" with a super sweet post. And of course, it includes a super sweet selfie with Blake Lively. Blake went full Reputation with a black tank and snake-like necklace (and plenty of friendship bracelets, of course), while Ryan wore a button down.

"I’ll still be talking about seeing this show in New Orleans [when I'm 95]. Not just because it’s one of the best things I’ve seen/heard/felt," he says on Instagram. "The main reason I’ll never forget this show is because it brings people together in so many ways. And in 2024, (where that feeling is scarce as h—ll) it’s a special and incredibly rare thing. I’ve shot movies in New Orleans most of my career. It’s a special place on a normal day — but this weekend, felt like Super Bowl or Mardi Gras had a baby with music."

"I don’t understand the unimaginable work, care, talent and discipline @taylorswift generates to create an experience like this because I’m not a scientist," he continues. "It’s an athletic event and a collective cultural phenomenon. It’s gigantic but intimate. The only bummer is she can’t be in the audience to experience what everyone else sees and feels. To watch herself up there is something I wish she could know. But that isn’t physically possible and even if it were, you can’t just get tickets last minute."

What is the age difference between Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds?

Blake Lively was born on August 25, 1987, meaning she just turned 37. Ryan Reynolds, who was born on October 23, 1976, is 47. They have a 9-year age gap.

Was Blake Lively married before Ryan Reynolds?

Ryan Reynolds is Blake Lively's first husband, but before they got married, the actress dated her Gossip Girl costar Penn Badgley and also reportedly dated Leonardo DiCaprio. Ryan Reynolds was married to MCU & Jurassic World: Rebirth star Scarlett Johansson from 2008 to 2010.

Is Blake Lively in any of Ryan Reynolds' movies?

Yes, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have been in the same movies! After meeting during the production of Green Lantern, Blake Lively has a role as an imaginary friend in Ryan Reynolds' IF. This spring movie follows Ryan Reynolds' character and his neighbor Bea, who set out to save all the imaginary friends. The movie also stars director John Krasinski, Cailey Fleming, Fiona Shaw, Alan Kim, Liza Colón-Zayas, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Louis Gossett Jr., and Steve Carell.

Blake Lively, Inez, and Olin also had roles in Deadpool & Wolverine as Ladypool, Kidpool, and Babypool. Blake's appearance in the movie had been a fan theory for such a long time, and I was so excited to see it come to life!

Who is Blake Lively's half sister?

Blake Lively's half-sister is Robyn Lively. Robyn also works in Hollywood, just like Blake's brother Eric Lively and brother-in-law Bart Johnson. Robyn and Blake have also acted together — Robyn made a cameo in It Ends With Us during one of the opening scenes!